At this time, a mother sat next to me with her child in her arms. The child is sobbing, as if he had just had a butt injection. As soon as the mother sat down, she put the child on the stool and prepared to rummage through her bag for something. However, as soon as the child sat on the stool, he burst into tears. Maybe it's a pain in the ass. His mother looked for something with her head down.
The mother found something and took the child away directly, saying, "Don't cry! You are a boy, you can't cry. If you cry again, I will leave you alone! " Boys are also very good, from crying loudly to crying quietly.
How familiar I am when I look at this scene. My brother, cousin and cousin are all reprimanded in this way. But do boys really not cry? Being a boy must be very tired! It's a pity that society is like this. Boys should be strong and don't cry. Girls should be gentle. However, the idea that "boys should be what girls should be" is actually a gender bias.
0 1 The "gender prejudice" against children is influenced by gender stereotypes. Before the child is born, parents have already developed "gender bias". For example, girls should prepare pink clothes and cribs, while boys should prepare blue clothes and cribs. Such prejudice is always with children until they grow up and study. For example, boys should study science, girls should study liberal arts, boys should not be nurses, and girls should not be firefighters.
In fact, this is influenced by "gender stereotypes". Gender stereotype is people's inherent impression of male or female role characteristics, which shows people's expectations or views on gender roles; It is to oppose the characteristics of men and women and distinguish them with the so-called gender characteristics. For example, girls are weak and boys are brave; Girls are careful, boys are bold; Girls love cleanliness, boys are sloppy and so on.
Where does this stereotype come from? First, our parents or elders generally think that "boys are not allowed to cry", and they must have been educated by their fathers or male elders that "boys are not allowed to cry".
The second is the influence of society.
As early as 1905, Austrian neurologist sigmund freud believed that everyone was a mixture of traditional male and female characteristics.
But in the real society, most people's subjective experience will classify some activities (such as drinking afternoon tea and shopping). ) and emotional state (such as crying, coquetry, etc. ) is exclusive to women; Similarly, some characteristics and occupations are attributed to men (such as firefighters and armed police). For another example, the concept of "son preference" in China is also because under the small-scale peasant economy at that time, men can bring food to their families, and women's marriage is like "spilled water."
As a result, people have a gender stereotype that "boys should be like this and girls should be like that", and they will make a "gender bias" behavior, so that boys are not allowed to cry and girls are quiet.
Our "gender bias" has affected the healthy growth of children. Some parents may think that the simple requirement of "no crying" for boys will also have a bad influence on their children. This is to cultivate a boy's strong character! But shouldn't being strong be a necessary ability for people? Girls also need to be strong, so why do girls fall and cry? In fact, it is in this unconscious "gender bias" that we affect the healthy growth of children.
( 1)? Affect children's mental health and personality development.
Secular desires are human nature. But under the gender prejudice, boys are not allowed to cry, which is actually suppressing the negative emotions of boys, unable to express their negative emotions, causing psychological problems over time or changing from a lively and cheerful person to a taciturn and unsmiling person.
Whether on campus or at home, we will find that more and more boys become quiet, shy and not good at performance.
According to the statistics of the Cabinet Office of Japan, as of 2006, the number of "hidden youth" aged 15 to 38 reached 54 10000, and more than 80% of these marginalized people became men. South Korea, Hongkong, Taiwan Province Province and other East Asian regions have also seen the same trend. This phenomenon can not be separated from the influence of gender prejudice such as "men should not cry lightly" in Asia-Pacific culture, and also from the influence of family's high demands on them since childhood.
In contrast, those meticulous and gentle boys, or brave and independent girls, have more obvious advantages in society. Most of them can get all-round development in intelligence, physical strength and personality, and can better adapt to the environment.
(2)? Affect the development of children's cognitive ability
In most of our impressions, boys are better than girls in sports and spatial cognition. In the above-mentioned BBC "Gender Difference" experiment, volunteers will choose toy cars, build toys and other toys about spatial cognition for "boys". In fact, it is the acquired gender bias that leads to the obvious difference between boys and girls.
