The blind man rode with the stuttering, stuttering to see the road, suddenly saw a deep ditch, stuttering exclaimed: ditch ditch ditch!!!! The blind man sang back: "Oh Le Oh Le Oh Le! "And the two of them fell into the ditch.
A swimming coach was shopping at the mall. A pretty lady greeted him. He fixed his eyes on one of his trainees. He then exclaimed, "You're unrecognizable with your clothes on!"
A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, a police officer over: what happened?
That is to say, in a dark and windy night, just on that longest, most terrible road, cab drivers drove through there, a woman on the side of the road, waving on the car. The ride was pretty quiet until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "Here's an apple for you, it's delicious. ......" The driver thought it was great so he took it and then took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it good?" The driver said, "It's delicious!" The woman came back with, "I remember how much I liked apples when I was alive too...... "Wow......&*$#@... ...As soon as the driver heard that, he was so scared that he emergencyxed the car and turned white ...... He only saw that the woman slowly tilted her head to the front and said to the driver, "But I didn't like to eat them after I gave birth to my child! ......"
Yesterday I dreamed of God he said he could fulfill one of my wishes, I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, he said it was too hard to change it, I took out your picture and said I wanted this person to become beautiful. He pondered for a moment and said take the globe and I'll take another look.
. Do you remember when we ate roast duck together? You like to eat duck butt, the dishes have just been served up, you like an arrow to grab stuffed into the mouth, I whispered: how do not see the duck butt? You are very proud to point to the mouth and say: ass in this!
Piggy set up a club, said: members should call nicknames, call me piggy piggy! Puppy: call me puppy dog! Kitten: call me kitty cat! Chick red-faced, pretending to be calm, said: really no fun, first step!
Chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B in boiling water to produce C, C in the air can be oxidized into D, D has
Rotten egg odor, what is ABCD?
My answer:A is chicken,B is raw egg,C is cooked egg,D is rotten egg of course! (This bunch of questions XX!)
Beijing people, French people, Americans walking together in the desert, dying of thirst, suddenly three people found a lamp, a touch out of a lamp God, he said, "I can satisfy each of you three wishes." The Americans were the first to say, "I want a box of dollars." "There are two more." "En, another box of dollars." "The last one." "En, another box of dollars. "Well, the last one is to send me back to America." Phew, the American's gone, and the Frenchman's in a hurry. "I'll have a pretty girl." Here comes one. "Well, I'll have another pretty girl." "And one more." "Yes, send me back to France." Shoo, the Frenchman is gone, and the Pekingese is left, saying calmly, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou." "And two more. "There are two more wishes" "Another bottle of erguotou" "There is one more" The Pekingese looked at the two bottles of wine and said, "Get them both again". "Get them both back again, drink with me" Phew, the American and the Frenchman are back again.
So the three men continued to walk, but luck, and found a lamp of God, touched a lamp of God and the devil, "haha, I am just the brother of that God and the devil, my magic is not so high, I can only satisfy the two wishes of each of you" this time the Frenchman and the Americans wanted to, said nothing is useless if you let him get again This time, the French and Americans thought, "It's useless to say anything, if you let him get it back again, you'll be dead, let him say it first, so they pushed Beijing to the front, and Beijing said, "Give me a bottle of Erhotou first," dong, a bottle of Red Star Erhotou, "and one more?" Beijing took the wine and touched his head to think, half a day and did not say, the French and Americans are anxious to death, urged him to, "you quickly say ah" so Beijing suddenly said a "En, I have nothing else, you go back to it" shoo a moment, the gods and demons go back
1Child and Cat
The child was sitting at home eating. The cat came to him and purred. The child threw a piece of
meat to the cat, which ate it and purred again.
The child threw another piece to the cat and it ate it, still purring.
The child got angry and stood up and said loudly, "You sit in my seat and make me mia mia, and you give me meat!"
2 What's the "but"
The schoolboy was telling a story, "The cat saw the mouse and turned into a tiger, but when it saw the tiger, it
turned into a mouse ......
One of them asked him, "What does this "but" mean?
He thought for a moment and replied:
"It is an animal that is bigger than a cat, but smaller than a tiger."
3 The Bet
Two little friends were making a bet.
"I bet you don't have the guts to go into that dark house alone!"
"You say I don't have the guts? Then come with me and I'll go in and show you!"
4 Tying Her Shoes
On the street, a little girl walked up to an uncle in a police uniform, who looked her up and down
and asked carefully:
"Are you a policeman?"
"Yes."
"Mom says that no matter what the trouble is, if you ask for a police officer, you'll get help, is
that right?"
"Yes!"
