A common misunderstanding is that the satisfaction of basic needs is often understood to mean things, things, property, money, clothes, cars and so on. However, these things can't meet the basic needs after the physiological needs are met. These needs are: protection, security, belonging, such as friendship, affection, love, respect, recognition, dignity and self-esteem in a family, a group, a group and a team, which are all suitable for a person's talent and intelligence to get the most perfect development and self-realization freedom. These basic needs seem quite simple, and no matter where in the world, a few people can see their meaning. Because the lowest and most urgent needs are materials, such as food, shelter, clothing and so on. They tend to expand this point to the psychological motivation of materialism and forget that there are higher, non-material needs, which are also "basic" needs.
But we can't ignore that the same danger comes from the complete absence of frustration, pain or danger. A person must gain frustration tolerance in order to become a strong person. He must learn to understand that material reality is essentially neutral to people's wishes. He must know how to love others as he loves himself, and enjoy the pleasure that others need to satisfy as he enjoys his own needs (not just using others as a means). Children based on the satisfaction of safety, love and respect can get exercise from moderate setbacks and become stronger. If they are asked to bear more burdens than they can bear, so that they are overwhelmed, then we call them traumatic and think they are dangerous, not beneficial.
We understand the nature of the material world, animals and other people through them or their stubborn obstruction to us, so as to learn to distinguish between hope and reality (which things are promising to become reality and which things are being carried out in a way that completely ignores our hopes), so it is possible to survive in the world and adapt to life when necessary.
And we understand and expand our own strength and limitations, and try our best to overcome difficulties, meet challenges and sufferings, and face failure. There can be great enjoyment in a great struggle, which can replace fear. In addition, it is also the best way to obtain healthy self-esteem, which is not only based on the recognition of others, but also on the actual achievements and success, as well as the realistic self-confidence that comes with it.
Spoiling means that children don't rely on their own efforts, but parents get the satisfaction they need instead of their children. Spoiling will make children naive and hinder the development of their strength, will and self-persistence. In a form of doting, children can be taught to use others instead of respecting them. Another form of doting, lacking trust and respect for children's own strength and choices, is essentially a gift and contempt, which may prompt children to form an inferiority complex.
To achieve healthy growth and self-realization, it is necessary to realize that intelligence and organ systems strive to be active, to express themselves, and to be used and exercised; It must also be recognized that this kind of use is pleasant, while not using it will easily lead to pain. Strong people like to use their muscles. They really use muscles to "feel good" and gain a sense of self-harmony, success and freedom of movement (spontaneity), which is an extremely important aspect of healthy growth and mental health. The same is true of intelligence, as well as the uterus, eyes and ability to love. Ability is always shouting, and you won't shout until you use it well. In other words, you need intelligence. Using our intelligence is not only interesting, but also necessary for growth. Unused skills, intelligence and organs may become the center of disease, otherwise they will decline or disappear, thus weakening the whole body.
Psychologists assume that there are two kinds of worlds, two kinds of reality, the natural world and the spiritual world, a powerful factual world and a world of will, hope, fear and emotion, a world that operates according to non-spiritual laws and a world that operates according to spiritual laws. Except in special circumstances, this distinction is not very clear. There is no doubt that fantasy, dream and free association are legal, but they are completely different from logical laws. This assumption does not deny that the two worlds are related, or even that they can be integrated.
Although psychologists have always been inclined to admit that this hypothesis is an unsolvable philosophical problem, most of them still take it as the basis of their actions. Any therapist must imagine this, otherwise he can't go on. This is a typical example of psychologists avoiding philosophical difficulties and activities. It seems that a hypothesis is true, even if it has not been proved. For example, the common assumptions of "responsibility" and "willpower" are like this. One of the health problems is the ability to live in both worlds at the same time.
From the perspective of motivation, immaturity can be compared with maturity, and according to the degree of lack of needs, it can be regarded as a process to meet the lack of needs. Maturity or self-realization, from this perspective, means exceeding the lack of demand. Therefore, this mature state can be described as super-motivation or no motivation (if absence is the only motivation). Maturity can also be described as self-realization, existence, performance rather than acquisition. This state of being, rather than hope, is regarded as synonymous with self-nature, becoming "innocent", becoming a human being and becoming a perfect human nature. The process of growth is the formation of a person, which is obviously different from the existence of a person.
Mature and immature can also be distinguished by cognitive ability or perceptual ability. Immature cognition and mature cognition are well described by Wiener and Piaget. Now we can add another difference between missing cognition and existing cognition. Missing cognition can be defined as a kind of cognition organized from the perspective of basic needs or missing needs and their satisfaction and frustration.
