Introduction: Is college love an elective course or a compulsory course?
Learning to fall in love is a compulsory course in life, and falling in love is an elective course in college. Some students said: "Love is as simple as eating. Still need to learn? " . We say that everyone can eat, but it is impossible for everyone to eat nutritious food, conform to etiquette norms, and enjoy cultural and aesthetic interests. Psychologist Fromm said, "Willing to love is everyone's deep desire; But how to love requires learning. "
We all know that. The ultimate goal of education is to educate students, learn to be a good person, learn to care and learn to live happily. As the British philosopher Spencer said, "Education is to prepare for a better life!" . There can be no love in college, but we must pay proper attention to it, don't miss it, know how to cherish it, protect it with care, and learn to create it. We should establish a correct view of love and marriage, which is a blessing for our beautiful life! A happy life begins with learning to fall in love.
(1) What is love?
Love is a pair of men and women based on a certain material foundation and the same ideal of life, who sincerely admire each other and long for each other to become their lifelong partners.
Love is a noble emotion of human beings, which has a fundamental purpose, two attributes, three components and four basic characteristics.
First of all, sex, as a natural attribute, is the foundation of love. It is the foundation and motivation of love and the natural attribute of love;
However, all natural attributes of human beings are expressed through social attributes. Man is a socialized animal, and his natural instinct cannot exist without the influence of society. People's sexual motivation is biological and natural, while the establishment of sexual relations is social and moral. As a social attribute, love is a reflection of the nature of love. Because love is the preparatory stage of marriage, it not only needs sincere love between men and women, but also needs the deep and single-minded feelings of longing for each other to become their lifelong partners. At the same time, it should be closely linked with morality, law and obligation, and it will also give birth to new life and assume corresponding social responsibilities. Social attribute is the essential attribute of love.
True love should be a high combination and unity of natural attributes and social attributes.
Let's look at three common forms of love, and we will understand this essential attribute of love well. Love is a kind of life: the decision of love means the choice of life; Everyone is the "job" of his family. Choosing a spouse is actually choosing to live with another family. The problem of love means the problem of life; A successful love and marriage life consists of three parts: the first step is love between two people, the second step is love with both parents, and the third step is love with both social relations. So to marry a person is to marry his social relationship. The dilemma of love comes from the conflict of multiple values; We know that having the same ideals and goals is more important than having a good cooperative relationship. If you want to have a partner in your life, whether it is a spouse or a work partner. The first condition is that you must have the same ideal in the field of life you enjoy. If your partner and you have different values, different life directions and different desires, then you can't live in harmony.
Love as a faith: Roman? Roland said: Love is an eternal belief. As an experience, love is a very personal experience.
Yale university social psychologist Robert? Robert Jeffrey Sternberg's love triangle theory tells us that love consists of three parts: intimacy, passion and commitment. Commitment is sometimes called determination or commitment. He believes that if you don't have these three elements at the same time, you won't experience love. The first factor is intimacy. It's the feeling of being close, communicating with someone and combining with each other. Behaviorally speaking, intimacy means that you share secrets. You only share information with this person, not with others. The second factor is passion. The definition of passion varies from person to person, and passion is the driving force that leads us to romantic love. You can think of it as physical attraction or sex. Robert Jeffrey Sternberg thinks this is a necessary factor in a love relationship. The third factor is what he calls determination or commitment. Determination is that a person is in a love relationship, willing to label this relationship as love, and make a commitment to maintain this relationship, at least for a period of time. Robert Jeffrey Sternberg believes that if you don't call this feeling making love, if you don't have the desire to keep this relationship, then this feeling is not love. So, if you have these three factors: intimacy, passion and commitment, you will have love. Four characteristics of love: mutual love, single-mindedness, dedication and persistence. A fundamental purpose is to long for each other to become their lifelong partners. Being able to combine love and marriage is one of the important characteristics of students' psychological maturity in love.
(2) Preparation before falling in love
Love is coming, are you ready? What internal conditions should love have?
First, learn to love yourself. Love begins with loving yourself. Love is a process of self-growth, a process of knowing yourself first and then knowing each other. Mature love should be based on self-love. Only when your personality is fully mature, you know what kind of love you need and have the ability to give love, the established love is stable. Love yourself to achieve correct self-awareness. Love yourself and learn to respect your feelings. To love yourself, you must learn to say "no". Loving yourself also includes being responsible for your actions.
Second, learn to love others. Without the ability to love others, it is impossible to get true love Love relationship is a kind of interpersonal relationship. Only those who have the ability to love can truly establish close relationships with the opposite sex! The ability to love lies in the perfect personality. The process of love is the process of cultivating the ability of love. Respect the people you love. Help each other to actively develop themselves. * * * Create a better future together.
