Combined with my clinical practice and the teenagers and children I usually contact, I tend to divide them into six to fourteen years old. Six to ten years old is a stage, and ten to fourteen years old is a stage.
Children between the ages of six and ten are in the lower grades of primary school. At this time, children will still have more dependence on their parents, and at the same time obey their parents' discipline and authority, thinking that their parents are omniscient and omnipotent.
But at this time, they also slowly put their energy into the peer group, and the quality of their academic performance has also become a factor affecting their growth at this time.
At this age, the most common problem is the cultivation of children's study habits and self-management ability.
Generally speaking, at this age, the incidence of psychological problems is relatively small. However, if family education can't keep up at this stage and the training of children is not in place, it will easily break out in the later ten to 14 years old, which is the pre-adolescent problem to be discussed next.
Then when the children grow to 10 to 14 years old, many children have actually begun to accelerate their physical development because of the good nutritional conditions. At the age of ten, some children will be as tall as adults.
But at this time, they have a feeling of growing up psychologically, but they are very lacking in social experience and life knowledge. Coupled with the rapid development of puberty hormones, emotional fluctuations, in order to show their independence, deliberately against their parents, no longer as obedient as before the age of ten.
At the same time, they began to have cultural feedback. Because it is very easy to get access to Internet information now, they get information from many more sources than we did decades ago.
So at this time, maybe they know a lot of things, but their parents don't know yet. Then it will also lead parents to step down from the position of the altar. They no longer think that their parents are the only authority, but also dare to challenge their parents.
So at this time, the conflict between parents and children is very fierce.
In addition, at this time, facing the turning point of junior high school, the study pressure will be heavier.
A variety of factors, physical, psychological, social and cultural integration, will lead to common psychological problems of children of this age, such as mood swings, uncontrollable behavioral impulses, cell phone addiction and academic problems, such as dropping out of school. Parent-child conflicts, parental conflicts, etc ... If these things are not taken seriously, they may develop into serious psychological problems such as depression and anxiety.
So it is actually a very important stage from the age of 6 to the age of 14. At this stage, family education must keep up.
Starting with cultivating children's good study habits and habits and shaping healthy and flexible psychological and personality characteristics.
First, preschool children and their physical and mental development characteristics
Preschool children refer to children who have not yet reached school age. In China, preschool children are usually defined as 3 to 6 to 7 years old. Children at this stage have many remarkable physical and mental characteristics, including the following aspects:
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The nervous system of preschool children is more and more perfect, and the conductive fibers in their cerebral cortex have been myelinated. This makes their fine movements such as untied shoelaces and tied shoelaces more accurate, while their rough movements such as running and jumping are more coordinated and stable.
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With the further development of preschool children's thinking and self-awareness, they sometimes express their internal thinking activities in the form of language, especially when accompanied by certain actions or thinking. The development of children's thinking is also reflected in their unusually rich imagination, and children's thinking activities and social awareness of rules will be further developed in the process of playing.
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The passive attention of preschool children has developed rapidly, and colorful and vivid foreign things are more likely to attract their attention and interest. Similarly, memory based on image memory and mechanical memory develops rapidly, but due to the limitation of development stage, children can easily confuse their experiences with some stories or imaginary contents, and cannot distinguish their authenticity.
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The emotional experience of preschool children has obvious characteristics, such as happiness, sadness, fear, tension, fear and so on. The cognitive strategy of regulating emotions is not perfect, not good at hiding and controlling, and emotions are easy to be exposed. They are good at using body language to express themselves, such as laughing, dancing and rolling. With the growth of age, some children gradually learn to hide their emotions, master simple emotional expression rules, know that appropriate emotions can get corresponding responses from adults, and also use expressive body movements to distinguish emotions, improve their understanding of the external causes and results of emotions, and know what kind of things will make people around them happy or unhappy.
Emotion is easy to fluctuate, preschool children have weak control and imperfect speech regulation function. When they are stimulated by external things or situations, their emotions will erupt. But it often develops rapidly from one end to the other, changing like the weather.
