How to get out of the obstacles of interpersonal communication;
What if you are indifferent to others and lack intimate friends?
When interacting with people, I have strong fear, nervousness, palpitation, sweating, blushing, incoherent, and dare not look up at each other's eyes. What should I do?
These are all manifestations of interpersonal barriers. What is interpersonal communication barrier? How to get out of interpersonal barriers? Here, I want to make a simple discussion and exchange with you.
How to get out of interpersonal barriers
First of all, let's discuss the psychological composition of interpersonal relationship, which includes three psychological components: cognition, emotion and behavior. Cognition refers to people's mutual understanding in communication, which is the primary and basic component; Emotion refers to the experience and connection of emotions, including experiencing one's own emotions, others' emotions and one's own emotional communication experience, such as likes and dislikes. Behavior includes various activities and processes, such as manners and expressions in communication.
Through the above explanation, it is not difficult for us to sum up: the ideal symbol of interpersonal relationship: mutual understanding, emotional harmony and behavioral coordination. However, in real life, due to the differences in life experience, living environment, outlook on life and personality, it is difficult for people to achieve their idealized goals, and sometimes there will be some phenomena that are quite different from idealization, and even lead to some psychological diseases. How to treat your social shortcomings? How to carry out comprehensive prevention?
Next, let's understand the symptoms and causes of interpersonal communication barriers:
In real life, differences in people's environment, cultural customs, education level, personal temperament and personality lead to cognitive and behavioral deviations, such as shyness, inferiority, stubbornness, hostility, fear, compulsion and other symptoms. Some people are sensitive, suspicious, withdrawn and self-enclosed because of their physical defects, such as being fat and short. Because of these bad cognition, people will have all kinds of bad emotional experiences in interpersonal communication, such as anxiety, fear, depression and so on. Such negative emotions will lead to bad social behavior and eventually lead to social difficulties. If avoidance behavior occurs, the necessary social functions will be affected, which will form mental illness and induce serious mental illness.
According to Freud's psychoanalytic theory, it is proved that people have interdependent biological instincts; According to Maslow's needs theory, everyone has the need to love and be loved, and people need to be respected and respected. Then, it is unrealistic for a person to have thoughts and behaviors that he wants to escape. I think of a sentence in a martial arts novel: this society is the Jianghu. Where can you escape?
Look at the counselor's words above and make a psychological analysis. We can easily see that they don't want to go deep into interpersonal communication, express their ideas and communicate with others well, but they just don't know how to communicate effectively and accurately. Once they fail, they will have extreme thoughts, anxiety, depression and avoidance behavior, which is also the self-defense measures they have to take.
So, how to effectively adjust the psychological state in interpersonal communication and constantly improve your social skills? We can learn from the following aspects:
1. Know yourself correctly and tap your strengths and advantages.
Everyone's growing environment is different, and they all have advantages and disadvantages in one way or another. As we said, why don't people who eat whole grains get sick? This enlightens us that in the process of interpersonal communication, we should learn to know each other with dialectical thinking, give full play to our own advantages, actively guide topics that are beneficial to us, encourage ourselves in time, and be firm and confident. For example, find a hobby that you are good at and communicate with it. Some people will say that I have nothing. What should I do? We can start from the basic aspects of eating, wearing, playing and entertaining. In fact, if you have the desire to communicate, you can find the topic, right? If you feel that you can't find it again, welcome to our consultation center, and we will give you some inspiration and help from a professional perspective.
2. Dare to practice, pay attention to skills and be helpful!
We should correctly realize that interpersonal relationship is directly related to our own health, so avoidance is not the solution to the problem, and we should actively participate in and promote interpersonal activities. Someone asked, I really want to participate in group activities, but what can I do to attract others' attention and communicate effectively? Here, I suggest you do three things:
First, practice in learning, learning in practice, that is to say, on the one hand, we should carefully observe other people's speech behaviors and learn to imitate effective words and deeds, on the other hand, we should learn relevant knowledge and increase the breadth of our hobbies. For example, a young man said, I want to communicate with my colleagues, but my knowledge is so lacking that I don't know where to start. What should I do? Let me remind you, first find your favorite hobby, such as the current football match, read what the newspapers say, then listen to what others say, try to say it yourself and find your own feelings. A young man in our communication the other day said that he disliked chatting with women the most, and he didn't know how to start. He is nervous at the sight of women, and after a long time, he becomes hostile to women. In the face of his situation, I tested his hobby football fans. This is where I look for a breakthrough. When I expressed my opinion on football, I said: the football match is also fake. For example, why does a player who has no injured arm always wear a bandage? Perhaps the referee was dissatisfied with him and asked him to leave. He even wrapped tape around the players' arms. Pretending to be too bold. Hearing this, the man smiled and said it was not like this. I took the opportunity to ask him seriously and modestly. He spoke for ten minutes without any expression of disgust or hostility. Later, he invited me to dinner with some ladies, and we teased him gently. It seems that women sometimes don't make him hate. It can be seen from this that the root of his psychological problems is the incorrect cognitive thinking mode, which has affected his interpersonal communication. Sometimes this idea is subconscious and he doesn't realize it. When he realizes something subconscious, he will feel suddenly enlightened. Under the guidance of professional consultants, he can use dialectical thinking to communicate with people.
