Cure unhappy jokes. You can often see many funny jokes and jokes in your life. Take time to have a look at it at ordinary times, not only can you please your body and mind, relax your mood, but you can also talk to your colleagues and friends to improve your interpersonal relationship. Here are some unpleasant jokes to treat.
A joke to cure unhappiness 1 1. On the wedding night, the groom excitedly lifted the bride's red veil, only to find that it was another woman. Surprised and happy, he quickly asked, "Girl, who are you?"
The girl smiled, blushed and whispered, "The bride is drunk, I am the maid of honor, and the offspring of the wine will get married!" " "
2. Gong Yu moved mountains all his life. Before he died, he called his sons to the bed and said to them with his last breath, "Move mountains, move mountains ..."
The sons held Gong Yu's hand tightly and replied affectionately: "Move mountains, move mountains, shine!" "
3. A teacher asked three students in the class, "Who is the tallest in China?"
The first classmate quickly replied, "Yao Ming is the tallest."
The second classmate thought it was wrong and immediately retorted, "The Leshan Giant Buddha in our place is much taller than Yao Ming, at least 70 meters."
The third student confidently added: "More than 70 meters is just the height he sits. If he stands up, it is at least 100 meters. "
On my way back, I met two Frenchmen. One may be a Chinese teacher, and the other should be his student.
The teacher happily pointed to the China calendar and said to the students, "Look, these two words pronounce Lei Feng. This is Lei Feng Memorial Day. He is famous in China because he helped many people before his death. "
The student said admiringly, "Teacher, you are really well informed!"
With that, they left happily. I leaned down and saw the first frost written on the calendar!
In the elevator, a beautiful mother took a lovely little girl and a strange man. In order to avoid embarrassment, the strange man took a lollipop out of his pocket and handed it to the little girl.
Then, the beautiful mother asked the little girl, "What should you say when someone gives you something?"
The little girl replied, "Uncle, do you have any more? My mother wants it too. "
6. A couple were traveling in the wild when they suddenly met a tiger. The husband did not hesitate to go up and fight with the tiger, and finally drove it away.
The wife said to her husband, "You are so brave. You are not afraid of such a big tiger. "
The husband replied, "What is there to be afraid of? I have lived with you, a tigress, for so many years. "
7. Xiaoming: "Master, what do you think is the happiest thing in life?"
The master caught a ladybug, wrapped it in flour and gave it to Xiaoming.
Xiao Ming: "Master, do you mean that although people are as small as insects, they will crawl in the dust all their lives, and they will certainly meet happy things?"
Host: "No, it's Bai Piao."
8. The beauty found that the lipstick was too heavy, so she wiped it with a wet towel and threw it on the road. It happened to be picked up by an old man. After reading it for a long time, the old man suddenly woke up and caught up with him and said, "Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!
9. The aunt of the neighborhood committee saw a little girl standing at the door and asked, "Son, what are you doing standing at the door alone in the cold weather?" Why not stay in the room? "
The little girl replied, "Mom and Dad are quarreling."
The aunt of the neighborhood Committee said, "What a shame. Who is your father?"
The little girl replied, "That's why they quarreled."
10, a man went to the barber shop for a haircut. He said to his boss, "I'm in a hurry. Don't be too slow. Just fix it."
The boss said, "Even if I am faster, I can't just whew."
1 1. A couple is fishing by the river. This lady is always quarrelling. After a while, the fish was hooked, and the lady said, "What a poor fish!" "
The husband said, "Yes, just keep your mouth shut."
12, there is an old man named Tie who has no hair. What happened to him? The answer is: there is nothing wrong with the old iron.
13, a match went shopping. When I walked, my scalp suddenly itched, so I scratched my head. I didn't expect it to catch fire. After I went to the hospital, it became a cotton swab.
14, I have a friend, his name is Zhu Chuan, and his mother always says, "This is for our family Zhu Chuan."
15, I heard that putting your mobile phone next to the pillow when you sleep will cause radiation, which is not good for your health, so you definitely lost the pillow when you sleep.
16, I was idle in the office today, so I took out my magnet to play. Unfortunately, the leader saw it, and the leader reached out and took it away. As a result, the magnet was attracted by the leader's gold ring, which was super embarrassing.
17, I just turned over my resume and saw the resume of a graduate. He wrote in the column of award-winning experience that he won Master Kong's "One more bottle" award many times during his school days!
