I often meet people who get sick because of the contradiction between husband and wife and compete with each other in the process of giving lectures and adjusting diseases. There is a lady who often goes out by car with her husband. Her husband drives and scolds others when he sees that they are not pleasing to the eye. Every day. My wife is very angry and thinks you are cursing others. They've already left. I sit next to you. I listen to you every day. You didn't scold me. Often two people go out happily and come back angrily. After a long time, I got sick. When she consulted, she asked me how to deal with this kind of thing. I asked her, "Do you remember everything your husband scolded?" She said, "Of course, I can recite it." I said, "Next time you go out, don't wait for him to say it. Speak for him first and see his reaction. He will definitely change. Understand him first, and then adjust your mind that you think you are right. In fact, you think it's good for him. He thinks you are against him. You follow him and say what he wants to say first, so he can't scold again. " The second time, when she came to consult again, she said, "Miss Wang, what you said is really clever. He was about to open his mouth to scold. I beat him to what he had to say. He opened his mouth for a long time without saying a word. " I'm really happy. If I could do this at the beginning, I wouldn't be angry and sick every day. "
There is also a female patient. Her husband goes out to play cards after dinner every day and tries his best to take out the family money to play. Life at home is getting worse and worse. In order to stop her husband from playing cards, she thought of many ways and ignored them. She has been angry with her husband for many years. Instead of taking care of her husband, she fell ill. She asked me what to do. I said, "first of all, can you put your heart down completely?" You should be able to face it calmly and then make psychological adjustment. His playing cards are half his needs and half yours. You didn't like or understand the players before. Your extreme psychology will naturally balance your lust for playing cards with your husband. What he has done is actually treating you and curing your extreme psychology towards people who love playing cards. You didn't understand, but you competed with him. As a result, instead of changing his illness, you are sick all over yourself. The development of a thing always goes from low point to high point, and from high point to low point, and so on. As soon as your husband goes to play cards, you stop him, so that his energy will never reach a high point and he always wants to go out to play. Can you help him as soon as possible? " I gave him a trick, and she didn't fully understand it at that time. She took out part of her family's money and gave it to her husband, saying that you should take it to play cards. Over the years, in order to save money for our family, I also want to open it and use the remaining money to travel. A week later, when she came home, she was surprised to find that her husband had cooked a table of dishes and was waiting for her to come back for dinner, which her husband had never done in recent years. After dinner, her husband didn't go to play cards. She asked her husband why he didn't go out to play. Her husband said that after you left, no one took care of me. I wanted to have fun, but I don't know why I was upset when I was playing. She thought she was going to get divorced when she came back. As a result, not only did she not get divorced, but her husband never played cards again.
What do you think the other person's behavior makes you unacceptable? First, you should find your own repugnant point of view and put it down. He (she) may do this just to point out your extremes, which is your need for balance. The other party shows his own logic and outlook on life, and the other party's life also needs you to balance and restrict. It is common for both husband and wife to have conflicts, but they need mutual understanding, constant running-in, running-in and friction are two different things Some couples have been arguing all their lives, and both of them have signals. It is generally believed that a family should be lived by two people working together in Qi Xin, but the fact is that it is difficult for such a family to maintain a balance. It is normal for a family to live alone and mix together alone. Such a family is a balanced family.
Both husband and wife are particularly concerned about each other, and if neither can let go of the other, there will be competition. But if the other person doesn't care about you, you can be calm, which is positive for your family. Husband has everything, so does daughter-in-law. Some men are very concerned about their wives, and ask questions about big and small issues, which will also cause their wives' resentment and think that they have no personal freedom. But some husbands don't care about anything at home and don't ask their wives anything. Daughters-in-law will think that their husbands don't care about themselves too much. Therefore, it is necessary to practice that the other party does not worry about how to ask, and it doesn't matter how not to ask. At this time, you live easily and the other person lives happily.
There are contradictions between lovers, and it is common to argue about one thing for many years. When you are in a hurry to get angry, first try to understand what caused your fire and what the other person said, and don't find fault with him from the opposite angle. You fight with him, which means you haven't figured it out yet, and your level has not been sublimated. You can calmly face what the other person says and slowly understand the other person's feelings. So that we can understand him.
There is no need to do bad things in the face of contradictions. Contradictions in the family are a constraint on the family, not a bad thing. In the face of good luck or bad luck, you just need to be calm. If you can't find a balance, face it frankly, and this disaster will disappear relatively quickly. The more scared, nervous, burdened and confused you are. Where is the root of the signal of human existence? In your heart, you are fascinated by yourself. After the husband and wife have conflicts, both sides can let go and find themselves in conflict. This time is positive for yourself and your family. Everyone has their own logic and feelings, and it is crucial to control their mentality.
