A sister born after 90. /kloc-When a boy was born 0/0 years ago, the whole family was wrong. Because she was unmarried, no one knew during her pregnancy in October. It was not until she had a seizure that she told her mother that her aunt called her uncle after taking her to the hospital and said that she had a broken bone and was in the hospital.
When my uncle arrived at the hospital, he knew the situation and beat my aunt outside the operating room, blaming her for not educating her children well.
This girl dropped out of school after graduating from middle school. Although the parents are not divorced, they have always lived in two places, and there is nothing they can do about their sister's education. I believe that she lacks care, which is why this happens.
Life goes on for better or worse. Finally, my uncle accepted the child, but who is the father of the child remains a mystery.
Today, ten years later, the child is in the fourth grade in a local key primary school (assigned nearby due to household registration), which is the luck of the child. But children don't like studying. English is given up directly, and Chinese and mathematics are hovering between passing and failing. The child has not participated in any school counseling and interest classes so far, and his income is not allowed. The child is now in his early/0/.5 meters and weighs about/0/50 to/0/60 kg. He is a real big guy, but he is particularly timid and lacks self-confidence.
The old man said: "Three look at the old, seven look at the old." . Now that the child is ten years old, he can see better.
Cousin and aunt have been separated for a long time, which leads to the lack of care for my sister since childhood and no one to help her with her studies. After dropping out of high school, I wandered around the society. As a result, I met an inappropriate person, didn't know how to stop loss in time, and gave birth to a child. Sister is not as good as parents, because the children are given to single-parent families. Children are lucky enough to go to key schools, but no one can guide their studies or provide off-campus counseling financially. Children are unfortunate.
Children often say, "They don't like me, and I am their burden." They mean grandpa, grandma and mom. Look, it's like a vicious circle. Because the child's mother lacks care, she has him; And he doesn't care as much as his mother. Can he get out of this strange circle?
Family of origin's defects have four influences on children's growth.
A person will have two families in his life. One is a family with parents, maybe brothers and sisters, and the other is a family formed after marriage. Usually we call the first one family of origin.
The deepest harm to a person from a family is never on the surface, but in the deep heart. If the trauma we suffered in "family of origin" is not cured and grown up, it will probably be repeated in our own children. This is the most powerful continuation of family of origin.
Just like some parents have a bad temper and always beat and scold their children. When their children grow up, they swear that they will never do this to their children again. As a result, children can't help getting angry every time they do something wrong.
Other children have a cold relationship with their parents since childhood. When they grow up, they want to be close to their children, but they find themselves increasingly alienated from them.
My family comes from the former. I have been consciously trying not to be a copy of my parents, but I still can't control my temper in most cases. Every time I lose my temper with my child, my mind is full of scenes of my father losing his temper with me when I was a child.
I know very well that what happened in Descendants cannot be changed, but I can't let my children suffer from Descendants. I can make my own decisions this time. I began to change myself. I am less impatient and more tolerant and understanding of my children. I gradually found that many things that were crazy before were actually no big deal. Getting along with children is getting more and more enjoyable.
What kind of family is most conducive to the growth of children?
Dad's best love for children is to love their mothers. A mother's best love for her children is to appreciate and admire her father.
Life is only once, and the defects of being born in a family can't make up for the harm to children. See how "Born in a Family" influenced "Ode to Five Beauties". Are they the epitome of us?
In my "Parents' Course of Psychological Education for 0-6-year-olds", there is a section devoted to how the defects of parents from families affect the formation of children's personality. Share some contents with you today.
Parents born in a defective family often suffer from their parents' upbringing when they are young, and often swear that they will never treat their children like this again when they have their own children. But when they do have children, they will immediately become copies of their parents and treat them the way their parents used to treat their children.
Why is this happening? Because parents' untreated mental trauma in childhood or psychological problems that have not been properly solved will be hidden in the depths of memory in a hidden way and generally will not be activated. When they have children of their own, this implicit memory will be activated when they happen to do what their parents did when they were young. This phenomenon is the phenomenon of relational reincarnation.
This phenomenon will make parents use their past experiences to shape their children and form different parent-child attachment patterns, thus raising children with different personalities.
For example, parents often encounter cold and distant family relations in family of origin, which leads to the avoidance characteristics of parents as adults. After having their own children, such parents will repeat the same mistakes and treat their children in a way they once hated, thus affecting the formation of their character and mental health.
If parents are allowed to develop anxious and tangled personality characteristics in the family where they are born, it will lead to children's words and deeds being inconsistent and hesitant when raising children.
If parents from a family develop a tendency of abuse and violence, they will make their children disorderly, insecure and unable to do their work well.
Therefore, parents born in a family with defects will form different parent-child attachment patterns with their children, which will affect their healthy growth.
Hello, I'm glad to answer your question!
A person's family of origin is the place where he was born and raised, where there are his parents, brothers and sisters. I think the family atmosphere in family of origin has a great influence on children. A person's childhood experience, especially being born in a family, plays a decisive role in children's personal behavior, personality and psychology, which will have a long-term and far-reaching impact and even determine the happiness of a lifetime.