Emotions are easy to adjust. The mood of preschool children is situational, and their mood changes with the change of the situation. They can change quickly after getting a new toy and discovering new things. It is worth mentioning that many times the emotions of preschool children are not caused by the children themselves, but by the emotional fluctuations of people around them.
Second, the performance of common psychological problems of school-age children
Although cognition, thinking and emotion are developing positively, the activity of subcortical center is still dominant. Preschool children will have obvious pressure response when they perceive great changes in the environment or face stress situations, and the performance of this pressure response is inconsistent. Some children focus on emotional problems, while others may show behavioral problems. Common anomalies are as follows:
Lose your temper: manifested as obvious crying, cheating, splashing water and rolling around, etc.
Biting nails or sucking fingers: This behavior can bring children a sense of security and satisfaction, and it will appear when the atmosphere is tense, the environment is quiet or hungry and exhausted.
Rebellion or destruction: Always answer "no" or "no" to parents' demands, or attack and destroy people and things around them.
Enuresis or defecation: For children who have learned to urinate and defecate autonomously, frequent urination or defecation occurs.
Nightmare or night terrors: Nightmare refers to waking up in a nightmare and being in a state of extreme tension and anxiety, while night terrors refer to waking up suddenly and panicking, accompanied by crying, shortness of breath and sweating. And I can't remember when I wake up.
Others: such as plucking hair, or hyperactivity, or some twitching symptoms such as blinking, blinking, shaking your head and stretching your neck.
Third, the psychological problems of preschool children.
In view of the psychological characteristics of preschool children and the current specific situation, in line with the principle of nip in the bud, parents can give their children a sense of security in many ways and let them pass this special period smoothly. However, when children have some behavioral and psychological problems, parents should follow the following basic principles:
I hope my answer is helpful to you.
So what common mental health problems do our children have in their daily lives?
Finger sucking refers to children's habitual behavior of putting their fingers in their mouths to suck.
As we all know, sucking fingers is a common behavior of younger babies, and of course it is also a normal phenomenon. Freud, a famous Austrian psychologist, believes that children aged 0 ~ 1 year are in the "oral sex period", that is, they satisfy their desires through their mouths (that is, sucking and eating their hands, etc.). We often see that babies like to put their hands or caught objects in their mouths, which is actually a way for them to perceive and understand external things. If we adults forcibly stop it, the baby's oral stimulation will not be satisfied, which will make them feel irritable and depressed, which will affect their physical and mental development. Studies have shown that babies like to chew pens, bite their nails, eat books, suck their fingers, overeat and nag when they grow up, which may be related to their failure to spend their oral period well within 1 year.
If a child still keeps the habit of sucking his fingers in early childhood, it should be regarded as a psychological problem. So, what bad effects will sucking fingers bring to children? For example, it will cause ridicule from peers and make children have psychological problems such as timidity, nervousness and inferiority; At the same time, bacteria, viruses and parasites on the fingers will be brought into the body through the mouth, causing physical diseases; It can also cause finger swelling, peeling, inflammation and even deformation;
At that time, my children liked sucking their fingers very much. She eats her fingers every time she wants to sleep, and eats her hands whenever she has nothing to do. At the age of one year, four or five months, this phenomenon is still obvious. At that time, her right thumb had been eaten out of cocoons, but she gave up intermittently for the sake of the child's better growth. Just like the child who eats fingers mentioned in the previous story, even if the teacher tells him a lot of truth, he can't change this habit. I remember a colleague in kindergarten, 25 years old. Every time we have a weekly meeting, she will chew and pick her hand while the leader is speaking. She's bleeding. Later, I learned that she said that when she sat down, she just wanted to chew and choose. It is the kind of bad habit that has become a habit. It can be seen that if our parents do not guide their children well in the early stage, such habits will affect her for a long time.
Mother and child bit their fingers.
