There will be some successful cases in the future, hoping to inspire you.
It will be updated all the time ~
The concept of redemption in this world: only you are chasing each other again. Not the continuation of your last love, but the beginning of a new love.
And since you want to chase again, the chips in your hand have been known to each other in the first love. In this case, you have to accumulate new chips.
The innate conditions for us to save a person:
This person must be worthy, may spend a wonderful and unforgettable time with us, may have beautiful and precious qualities, and may have irreplaceable attraction.
In a word, he is irreplaceable with you. If you miss him, you may never meet such a person again in your life.
Don't misunderstand the nature of redemption.
The essence of redemption is to completely eliminate past grievances and uproot them from their roots. It is a process of attraction and value superposition. If your feelings can get back together in a few words or a chat, it is at best a fake breakup.
Again: advanced redemption is to redeem oneself, intermediate redemption is to redeem feelings, and low redemption is the object of redemption.
Routines and techniques can only help you for a while, but not for a lifetime. What's more, feelings are long-term relationships!
There is no skill set that can really be combined with the predecessor. The recovery of any related skills is a scratch, which treats the symptoms rather than the root cause. You have to understand that relationships are long-term relationships. Problems in any long-term relationship are accumulated overnight. So you're sure you want skill, not ability?
I have read a lot of so-called recovery dry goods on the Internet, and I am writing some so-called recovery routines. For psychology, these just grasp the weakness of human nature and exploit the loophole of behavioral psychology.
It is really necessary to uproot and solve the problem before we can get back together completely!
If the girls want to refer to my knowledge about saving more dry goods for their boyfriends, remember to read patiently and take notes.
Saving your predecessor must read: share the most professional experience and teach you to save your love.
First: find the crux of the breakup and then prescribe the right medicine. If you make a wrong diagnosis of the reasons for breaking up, the consequences will be unimaginable.
Second: When will the recovery be more successful?
Third: how to save it?
Fourth: the process of recovery.
Fifth: About the correct usage of disconnection.
Sixth: Matters needing attention in recovery.
First: find the crux of the breakup, and then prescribe the right medicine! Many emotions in Zhihu replied that Dou Xiu had his own unique skills. Similar to all kinds of breakup types, constellations, personalities and so on. But isn't this the breakdown of love? The method of recovery is very important, but I'm afraid that few people can complete a set of processes when it is actually implemented, and many people may just listen.
So why on earth did we break up?
Everyone in this world only pursues two things in love: freshness and security.
Freshness determines the sweetness of your love, and security determines the reliability of your love.
Similarly, if we break up, one or two of the above items must be missing.
If you want to save it, you have to analyze it first. What do you lack is freshness or security?
Then what is freshness? Everyone is a curious cat, full of curiosity about knowledge and eager to explore those who have a sense of mystery. Every time you explore, you will secrete a little pleasure, which is called freshness.
For example, why childhood friends are often not as good as love at first sight in reality?
It is because two childhood friends know each other, and they have no novelty and natural desire to challenge, so it is difficult to spark love.
So: the beginning of a love must start with novelty.
When you first met, or at the beginning of love, when the novelty exploded, the relationship between you at this time was the sweetest, also called the honeymoon period of love.
But as you get to know each other more and more, the mystery gradually decreases, the desire to challenge gradually loses, and the freshness disappears.
In other words, your honeymoon is over.
Most couples will break up at this time, and the reasons given by the other party include but are not limited to: tired, bored, you have changed, I don't love, and I don't feel anything.
If you have the above keywords, then you broke up because of novelty.
In a word, he is not interested in you. How to deal with this?
Remember to pester him, try to die, and even send him a long and clear message. You know, he doesn't love you at this time, and it's no use sending a suicide note.
Enlarge the value advantage, just to be a better self. Never talk about restructuring. Love? 、? Do you like it? Our favorite noun is attraction.
The love between two people is nothing more than mutual attraction. The inducement of being together is attraction, and the lack of attraction will lead to breakup.
This is the most basic and simple conceptual model.
Therefore, self-construction and improving one's attractiveness again are an essential part. Attraction can be divided into external, internal and external.
Let's talk about appearance first. Let me put it this way. Boys pay more attention to appearance than girls. So you have to enlarge it in all aspects, such as clothes, figure and makeup. In this process, it also enhances your self-confidence. The more beautiful girls are, the more confident and attractive they are.