In other words, the lack of cognition can be called egoistic cognition. In this kind of cognition, the world is compiled into the satisfaction group and the frustration group of our own needs, and other characteristics of the world are ignored or covered up. The cognition of an object, according to its true self and its own existence, does not involve the nature of its need to meet or frustrate, that is, it basically does not involve the value of the object to the observer or its role in him. Such object cognition can be called existential cognition (or self-transcendence, egoism, or objective cognition). Things that go hand in hand with maturity are not perfect (children can also recognize by forgetting themselves), but generally speaking, with the maturity of personality or personal identity (or the recognition of their own inner nature), it is easier and more frequent to recognize existence, which is mostly true (even if lack of cognition is the main tool necessary for all people, including mature people, to survive in the world, the above view is also true).
If we want to achieve a more realistic degree of perception, we must achieve a degree of fearlessness in the sense of perceiving the truth, immanence or inherent integrity of the object. Therefore, objective goals and any true description of reality are promoted or inhibited by mental health. From this perspective, neuropathy, psychosis and growth retardation are all cognitive problems that disturb perception, learning, memory, attention and thinking.
A better understanding of high and low love is a by-product of cognition. We can distinguish between missing love and existing love on the basis that missing cognition and existing cognition, missing motivation and existing motivation are roughly the same. People who have no perfect relationship with others, especially children, may be love that does not exist. The existing love, coupled with the Taoist trust attitude it contains, is particularly necessary for education. This is also true for our relationship with nature, that is, we may treat it according to the actual situation of nature. We might as well look at nature in this way, as if it exists only for our purposes.
It must be pointed out that there is a significant difference between inner world and interpersonal relationship. We have talked a lot about ourselves, but we haven't talked about the relationship between people and the relationship within the team, big or small. The attribution needs of general human beings I discussed include the needs of social life, interdependence, relatives, partnership and brotherhood. In Sinanon, Isaren (two mass academic organizations aimed at promoting mental health and improving interpersonal relationships) education, temperance associations, training groups and friends-making groups, as well as many smaller self-help groups through brothels, we are increasingly aware that we are social animals in the most basic aspect. Of course, in the end, the strong can surpass the group when necessary. However, it must be recognized that this kind of power is also developed on him by his group.
Although self-realization is easy in principle, it is unlikely to happen in practice. Therefore, many reasons have been put forward in discussions at various levels, including all well-known psychopathological factors. We have already mentioned a major cultural reason, that is, we are convinced that people's inner nature is evil or dangerous, and it is a biological determinant that it is difficult to reach a mature self, that is, we are convinced that human beings no longer have such a strong instinct that they can clearly tell them what to do, when, where and how to act.
There is a subtle but extremely important difference between the following two viewpoints: one holds that mental illness is an obstacle, avoidance or fear to self-realization and growth; The other is to treat mental illness in a medical way, thinking that it is like the invasion of tumors, poisons or bacteria from the outside. For our theoretical goal, the weakening of human (the loss of human potential and intelligence) is a more effective concept than "disease".
In addition to reward and pleasure, growth is often accompanied by a lot of inner pain. Every step forward is stepping into unfamiliar and possibly dangerous areas. Growth also means giving up something familiar, good and satisfactory. It often means fragmentation, even a little meaning of death before reincarnation, and the consequences are nostalgia, fear, loneliness and sadness. Growing up often means giving up a simpler, more relaxed and easier life and replacing it with a more needed, more responsible but more difficult life. Regardless of these losses, forward growth requires personal courage, will, choice and strength, as well as environmental protection, consent and encouragement, especially for children.
Therefore, growth or lack of growth is necessary to be regarded as a dialectical combination of two forces, namely, promoting growth and hindering growth (retrogression, fear, growth pain, ignorance, etc.). ) Both growth and lack of growth have disadvantages and advantages. The future is advancing, and the past is also lagging behind. Not only have courage, but also fear. The perfect road to healthy growth is, in principle, to increase all conditions conducive to forward growth and reduce all conditions that are not conducive to forward growth.
The tendency of internal balance, the tendency of "need to reduce" and Freud's defense mechanism are not growth tendencies, but usually the defensive posture of organisms to reduce pain. However, these tendencies are necessary, not pathological. These trends are usually more advantageous than growth trends.
All this implies a naturalistic value system, and this by-product shows the deepest tendency to describe human beings and individuals according to experience. By studying people through science or self-observation, we can find out what direction he is developing, what is the purpose of his life, what is good and bad for him, what will make him feel good and what will make him feel ashamed, why it is usually difficult for him to choose to do good, and what is the temptation of evil. Note that the word "should" is not necessary. Similarly, knowledge about people is only relative to people and has no "absolute" meaning.