"My children have been asking me some strange questions recently", "How to distinguish puppy love from normal heterosexual communication" and "When should children fall in love" ... In the parents' class of "adolescent sex education" in Xuanwu District, which just ended last weekend, parents expressed their confusion.
In fact, parents have been troubled by one problem or another during their children's growth and development.
I am troubled and eager to know this knowledge. But many people think that children don't know anything and it's too embarrassing to talk about sex with them. When the child has a problem, it's really too late. In this regard, Mr. Wen Fang, director of the Educational Psychology Research Association of Beijing Education Society, said that there are/kloc-0.40 million teenagers giving birth every year in the world, most of them are unintended pregnancies, and about 500,000 teenagers suffer from sexually transmitted diseases every year. Adolescents' reproductive health needs are seriously ignored by their parents.
analysis of existing circumstance
Parents' "sex blindness" is imminent
Around us, most parents are particularly sensitive about sex with their children. They say nothing to their children and are wary of them. But watching the child grow up slowly, I always feel that he is changing gradually, always worried that he is interacting with the opposite sex and wondering if he is puppy love; There are still many parents who don't even know about sex, let alone tell their children.
There are too many such parents in life. The teacher of the study said that because parents are still like this, children's sexual needs are largely ignored or even suppressed. In the eyes of parents, children are always children, and they always feel that "let's get to know them when he grows up", but parents don't realize that children won't understand them in their own way? Once his understanding is unscientific or even biased, parents will be aware of it if they get angry again.
Therefore, first of all, parents should open the knot in their hearts, remove psychological barriers, and popularize adolescent knowledge to parents through lectures in health classes. In professional terms, it is "sex desensitization" and "sex blindness" to parents.
Where am I from is a sexual need.
If parents' sexual desensitization is imminent, many people may think it is a bit alarmist. The child is still so young, what sexual needs can he have? But in the classroom, parents learned for the first time that children's sexual needs actually existed since childhood, but parents didn't realize it.
For a simple example, have you ever been asked by a child, "Where am I from?" How did you send him away? Many children get the answer "You were picked up by mom and dad". Parents don't realize that this is a child's sexual need, and of course they won't answer it seriously, but there are such children in life. Since childhood, the concept in their minds has always been "I was picked up", so that when the college entrance examination filled in the volunteers, the birth column was written "picked up", even to the point of paternity test.
It may sound ridiculous, but it is a kind of sexual consciousness that children have established since childhood. Teacher Wen said that children around the age of 5 began to have some initial sexual needs, questioning gender and origin, but the perfunctory parents may lead to his wrong sexual orientation. What this initial sexual demand needs most is family education. It is necessary for parents to give a correct concept, tell him whether he is a boy or a girl and why, so that children can form gender habits from an early age. Therefore, this kind of sexual knowledge training for parents is even more necessary.
Coping skills
Clever hints are encouragement.
Perhaps it is not difficult for parents to establish such a sexual concept for their children when they are young, because the children are too young and don't understand deeply, and parents are embarrassed. However, if the child's sexual needs are obliterated or perfunctory, then as the child grows up, there will be a gap with his parents on sexual issues, even if he wants to communicate.
In fact, the biggest problem for parents is that they don't know how to talk to their children, but in the health education class, the teacher gave parents some clever hints. For example, parents might as well put a related book on their children's bedside, or write a letter to their children and leave a note telling them, "When you grow up, if you encounter any physical or psychological problems or puzzles, mom and dad can help you solve them. Can we talk? " This hidden hint may not be immediate, but it will give the child a hint that parents care about his sexual needs, rather than deliberately concealing it.
In the eyes of children, parents are in a strong position and children are in a weak position. If parents hide and avoid blindly, the distance between them and their children will get farther and farther, and the children themselves will look for answers, but the information they find is likely to be unsystematic or even distorted. On the contrary, some small hints from parents give encouragement to children, and children will trust you and ask questions slowly.
Answer the child's question directly.
Although children's sexual needs need parents' attention and timely satisfaction, we should grasp the degree of this explanation. The teacher of the study room said that the current sex education class is mainly aimed at the parents of first-grade and first-grade children, which are two important stages of their growth and development. For children in Grade One, parents should let them know; For children in Grade One, parents need to let them deepen their understanding and reach cognition. In fact, people's sexual needs are a lifelong process, and the limitations of senior one and senior two are too great. It is even more necessary to popularize sexual knowledge among parents and solve problems for children in the family classroom in time.
In fact, it is not difficult to grasp the degree. The premise is that parents should answer their children's questions positively, don't digress and don't hide, which will only cause children's suspicion and distrust. The best way is to guide children's real life according to their needs when they ask questions and parents answer them. In this way, the child will respect you more, and your position in his heart will only improve.