Remember: not for your predecessor, just to be a better self!
Secondly, it is built-in: after consulting for a long time, I found a strange phenomenon, that is, many people broke up because they paid too much, and another is the victim psychology. Paranoid thinking that you have given so much for each other but abandoned yourself is a typical victim psychology.
If you want to save your predecessor, you must break this cage mentality. Back to the opposite of equality!
Specifically, change your love view, so that you won't make low-level mistakes such as thinking too much, being suspicious, and choosing inappropriate words.
The world itself is like this, a good horse with a good saddle, as long as you do your own construction, even if he doesn't look back, you can find something better.
The reason for falling out of love is that he doesn't like you now.
Note that it's not that he doesn't like you, but that he doesn't like you now, otherwise you wouldn't be together from the beginning, let alone in love.
You should change yourself accurately, be a better self, and make you the person he can't get after breaking up!
These methods are simple to say, but actually difficult to do. In the final analysis, it is a process that makes you become excellent, and Excellence is definitely hard.
Not only girls, but also boys have to change themselves to save girls, with the least technical changes and exhibitions. , all need investment, not to mention deep-seated changes require a lot of energy and time.
Many people complained when they changed, so they chose to give up and decided to please their predecessors!
It's very simple, so it may make me feel a little comforted, thinking that I can interact with the other party, and the other party will be moved by myself, not tired at all, but it has no influence at all, that's all.
Women think that obedience will make men bow to their knees. This is a big mistake. Everyone has a desire to conquer. Only when he finds that he has not completely conquered you will he rekindle his interest in pursuing you.
Until after a while, until his? Pre-aversion period After that, you can choose an opportunity, naturally restore contact, and then attract. At this time, you should know how to grasp the freshness of men.
That is uncertainty.
Don't give him one? Eat you? You should be fascinated by your performance. You seem to love him very much, but you don't seem to love him that much. Don't let him feel that he has completely conquered you.
Because men's eyes always care about running prey.
What is a sense of security? If a boy is with you for a long time, he is depressed, depressed, and finally disappointment accumulates, and he breaks up, which is called insecurity.
He's scared, uncomfortable and insecure when he's with you. The reason for breaking up is that he is considerate and doesn't want to be hurt again, so his reasons include but are not limited to: I am tired, I can't love you, I can't persist, and we may not be suitable.
If you have the above keywords, you are probably divided by insecurity.
In fact, boys also feel safe, but at most the threshold is a little high. In a stable and harmonious long-term relationship, both sides can clearly feel each other's love, which is called security.
Just a word: he still loves you, but he can't go on.
How to deal with this?
Give people a sense of security and take practical actions. If you really love him, reflect on it. Why on earth did you force a boy whose eyes are full of you to leave you? Don't you know that you are dead?
If you still love him, put away your little thoughts. You are not a little princess or a fairy. You are just a girl who loves that person.
If you are determined to change yourself and restore his confidence in you, do it, not just make promises. Girls may be confused by sweet words, but men will not. Men's thinking is rational. They don't listen to promises, but only look at results.
The following are student cases.
There was a girl who was on the verge of breaking up with her boyfriend. Realizing that she had done too much to disappoint her boyfriend, she came to me for help and promised that she had realized her mistake and would take good care of him in the future. I heard her say that her boyfriend was ironing clothes in the gym. I said, hurry up, buy a bottle of water now, and send it to him after he finishes practicing. ? As a result, the girl hesitated, saying whether it would be bad, whether it would be unnatural for me to go like this, and whether it would be unnecessary for me to deliver water after dinner with his friends. This kind of girl is a typical eloquent king. She said that she wanted to change for her boyfriend, and all kinds of promises were loud. When she took action, she looked back and hesitated. If you do the same, do you still want to save it? I'm telling you, it's hopeless
Girls look at their attitudes and care whether boys know themselves, but boys are different. He doesn't care if you know him, but you say? I don't understand you? Maybe he will be happy.
He doesn't care about your attitude, because no matter how positive your attitude is, it can't solve the real problem, so it doesn't mean anything to boys. Boys always look at girls' movements, whether they will change objectively.
If you just pay lip service and don't make any real changes in his eyes, it can only be equal to zero.
So, one way to make up for the sense of security is to tell him by action:
? During that time, I wronged you. I failed your love, but I will pay you back slowly, so don't go. Let's make up. ?