The second is to learn to improve communication skills. The most important thing is to be sincere with others. According to the statistics of psychologists, people's favorite quality is sincerity, and the most annoying quality is falsehood. So, when you are not good at anything, give an honest heart. Sincerity is the most important communication skill. People often meet people who are polite everywhere and do things in a watertight way, but they just can't and dare not associate with him too deeply. Why? It feels unreal, so Lenovo is unreliable. Besides, honesty does not mean telling the truth. In communication, we should follow a principle, mutual respect and positive communication attitude among people, which is the basis of interpersonal communication. There is a famous saying in sociology: people like people who like themselves! Secondly, try your best to help others, perhaps a warm word or a supportive look. Some time ago, a post was popular on the Internet, which was read by tens of millions of people. There is a picture of an old beggar putting coins in another old man's box and begging by the roadside. Thinking of this, I can't help but feel my eyes moist. In our actual work and communication, everyone will inevitably encounter difficulties of one kind or another. If you can't say anything encouraging, help the top leaders, and people will remember your help.
In short, in the process of interpersonal communication, we should eliminate all kinds of unreasonable and one-sided cognitive tendencies, actively communicate with others and improve our social level.
How to get out of interpersonal barriers II:
Interpersonal communication is one of the important contents of people's social life. Self-development, psychological adjustment, information communication, the satisfaction of different levels of needs and the coordination of interpersonal relationships are all inseparable from interpersonal communication. Everyone wants to be good at communication, and hopes to establish harmonious family relations, kinship relations, neighborhood relations, friends, classmates and colleagues through communication. These good social relationships enable individuals to study, live and work happily in a warm and pleasant environment. However, in the actual communication process, there will always be some unsatisfactory places, which will affect the normal interpersonal communication. How can we get rid of psychological barriers in interpersonal communication?
Besides complicated social factors, students' psychological status is the main factor that affects the normal communication of interpersonal relationships. This is the internal cause. We may not be able to change the status quo at once, but we can eliminate people's interpersonal barriers by adjusting students' psychology. This is especially important for maintaining the mental health of people who are not good at communication.
Overcome loneliness and eccentricity;
Now most children are only children, and there are no peers at home to communicate with. Especially for patients with depression, it is particularly obvious. In their memory, parents often watch TV and play with toys at home alone because of busy work or other reasons. Some people even have the experience of being locked at home by one person. Make these children develop a lonely and eccentric psychology from an early age. After attending vocational school, my grades are not ideal, which leads to disharmony in interpersonal relationship. Then there is infatuation with TV, internet and so on. Indulge in personal world or virtual world all day. As an educator, first of all, in the class group, actively create conditions to get him out of confusion.
Overcome inferiority complex:
How to correctly evaluate yourself and others in interpersonal communication? As the old saying goes:? People are expensive and know themselves? What is this? Is it expensive? Why? Is it expensive? Expensive, indicating its difficulty. It is really not easy to know yourself correctly. In the wrong self-evaluation, the biggest obstacle to communication is inferiority and pride.
Inferiority means underestimating one's knowledge, ability and talent. And then deny yourself. People with low self-esteem have good wishes in communication, but they are always afraid of others' contempt and rejection, so they have no confidence in themselves and want others' affirmation very much, and often sensitively attribute others' unhappiness to their own mistakes. People with inferiority complex tend to have excessive self-esteem. In order to protect themselves, they tend to be very tough, inaccessible and become out of place in interpersonal communication.
Inferiority stems from a psychological negative self-suggestion. Many psychologists point out that inferiority has nothing to do with my intelligence, education level, social status and other factors, but right? Are you worse than others? I'm sure. Therefore, to overcome and prevent inferiority, we must first dare to face up to our own shortcomings. No one is perfect, everyone has his own advantages and disadvantages. For some unchangeable facts, such as appearance, height, etc. You can make up for them with the brilliance of other places without swearing. Secondly, we should correctly compare with others, people with a heavy sense of inferiority.