18, a Japanese came to China to see a dentist. As a result, the two men fought. When the police asked, they knew that the dentist had said something to the Japanese, "Pull out a tooth."
19, you know? When Tang Priest was trapped in his daughter country, he actually took a fancy to the beautiful female emperor. The female king asked him if he wanted to marry, and Tang Priest said cheerfully, "Marry!" Then he ran away with Tang Priest on his back for nothing.
20. One day, Zhao Yun hurt his ass and went to Huatuo for help. Just as he was about to sit down, Hua Tuo shouted, "General, don't sit down if you are injured."
Zhao Yun replied: "Does your family drive a high-speed train? There is also a business seat? "
2 1, Cao Cao took his son Cao Chong to visit Liu Bei. Cao Cao went to the door and shouted, "Cao Cao came to visit with his youngest son."
Liu Bei said, "Oh, come as soon as you come. What fruit do you bring? "
22. One day, the Tang Priest asked Bajie, "Do you know what hoop Wukong is wearing?"
Pig thought for a moment and said, "Hericium erinaceus hoop."
23. One day, my roommate in the lower bunk was eating instant noodles. At this time, while eating, he suddenly said, "How can this instant noodle have brittle bones?" So, I silently put away the nail clippers on the upper bunk.
24. One day, the little snake nervously asked his brother, "Are we poisonous?"
The snake said, "Why do you ask?"
The little snake said, "I just bit my tongue by accident."
25. Today is Halloween, I'm going to buy pumpkins. My boss specially picked out a big one for me. I said, "I can't eat it all by myself."
The boss said, "I thought you used it as a mask."
26. The father walked into his son's room, praised him and said, "Well done, son. The windows are clean and bright. Did you wipe it with soapy water? "
The son replied, "No, I used a hammer."
27. There is a colleague in the unit, Mongolian, who goes home for a holiday during the New Year. After a few days off, he still didn't come back. The leader called him.
He said on the phone: "Leader, I am still riding on the Hulunbeier grassland to find a home. My family is a nomadic people, and now I don't know where to move. "
28. My husband came home from work and found his wife lying on the sofa. The husband asked with concern, "Wife, are you uncomfortable?"
The wife nodded, and the husband quickly comforted: "You don't have to worry about cooking. I'll take you to the kitchen later. "
29. Watching the Romance of the Three Kingdoms with my wife, I said smoothly, "What do you think I can do in the Three Kingdoms?"
The wife said, "Tie it to a straw boat and borrow an arrow."
30. One day, when the elephant went to the toilet and ran out of toilet paper, he asked the little white rabbit next to him, "Are you afraid of losing hair?" The white rabbit replied, "I'm not afraid." So the elephant grabbed the white rabbit and wiped his ass.
The next day, the elephant forgot to bring toilet paper for dinner, and then asked the little squirrel next to him, "Are you afraid of losing your hair?" The little squirrel replied, "I'm not afraid." So the elephant picked up the squirrel and wiped his mouth.
The little squirrel wiped his mouth and said, "Elephant, I was the little white rabbit yesterday!" " "
Cure unpleasant jokes 2 vent
My brother is under the strict control of my sister-in-law, and he is unhappy all day.
I gave him an idea: "Shall I take you to the boxing gym?" Let off steam. "
My brother asked me, "How should I vent?"
I said, "Think of the sandbag as my sister-in-law."
In the gym at night, the coach asked me, "The man you brought is sick!" ! ''
I asked: What happened to him?
The coach said: Your friend has been kneeling in front of the sandbag all afternoon.
No husband
I went to my best friend's house to play and found that my best friend's daughter washed her socks herself.
I asked her curiously: Why did you wash it yourself and no one helped you?
She gave me a helpless look and said, I am still young and have no husband, so I have to wash myself. ..........
Stop thinking
The wife asked her husband: A boy who chased me before came here on business and wanted to have dinner with me! Do you mind? The husband thought for a moment and asked: When did he chase you? Wife: sophomore!
Husband: How much do you weigh? Wife: About 90 kg! The husband looked it up and down. 150 The blonde wife said, Let's go, let's forget it. .....
It's healed.
Friends are subtle. That day he cut a little skin and bled a little, so he had to go to the hospital!
When I arrived at the hospital, the doctor looked at it and said, alas! You delivered it at the right time. It's all right later!