Remember, in a relationship, men are hunters and women are traps. Find your own position and you will know what you should do next.
In addition to the sense of security and freshness, there is also a kind of breakup because of objective reasons, such as lack of money, no house, leaving home, parental interference, national justice and international disputes.
If it is divided by force majeure, if the problem cannot be solved, a more detailed plan is needed.
In this society, breaking up is common, and everyone's performance in the face of loss is consistent. Remember that your recovery is not a special case!
Do you understand the crux of your breakup?
At which stage is it important to save your ex-boyfriend? First of all, you should understand that boys will go through four periods after breaking up, and different periods correspond to different attitudes.
These four stages are:
Mentality fluctuation period, mentality relaxation period, mentality stability period and emotional blank period.
The first and last stages are not the best time to save the ex-boyfriend, but the middle two stages are the best time to save.
Of course, the most appropriate time is not to apply the formula, but to change it randomly.
Sometimes opportunities suddenly appear.
Many people just want to make it up after breaking up. As a result, they not only failed to recover, but also got a completely blackened result, because neither of you came out in the first stage.
The period of mental fluctuation is exactly one week after the breakup. At this time, many people's emotions are fluctuating violently, and IQ and EQ are completely out of touch.
In this case, anger, sadness or resentment are full of everyone's emotions and are the most unsuitable for recovery.
Even if someone says she wants to save it, the girl may not be in a state of thinking clearly: she is just anxious and irrational to the extreme.
Salvage tips:
This is the time to analyze feelings comprehensively, not to solve problems!
Don't talk about redemption at this time, because you don't know what the problem is at all, and you don't want to know whether you two are really suitable for going on. What should you do if a similar situation happens again?
Even if you think clearly, the other party may not be able to treat it calmly. At this point, the other party is also in sadness and anger. Coming back after breaking up with your front foot will only make the other person feel that you are irresponsible to your feelings.
There is an effect in behavioral psychology that it takes 2 1 day to develop a behavioral habit.
In behavioral psychology, it takes at least 2 1 day to form and consolidate a person's new habits or ideas, which is the so-called 2 1 day effect.
In other words, a person's actions or ideas will become habitual actions or ideas if they are repeated for 2 1 day.
My suggestion is: after breaking up, don't try so hard to recover, let yourself calm down for a few days, eat and drink, let your brain accept this new situation, and let yourself temporarily adapt to life without that person. Let your emotions stabilize first, don't blame yourself too much, and don't rush to save it! Don't force yourself to give up, adjust your mentality!
If you find that you really love that person, not psychologically, then you can only say that you are lucky to meet love, but you are unable to keep it.
Build a comfortable heart anchor and pave the way for your compound. To put it simply, it is a conditioned reflex after people see a certain expression, action, scene, etc. It's an anchor.
Learn to inspire the other party's active anchor, some good memories, first meeting, eating and dating, and so on.
As a friend together, we should keep a proper limit at all times. We can be close but keep our distance. Positioning is probably:
You took the initiative to be ambiguous, yes, he took the initiative to be ambiguous, no.
What do you mean distance produces beauty? The feeling you give him now will make him think like this:
We used to be so close, but now we can't.
This will give him an impression that you are self-respecting, you are ambiguous, this is called pulling, he is ambiguous and you refuse. This is called pushing around, pulling and pushing, playing hard to get, but it can make men itch, you can't guess what it means.
Once he starts to guess your intentions, he will unconsciously think of you every day. After a long time, the feeling he once had will come back.
At the same time, it will also make him realize that once he is disgusted with losing such a good you, he will naturally feel uncomfortable.
And your behavior is clearly marked. Tell him:
If you want to have an affair with each other, you can. You must clarify your birthright and we must get back together!
A real breakup is a long-term strategy. In the final analysis, he thinks that breaking up with you: the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
And our strategy is to find the right one first. Why does he think? The advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Then use external and internal construction to turn the situation into? Do more harm than good? And then in a gentle way, imperceptibly, let him realize this.
This can ensure that even if you are a redeemer, your position and posture will not be inferior when you get together again.
A targeted recovery plan to save your boyfriend is not what you want, just like leaves fluttering in the wind. The most important thing is to make a recovery plan that suits you. The plan must be detailed, and at the same time let yourself have a high degree of execution.
