Life, such a fragile, but tough and strong term. I have been flashing in my mind, I have had short-sighted ideas, and I have also had a five-year plan to return to heaven. However, all this has not been realized. It is not that I am not decisive enough, nor that time has diluted everything, but that life no longer belongs to me, and I no longer have the power to dominate it. I don't know who my life belongs to, my parents or my wife and children. I think these are not, they should belong to a kind of responsibility, a kind of responsibility as a son, father and husband.
Life is fragile. Because no one can predict how far it will go, maybe a day, maybe a year, maybe a hundred years. I was born in a poor village. Poverty is the driving force of life, but it is also an absolute obstacle to life. Poor and ignorant villages, for the so-called incense, can let a newly born life return to the world and take a look at this dazzling world. Poverty is not only an obstacle to young life, but also a serious blow to those who are burning with youthful passion. When I was a sophomore, I witnessed Fang's sister in Lincun. Because she is the eldest of many brothers and sisters, the night she got the notice from a university not only did not bring her joy, but became the end of her life. No one can feel her inner pain and struggle, but I can feel the torture of poverty on a longing heart. July is black and belongs to every poor young man who yearns for his dream. I'm afraid I can't stand this torture. It is not impossible to escape from the battlefield in July without crossing the wooden bridge.
The first time I was brought into a star-rated hotel for dinner by a fellow villager of an official in a southern city, I looked at the dazzling array of dishes and tears swirled in my heart. Who can understand, maybe an ordinary meal can save that young life, but that is the sorrow of poverty, and the city has only the elegance of the city. Who cares about a young man who is eager for knowledge and is stopped by poverty? To this end, I made a five-year plan for myself. I plan to pay off the tens of thousands of yuan debt owed by my parents within five years, and then I will go with the wind. From then on, I don't have to bear heavy psychological blows again and again, but all this failed to make me wish. It is responsibility that keeps me in the line of life and death.
Life is tenacious. Because it has not only pursuit and yearning, but also its own responsibility, I can end my life, but it is unfair to innocent parents, wives and children. I can't let them suffer unnecessary pain and sorrow because of my departure. This is why my plan failed five years later.
No one believes that I was born into this world and was destined to bear sadness and pain. My parents can't remember my date of birth, which is nothing, and my marriage is a marriage without days, which is hardly a memorable day in my life. I don't know which celebrity once said that marriage is the grave of love. I can only say I am sorry. My marriage is the beginning of love. Life, so hard, has something to do with my sudden marriage. If it weren't for marriage, maybe I wouldn't exist in this world long ago.
It was several years before I came to work in the south. In order to pay off my debts and not lose my dream, I applied to Hanfu University in the city and bought many literary books and periodicals, including Ba Jin's < Spring > < Autumn >. A local girl named Tingting likes literature very much and often comes to borrow books from me. Because I am poor, I have never noticed this rich girl, and I can't find any shadow of her in my mind. On the night of the Lantern Festival that year, many people went to the city to watch fireworks, but she came to borrow books again and returned the books she borrowed last time. When she left home, she suddenly turned to me and asked, "Can you bring me a bucket of hot water?" I put down the textbook I was reading and left. She is a local girl with a suite in her dormitory, unlike our migrant workers. When I brought the water to the bathroom of her dormitory, I was presented with her naked body. I was shocked, only to feel a stream of blood rushing to my forehead. I became a hungry tiger, more like a rogue. After everything was settled, I ran back to the dormitory like a thief. The first time did not bring me joy, but gave me nightmares. I often bring my own cold handcuffs, wake up in the dark and break into a cold sweat. I dare not touch her eyes again, avoid her all day, and have no mood to read, and suffer from nightmares like a madman. Life and death have once again become the theme that depresses me.
I'm drunk. It was by the river with dense bamboo forests. She saved me, the girl named Tingting. This bamboo forest belongs to their family. She is digging bamboo shoots. She asked the workmates to send me back to the dormitory. I didn't know that she saved me until I woke up, and then I knew. The night after I woke up, I saw the book she returned and found a note in it: "I'm sorry forever." Maybe it's my fault. I only did it because I love you. Although you may not love me, you don't love me. I don't need you to take any responsibility, that's my will. Will you cheer up? I'm sorry about that, too. I know my parents can't agree to our marriage, let alone let me marry in the poor north, but I love you, maybe I am wrong, please don't do this, okay? You still have many pursuits and dreams. . . . . "After seeing that note, tears flooded my heart again. Faced with such a pure girl, can I leave like this?
