He said slowly and methodically: "Mr. Wang, I am very sick. Last night when I slept well, who knew that after falling asleep only a breath, do not know anything. In the morning, I woke up and went down the stairs with one foot high and one foot low, staggering. When I went into the public toilet, I didn't want to eat anything. I have to go to the hospital to see the doctor and ask what exactly this belongs to.
His answer to the comrades to sneer, and the new leadership is in the drum, said the sentence "not to be repeated", but also gave him a half-day leave, so that Xiaohui to the hospital to go to the doctor.
1, a female colleague is a foodie, the importance of unity in the department, she said: a chopsticks gently folded on the break, and two chopsticks together, you can eat hot pot, clamped beef, clamped mutton, that unity is strength, we can eat well. I think she has a good point.
2, female coworkers after getting married became a lot more beautiful, I was curious to ask her why before and after the marriage face value change so much. The female colleague mysteriously said to me: this is very simple, after the wedding a little attention to make up a little better. I was even more puzzled, and asked her: you have been before the makeup ah? The female colleague slyly said: before I make up a little bit of tampering, so that people feel not so beautiful, and now restore the original appearance, my husband called straight to pick up the treasure.
3, there is a female colleague looks quite beautiful, the body is also great, there are two men have been chasing her. These two men's economic and appearance are similar, are quite like her. Later, the female colleague chose one of them, I asked her why she did not choose the other one. I was curious and asked her why she didn't choose the other one. The female colleague said sheepishly that the one she chose was surnamed Zhang, and the one she didn't choose was surnamed Li.
4. February 26, 2022, my daughter was born. My wife called me to the side of me said: after the daughter of our living expenses on the big, this bank card has 1 million, you take it out as living expenses, the password is the date of our first meeting. I didn't realize that my wife was so rich, I rushed to find the ATM machine, enter the password "210815", wow, there really is a million dollars!
5, high school, fell asleep on the table, just woke up and found me sitting next to a strange face. I wrapped my arms around his neck and asked: buddy, you're new, right? He froze for a moment and said: Yes. So I pulled him to the north and south of the kan, we are talking about which female students in the class is beautiful, which female students have a good body. The bell rang, he patted me on the shoulder and said that we will talk again after class. Then walked up to the podium, it turned out that he is the new homeroom teacher!
6, beautiful female colleagues at work during the makeup, was the boss caught. The boss said: no makeup during work. The female colleague said: I'm not working now ah. The two looked at each other and laughed, the next day the female colleague was fired.
7, today went to the market to buy fish, in the fish stall I pointed to the left side of the live fish and asked the boss: "Boss, how much is a catty of this fish?" The boss said: "This 8 dollars." I also pointed to the right side of the fish a little turned belly and asked: "And this?" The owner said, "This is also 8 dollars." I said, "But this fish is dying, why is it still so expensive?" The boss calmly said, "This fish is not dead, just cold and do not want to get up."
8, want to buy a few hamsters to play, but I know that 2 hamsters together will fight, so deliberately asked the boss: boss, I bought two hamsters together to raise it? The boss said: No, two hamsters together will fight. I secretly happy: I did not expect the boss is quite conscientious. The owner of the pet store continued: then you buy three, two of them fight, the third can be persuaded to fight.
9, this ride out to skate, passing a corner when the corner stood a beautiful woman. Beauty rushed to me warm smile, as if I know me. I turned the corner and said to the beauty: beauty on the car not, I drive you. I did not expect the beauty to give me a blank stare on the face do not look at me, so I was very embarrassed, I had to ride my **** to enjoy the bike on the go.
10, last night overtime to go home, the road feel hungry to go to the convenience store to buy bread and eggs. In the store door, behind the female cashier shouted at me: handsome, your other egg dropped.
11, a company aunty especially cheerful, do things talking are big. Her family do not know where I heard of wearing bracelets can meditate, bought two bracelets for her to wear a hand, the results of aunts the next day to work, see a mosquito in the fly, two hands together, pop! Two bracelets all touch broken. From then on, also really honest for a while.
12, a father in the hospital with his son to see a doctor after examination, said: "cold, I opened a bottle of pediatric cough syrup it." Father: "Open two bottles." Doctor: "One bottle will be fine." Father: "I feed the child a spoonful, I have to drink a spoonful with him, or he does not drink, this is all in the child's breastfeeding fall!"
13, his wife wrote a pile of data on paper, said to me: look, after paying the monthly mortgage, car loans, utilities, your monthly salary is so gone. I asked: What about your salary? Wife: my salary off your business!
14, last night, live in the hotel, the room has a bottle of mineral water, the price tag of 10 yuan, and outside only 2 yuan. So, I went outside the supermarket to spend 2 dollars to buy a bottle of the same mineral water, and the hotel mineral water exchange. Today, drinking a 10 yuan bottle of mineral water, I feel that I made 8 dollars, and drink in the mouth is also particularly sweet.