Kind driver
In the afternoon, I took the No.2 bus. After getting on the bus, a man stood at the door and asked the driver, "How many stops ... Shi (surname) ... Fu; Feed unit ... to ... South ... South ... Nantong Gate ...? (It's stuttering)
The driver saw his one eye and continued to concentrate on driving, so the man stammered and asked again, but the driver's eldest brother still ignored him, and then he was a little upset and muttered something in a low voice.
So an enthusiastic passenger in the car said, don't talk to the driver. People are driving. I'll get off at Nantong Gate later. Come with me. The man said, "thank you ... thank you all!" " "The bus arrived at the entrance of Nantong, stuttering and getting off with the passengers.
At this moment, the driver's big brother spoke: "No ... no ... not me ... I ... don't talk to him, I ... want to talk to him, and he, he, he ... still thinks ... I, I, I ... learn from him!"
Call your parents
The teacher asked a student to call his parents to school. The student was afraid to call his parents, so he paid an old man playing chess to pretend to be his parents.
After arriving at school, the teacher glanced at the old man and whispered to the students, "Are you sure these are your parents?"
The student replied, "Yes!"
The teacher quickly called the old man aside and said nervously, "Dad, does my mother know that you have such a small child outside?"
Cure unpleasant jokes. When it comes to life, just like the inspiration behind these jokes, it gives us happiness that we can't calm down for a long time and silence that needs to think immediately.
The man bought a fish and asked his wife to cook it. Then he went to the movies by himself, and his wife wanted to go with him. The man said, "it's a waste of money for two people to see." You make the fish well, and when I come back from watching it, I will share the story with you while eating. "
When the man came back from watching it, he didn't see any fish, so he asked his wife, "Where are the fish?" The wife calmly found a chair to sit down and said, "I ate all the fish." Come, sit down and I'll tell you about the taste of fish. "
Be a man, that's what you should do. I will treat you as you treat me!
In the year of college entrance examination, I got 200 points, and my mother's friend's children got 680 points. My child went to a key university, but I have to work. Nine years later, my mother boasted to me and my mother that her son had applied for a project manager with a monthly salary of over 10,000 yuan … but I was wondering: Should I hire him?
Dedicated to all children with poor grades: you can skip college! But you, you must not fight!
A straw, thrown in the street, is rubbish. If it is tied to Chinese cabbage, it is the price of Chinese cabbage. If it is tied with hairy crabs, it is the price of hairy crabs. It's important who we are tied to!
A person with different people will also have different values! A person with different platforms will also reflect different values! Please make friends with people with positive energy, which will affect your life.
A pig, a sheep and a cow are kept in the same corral. Once, the shepherd caught the pig, and it howled loudly and resisted fiercely. Sheep and cows hate its howling and say, "He often scratches us, but we don't bark."
The pig replied, "catching you and catching me are two different things." He only wants your hair and milk, but it's killing him to catch me! " "
It is difficult for people with different positions and different environments to understand each other's feelings. The highest kind is nothing more than: not suffering others and not persuading others to be kind.
After dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together, and father and son watch TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence. Then the son looked at his father and said, "Mom must have broken it."
"How do you know?" "She didn't swear."
We are so used to seeing people and ourselves by different standards that we are often strict with ourselves.
An aunt joined a doctoral group by mistake.
Someone asked: A drop of water falls freely from a very high place. Will hitting people hurt people? Or killed? The group immediately became lively, and all kinds of formulas, assumptions, calculations of resistance, gravity and acceleration were fully discussed for nearly an hour. At this moment, my aunt asked quietly: Have you never been caught in the rain?
There was a sudden silence in the crowd ... and then, and then the aunt was kicked out of the group.
Knowledge can bring you more ways of thinking, but experience can help you solve problems faster.
A horse and a donkey heard that Tang Priest was going to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. The donkey thought the journey would be difficult and gave up.
The horse immediately followed and got back the scriptures from the eighty-one difficulty.
The donkey asked, brother, is it hard?
Ma said: Actually, I went to the Western Heaven, and you walked no less than me! And he was blindfolded and beaten. In fact, I'm afraid I'll be more tired after muddling through.
The mouse fell into a half-full rice jar. It was overjoyed by the accident. After making sure there was no danger, it began to eat, sleep and eat in the rice jar. Soon, the rice jar bottomed out, but after all, I couldn't get rid of the temptation of rice and stayed in the jar.
Finally, when the meal was finished, I found that jumping out was just a dream and I couldn't do anything.