According to scientific research, if children are given more space to recognize toys, their brains will undergo physiological changes in just three months.
In infancy, brain development and cognitive development are greatly influenced by external environmental stimuli. If at this stage, there is no gender difference in children's choice of toys and the way of playing is not limited by gender, such children can develop all their abilities in an all-round way.
(3)? Affect children's identity and the distribution of responsibilities in work and life.
When many people choose employment, they will hear such a sentence: "Girls are better as teachers". This may be because girls need to be pregnant, give birth and take care of their families from the beginning, but it is also an identity of "men are the masters outside, and women are the masters inside", which has even helped boys and girls divide their responsibilities in their future work and life.
However, in today's era, happy families, whether men or women, are all made by Qixin for the sake of the family's Qi Xin. If they are not men, they have to cook. If men don't need to educate their children, they just need women to educate their children. It is their parents who educate their children together, and their children's character and personality development are more comprehensive. If parents cook together, the family will be warmer and bring love to the children.
On the other hand, it doesn't matter if parents think that boys are casual and can't cook and wash clothes, but girls can't. There must be many contradictions when boys and girls grow up like this to form a family.
Let go of "gender prejudice" and respect children's independence. There is a saying that men and women go first. Therefore, in the process of educating children, the most important thing is to respect children as an independent individual, rather than always being bound by gender to educate. So how can we let go of "gender prejudice" and bring better education to children?
First, we should realize that gender education is not equal to suppressing nature.
Of course, it is necessary to help children establish a correct gender awareness, but just telling children the simple physiological differences between men and women and what children need to pay attention to is enough to establish a correct gender awareness. We don't need to instill in children the stereotype that "boys should be like girls" in society, or treat children differently by gender and suppress their hobbies, otherwise they will put their growth in a mold and suppress their nature.
For example, Nigel Chia of Malaysia is a child who successfully grew up without "gender bias". When he was a child, everyone thought that he didn't like boys' toys, but he liked playing with Barbie dolls. His mother didn't stop there, but also encouraged her son to make clothes for the doll with his own tailoring skills. Today, Nigel Chia has become a fashion designer, designing clothes for dolls and real people at the same time, and turning his childhood hobby into a career.
Second, give children more choices.
Whether men or women in the traditional sense, as long as children really like it, they can encourage and support it. Boys can like dolls and play house, and girls can also like cars and Altman. Boys can learn dance and girls can learn martial arts ... In short, children should be given more opportunities to explore and discover more possibilities in them.
Third, don't judge children by gender standards.
When a boy is timid, we can't say that he is "too timid to be a man", but we should encourage him and give him psychological support. And when a girl is naughty, we can't say that she is "so naughty, not like a girl at all", but we should set rules and order for her. Praise is the same, in short, remember not to talk about gender in education.
Fourth, downplay gender stereotypes in life.
For example, in the role-playing game, girls can play policemen and boys can play nurses. For example, in life, parents should also educate boys to cook, wash clothes, pack things and have love, instead of fighting violence with violence.
Fathers can also have more intimate contact with boys and have more expressions with boys. For example, in the cartoon "Big Head Son and Little Head Dad", children are taught to cook, and little head dad will hold big head son more. Similarly, we should educate girls to be strong, not weak, to know how to protect themselves, to learn to be independent and so on. In addition, parents should be treated equally, so that children can understand what gender equality is like and how men and women should get along.
Zhou once said, "The best boys and girls are hermaphroditic and often combine the advantages of both sexes. If a boy is just soft, you will think he is stiff, while a girl is just soft, you will think she is weak. "
It can be seen that it is very important for our parents to let go of "gender prejudice" for the growth of their children. After all, whether a child is excellent or not is not determined by gender, but by his strengths, habits, thinking and so on. We should "teach students in accordance with their aptitude", not "teach students in accordance with their aptitude".