Happy families live in harmony, children grow up happily and everything goes smoothly.
Happy children are influenced not only by society and school, but also by family and parents.
Happy children don't commit crimes or commit suicide, because no happy child will commit crimes and commit suicide happily.
Parents' divorce is the most harmful to their children. The negative impact of this kind of injury may affect the child's life, and the biggest impact may cause the child to have melancholy trauma and lack of happiness.
It is difficult for a melancholy and pessimistic family to grow up happy and optimistic children. Creating a happy family is a great responsibility of parents. It is also a great condition for happy children to grow up.
A democratic family, family democracy, can grow up a happy child.
Parents and children of dictatorial and overbearing families suffer from humiliation and depression, and will not be happy. Children who grow up in this kind of family are timid, depressed, irritable and even cruel.
A father didn't know how to communicate with his children for a long time. When he was sitting in the clinic depressed, the psychologist found that he was isolated by his family.
The mother and two children sat comfortably together, while the father sat alone in another corner.
"Mr. Lin, how do you feel now?" The psychologist asked with concern.
"I ..." Father looked up to speak.
"In fact, he didn't sleep because he was busy with work recently. In fact, there is nothing wrong with him. I told the two children not to disturb him. " As soon as his wife spoke, Mr. Lin lowered his head again.
Psychologists have noticed Mrs. Lin's dominant position in the family. Next, when Mr. Lin asked her daughter, "What was the activity you mentioned last week?"
Dad Lin hasn't finished yet, and his daughter hasn't spoken yet. Lin's mother stepped in again. She said, "Don't worry so much about your daughter. You just need to focus on your work. "
At this time, the psychologist saw that the time was ripe. He turned to Lin's mother and said, "why don't you give your husband and children a chance to communicate directly?" What on earth are you worried about? "
Under the opportunity of family therapy, through the observation and guidance of psychologists, Mrs. Lin finally found herself forming a wonderful triangle relationship at home. In other words, the connection between her and her children is very strong, while the connection between herself and her husband and between her husband and her children is very weak.
It turns out that Mrs. Lin has always been afraid of "conflict" in interpersonal relationships, so she tried her best to solve the problem by interrupting, grabbing words and answering for her, but it also blocked the communication between dad and children.
So under the guidance of a psychologist, Mrs. Lin learned to be a listener. When her husband and children are talking, let them finish the conversation by themselves. When her husband wants to talk to her, let him speak first and then respond. The whole family finally has a chance to establish a new triangular relationship.
Another example is the contradictory family triangle.
One day, Susan accidentally fell and was lame.
In addition to seeking the treatment of surgeons, Susan's family also found a psychologist for family therapy.
During the consultation, psychologists found that there was a serious overlapping triangle relationship in this family, that is, Susan's mother Jenny was spoiled and controlled by Susan's grandmother Barbara, and Jenny also used the same model to restrain Susan.
What makes Susan even more unbearable is that her mother Jenny imitates her grandmother's way and tries to stop Susan from getting along with her father. But eight-year-old Susan is eager to establish her own harmonious triangle relationship. She doesn't want to reject grandpa like mom and grandma.
The little girl didn't understand the operation of her subconscious, but after a fall, the relationship at home was readjusted, and the relationship between her parents was better. Grandma rarely interfered with her mother's behavior, and the psychologist's uncle also told her, "After a while, your feet will be completely better soon."
Maybe we don't need to challenge the family relationship with Susan's subconscious "tricks", but how to look at what kind of triangle relationship we are in is very meaningful.
From your relationship with mom and dad, from your relationship with children, husband and wife, from your relationship with your supervisor and colleagues, I believe you will see interlocking, similar and familiar triangular relationships. As long as one set of triangular relationships is reorganized, other triangular relationships will have the opportunity to understand.
Parents all over the world love their children as if they were the apple of their eye, but they should pay more attention to the way of educating their children, so that they can cultivate good character.
Dr Kay jameson, the author of Manic Depression, mentioned her mental process of suffering from bipolar disorder, including family genetic factors and the way her parents raised her, which made her suffer enough.
It turned out that Dr. Jameson's parents came from a strictly conservative family of British Protestant descendants and asked their children to "solve all the problems by themselves", which made Dr. Jameson afraid to confide in his family when his boyfriend moved, transferred and left at the age of 15, and delayed treatment because he refused to seek medical treatment and medication.
Dr. jameson once said, "In the most important formative stage of my life, I lived in a world where everything was well-behaved. I learned to be considerate, cautious and considerate, and learned to exercise restraint. " It is such a standard upbringing that Dr. jameson lived in the expectation that "she should be fine" from an early age.
Generally speaking, children have the highest proportion of behavioral deviation because of their parents' bad emotions. When a toddler is found, every time his parents' language is fierce and the family atmosphere is not right, something will happen to the baby, either falling down or knocking things over, which will attract the attention and scolding of his parents, and the quarrel between them will also be suspended.
Similarly, if an adult child has been living in a family where his parents are constantly quarreling or feel unwelcome, he will cause more and more trouble. It is not until his parents learn the skills of getting along and fully accept their children that they are more likely to see a child who has changed his mind.
Harmony between parents directly affects children's growing mind, so I hope parents in every family can tolerate each other and let children feel a peaceful atmosphere. This is extremely important for their growth.
—— Quoted from Yanbian People's Publishing House "Colorful World Makes You Happier"