Willfulness means that children let their temper go, do whatever they want, and are not bound. Often manifested as excessive demand, unable to restrain or delay satisfaction; I often express my emotions and needs by rolling, crying and throwing things around. Being self-centered, I seldom care about and understand other people's thoughts and emotions, and lack the sense of collectivity and cooperation.
If these negative behaviors occur frequently, it will also strengthen the child's bad personality quality. At the same time, when a child is willful, it will be accompanied by irritability and anger, which is also harmful to health. Then going to kindergarten will also become the object of rejection by teachers and friends.
As parents, we should find out in time and help our child to correct as soon as possible, instead of waiting until he can't make friends, be excluded from society and be left out in the cold before trying to change. If this happens, isn't it a little late? As we all know, the younger a child is, the simpler his ideology is, and the easier it is to get a better education.
Angry children
Lying is a common phenomenon among children. Research shows that children aged 2-3 have lied, which develops rapidly in preschool period.
And our parents should be able to correctly judge whether the child is lying unconsciously or consciously. Unconscious lying, also called fantasy lying, usually happens to children, because children's memory of things may not be clear enough or their concept of time is not accurate enough, which makes their speech untrue; Or take imagination as reality and tell a lie. For example, children will say "this is a gift from Santa Claus" at Christmas, which means that imagination has become a reality. Strictly speaking, this should not be included in the list of "lying".
What is conscious lying? It can be divided into positive and negative according to motivation. For example, if a child is sick and his mother is worried, he says to his mother, "I'm not sick, I'm not uncomfortable." There are positive factors in this kind of lying.
When the motivation is negative, it is a real lie and a way of cheating, which needs our parents' attention. For example, children love to play with guns and ask their parents to buy them for him many times, but parents never take this matter to heart. In order to get their beloved guns, children may say, "Our teacher says that every boy will perform with guns tomorrow." Parents didn't have good judgment, so they took the teacher's words as "imperial edict" and finally bought guns for their children. Then there is already a bad consciousness among children that lying can gain benefits and achieve their desired goals. Over time, children with such negative factors will also have mental health problems.
In the face of lying children, mothers are educating.
Then, apart from children's own lies, should parents set an example and give their children an example not to lie?
Separation anxiety is the response of infants to the insecurity and fear of unfamiliar environment and strangers after they are separated from their parents or other attachment objects.
In fact, separation anxiety is normal for children of a certain age. From 7 months to preschool, almost all children are anxious about being separated from their parents or other close relatives. However, after this age, this anxiety continues to show. When anxiety lasts for more than 4 weeks and affects daily life or entertainment activities, children may suffer from separation anxiety.
Due to the differences in the quality, personality and habits of parent-child attachment, each child's performance of separation anxiety is also different. Some children just show emotional instability and love to cry. Some children will eat less, sleep restlessly, talk less, and even have symptoms of refusing to eat.
Then our parents can expand their children's social circle in daily training, so that children can initially establish trust between people and a sense of security in communication. Or let children get familiar with the living environment of young children in advance, which is also conducive to the good mood of children when they enter the park.
The anxious child is at a loss.
Attack, also called aggression, is hostility, injury or destruction to others. It can be a violation of others' body, verbal attack, or a violation of others' rights.
In our daily life, it is inevitable to see two children grabbing toys. One side holds the toy by hand or body, preferring not to play and not to let other children take it away. At this time, the child who wants to play will take an aggressive action against the child who occupies the toy, break his hand or hit him. Then this kind of similar aggression is inevitable in the growth of children, and it is also something they must experience in the process of socialization. Therefore, as parents, we can "turn a blind eye" and let the children solve it themselves.
However, if our children often attack other children, then parents should pay attention. Because once children's aggressive behavior becomes a habit, it is not only harmful to the communication of peers, but also may lead to their social inadaptability when they grow up, hinder interpersonal communication and even lead to some illegal behaviors. Just like the child who attacked the child in the story mentioned earlier, I think he is not welcome to play with other friends besides giving the teacher a headache.