Parent-child dialogue
Parents: From passive acceptance to active consultation
In the eyes of children, parents have always been above, and even parents feel that if there is no dignity, they can't stop children. How can they talk about sex with their children casually? Therefore, it is really unacceptable to give parents sex education classes like this. The reporter saw in the parents' classroom that although the teaching activities were contacted with the school in advance, the school issued a class certificate to each parent, which was a bit "compulsory" for parents to attend classes, but only one or two hundred parents came to attend classes at the scene, and many people still could not accept discussing sexual knowledge in public.
The reporter interviewed the parents of several senior one students at random. Almost everyone comes to class with their heads held high. To their surprise, after listening to the class for three hours, they began to ask questions enthusiastically around the teacher. Yu Xiansheng, who was persecuted by his son, told reporters that he paid little attention to his children's sexual needs and even deliberately avoided them. But after listening to the class, he felt that there were still many things he didn't understand and misunderstood. He also asked the teacher some questions like a child. Parents have said that they used to treat their children as children, but now they find that their children are not mature in sexual knowledge. Through such a class, they are deeply touched. Not only children, but also parents need such education to improve their consciousness and consciousness. When they come back, they will look for appropriate opportunities to communicate with their children and understand their needs according to the skills taught by their teachers in class.
Child: I want to talk to my parents.
When parents realize that they need to make up lessons, the happiest thing is their children. The reporter interviewed children of different ages such as junior high school, high school, vocational high school, technical school and private school. When talking about parents receiving sex education, the children showed incredible expressions. Many children say that they seldom communicate with their parents at home, let alone talk about sex. In fact, they are eager to know this knowledge, but in the eyes of their parents, they just can't learn it well, and the school only offers youth education classes occasionally, which is also very vague, so they often learn it in their own way, such as reading books, surfing the Internet or watching DVDs.
A girl surnamed Zheng who is studying in a vocational high school told reporters that she hopes to communicate with her parents and learn the correct sexual knowledge from them, but her parents always avoid talking about it. "Don't think that if they don't talk, we won't know, maybe more than they know. It would be great if parents could receive sex education and understand our feelings. " The children told reporters that if their parents can attend classes, they will be very willing to communicate with their parents and express their thoughts when they get home.
Reporter's note:
When talking about whether the whole society can pay attention to teenagers' sex education, the teacher of the study said helplessly that the current social force is still too weak, too many people can't accept it, and people's ideas and concepts need to be improved.
Now all districts are carrying out sex education for teenagers, but the seemingly hot sex education class actually hides a crisis. A lot of sex education is in a disorderly state, and it is very chaotic. Few parents and children come to attend classes.
The teacher of the study room said that sex education needs the cooperation of the government, health departments and schools, so that children can receive systematic sex education in schools. Parents regularly attend off-campus adolescent sex education classes, so that parents can understand their children's thoughts and needs and form an interactive educational network. Only in this way can adolescent sex education be effective.
In this way, it will take some time to fully popularize adolescent sex education in society.
Parents often encounter problems.
1. My child is often with boys and doesn't say anything when asked. She is mysterious. Did she fall in love early?
The communication between the opposite sex is actually to complete the psychological weaning period. After a child's sexual maturity, the first huge magnetic field discovered by hormone release is heterosexual parents, that is, Oedipus complex.
In order for children to grow up normally, they should be allowed to associate with the opposite sex. Children are exploring and need the guidance of their parents. Normal heterosexual communication will help children get psychological help from their peers and make them feel safe, so don't rush to veto it.
2. My child is almost 18 years old. Can I fall in love? When should I fall in love?
You can't decide whether your children will fall in love on a certain day in a certain year, or even when in the morning or afternoon. You can only let them practice how to communicate with the opposite sex correctly from now on, just like practicing Chinese and math correctly, to prepare for their children's future marriage and mate selection. Correctly guiding children's adolescent sexual behavior is related to their life. If the guidance is not good, it will leave children with psychological obstacles to communicate with the opposite sex.
3. What should I do if I find my child masturbating in the room?
It is generally believed that the emergence of nocturnal emission in boys and menarche in girls is a sign of a child's sexual maturity. From the beginning of a child's sexual maturity, parents should realize that the child has matured and pay special attention to his daily behavior.
In fact, masturbation is a normal phenomenon, but it cannot be advocated, because it is easy to cause infection, which is not conducive to children's physical and mental health. However, if this happens to a child, parents may wish to change the way, such as congratulating him on his adulthood and holding a simple adult ceremony to make the child feel that he has been respected by his parents and make him accept it easily under reasonable circumstances.
4. When the child just entered junior high school, she was always careless in contacting the opposite sex, and she didn't know whether to keep an eye on it and let her contact with the opposite sex less.
It is not to keep her away from the opposite sex, but to enhance her self-protection consciousness, which requires the correct guidance of her parents.
First of all, your behavior should be steady, don't be too casual in front of the opposite sex, and don't dress too exposed. Secondly, if the opposite sex makes excessive demands, say no decisively.