"Well then," the little girl lifted one foot up, "please help me tie my shoe."
5 Baby in the Belly
A pregnant woman was walking along the road when a little girl approached her and asked, "Auntie, why is your
belly so big?"
"Because there's a baby in your belly!"
"Auntie, you are afraid of trouble, aren't you?"
"Huh? Why?"
"You think it's inconvenient to hold the baby, so you put him in your stomach."
1Notification
"What's wrong with you today? What are you doing fiddling with it all the time in the middle of the day?" The father said, from
Son's hand grabbed the notice, flipping through it. On it was an endorsement written by the teacher: "In class
Shooting a slingshot and putting bugs into a classmate's coat pocket ......Parents are invited to talk about it."
"You do all this in school, what kind of person will you grow up to be?" The father yelled at his son
surge.
"Dad, this isn't my notice, I found it in your old suitcase."
2 Ways
A mother was teaching his 7-year-old son. She said to her son, "You're riding in a car with no seats
there are no seats left, and then an old woman wants to get in, what do you do?"
"I just yelled at her: get off, wait for the next one! No more seats, little man."
3 Not Afraid of Ghosts
One day, Xiao Yang took his child to Five Fingers Mountain to play. The child ran up all over the mountain. Xiao
Yang was afraid that the child would be in danger, so he scared him, saying, "Don't run around, beware that there are ghosts here who want to eat people."
The child immediately replied, "I'm not afraid of ghosts. You have forgotten that the uncles and aunts next door call you a gambling
ghost; my mother calls me a brat; my grandmother calls my grandfather a smoker; my mother calls you a lazy ghost; and you call my mother
mother a dead ghost. I deal with ghosts every day, what a ghost I'm afraid of!"
4Buy it next time
Dad: "If you can get more than 95 points in this exam, I'll buy you a violin. ...
A couple of bob "Dad, the exam papers are out and I got 96."
Dad: "Very good. Well, not bad ......"
Son: "Then give me the human violin! ...
Dad: "Money is tight this month, buy it next month."
Son: "This is the second exam, look at it."
Dad: "Ah! Only 59 points on the test? You ......"
Son: "Scores are tight this time, next time."
5 Why
Kid: "Dad, what's this smoking?"
Dad: "Remember, the smoking is the chimney."
Child: "Call, got it! Dad, then why isn't your nose called a chimney?"
Dad: "......"
Metamorphic chemistry "research
In a restaurant.
One customer, carrying a tray of dumplings, turns away from the sales window and says with a smile, "I do
love wontons!"
Another customer, holding a bowl of wontons, declared, "I'm a big fan of noodle leaves (pasta sheets)!"
The customers were fuming at this, when one of them, a quick-witted customer, solemnly explained, "They
are all very knowledgeable about food molting chemistry."
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"Hygienic" kitchen
< p>After the meal, a customer called the restaurant owner over. "Congratulations, sir, you have a very hygienic kitchen here!" "Thank you, sir ...... I do my best. But, may I ask, how can you boast about the hygiene of my kitchen when you have never visited it?" "Oh, it's very simple; everything I've just eaten here smells of soap."--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Foster's store"
A: "What's your profession?" B: "I run a 'foreign goods store'." A: "Why don't you sell Chinese goods?" B: "I'm not selling foreign goods, all national goods, only because business is bad, can not make money, down to raise a few fellows, so called 'foster partner store'."
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"King Zhuang" banquet
"I heard that your family opened a restaurant yesterday, how many tables were opened ah?" "Just open a table." "A table can also earn it fifty-sixty right?" "Earn? I lost more than 100 dollars!" "No shit, how could you lose money?" "You don't know, I'm King Zhuang of Chu hosting a banquet, inviting the Five Hegemons!"
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10 minutes and 30 years
At the window of the cashier's office. The payee pressed on, "I've been standing at your window for 10 minutes." The collector slowly replies, "I've been sitting behind the window for 30 years."
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The Cold Shrinkage of Buns
Customer: "You guys have 1-tael buns here. Why are they so small?" Salesman: "They were quite big when they first came out of the pot." Customer: "How come they are small now?" Salesman: "Don't you understand heat rise and cold contraction?"
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The Man in the Bun
A man was eating a bun in a restaurant, and as he ate, he suddenly shouted: "Oops, there's someone in this bun!" Customers heard, all gathered to see the strange, the waiter was very angry, said: "You are afraid of crazy it! Where is the person in the bun?" The man said, "You said there is no one in the bun, how the filling of someone's hair?"
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Buns with thick skin
Customer: "Boss, do you have a nearby drilling team?" Boss: "Why do you ask?" Customer: "I want to drill to see where the bunting is."