A few days later, I invited her to the former bamboo forest and asked her, "Will you marry me? I have nothing but poverty. What I can give you is my life. I'll give it to you if you like. This is the only promise I can make. " She said, "Yong, you don't necessarily love me. It's unfair to you. I love you, but I don't know how to marry you My parents won't agree. If you think about it, you will regret it. " I said that as long as you are willing, no matter how many difficulties and obstacles, I will recognize the ends of the earth. We eloped when people worked hard for it. When tears kept flowing, I really staged a legend that you are the wind and I am the sand on the ground. When we rushed back to our hometown, my grandmother died the day before we got home. I couldn't wear a wedding dress, which became her lifelong regret, and I will always suffer. The marriage certificate was also reissued several years later.
If everything goes on like this, I have nothing to say, but God has not given me even a little pity because of my simplicity and sincerity. Our marriage was finally approved by her parents, and my company had great technical defects because of my resignation, and sent me several urgent telegrams to get back. We soon returned to the south, and the company assigned me a single room. However, worse things seem to have been waiting for me there for a long time, and soon our daughter was born, which I didn't expect. The moment my daughter was born, it was like a sword inserted into my heart. She is a disabled child, with big bright eyes staring at me, and that smile without lips makes me feel very dizzy. I fell down, in that white tunnel, thinking that I would never wake up at that moment and face so many disasters again. However, I woke up. When I woke up, I vaguely heard two nurses saying, "It seems that there will soon be another abandoned baby and another young life will die. . . . "Life is another life, a life that will be lost in my hands. I can't help myself. I suddenly pulled out the infusion needle, rushed to the two nurses and raised my thick slap. Two slaps hit me in the face, and at the same time I rushed into the night and disappeared into the boundless darkness. ...
Life has choked me again and again. I can choose to die, but what about my daughter? I gave my daughter a life, but I gave her a broken life. I became an unforgivable sinner in her life and the father she hated most in her life. Tingting's mother didn't agree with our marriage, took a look at her daughter, slapped me in the face, and then turned away. Daughter's cleft lip cannot eat human milk. She can only eat milk powder, not much at a time. She has to feed it many times, and I have to take care of my wife at work. At the end of the day, I can only rest for a few hours. In order to operate on my daughter as soon as possible, I had to use my spare time to make money, start setting up stalls, selling fruits and being a tutor. Finally, I simply arrested the poisonous snake and sold it. Every night comes, I struggle on the edge of life and death. Who can believe that I haven't touched my salary for years? All my salary signatures are signed by my wife, and every penny I earn is in her hand. Even my wife bought me clothes. Because I'm afraid, afraid to see every mocking look. In a few years, I changed from a young man full of pursuits and dreams to an out-and-out money-making tool. My daughter had three operations before she was three years old. Although I can't see anything from the surface now, I don't know when the scar in my heart will heal.
Life is tenacious. I have come back from the brink of death many times, because I have no right to choose death. My daughter is still waiting for me to continue the operation, and my wife is still waiting for my love. For so many years, I didn't buy her a decent thing, no necklace, no diamond ring, only a real life. The most hateful thing is that I can't let her wear a wedding dress When we get married, I must let her wear my wedding dress, so as to solve my eternal heartache.
My wife and I really have feelings, which started after my daughter was three years old. Three years ago, when we went back, my wife's savings helped my parents pay off their debts. After we returned to the south, we became poor again. At that time, we just had another daughter, which my wife didn't expect. All of a sudden, all the frustration and resentment poured on me, and I silently suffered all her nameless fires. She divorced and called me poor. But all this, I can only regard the stars as the moon, the moon as the sun, and race against the time of life. I ruined my youth and my body. As long as she wants something, I will give it to her unconditionally, because I owe her so much. Three years later, when my daughter couldn't see anything, my hand was crushed by the machine and I was hospitalized for several months. During the months in hospital, I realized my wife's concern for me for the first time. I knelt down for the first time and often talked. The wife said, you have satisfied me with everything, but as a woman, you are vain and romantic. I just want your three words. My daughter is three years old. When do you want me to wait? I said, love and not love are not sins. I can't take love as an excuse, nor can I take love as a breakthrough. True love is a process, a process of life, and the whole process of one life paying for another. If three words can save me from all disasters, why should I keep them in my heart? To fall in love with you, I must first make my actions responsible for you. If I fall in love with you, I have to be responsible for your life. How can three words represent the duty of love? My wife cried and wet my lips with tears.
I don't know how long my life can last, and I have been afraid to tell my wife. Since cancer can't be attacked by drugs, I will save more for my wife at the last moment of my life so that she won't get into trouble after I leave.
I also extracted this. Please look carefully. I can still learn most of it. Typing is really tiring