In ordinary families, lesbians usually cook and work at home. They do it calmly when they are happy, and say something unpleasant when they are unhappy. At this time, as husbands, they often say, "Do it if you want, or don't do it if you don't want." My wife didn't get her husband's understanding after working for a long time, and she felt very wronged. She felt that she worked so hard for this family and waited for others' approval after working for a long time, but when the other party said a few words, her fire came up and she began to find reasons. In fact, finding reasons at home is getting more and more confused. Calm down and analyze. Why are you doing this? Those who do the most cleaning at home can't accept being dirty. You do half for your family and the other half for yourself, including taking care of the children. This logic of your life should be the result. At this time, if you think that the work is for yourself, the fire will be small. If you think you've been doing this for you, why are you doing this to me? The more I think about it, the more I feel unbalanced. This phenomenon is common in families. It's too tiring to fight for one thing, so we must find out the truth and let the other party tell us how to do it. When you do well, others will depend on you. The more you do next time. Cooking at home is not delicious, so I won't let you do it next time. This is the normal psychology of people. You do well, others praise you and satisfy your vanity, but you will never be satisfied with vanity and become a kind of labor. Sitting around doing nothing, I'm the only one doing it, and your mind starts to get unbalanced. People have arranged this program, so you do it well. When you work, you think you are satisfying others. If you don't get praise, your heart will be unbalanced. This needs adjustment. Do what you want calmly. In fact, you got it in the process of doing it and satisfied your own psychology. I did a good job, I was psychologically satisfied, and I was psychologically balanced in the process of doing it. It doesn't matter whether others praise me or not.
Through the study of mental health, we know that tangible phenomena are controlled by invisible places, which can interfere with your life. Parents opposed their children's marriage, some succeeded and some failed, which eventually led to many tragedies. When I was giving lectures to young people, I said that if your parents object when you get married and you want your marriage to be good and your family to be stable, then you should apologize to your parents after you get married, that is, they have good feelings and say that they are not good. Before marriage, his parents said he knew nothing, and after marriage, you went back and said he knew nothing. You don't say that the opposition between your parents and your small family is inseparable, so let your parents vent their grievances in those years and vent their grievances against you in those years. This time is good for the future life of two people and positive for your family, so that your marriage can be stable. But most young people have conflicts after marriage, because their parents blocked their marriage in those years. They dare not tell their parents about the fight, for fear that their parents will come back and complain. This is the most dangerous thing. But if you dare not say anything, you will definitely hit your parents, and the result often ends in tragedy. Parents should not interfere too much in their children's marriage. It is enough for you to remind them. Parents' responsibility is to show the way. It is parents' dereliction of duty to ignore it, but you can't impose your opinions on your children. Just point the way. Young people have their own causal relationship, and parents don't agree with their children to get married. At this time, the more parents object, the more children find each other's advantages, but they can't see each other's shortcomings. Often after being dismantled, the child resents his parents all his life, and his or her future family will feel unhappy psychologically anyway.
Among the patients I consulted, many got sick because of divorce. Some divorced people are not really divorced. The exact reason is that we can't accommodate each other, can't balance, and finally have to divorce. Because the relationship between two people is particularly bad, there are not many divorces. What is the reason? In fact, love is too good, too good, has reached the high point of balance, extremes meet. There is a balance point here. Whether it's a man or a woman, you can put him in with your ability before he can leave. Some couples are too good. The better they are to each other, the worse they feel. You can die without a fight, but once you vent it, the other person will annoy you and leave soon, so you should exercise and expand.
If divorce can free both people, what's wrong? Some people worry that divorced families will have a bad influence on their children. In fact, the couple are not at home and compete with each other, which has a greater impact on the children. Children from divorced families have more psychological barriers. The root cause of psychological disorder is not caused by divorce, but the influence of parents' psychological adjustment after divorce. Some divorced mothers often say to their children, "Your father is not good. How about being outside?" So that children have a vicious psychology since childhood and have a family when they grow up. Because of that vicious signal, there will be bad psychology, which will bring him a corresponding balance in the future.
People in the society often say that the family is our shelter from the wind and needs the joint efforts of both husband and wife to build it. In fact, family should be warm, caring, harmonious, understanding, tacit understanding, freedom, tolerance and relaxation, and it is also a place where we help each other to eliminate signals and constantly improve ourselves.