15, the leadership of the head office to our company inspection, the evening after a full meal, the leadership mysteriously asked me: what entertainment you have this place? Let us move our muscles. I realized, and then led them to the largest local square dance floor.
16, last night the landlord knocked on my door in a hurry, open to me to pay this year's rent. I asked: I was not just last month to pay the rent this month? Why do I have to pay the rent after that? This is not in line with the provisions of our contract ah! The landlord said: My daughter likes you. I asked: your daughter likes me and pay rent have anything to do with it? The landlord said: of course there is a relationship, if we become a family, how can I still have the nerve to ask you for rent?
17, on the elementary school nephew and classmates fighting, the teacher let him call his parents, he was afraid of being beaten, called me to go. The teacher is a fresh graduate of the little girl, especially lovely, I talked to her for an afternoon, feeling especially kindred spirits. Once out of school I took my nephew to eat a hamburger, I have not yet spoken, my nephew while devouring while saying: "Uncle you can rest assured that in the future you want to come to come, I'll fight with classmates." This nephew really did not hurt ah!
18, daughter-in-law went to the market to buy a live fish, take the knife, hesitate half a day can not kill. So asked me: fish so lovely, can not kill how to do? I said: or we don't eat, keep it. Daughter-in-law thought: why don't we don't kill, directly throw the pot stew it, save the fish suffer!
China's double diving, the best pair of partners is the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, because for decades, they are always at the same time off the water.
Jokes, jokes, laugh a moment, hard to laugh a life! Life is ridiculous, thinking about it, or laughing at the world's ridiculous people.
Three people line, meet the funeral ceremony, before the filial sons, in 32 carry coffins, after the pro-branch near share, friendly four neighbors. The boss asked: you and I are walking in front of good? Parallel? Or walk at the end of the line good? The second said: the front of the line out of sight, good for the line:! The oldest three said: the middle of the walk, see the fun, the end of the team is not feeling too auspicious!
The boss how you go? After pondering you laugh at the lifetime!
Sister-in-law cooked the morning porridge. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. Look at this porridge how many degrees, (high temperature) took the thermometer to try. Put it in the porridge. The first time I saw this, I was able to get a good look at it and it was a good one. My niece said. I've never seen such a strange mom. [teeth][teeth]
1, vacation at home, at noon, read the kindergarten class son invited me to accompany him to play a game of Go.
I: baby, mom to do lunch!
This is the first time I've ever seen a movie that I've seen!
My son: It's okay! I'll beat you in no time! It's just a little bit of time. It won't take you long to cook! [Laughing and crying]
2, Sunday, uncle to the family guest, Xiaoming but called his mother to accompany him to the zoo to see the monkeys, mom angry angry scolded: "see what monkeys! Your uncle is here, go to what zoo! "
3, the girlfriend pouted and said to her boyfriend: "Look at my best friend, every time we eat, the bowl of leftovers are her boyfriend to help her eat!"
Boyfriend: "You TM dinner is to me left ah!" [face]
4, I went to the market in the morning to buy vegetables, I asked the vendor: "You have played pesticides this vegetable?" The vendor replied: "Estimated hit but." [face]
5, do not want to do housework how to do? Marry a wife on it, if the wife is virtuous, will give you to do housework, if the wife is tough, you will be forced to learn to do housework! [a flash of light]
6, the second brother to the hotel to eat, a sudden internal emergency, the waiter said the store does not have a bathroom, you go to the opposite side of the public toilet, we have an agreement with him, to where you say, I came to eat, he let you in. [Laughter]
7. You have to admit that in today's society, women can be so crazy as to call themselves "old man".
But no one dares to call themselves "old lady" if they are crazy about men! [Tears]
8, my sister, today practicing subject three on the road, the roadside has a lifting speed limit of 40 signs, the coach asked me what this is the sign, was very nervous and said that parking is prohibited!
The coach said that 40 is what?
I said no parking 40 cars.
The coach had to return the tuition to me. [
9, "May Day" festival is here, seriously, or the first time because of the epidemic, can not go to the beach vacation, in previous years because of no money. [nose picking]
10, every time you walk on the street, someone stuffed flyers, I really beautiful hair paper (finger). [Crying with laughter]
11, years ago you a take care, I have not been thin so far! [Yay]
12, not that I brag, with my qualifications and diploma, in the future, the streets of this city are under my sweep! [wit]
13, girlfriend's husband went to the sauna club, was girlfriends tracking, caught in the right, girlfriends very sad, I went to comfort her, she wiped her tears, while scolding: "This deadbeat, homework are not finished, but also fucking energy outside the tutorials!" [fuming]
14, Wang Si plays cards every day and often stays out at night, and his wife complained unhappily, "If you keep this up, I'm going to bring other men home to spend the night."