20 19 10 The news that a boy aged 13 in Dalian brutally killed a girl aged 10 was very touching at that time. Behind this violence is the end of parents' education. Let's look at the boy's parents in turn. Even if the police came to the door, the boy's mother was still lying for the child, while the boy's father repeatedly shirked his responsibility, saying that he seldom took care of the child. It can be seen that such parents are also very embarrassed in their children's past education. If they can find out the children's mental health problems earlier, if they can set an example, the poor little girl will not be unlucky.
Aggressive children are not welcome.
In fact, as parents, in the process of raising children, what we often say is "selfish". Will turn a blind eye to some unhealthy problems of children or think they are right. I think children are still young and will naturally understand some truth when they grow up. But is this really what we think? Maybe in life, we will wait until later to solve some problems. For example, if things at home are broken, it doesn't matter if I leave them temporarily, and it won't affect anything if I use them again when I need them. But if we wait for raising a child like a broken thing, it will only hurt.
Children you think can be "repaired" are unlikely to listen to you patiently or even fight with you! We should not think that there are no problems when children are young. Often, small problems accumulate over time, and quantitative change becomes a big problem that you can't control. It is not difficult to find that many children beat or even kill their parents on the internet or around them, such as primary school students and junior high school students. Imagine that the children we have worked so hard to raise have become like this. Is it his own problem? No, it's because children have these problems. As parents, we didn't find them in time and didn't guide education in time, which led to problem children and injury later. I think parents will fall into self-blame and guilt for the harm caused by this improper education.
Then please give love to our children and don't ignore the health problems of their psychological growth!
Let me share with you my baby's literacy experience. When my baby was two and a half years old, I taught him to know simple Chinese characters, but what I taught was a little vague. After all, I am not a teacher, so I bought some cards and books with pictures online to let him know, but the effect is not obvious, time-consuming and laborious, and it is easy to be damaged.
Moreover, the baby wants to stuff everything into his mouth, and some small puzzles are afraid of the baby to eat. Later, he found an APP, handsome cat, which can read books. I really recommend it to everyone. There are many adventure stories in it, as well as turning Chinese characters into interesting animations and graphics. My baby especially likes to listen. He is very active at ordinary times, and listens to stories quietly while watching. Various game levels let the baby learn Chinese characters repeatedly, deepen his memory, and make me feel fun when I play with the baby. So I strongly recommend you to try it.
1. Neonatal period: sight, hearing, anger, taste and touch from birth to 28 days.
2. Breastfeeding:
3. infancy:
4. The desire for independence in childhood from 3 to 6-7 years old is called the first negative stage.
5. School age: 6-7 years old to 14- 15 years old, with 97% mature nerves and 15% reproductive system. The transition from game life to study life has a strong thirst for knowledge and destructive power, so it is necessary to protect their self-esteem.
In the scene of children losing their temper, the people riding elephants are very, very small, and the elephants are very, very big. Why is this? Because children's perceptual brain develops much slower than rational brain, they can't control their emotions (elephants) and naturally cry easily. At this time, these three steps of Dr. Wei can be easily done. 1. Describe emotions. 2. Think about emotions. 3. reflect on emotions. Describe emotions: children are too young to describe their emotions. Dr. Wei talked about a method. Through the movie Inside Out, the fear, anger, happiness, disgust and worry of five little people are told. "Is it angry?" Children can answer yes or no, which is much easier. Thinking about emotions: After describing emotions, you can start to help him think about emotions. "Why is there anger? Do you think your father is wrong about you, so you are angry? " Reflect on your emotions: If this happens next time, tell your father directly, will the problem be solved soon and you won't cry? Slowly guide him to do some reflection. To sum up, it is normal for children to be angry, because the rational brain has not developed well. After losing your temper, use these three steps to solve it. Every time you get angry, it's a good opportunity to practice deliberately. Come on, parents.
This kind of question should not be asked, but should be asked.