Living in a harmonious family, parents love each other, so children often have a strong sense of happiness and affection, sunny personality, generous with others, others are willing to get along with them, and things are easier to succeed. Children living in noisy and violent families are insecure, sensitive and irritable, violent and unwilling to get close to others.
What kind of influence will the defects of family background have on children? I think it is mainly manifested in the following aspects:
First, it affects the concept of happiness and has defects in personality. Children from unhappy families will lose their expectation of happiness, fear marriage and even resist marriage.
Children who have experienced their parents' quarrels since childhood will have social phobia, inferiority complex, sensitivity and irritability when they grow up, and are afraid to associate with others. When children grow up, they will have distrust of love and the opposite sex because they often hear the way their parents get along with each other, and they will not express their ideas correctly. They don't know how to manage their emotions, and they don't want to fall in love or get married because they can't find a way to get along with the opposite sex.
Zhang Ailing, a talented woman in the Republic of China, was carved up by her parents when she was a child. Her father is conservative, her mother is impatient, and her family prefers boys to girls. The shadow of her childhood was deeply imprinted on her heart. The incomplete family caused Zhang Ailing's aloof, sensitive and independent personality, and she was under great psychological pressure, so she could not be happy all the time.
Second, it affects the sense of security and pessimism. Children from defective families, who witness their parents' behavior, suffer from anxiety, fear and tension for a long time, and are prone to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss and lack of security. Not confident, the same thing, cheerful people see the positive side, while children living in defective families see the negative things and can't see the direction of progress.
Third, family members are indifferent, and their psychological defenses are too deep to open their hearts to others. Because the family is not harmonious since childhood, children have long been ignored, indifferent and unable to feel warmth. Children grow up in extreme desire and disappointment, and it is difficult to be spoiled and willful in front of their parents. In the end, I will give up my attachment to my parents, feel depressed, avoid my family, and even want to escape from my family, leading to my unwillingness or desire to go home as an adult. Unwilling to communicate with parents. Over time, alienate the people you love.
In the TV series Everything is Fine, Su Mingyu is economically independent and powerful. However, due to the partiality of her parents when she was a child, she didn't get the care and fair treatment from her relatives, lacked a sense of security, didn't easily associate with others, alienated her relatives, and obviously cared about her relatives but didn't know how to communicate with them. This is largely due to the influence of her childhood shadow.
Besides, we often see juvenile delinquency in the news. The reason behind it is the lack of healthy family education and the lack of shaping children's healthy personality. Therefore, we need to pay attention to the health of the family, give our children a relaxed and comfortable home, and let them grow up healthily in the arms of love.
I think birth has a great influence on a person. Because our behavior habits and values are influenced by our family background. When children grow up, they will unconsciously imitate their own behaviors in family of origin or do something just the opposite.
1, the influence of family background-family atmosphere
Jiang Sida, the debater in The Story of Chipa, told in an interview that his parents often quarreled and he was always beaten and scolded. When he was five, his parents divorced. Not only did he not get enough love at a young age, but he also forced himself to be a sensible child. He learns to read, always thinking carefully, is the adult happy or unhappy at the moment? Even when he grows up now, it is difficult for him to trust others completely. He said sadly, "Nobody wants to be sensitive. I'd rather be silly and sweet. "
2. The influence of family background-family rules and habits
My family is not rich. My mother is a hardworking and thrifty woman, and she pays special attention to the control of money. In most of my childhood memories, my mother was trying to make money for her life. After I set up my own family, I will buy more things on purpose. It's not unreasonable for my husband to say that you are making up for your childhood shortcomings. When my mother comes to live with us, she sometimes thinks we are wasting. I just said that children need nutrition and their diets should be diversified. I don't want to refute my mother's habits, but I don't want to destroy a new family habit I am creating for my children.
3. family of origin's influence-communication mode.
The TV series Little Joy, Eiko of a divorced family, her mother is used to arranging everything for her children, from eating, drinking, sleeping, studying and taking exams. Her mother is very strict. Even if the children are often reluctant and don't like it, this mother always talks about a lot of "I am doing it for your own good". Slowly let the children become more and more wronged and depressed, and even have the idea of suicide. As parents, we should first understand that children are also independent individuals, and we should respect their thoughts and behaviors. If you only say what you think is right, but you don't love your children, their emotions will often be depressed, farther and farther away from us, or rebellious.
There are no perfect parents and no perfect family. What we can do is to be as responsible as possible for ourselves and the family where our children come from from now on.
Being born in a family does have a profound impact on a person's life. Every family has its complexity, including single-parent families, foster families, families with many children, families with changes and so on. This is a big topic. Here I only express my thoughts from the way of education:
First, doting parenting style
It is common for the next generation to spoil bad children. I have also met mothers who are bursting with maternal love, and even the previous generation shouted "Too spoiled". This mother is tired enough for her children every day, but she still insists on "doting".
Specifically: children are basically satisfied with everything, and it is a common trick for children to lose their temper and cry. Children are also attached to them, and adults satisfy their sense of dependence. Children who don't teach mistakes often blame others. When the time comes, as long as the child gets better, it will be OK.
