In the United States, 1 in every 7 adults choose to live alone. In Manhattan alone, more than half of people live alone.
In northern Europe, the proportion of singles is higher. Sweden is the country with the highest proportion of living alone in the world, and the proportion of living alone in the capital Stockholm is as high as 60%.
In Japan, more than 74% of young people in their twenties are not in love. 40% of singles said "they don't want to find a partner at all" because "falling in love is very troublesome" or "they prefer to spend their time on their hobbies".
In China, the number of single men and women is close to 200 million. Demographers assert that the fourth wave of singles is coming.
According to the data, there have been several singles tides in Chinese mainland. The first time was in the 1950s, and the first marriage law brought a nationwide divorce tide. In the late 1970s, educated youth divorced one after another in order to return to the city, which triggered the second single tide. Since the 1990s, the reform and opening-up has triggered a change in the traditional family concept, and the third wave of singles has arrived. Today, with the rapid development of economy and the improvement of women's self-awareness, the fourth wave of singles has gradually emerged.
20 10 the sixth population census shows that the proportion of unmarried women aged 30 and above in China is as high as 2.47%, nearly double that before 10, and the number of "single women" who actively choose to be single has obviously increased. As of 20 15, the single population in China has reached 200 million, and experts say that the fourth single tide is coming in China.
Today, human beings have entered the single age.
Eric Kreymbourg, an American sociologist, declared in his book "Single Society" that celibacy and unmarried doctrine are becoming a global trend, and they are surging.
what can I say? For women, housework and childbirth are hidden jobs with no sense of social honor, no experience accumulation, no job title evaluation and no clear remuneration, but the social pressure is huge and easy to rise and fall. I really dare not take this job at will. Women's lack of confidence in marriage is accumulated in stages.
At the same time, with the development of social economy, women's sense of autonomy is enhanced, their spirit is more independent, their economy is more independent, and their tendency to choose single is more obvious.
In China's traditional thought, it seems that "men should marry when they are older, and women should marry when they are older" has been deeply rooted.
The purpose of traditional marriage in China is family, not love. "The Book of Rites" says: "The goodness of both sexes is to serve the temple at the top and to inherit the future generations at the bottom." In other words, the traditional marriage purpose in China is: first, to combine the advantages of the two families through marriage and expand the alliance of relatives, that is, "attachment"; Second, for male families, inheriting the family bloodline means "carrying on the family line".
Of course, in today's China society, this traditional purpose of marriage has been greatly impacted. Young men and women often choose "love first" marriage. However, in a very traditional society like China, it is still not a simple matter to regard love as the main purpose of marriage.
Judging from China's traditional mate selection criteria, the most important thing is cleanliness and appropriateness.
Innocence is often what men want from women. When parents choose a daughter-in-law for their son, they must first find out whether the woman belongs to their own family, because they think that only in this way can girls from other families abide by women's morality, honor their in-laws and make their families harmonious.
As for the right match, this is a special condition for parents to choose a spouse for their children in China traditional society. In China's classical love novels, the love between a poor scholar and a rich girl is always blocked by the strongest; And poor women who want to get married can only give others a wing or a wing.
Today, the criteria for young men and women in China are still influenced by this principle, although they may not strictly abide by the principles of innocence and appropriateness. Nowadays, when young men find girlfriends, most of them love those "virtuous and pure" women. Come to think of it, a virtuous and innocent woman has many similarities with the girl in her last family. As a woman, more consideration is given to the man's economic conditions and family background, followed by education and knowledge level, and then the external figure and appearance.
In traditional marriage in China, the husband is often in the dominant position, while the wife is in the subordinate position. This kind of marriage structure is caused by the traditional cultural division of labor, that is, the cultural division of labor of "the man is the outside and the woman is the inside".
The husband is the head of the family, the pillar of the whole family, and bears the main economic responsibility of family life; The wife's task is to manage the housework, serve the in-laws and educate the children. "Men have no wives and no homes, and women have no husbands and no houses." After the husband loses his wife, there is no one to take care of him at home, and family life may become chaotic, but because the husband has the financial ability, life can still be taken care of; When a wife loses her husband, she loses her financial resources, just like a house without beams, but this kind of house can't live any longer.
In modern China society, the status gap between men and women in marriage is not as big as before. Nowadays, women go out of the family circle, participate in social work and remain relatively independent economically. But even so, most wives still need or are willing to be attached to their husbands to varying degrees.
After the reform and opening up, people's economic conditions have been greatly improved compared with the past. Many people hope that their wives will return to China to be full-time housewives and be completely supported by their husbands. For these stay-at-home wives, people always cast envious eyes and praise them for their blessings; However, for the extremely rare full-time husband in society, people always cast a contemptuous look and think that it is very spineless for men to walk around the kitchen table.
