Throughout the meal, my mother has been persuading Bao Xiao: "If you don't eat, your baby will be malnourished and your growth will not be high. Will you eat well? "
But in the end, the whole family finished eating, and Bao Xiao didn't eat a bite.
At this time, grandma couldn't help it, coaxing Bao Xiao and saying, "Will grandma buy you toys after dinner?" This move is particularly effective. Bao Xiao's eyes lit up and he picked up his rice bowl and began to eat.
"There are so many things to eat. Don't eat, don't eat. Don't spoil him! " The father on the side couldn't help but grab the bowl from the child.
Bao Xiao was frightened by his father's behavior and began to cry with a whoop of wow.
Are you familiar with this scene? Many families have encountered similar parenting problems such as children not eating.
Faced with the same problem, family members have different attitudes and fall into the pit of "opinions"
The literal meaning of the law of watches is:
This law comes from a fable:
Having multiple watches makes Meng feel at a loss. This is the famous "watch law". Its extended meaning is:
Take eating as an example. Parents' parenting attitudes are inconsistent, and children's behaviors are often inconsistent. They eat well when dad is here today, and they will be naughty when mom is here tomorrow.
There are many cases where parents have different attitudes like this.
Mom thinks that children can't fight and scold, and dad thinks that children can't become talents without fighting; Mom thinks it is necessary to let her children go to cram school, and Dad thinks it is a complete waste of money. Dad wants children to live in a fairy tale world, and mom wants children to face reality from an early age. ...
The same thing, facing two different attitudes of parents, what impact will it have on children?
0 1 is easy to form "two-faced"
Children's social cognitive ability is very strong. They can read the expressions, tempers and attitudes of adults.
When parents have different attitudes, children are likely to behave differently in front of different people in order to adapt to the environment. When a mother is spoiled, she dares to do anything, and when her father is strict, she becomes particularly honest, so the child is likely to become a "two-faced person."
This situation appeared in the once hit drama "Tiger Mom and Cat Dad". Tiger mother is strict with her children, and cat father only wants his children to be happy. When the mother is strict, the father fools or even deceives the mother with the children, which leads to many problems in family education.
02 hinder the formation of right and wrong view
When children are young, there is no concept of right and wrong. Parents' words and deeds are an important way to help children establish a correct view of right and wrong.
When parents have different attitudes, children can't tell right from wrong, as if parents have their own reasons, which will make children feel at a loss and hinder them from forming a correct view of right and wrong.
In the movie "Nezha, Nezha Jr", my mother spoiled my father's strictness when I was young, my parents loved him, and the villagers hated him. Because of this, Nezha Jr. didn't distinguish right from wrong at first, and made a lot of troubles in the village, which brought great trouble to the villagers. Fortunately, in the end, it was his parents' love that influenced him, which made him really distinguish right from wrong and understood that his destiny was in his own hands, and finally saved the lives of the city people.
03 affect mental health
About two-thirds of children's life is spent at home, and family environment is extremely important for children's mental health development.
When parents have different attitudes, quarrels often occur, which will easily make the whole family tense, make children feel insecure and even afraid, which is not conducive to the healthy development of children's psychology.
Just like the little Cece in the TV series "Tiger Mom and Cat Dad", she suffers from depression because her parents often quarrel. Later, the mother apologized to the child and told the child that the mother would never quarrel with her father again and the family would never be separated again. The child is getting better and better.
Therefore, the loving mother in ancient strict father and the modern tiger mother and cat father are unscientific ways of education.
In family education, parents' attitudes should be unified and form a joint force, otherwise it will only bring confusion like two watches with different time.
On the issue of educating children, parents will have different views more or less. How to avoid the problem of inconsistent parenting attitudes? Let's write down the problems to be solved on paper and let the whole family discuss the solutions together.
The golden rule of disciplining children, the method of holding a family meeting once a week mentioned in the book "Positive Discipline", can help solve the problem well.
You can use this process to have a family meeting:
0 1 Record questions: Write the questions with different opinions on the agenda of the meeting.
Prepare a piece of paper to record the agenda of the meeting at home and put it in a conspicuous place, such as sticking the paper on the refrigerator with a magnet, so that all family members can record the problems to be solved this week. As for the problem that children don't eat, it can be recorded as follows: What if Bao Xiao doesn't eat while eating?
Before the meeting, all family members can take notes. If there are too many problems, they can be solved in several meetings in chronological order.
After the meeting, you can keep this paper in the family meeting book, which is also a memory of your family.
Moderator: Call a meeting to make sure everyone has a speech.
Before the meeting begins, set up an activity host, who is responsible for convening the meeting, supervising everyone to speak one by one, and recording the important contents discussed at the meeting and the final solution.
The work of the host is borne by each family member in turn. At the same time, the host can also assign some work such as recording the contents of the meeting to other family members to complete.
Thanks one by one: The meeting begins with everyone thanking each family member.
If family members often disagree, it may be difficult to thank them. At this time, we need to discuss together what we can be grateful for. If parents usually see something good, they should also remind themselves and their children to keep it in mind.
The host should first take the lead in thanking each family member, and then invite the rest of the family members to express their gratitude to others. This process is conducive to maintaining a good family atmosphere, making everyone more friendly and alleviating the contradictions between family members before.
04 problem solving: form a solution that all family members agree with.
After thanking, all family members can discuss the issues on the agenda of the meeting together. In view of the problem that children don't eat, parents may say that it is unreasonable to set up rules for loyalty cards at home and deduct loyalty cards if they don't eat. ...
During the meeting, the moderator should ensure that everyone has expressed their views or made suggestions on the same issue. The most important point is that the solution reached at the family meeting must be agreed by all family members before it can take effect.
Regarding the problem of not eating, a child once put forward such a plan: before eating, mom and dad can ring the bell. If they can't ring it three times, they won't buy snacks for a week. Later, my parents agreed to the plan. After the implementation, the children had a good meal for nearly a month.
05 family activities: end the meeting with family activities that everyone likes.
Family activities can be the whole family playing games, eating snacks, doing handicrafts, reading books and so on. It is an important content in family meetings and cannot be ignored. If you don't know what family activities are, you can spend time planning and implementing them together.
Doing an interesting thing together by the whole family can enhance the emotional connection between family members, and also make people look forward to family meetings and special time with their families.
Holding family meetings can not only strengthen the cooperation and intimate relationship between family members, but also strengthen family values. Unified values can effectively prevent children from becoming "two-faced", help children form a correct view of right and wrong, and their psychology will be healthier.
In addition, family meetings can effectively reduce quarrels caused by inconsistent parenting styles, enabling parents to:
Raising children is never the responsibility of parents, but everyone's responsibility 100%. Only when parents' standards are unified can children understand right and wrong and make the atmosphere of the whole family more relaxed and happy.
Of course, the standards set through family meetings are not immutable. There is no absolutely correct standard, only the standard suitable for your family. It is likely that the solution will be effective at first, but it will not be effective after a week.
Does this mean that family meetings are invalid? Of course not. Take the matter of children eating as an example. In the past, children may be urged to eat every day. Now, they just need to ring the bell for a whole week, and the effect is actually obvious.
What if the child still can't eat well after that week? Continue to have family meetings, and continue to work together to find a solution. There is often no once-and-for-all way to educate children, and parents need constant efforts.
Educating children needs a unified standard, and so does our life. Many troubles in life actually come from too many standards, that is, having many different "watches" makes things complicated and confusing. At this time, try to reduce the number of "watches" in your hand, so that the situation will become simpler and simpler, and life will become simpler and happier.