The general direction of the plan is: to clear the negative impression of the ex, to reunite and locate one's identity actively, to control one's emotional needs, to re-establish an attractive framework and a comfortable zone to get along with, to guide the other party to continue to increase the investment index and take the initiative to attack, and to use relatives and friends to help the ambiguous index to increase the concentration of physical contact and communication (without the combination of words and sounds).
Save the precautions to save the forbidden area where your boyfriend can't set foot 0 1, don't step into the previous contradictory framework, and don't provoke the previous contradictions.
Here I want to say: if the most basic things will not be avoided, just seek a result and argue a truth. So you're not here to save it. Are you here to negotiate?
02. Show your changes and advantages reasonably and rebuild your impression frame.
Why is it reasonable? Because it is very simple, people who have been together may not know you. It is still effective to display within a reasonable threshold, but personally, the focus is not here, at most, it is auxiliary. Communication is the most direct and effective way.
03. Guide your ex to pay more attention to your changes and help arouse your good memories, so that your ex can have * * *.
Learning to guide is an art, which can increase each other's feelings and enhance your relationship. Remember not to completely stay on the topic of memories, properly pull away and let the other party take the initiative to continue, and don't be a one-man show.
04, don't slander and attack the former incumbent.
There's nothing to say about this. If you don't understand, put yourself in someone else's shoes.
05, keep a moderate distance, don't let your predecessor see your true intentions, let your predecessor dislike you.
Keeping a distance is more about keeping yourself calm and not impulsive, and it is easy to give up impulsiveness when saving. Learn to be restrained when you speak.
Have a sense of urgency, but don't just passively wait for opportunities, take the initiative to create opportunities for yourself.
Don't disconnect at will, but talking about nothing is better than not talking. When chatting, retreat in time under a certain concentration, leaving each other with a chance to be curious and continue next time.
What you have to do to save your boyfriend is not just to pay a lot of words mentioned above. After working for so many years, I want to define recovery in terms of economics.
Finally, I still want to say one thing.
Saving money is like, the stock has been smashed in your hand, and you still refuse to throw it away.
Then I can only tell you that if you don't sell it, we can wait and let the bullets fly for a while, but we should leave a way out: don't continue to buy it.
There is a funny saying in love.
If you are pursuing a kind of unrequited love, then you can choose to pay.
If you are looking for a love that begins and ends, then you must choose to accept it.
This may not be accurate, but at least it embodies the truth that giving will not make him fall in love with you. No matter how nice you are to a person, he doesn't like you or doesn't like you.
The only thing that can make him fall in love with you is attraction, but considering that this emotion is only temporary, then a smart person will choose to keep asking for it after being attracted, so that the feelings between you can be strengthened and locked by some realistic things.
Therefore, in the process of recovery, don't let yourself fall into the mire again and don't try to touch each other. Generally, people who have this idea to save have failed in nine cases out of ten.
What you should do is to restore attraction. The only attraction is the switch of human hormones.
Of course, if you insist on that kind of self-sacrificing love, then I can only say: since you don't want to stop loss in time, you should learn to be responsible for your own profits and losses.
According to Maslow's demand theory, people will pursue spiritual needs after meeting the most basic material needs.
Give some practical advice to the saved girls:
1: The real reunion is not that you touched the other party, but that your attraction made the other party invest in sunk costs.
2. If the other party is not really reunited, it is actually easy to see. If you are still suffering from the loss after getting back together, then you need to think about whether your root cause problem has been solved.
3. Don't try to be brave. Although you can be cruel to yourself and to him, redemption is an inhuman experience after all. Finding the right method is very important!
In the process of reunion, remember to turn your attention to other aspects. The most basic thing is to live your own life first.
Of the three things I taught you to save.
First: it is the person who teaches you to improve your own value and get the other person.
Second: it is to teach you to create emotional attraction and get the other person's heart.
Third: do nothing, just for you to be a better yourself in love.
It's a hundred times better to save your ex-boyfriend and see how others can save him.
As mentioned above, in the process of recovery, some students will be afraid or afraid to move when they encounter the adverse reaction of the other party, or continue to express their love and strengthen their efforts (for the other party, it is actually entanglement and pressure), which will further worsen the relationship.
The recovery work in the future will also increase many difficulties. At the beginning of being broken up, you can admit your mistakes first, and then make the other party feel that you have really changed and become better and better (not just listening to you) through subsequent coherent operations, and there will be more opportunities in the future.