Singles in the single age often know more about what marriage means, so they choose to live a single life persistently. They are no longer "married for the sake of marriage" or "married", but also put forward the declaration that "as long as you give me love, I will have my own bread".
In fact, people are very subjective animals, and they already know the answer when they are looking for the true knowledge of the problem. These people who are obsessed with waiting for true love don't want too much, but they know what they deserve and what they should protect. Moreover, in this society, what is really morbid is never being single at an older age, but being labeled. Not getting married is not morbid. On the contrary, those who accuse you of being too old to get married are morbid.
This society needs the awakening of thought, and can't always be trapped in the so-called truth.
While single men and women are pursuing personalized lifestyles, the demand for supportive services has gradually become prominent. After all, no one wants to wash clothes at home alone, and no one wants to cook at home alone.
The rise of O2O services in cities such as laundry, ordering food and taking a taxi has made the basic activities of single men and women more convenient.
You only need to make an appointment on the app. Within 1 hour, the merchant will come to pick up the clothes to be washed, and send them back intact after washing, with full HD video surveillance and 24-hour service.
When you want to eat but are too lazy to cook, or want to entertain friends, you just need to place an order with your mobile phone and the cut food can be delivered to your door. Simply stir-fry and you can cook. Too lazy to do secondary processing? It's no problem to order takeout or "hand-picked" chef's door-to-door service directly.
You don't need to spend time taking a taxi or driving yourself when you go out. Get a car directly on the APP in advance, and you can enjoy the personal service that saves time and trouble.
It is precisely because life is becoming more and more convenient that being single is not so terrible. Being single is increasingly becoming the choice pursued by urban men and women.
The time saved is shared in social activities, movies, concerts, sports, travel and other activities, which coincides with the original intention of pursuing quality of life.
The increase of singles and the delay of "marriage age" have become a worldwide trend. Whether you are enjoying being single or looking forward to an early divorce, you just need to treat it rationally and differently. In fact, the single lifestyle is not as monotonous, lonely and cold as what we all think of as "single dog", but more colorful.
A distinctive feature of modern people is to live high and show their own style. When I am single, I will try my best to explore all kinds of entertainment and fashion activities, which will inevitably lead to the blowout of culture and art.
More importantly, with the increase of people who choose to be single actively, it also drives the "single economy". As early as 200 1, the concept of "single female economy" appeared in The Economist. "They are producers and consumers of advertising, publishing, entertainment and media products and services. Because they are single and earn a lot of money, they are the ideal customers. Compared with other classes, they have more passion and impulse to spend money. As long as things are fashionable and interesting, they will spend a lot of money. "
The analysis shows that 28.6% of single consumers do not consider buying luxury goods; 16% people go to bars, KTV and other entertainment and living places at least once a week; 3 1.6% people spend the most on social consumption such as entertainment or parties, and only 5.4% people save for the future.
In addition to the continued prosperity of single apartments, high-quality single dating websites and clubs, commercial insurance that emphasizes the concepts of "life security" and "risk prevention", and financial insurance that focuses on education and old-age care should all be counterpart products that "think what they think".
From gyms and cafes to bars, restaurants and clubs, singles with different values can find the excitement of life.
Family disintegration is a long process, which has lasted for hundreds of years.
Starting from farming by men and weaving by women, the production of food and clothes is gradually outsourced, people leave home to work in the workplace, housework is replaced by machines, and every convenience provided by business to individuals is questioning the necessity of a marriage.
The single age is the last stage of this disintegration process, and marriage is no longer a necessary process in the life stage, it is just an independent choice of crowd preference.
There has always been a saying that you can't get married without money, and it has even been made into a TV series "Dwelling House".
Is that really the case?
In fact, marriage and renting houses abound in cities, and no room is not a necessary condition for not getting married. This is especially true in foreign countries. Nowadays, young people even refuse to buy houses. Therefore, regardless of the demand for housing, the relationship between marriage and money is not so obvious.
In many developed cities, all kinds of goods and services can be easily bought at cheap prices. People no longer need help and comfort through marriage, and more and more people choose to be single in big cities.
The book "Single Society" subverts people's traditional cognition of being single: marriage is often more economical. People choose to be single not because they can't afford to get married, but because they are rich enough to live independently.
Think about your own family:
Before getting married, I have to buy everything, socialize more, spend more money, and can't save it.
After marriage, in order to pay for food, clothing, housing, transportation and other expenses, your life will be much more regular: you will only buy raw materials when you go home for dinner, and you will have less entertainment outside, and you will have to prepare a lot of emergency reserves ... After a long time, you will often have some savings.
So in fact, contrary to our normal thinking, not only do we not waste money after marriage, but we can also save money. The reason why modern people choose to be single is not money.
