1. The first step to reduce the negative impact of family of origin is to admit that our childhood misfortune happened, that family of origin has its own limitations, and that we hate, love, anger, shame, pain and frustration towards family of origin.
People can't deceive themselves all their lives. Facing up to the past and listening to their inner voices can help us return to the present and look forward to the future.
2. Learn to support yourself. Since being born in a family is unable to raise us, we should take care of ourselves, comfort ourselves and get along with ourselves in the way we want our parents to treat us.
Allow yourself to lament the happy childhood that you deserve but never get, learn to be kind to yourself in trivial matters of life, be patient, and often say something positive and encouraging to yourself.
You know, it is a long and ups and downs process to reduce the negative impact of family background. Applaud every progress you make and forgive your occasional mistakes.
3. Reduce family of origin's influence by remolding attachment. In a cold and violent family, as children, we can't establish a stable and safe attachment relationship with caregivers.
As adults, we rebuild our attachment by developing love, friendship or professional relationship with psychological counselors.
4. Redefine your family background. Some people rebuild their families by having a very close circle of friends, getting married or having children.
Some people control the physical distance from their parents by leaving home to study, emigrate and work, so as to control the psychological distance from their original families. Some people get the opportunity of spiritual independence from their families by gaining economic independence.
Allow yourself to mourn the lost childhood laughter, feel sorry for yourself who has been hurt in the past, and feel angry for the people or actions that have hurt you. It is a necessary process on the road to wound healing. Life is still a long way off, and you never know what will happen in the next second. Don't remonstrate with the past, but you can still pursue the future.