Wang four: "Whatever you good la! But you have to be careful not to pull my poker buddy!" [cover face]
15, "My wife used to be especially mean to me, so I let her go and learn Shotokan Judo."
"And now?"
"Now much better, hit me before I also bow!" [I want to be quiet]
16, a person to go to the market to buy vegetables asked: "I want to buy some vegetables, the night to leave his wife to eat, you this vegetable did not spray pesticides, right?"
The vegetable vendor said, "No, absolutely not! You have to do it yourself." [I want to be quiet]
17, a friend invited us to eat fat intestines hot pot, she tasted a mouthful of enthusiasm, said: "This fat intestines really authentic! So pure pig shit flavor!"
As a result, that day's meal was dispersed particularly early ......[face]
18, there is a person for the first time in the market to sell popsicles, embarrassed to sell, next to a person is shouting: "Sell popsicles!" She had to follow suit and shout, "Me too!" [teeth]
19, a day K song back, my husband was drunk, I heard that men are easy to tell the truth after drunkenness, so I asked him: "What do you do when you have money in the future?"
Hubby: "To marry five wives!"
I was furious: "Why don't you follow the example of Wei Xiaobao and marry seven wives?"
Hubby said in a trance, "It's too tiring, I need a double vacation!" [Tears]
20, the son looked through the photo album, curiously asked his mother: "Who is the young man who stood with you in the photo? Hair black quite sturdy this person?"
"Silly son, that is your father!"
"Dad? Then who is the big fat bald guy who lives with us now?" [facepalm]
A coworker's bike was stolen a few times, so he bought another one, put five locks on it, and hung a sign that said, "Let's see how you can pick it."
As a result, he came back and found the car more than a lock, the sign on the following new line: "see how you open?"
Two bus, a man staring at a woman, and women and women close. The woman was embarrassed and got off the bus, and the man followed her.
The woman said angrily, "Why are you following me?
The man said: you took my wallet, but the chain of the wallet is still hanging on my pants.
Three The woman is a thief, and when she sees something she likes, she praises it and steals it back to play with it at home. The husband was disgusted by this.
The day the two shopping, see the sky clouds especially beautiful, for which the woman boasted a few words. The husband said: Unfortunately, your bag is too small to fit.
(1) During the Spring Festival, the family came to guests. My wife was busy with the meal, let me help to play hands.
Aunt nephew likes to eat green cucumber diced fried ham sausage dish. My wife definitely wants to satisfy his appetite.
Steaming, cooking, stewing, frying, frying and brining, a lot of busy, only to fry this link.
On the stove busy frying the wife of the Lord fried a few dishes, found that the washed cucumber is still loaded in the vegetable basket. So instructed me: "Quickly, bring the cucumber to cut into diced meat, I'm going to fry this dish soon!"
I was instantly petrified! ......
(Dare I say, this cucumber is grown from pigs, cows and sheep to pick?!)
(2) N years ago, in the countryside in the countryside when I lived, cooking water is not used on the natural gas, households are burning wood. As each family's livestock were fed a lot at that time, the cooking of pig food was particularly wood-consuming, so there was often a shortage of wood to burn.
One day, my mother's godmother came to visit us and saw the shortage of firewood, so she suggested to my mother: buy a honeycomb stove!
(Haha, the honeycomb stove honeycomb coal is heard, the stove also saw, this "coal" is a what things?)
1. Colleague's electric car was stolen, asked him: you did not lock it? Colleagues said: the car basket put just bought a new raincoat for fear of being stolen, with the lock basket, who knows that the thief is not reasonable, the car to steal away [face].
2. There is a bidding, bidding department is busy, there was just a construction team responsible for the project, because if the project is awarded, he is responsible for the specific construction, so please let him go to the opening of the bidding site to open the bid. As soon as he heard to open the bidding immediately patted his chest and said: no problem. Then asked some of the bid opening process, when he heard that let him sing the bid (sing the bid: that is, read the bid offer), a difficult, consider a long time to say: or let someone else to go, I really can't sing out ah [cover face]!
3. Colleagues lose weight the first night did not eat, the next morning also did not eat, noon was going to eat a little less green vegetables and bean skins forget about it, once I heard that the cafeteria to do the braised pork ribs immediately have the spirit of saying that at noon to eat a meal, asked him you are not diet, how to eat? Colleagues said: two did not eat, if you do not add some nutrition for fear of starving to death in the office, you are so thin one can not lift me ah.
Humor can laugh for a lifetime, understand the structure of humor, you can get up and go to bed every day with a smile, then life is in a hurry, laughing and smiling for a lifetime.