That is to say, although getting married may save money, I will choose my own lifestyle instead of getting married when the economic conditions can bear it.
Although traditional thinking has always warned us that living alone will lead to loneliness and isolation, Eric Kreymbourg revealed to us in his book "Single Society" that most single people are enthusiastically participating in social and social life, and they are more enthusiastic about eating out, exercising, taking part in art and music courses, public activities, speeches and public welfare activities than married people of the same age.
There is even evidence that people who live alone are healthier physically and mentally than married people who live with their spouses, and their lifestyle in urban apartments is more environmentally friendly than that in suburban single-family houses.
Eric Kreymbourg professionally analyzed the challenges and opportunities faced by these solitary people: young professionals pay high apartment rents in exchange for freedom and privacy; Single in their thirties and forties, unwilling to sacrifice their career or lifestyle for their unhappy partners; Divorced people no longer believe that marriage is the foundation of happiness and stability; There are also old people who would rather live alone than live with friends or children.
Based on in-depth interviews with more than 300 men and women of different ages and classes, Kreymbourg came to an unexpected conclusion: In today's society where the media are ubiquitous and people are highly connected, living alone allows us to know ourselves better and enjoy the company of our partners.
The results of previous single studies are mostly inconclusive. Some researchers have found that being with a partner is happier (although this effect is usually small). For example, Scott R. Braithwaite of Florida State University and his colleagues surveyed 162 1 college students, of whom 56% were single. They found that compared with singles, people with stable partners experienced fewer mental health problems, more regular partners and less obesity or overweight, but there was no significant difference in other indicators of physical health.
However, some studies believe that "the life of single people is not bad." There was a longitudinal study that lasted 18 years, and asked a question that many people wanted to know: Are those married people happier than when they were single? Richard Lucas and his colleagues got the answer: No. When we first got married, our happiness did improve a little, but it will soon return to the same level as before.
What's that? If there is nothing wrong with being single, why do we still feel lonely? Perhaps, we should think about the problem from another angle: will we be single? This is not the core of loneliness at all.
A friend has been single for nearly twenty years, so he once wanted to study the relationship between singles and loneliness. After some literature search, she found that although psychologists have different definitions of loneliness, at least in intimate relationships, there is an interesting point that true loneliness is not being alone, but being unable to be with the person you want.
When the person you love doesn't love you, the person you are waiting for is no longer waiting for you, and the person who makes you sad day and night is already in the arms of others. Even with more company, more friends and more greetings, you will still feel a little lonely. This kind of loneliness is called "emotional loneliness" in social psychology, which refers to a strong emotion of not being able to get the person you love, such as the feeling of not catching up, breaking up or the death of your partner.
Different from Hebe Tien's imagination, it will not be good to be alone all the time. In the long run, you may feel hopeless or depressed. Therefore, many scholars suggest going out for a walk, getting together with friends and talking about their emotions.
These methods do work sometimes, but sometimes, we just lack some time with ourselves. Working with a disintegrated body, worrying about the eyes of colleagues and bosses, and being afraid of disappointing parents' expectations, too many heavy and busy lives make us live only for others, but forget that our lives should be controlled by ourselves. As long as you are not alone, you should bear the weight of two people and say something that doesn't mean you to resolve the embarrassment. In fact, you have to bear the emotions all day and don't want to say another word at all.
In psychologist Robert Jeffrey Robert Jeffrey Sternberg's triangular theory of love, he thinks that love includes three components: intimacy, passion and commitment.
Robert Jeffrey Sternberg believes that these three cornerstones can be combined into different types of love. The first cornerstone of love is intimacy, including enthusiasm, understanding, communication, support and sharing. The second cornerstone is passion, which is characterized by the arousal of physical desires. Passion usually takes the form of a desire for sex, but any strong emotional need to get satisfaction from your partner falls into this category. The last cornerstone of love is commitment, including the decision to commit to a relationship and the efforts to maintain it. In essence, commitment is mainly cognitive, intimacy is emotional and passion is motivational. The "heat" of love relationship comes from passion, and the warmth comes from intimacy. In contrast, a promise reflects a decision and is not emotional at all.
When you don't meet love, let single people enjoy single life!
It is also very important to understand the support service and the future prosperity of culture and art, that is, to understand inclusiveness. Single people have a variety of ways to play: she/he may stay up late, she/he may disturb others with noise ... which undoubtedly requires the tolerance of the city.
Single people also have a * * * feature-extremely creative. They will continue to create things that belong to the future and make our lives more colorful. They will set the tone for the thought, culture and art of the whole society in the future. They are the future of this society.
Let single people enjoy single life!
Instead of worrying about whether others are married or not, take some time to think about how to make good use of your single age to cultivate yourself. The future society needs single creation.