Last week, colleagues had a dinner party. In the game session, someone proposed to compete for the number of WeChat friends, and the least one would be fined. This car is 3000,2000, and that car is 800,500. In Zhou Xiao, it is 100. We were all surprised.
After all, in this era, there are advertisers, Taobao shopkeepers, three friends, four friends, and seven aunts and eight aunts every few blocks. How to say there should be two or three hundred people.
If Zhou Xiao is fined for drinking, he can't get away. I am curious. Zhou Xiao is outgoing, not bored or proud, and has a good popularity, but there are only a handful of WeChat friends.
After dinner, I asked my WeChat friends in Zhou Xiao why they wanted to "lose weight".
Zhou Xiao said: "I have the habit of cleaning up my contacts regularly and don't want to spend my energy in other people's circle of friends."
It turns out that Zhou Xiao's philosophy of survival is that it is better to keep time for yourself than to die in "praising friendship". In addition to work needs, Zhou Xiao devoted more energy to running and fitness, music exhibitions, reading trips ... and went further and further on the road of self-satisfaction.
Recalling Wang Han's response to the deletion of WeChat friends in the program, he said: "This kind of life is very, very relaxed, and all the time is yours. It's a mess."
It turns out that people who have their own sense of light never need the "good popularity" accumulated by numbers. They are full of heavy vitality.
Think about it. In fact, hundreds of WeChat social activities are just a pretend carnival in a group of "business cards". Friends circle with miscellaneous information and various group chats are mostly low-value things.
As Thoreau wrote in Walden, "Socialization is often cheap. The time spent together is too short to let each other get anything new and valuable. "
Indeed, low-quality socialization is not as good as high-quality solitude. Time is priceless. It is more reliable to concentrate on cultivating yourself than to waste your life on people who don't care.
02
Adults should have proper social limits. Don't care too much about everything, let alone please.
After graduating from college, my friend M entered a company. Recently, I have been preoccupied and complaining, and I don't know what to do.
Here's the thing. Before going to work, his parents told him that he must get along well with the people in the unit and not offend others.
In this way, in order to have a good relationship with his colleagues, he smokes and clinks glasses whenever he smokes, even the wedding banquets of small staff in other departments. In this way, in the absence of light, with all kinds of praise, group work and help from the online circle of friends, he can also ask for praise in the face of people he doesn't like.
After a year, "acquaintances" really know a lot, but their stomachs are broken and their wallets are flat, and they don't know where the time has gone. .......
I thought I could get along with everyone in this way, but in the year-end mutual evaluation, he only got a barely qualified. His circle of friends is often deserted, with no likes and no messages.
The most painful thing about socializing is "I treat you as a friend and you only treat me as a passer-by".
Like M, he lost himself by trying to please others. For the sake of the other person's "good-looking face", I chose to wronged myself and got nothing.
Cai Lan wrote in the book "It is better to live willfully": "Try not to look at other people's faces, and there is no need to look at other people's faces."
Whether or not, each of us needs to socialize, chatting with friends can relax our body and mind, and getting along with colleagues is the fundamental need to maintain working relations. But always trying to please others is a hard and toxic thing. One's best attitude towards "socializing" is not to be an island or a central air conditioner.
Adults who get along well with them and like them are the only reason to promote social interaction. For those who don't like them, it is better to stay away from them.
03
See this sentence: "Friendship is by no means the master of social field, but fashion, interest or boredom. True friendship is not noisy. "
Have you ever found that people who always ask you to do this and that in life are often casual acquaintances, because they never care about your feelings.
I think of my former colleague Z, who had just arrived in a new city and was a stranger. Because of business contacts, I met with another department Z. She was very friendly, showed me around the city, invited me to dinner and movies, and made me feel the warmth of my family.
I wanted to be a bosom friend, but I found that Z was gradually different. For example, she always asks me to help write summaries, look up information and fill out questionnaires. Even though I am busy, she is also free. I wanted to politely refuse, but she still smiled and said "I'm glad you're not busy", and there was a feeling of "routine" in an instant. ...
Later, I offered to have a few meals as a thank you, and then we gradually drifted apart.
Kitano Takeshi wrote in a pub in Kitano Takeshi: I help you, why don't you help me? This is not friendship. Friendship is not willing to disturb each other when you need help.
I feel the same way that a true friend will consciously consider the problem from your point of view and will not stand on the moral high ground above you.
My good friend Q did WeChat business for a while. At first, she posted advertisements in her circle of friends from time to time every day, asking for forwarding, but later she "disappeared". I didn't know until I asked. When she advertised, she deliberately blocked several girlfriends because she was afraid that her friends would "have to buy".
Perhaps this is the highest realm of friends, comparing with each other, but not knowing it.
Yes, not everyone you know can be friends. Gradually knowing who is worth spending time with and who can only stay on the surface is the first step to get rid of useless social interaction.
04
In fact, a person's social outlook can generally reflect his outlook on life.
People who like to brush their sense of existence in other people's world generally enjoy the superiority of "stars holding the moon". People who like to be alone are mostly mentally independent. They rarely need others to set off, and one person can support the whole world.
In a program, Cecilia Han and Ming Xi had a conversation.
Ming Xi was distressed by the public's slander and worried that he didn't know how to please people, while Xue Han responded confidently: "I don't care if most people like me, I only care if important people around me like me." Awakening, the goddess is full.
Maybe many people will say that "Han Yeti" has personality and is unsociable, but in my opinion, they know exactly what they like. Such people, who live a real and full life and don't shake their hands, are truly versatile.
In fact, life, work and making friends are all difficult to adjust. Paying too much attention to other people's eyes will only bury your life in other people's world.
Break the shackles, listen to your heart and design your life with your own personality. Only two independent and rich souls can glow the most mellow friendship.
By the way, liveliness or simplicity are essentially two different life choices;
You have 3000 social relationships and 30 friends, both of which are understandable. If you have the ability to maintain the feelings of three thousand people at the same time, it is also an advanced ability.
What I am most afraid of is the kind of "chicken ribs" socializing: paddling at ordinary times, "being a Buddha for leg cramps" when useful, taking it for granted, not being grateful and not giving back. This kind of "pseudo-socialization" is time-consuming and troublesome, so it is better to leave as soon as possible.
Some people say that good friends are not in quantity, but in quality, and more importantly, whether they really meet.
Totally approved. True friends, but dozens of people. A true friend is enough for a hundred people.
Perhaps, the best social interaction is to have boundaries and be clear; A true friend is someone who doesn't bother or ask for anything. If you have it, please cherish it.
The pictures in this article come from the Internet.
About the author: Tian Xin, a multi-platform columnist, born in 1980s, has two pursuits in life, one is to go his own way, and the other is to do interesting things. Only writing and sports can live up to expectations and believe that everything is the best arrangement.