Often very good at discovering the strengths of others, which is not a bad thing in itself, but he always compares the strengths of others with his own shortcomings. Instead of inspiring the courage to rise, the more he compares, the more discouraged he becomes, thus belittling and denying himself. In fact, everyone has his own strengths, and it is impossible to be better than others in everything, and vice versa. Seeing Siqi should be encouraged, and there is also a problem of doing what you can. Therefore, to prevent and overcome inferiority complex, we should also be careful not to ask too much of ourselves. When choosing a goal, we should not only consider its value and our own wishes, but also consider the possibility of its realization. Instead of pursuing those unrealistic things, why not set some realistic goals and adopt them? Small steps? Principles, and constantly encourage yourself. Finally, we should exercise our psychological endurance, and don't be devastated because of one failure, or completely deny ourselves because of one aspect of our fault.
Compared with inferiority complex, pride also comes from wrong self-evaluation. Arrogant people like to overestimate themselves. They are arrogant, boastful and domineering in communication, and they are unwilling to associate with people who think they are inferior to themselves. Such a person will certainly not be welcomed by others. Once frustrated, conceited people tend to feel inferior. Proud people should learn to respect others and be good at discovering the advantages of others, so as to evaluate themselves objectively, and learn to be strict with themselves and be lenient with others.
People who know others are wise, and those who know themselves are clear. Whether they can correctly know and understand others is also related to the smooth progress of interpersonal communication. To get out of the psychological misunderstanding of others, we should pay attention to the following aspects:
First, don't take the first impression as the criterion for judging. The first impression, that is, the image formed when people are perceived for the first time, is often the most profound, and it often becomes a basic impression, affecting the evaluation of others in all aspects. The so-called preconceptions are the truth: people attach great importance to their first impression on others, but we should also see that the first impression comes from short contact and has no previous experience as a reference, so it is subjective and one-sided. Therefore, we must pay attention to its negative side, and we should not completely deny it because of the bad first impression, but also prevent it from being confused by the exaggerated appearance. ? What's more, what's more? Such examples are not uncommon. We should practice the ability to see the essence through phenomena, and fully and correctly know and understand others in long-term relationships.
Second, don't judge people. It's just that someone made a big mistake, so someone found out that he was never a good person. This is the recent effect at work. In the long-term communication, the recent impression is more dominant than the initial impression, which is a psychological inertia. Because of this inertia, people tend to judge people according to their recent impressions. Besides, what's the point? Aura? Effect, one of one's advantages, magnified into the whole body's advantages? Aura? Even the original shortcomings are covered up or covered with a dazzling brilliance. The biggest mistake in this kind of cognition of others lies in covering the whole with one side. ? Take a class to see the whole leopard? It is not always suitable for all people and things, and individuals and parts may not necessarily reflect the whole and the whole.
. In many human behaviors or sexual behaviors. It is undoubtedly naive to judge a good man or a bad man by catching him. To know others correctly and comprehensively, we must overcome the absolute method of saying that all good things are good and all bad things are bad.
Third, don't be preconceived. The first impression is of course a preconceived idea. Moreover, in our minds, there are always some ideas that come first and come later, which are derived in various ways. We often use them to evaluate and judge others because it consumes the least psychological energy, that is, it is the most convenient. However, trying to save trouble often leads to some cognitive biases. What does it mean that Americans are open, British are conservative, businessmen are smart and sophisticated, and farmers are honest? Although these statements are in line with the characteristics of some people, they are by no means all of them. Specific issues are treated specifically? . People and people are the same, so we can't measure people by concepts and simplify them.
Why can't some people get happiness from interpersonal communication? People are social animals, and interpersonal communication is the need of each of us. In interpersonal communication, being too cautious and calculating everywhere, always afraid of being cheated, is of course unhappy. It can be said that such people have not understood the real connotation of interpersonal communication, so they can't experience the happiness in communication. Two people exchange an apple with each other, or one person exchanges an apple. When two people exchange an idea with each other, one person has two ideas. This example is the embodiment of communication connotation. In addition, the significance of communication lies in increasing personal psychological space, reducing psychological distance between each other and establishing? We feel? . These are people's psychological needs and social needs.
It goes without saying that negative emotions such as unhappiness, pain, anger and disappointment will affect the normal progress of interpersonal communication. These negative emotions may come from some kind of pressure, frustration or loss. Everyone should learn to deal with these bad emotions in life, which is also an important embodiment of personal growth. Modern society advocates personality independence, and interpersonal communication is becoming more and more complicated. If you need some superficial courtesy and entertainment in some occasions or temporary communication with some people, the most important thing to establish and develop in-depth and lasting interpersonal communication is to be frank and express your true self. ? Clear water makes no fish, while people look at it without friends. People don't like those who pretend to be saints. Of course, if you have obvious shortcomings, you should try to overcome and correct them. In interpersonal communication, people constantly examine and know themselves and others, and constantly understand life, which is the connotation of interpersonal communication.
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