Third, there must be enough impact resistance. Another prerequisite for falling in love in college is that you have a clear goal in life. In this way, it is not easy to regard feelings as the whole of life, and we can better deal with emotional problems. Life with love is happy, but life with love is dangerous.
(3) Fall in love: Who is my cup of tea?
Why were you left behind in the era of leftover women? The misunderstanding of college students' mate selection includes: some blindly believe in fate and wait passively. Some people tend to be perfectionist! Some are complacent and have a low love index! Some love incompetence.
Traditional theories of mate selection include: door-to-door theory, perfect matching theory, patriarchal theory, parents' idol theory, similar matching theory, resource exchange or complementary demand theory, and mate selection gradient theory. In short: the higher the equality of resource conditions related to marriage, the better; The higher the marital characteristics, the better. Basically, the factors to be considered are personality, quality, health, ability, interest, talent, appearance, intelligence, education and housekeeping.
In choosing a spouse, in attitude. First, we must be careful, because: as the first step to realize marriage, choosing a spouse plays a key role in the success or failure of marriage; But also has a far-reaching impact on a person's future and career. Second, but don't be too picky because: choosing a spouse is just choosing "raw materials", and choosing a spouse is not the whole of a happy marriage. A happy marriage is not the result of choice, but the result of creation. In this sense, the process of choosing a spouse need not be too picky. As long as the basic conditions are met, we must have the courage to accept the mission of creation.
(D) In love: We should understand
Understand the psychological differences between men and women. Men and women are very different physically and psychologically, linguistically and emotionally. So we say that men are from Venus; In love marriage: 25% of men will fall in love with each other on the first date, but only 15% of women will fall in love with each other on the fourth date. So men are more likely to fall in love at first sight than women. Men are more likely to fall in love with women and fall in love with women earlier. Women's love is stubborn and deep. Men are more active in courtship, and men like "short frequency and fast speed". This woman likes running marathons. Women's alertness and self-esteem are generally stronger than men's. So we say: there is no need to be reasonable at home, just talk about feelings.
If you want to carry love to the end, you must practice your internal strength diligently. Pay attention to the cultivation of love ability. Love usually cultivates four abilities. The first is the ability to recognize love. What is love at first sight? Opposite sex friendship is not love? Secret love is not love. The second is the ability to meet love. When a person has love in his heart, he should dare to express it, be good at expressing it, and calmly express his love in an appropriate way after careful and rational analysis under certain objective conditions. Even if it may not be rewarded. Expressing love also means taking responsibility. What boys should pay attention to is: don't say anything before you are ripe. Don't be too explicit in expression, despise strategically, attach importance to tactically (normal mind), unite with the majority (don't underestimate girlfriends), and it is the best policy. Third, the ability to refuse love. When a love you don't want comes, it is very harmful to be depressed, indecisive or vague, or to give in to the pursuit of the other party. Love can't come reluctantly and will dare to sayno. What girls should pay attention to is that when others express their love to you, they can be timely and accurate. Judge the information of love and make a choice calmly. Remember: "You can refuse a person who loves you, but please don't hurt a heart that loves you!" " "Finally, we should have the ability to develop love. The purpose of love is to get married, and a happy marriage has three principles: it is common sense, but not inevitable, from love to marriage; Love does not necessarily lead to marriage, but marriage without love is dizzying! Love is the foundation of a happy marriage, but whether a marriage is really happy depends on the management of two people who love each other!
College love needs to wait. There are some misunderstandings about sex among college students: sex is my right and others have no right to interfere. Premarital sex is the guarantee of love. Trial marriage = guarantee of happiness after marriage. To establish a correct sexual psychology, we should do the following:
Master scientific sexual knowledge, identify with your own gender role, have a sense of responsibility for sexual behavior, actively adjust yourself, and conduct moderate heterosexual communication.
(5) Treat love setbacks correctly.
According to the survey, "at present, about half of college students who have experienced love at school feel the pain of lovelorn." Being lovelorn has added a lot of sadness and sorrow to them, which has brought great influence to their study and life. "Don't lose your soul if you are lovelorn, your virtue if you are lovelorn, your job if you are lovelorn, your ambition if you are lovelorn." Losing love is actually a natural thing. Lovelorn is just the result of a choice. Not being chosen by one person doesn't mean that you are a complete failure and useless. Everyone's psychological needs are different, and the focus in love relationship is also different. If it doesn't belong to you, breaking up itself is a kind of luck; Socrates told us: thank the person who abandoned you and bless her. Because she gave you loyalty and gave you a new chance to find happiness.
Our conclusion: love needs to blossom: 1, the correct attitude towards love, 2. Put the position of love right, 3. Establish the moral concept of love.
Love is an important aspect of our happiness, but it is not the whole life.
School of Marxism, Three Gorges University Shao