Second, the neglected parenting style.
Parents can't seem to care too much about their children's performance. They are busy with work, quarreling, playing mahjong, partying and so on. Anyway, they almost forgot to have a child.
Children feel neglected. For many years, they felt that they were unimportant people. No one pays attention to and understands their emotions. He has developed a lifestyle of "accustomed to loneliness", but he is eager for friends to care about him and is relatively sensitive to other people's evaluation. Under the neglected education mode, it is difficult for them to form self-identity in adolescence, that is, they don't know who they are, what they want to do in the future, what they like, and so on. And they often go with the flow and stay out of trouble.
Third, the controlled parenting style.
"Be sure to be in the top three this semester." "Be sure to get up on time." "It's more reasonable for you to arrange your time like this" ... this is the main tone of controlling parents to talk to their children. They are strict with their children.
They are unquestionable authorities, asking children to do what they are told and meet their requirements, but they don't ask children how they feel or even explain why they do it. They regard children as machines to complete tasks, ignoring that children are emotional people.
High expectations and demands on children have also created a better-looking child. They demand perfection from themselves, often with high work efficiency, easy to achieve results and easy to achieve secular success. However, their hearts are riddled with holes and their emotions are depressed. The success of their false selves cannot replace the sadness of their true selves under the mask.
Fourth, authoritative parenting methods.
I have expectations, requirements and norms for children, but I know how to take care of children's emotions and ideas, let children express their opinions, and discuss things with children when they encounter differences. After children are respected, they are willing to consider their parents' opinions.
It is not difficult to see that this is the most ideal way of upbringing. Such children have the most sound mental abilities, and they can consider themselves and others. They can set realistic and feasible goals for themselves and accomplish them by themselves. They can get out of setbacks relatively quickly after setbacks. They love life, are full of curiosity, think in black and white, have their own opinions and are not forced to do anything.
The above is a simple analysis of family upbringing. Being born in a family is not perfect. In addition, there is often no single parenting style, but several kinds are mixed together, only primary and secondary. As long as parents increase their awareness, have more emotional interaction with their children, and clearly standardize the principled issues, I think this is the gospel of their children's good growth.
Lan Shu Psychology Thank you for reading!
No family is perfect, and the influence on children varies from person to person.
For a time, I was also convinced of the bad influence of family defects on children, and felt that my shortcomings were more or less caused by my parents. I feel that I can always find the shadow of my parents, something I hate but can't get rid of. On the internet, I often hear the voice of blaming my parents. I think my parents made me who I am today. Parents always compare themselves with other children and criticize themselves when there are many people, which makes me feel inferior now.
Later, I slowly discovered why there are children with different personalities under the education of the same parents. Because in addition to parents' education, many people ignore the importance of self-education. In the same way, some children are extremely sad and unable to extricate themselves, while others can quickly accept and digest negative emotions and get back on their feet. This involves the self-regulation and self-education of children. The ability of self-education is not only influenced by parents' education, but also by personal experience and knowledge.
Therefore, a person's situation cannot be said to be the influence of family, after all, it is a personal problem. When a child grows up, he will always experience psychological shadow. No family is perfect and will never hurt children. We should not overemphasize the adverse effects of family defects. It wasn't a big problem. If many people are talking about it, this feeling will become real. Even if we have been affected by family defects, we can completely control those bad influences through our own efforts, knowledge learning and life tempering.
Don't blame your failure on others. After all, the influence of others is limited and the subjective consciousness is unshakable. I don't think it is necessary for parents to care all the time when raising their children. Some parents always want to be perfect parents, and sometimes they blame themselves and feel nervous when they don't do well enough. In fact, it is enough to raise children by letting them know and realize that we love them. Don't give yourself too much pressure. No one is perfect.
I think the defects of being born in a family have a comprehensive influence on children. From personality and temper to dealing with people, many brands of being born in a family will accompany children all their lives.
People will experience two families in this life.
One is the home where I was born and raised, with my parents, brothers and sisters, and the other is the home I established when I was an adult. The first home is called family of origin.
Every child comes to the family where he was born with a blank sheet of paper. Although parents' genes have more or less influence on some aspects of children, the family atmosphere in family of origin has the greatest influence.
Because parents' words and deeds, from the birth of the child, have a subtle influence on all aspects of the child.
Indifferent parents rarely cultivate hospitable children;
Parents who like quarreling and violence will also have children with violent tendencies;
Do parents who think reading is useless carefully train their children to become top scholars with excellent academic performance?
Bad feelings, frequent cold war and disrespect for each other's parents will also affect the way children treat their other half as adults.
……
Some people will say that experts exaggerate the influence of family background.
Needless to say, when we see a child, whether he is an all-around genius or a street fighter, do we subconsciously ask "His parents are …" and then answer "So that's it"?
In this way, the influence of family background is accompanied by our growth. When one day we encounter all kinds of problems in work, interpersonal communication, love and marriage, and start looking for the root of all this, we will find ourselves in childhood and trace it back to our families and parents.