How to establish a good attachment relationship between mother and child

There is a book in Sun Ruixue which says that to give children love and freedom, a good parent-child relationship is love and freedom. Love is deep understanding and acceptance, unconditional acceptance of children, understanding of children, and trust in children. Freedom means parents and children should be independent. Don't use the will of adults to shape children, and don't be too attached to children. Love can bring us closer to our children, while freedom can keep us at a certain distance from our children, each with its own space, so that children can grow up independently. Good parent-child relationship means mutual respect, mutual understanding, mutual help, mutual trust and common growth. As a result of the present China, a family can only have one child, and children often occupy the main position in the family, and children bear too much love and expectations from their parents and elders. Many parents, for the sake of their children, can sacrifice themselves, give up a lot, give up their own development, give up their own space, and give up the communication between husband and wife ... In fact, a good parent-child relationship is based on a good marriage relationship, not that divorced families do not have a good parent-child relationship, but that the most important relationship in a family is the relationship between husband and wife, and then the parent-child relationship. Good parental relationship can cultivate mentally healthy children. A healthy family relationship means that parents bring up their children together, bring them to a wider world, and let them be independent, so as to enjoy the fun of their growth, instead of tying their children's world tightly to their own lives. If the parent-child relationship is put first in the family, parents' love for their children will be biased, various problems will arise in the process of educating their children, and misunderstandings about love will arise. These problems will even last until the children have their own families, and the parent-child relationship is incorrect, which will turn into a bad mother-in-law problem and a bad father-in-law relationship, which will lead to an incorrect parent-child model for the next generation and continue from generation to generation. Shanshan's grandmother also has a son, and she has devoted more love and affection to this son. In her heart, this son is the most important. She will tell her son about her troubles, hardships and all kinds of disappointments. For a child, they often blame their parents' misfortune on themselves, and they will try to do something beyond their ability to make up for their inner debt. Therefore, when my son was four years old, cooking for his mother on the bench was not out of filial piety, but inner insecurity. He hopes to please his mother and make her happy, thus diluting her sadness. (/kloc-a 0/3-year-old girl committed suicide to donate her liver to save her father, which is similar to this psychological situation). In his son's heart, he knows that he is the most important person in his mother's heart. To this end, in return, he will put his mother first. At his wedding, watching his mother, he suddenly began to cry, scaring the guests and the bride. At that time, he must be very guilty in his heart, and he cut off all the love he should have given his mother. In his subconscious, he thought it was a betrayal. After the marriage, the son flatly denied the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. He said that this kind of problem would never happen in our family. In our family, mother-in-law is always the first. But the mother-in-law is still lost, so she often cries at her son, because this will arouse the original sympathy, guilt and intimacy between mother and son. My son, like a child, expressed strong guilt about his mother's pain. He thought that the daughter-in-law must be broken, which made her angry and made her so miserable. The relationship between husband and wife has deteriorated. The birth of a child once again changed the pattern of this family. My son likes children, and his love is separated again. Therefore, the mother-in-law warned her son that it is useless for a man to be so affectionate, and you should focus on your career ... If anyone gives all his love to another person and places his future and hopes on this person, he will inevitably place high expectations on this person, and he hopes this person. High expectations will inevitably lead to high stress, and everyone has a different understanding of returns. In the end, this kind of love will become a lose-lose love. This law also applies to parent-child relationship, so the first prerequisite for establishing a good parent-child relationship is that parents should be independent. Parents do not need to give up everything for their children. Parents need to have their own room for growth, space for husband and wife to get along normally, space for career growth and space for relieving stress. Only by growing up can we be less attached to children, adapt to growing children and win their long-term love. Love takes the growth of children as its primary task, and constantly adjusts its role as a parent according to the development and changes of children, from unconditional love to letting children explore the world by themselves, and finally cultivates children to become people with independent consciousness and personality. However, education often deviates from the square inch, and parents all over the world will think that they provide their children with the best love. American psychologist Parker said: love is not just giving, giving and not giving are reasonable; It is reasonable praise and reasonable criticism; It is a reasonable dispute, opposition, encouragement, urging and comfort. Rationality, not only by intuition, must be thought and judged, and sometimes unpleasant trade-offs must be made. There are not many parents in China who can really do this. Most parents have a strong love or unprincipled indulgence for their children.