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Flavored Mouth
A chili pepper vendor saw a man with a Hunan accent approaching and yelled. "If you want to buy hot peppers, come quickly, no money if they are not hot!" Hunan guests bought a catty away. At this time, a Shanghai man came to buy, the peddler shouted again: "I this chili pepper, not spicy at all, but also with a sweet flavor." The Shanghai guest was about to buy, suddenly saw the Hunan man came back and said: "You this chili is sweet, I do not want." The peddler argued: "This pepper is flavored pepper, love spicy eat spicy, like sweet eat sweet." A Cantonese passer-by heard this and said with a smile, "I don't want chili peppers, I want to buy your flavored mouth. The street a burst of laughter.
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No need to sterilize
Customer: "You this tableware is not always not sterilized either?" Clerk: "It's never loaded with drugs, what's sterilized!"
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Pairing
"Uncle, I want to buy a copy of "Children's Generation ." "Buy it to go with a different book." "What book is it paired with?" "A book 'Old Age World'."
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Haircuts
Barber: "What kind of haircut do you want? " Young man: "The haircut that will stand out the most." Barber: "That's fine! I'll shave your head."
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Vaccination
Customer: "I ordered the food, how come you haven't bring it?" Waiter: "Sir, please wait a little longer, the dishes have long been ready." Customer: "Why do you want me to wait when it's already done?" Waiter: "Because there are a few flies in the dish, wait for you to eat after the vaccination."
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Flavored Snacks
Customer: "You sell food on the street. You should add a dust cover." Salesman: "No need, I sell all the flavorful local snacks."
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Presenting a small meat
The diner smiled slightly: "When I order food, I don't seem to have ordered flies. I don't seem to have ordered the fly!" The waiter was subdued, "But that doesn't have to be an additional charge."
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Hanging signs
Bao Xiaoxiao does funny things and gets the nickname Mr. Funny. He was working as a fellow in a hotel. One morning, he went to hang a signboard, and when he was not careful, the signboard fell into two halves, and the owner was very angry and said, "How can you be so careless, damn it!" Mr. Funny, however, did not panic and said, "Master: you are going to open a branch soon, which is a very good omen! Congratulations!" And the master laughed.
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News from the sea
A man went to the market to buy a fish, and he picked up a fish from the stall and sniffed it. The fish seller was afraid that he might smell that his fish was not fresh, so he said angrily, "Sir, it's all right if you don't buy the fish, but what are you sniffing at?" He replied, "I am not sniffing, I am talking to the fish." "What are you talking to the fish about?" "I asked the fish if there was any news in the sea." "What did the fish answer you?" "The fish answered me that it didn't know the news from the sea because it had been out of the sea for a long time!"
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Good Radio
You once told me that with this radio I could get all the stations. " A man at an electronics store said grumblingly. "What? You can't tune in?" "I do, but always at the same time."
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Paying extra for electricity
Customer: "What, this room costs 20 bucks? The room is in such bad condition that I can't sleep at night. To pass the time, I had to get up and read." Innkeeper: "Ah, so you had to pay 50 cents for electricity!"
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Brilliant use of lifebuoys
A swimmer: "Your factory made the life preservers enabled me to learn to swim very quickly." Factory manager: "Many compliments." Swimmer: "No need to be modest. The lifebuoys produced by your factory are out of breath at the sight of water, I had to swim desperately, and as a result, I learned to swim very quickly."
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Joking
There are some boys who, thinking they are grown-ups, go to the barber's shop to shave their faces One time a boy went into a barber shop and asked the barber to shave his face. The barber asked him to sit down, put soap on his face and left him alone. The boy got tired of waiting and cried out, "Hey, why do you keep me here all the time?" The barber replied, "I'm waiting for your beard to grow."
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Returnable
A salesman for a plastics factory, at a nationwide ordering meeting, introduced the following to the guests. He said, "The printed film ponchos produced by our factory are durable and innovative." With that, he took out a poncho and draped it over his body, and suddenly realized that the poncho was ruptured on the shoulder. He smiled faintly and continued, "Do you see? Like this bad, we can return."
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Large mouth
Women customers: "Your bread is very small. It can be swallowed in one bite." Shopkeeper: "Can you swallow this bread in one bite? I'm afraid it's not the bread that's small."
Easy to learn
Customer: "Excuse me, is the lute easy to learn? I want to buy one." Salesman: "Good to learn, it's the easiest, you can play it as soon as you play it. Buy one to go!"
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The Missing Golden Chicken
A customer went to a big restaurant for dinner, and bought a plate priced at $4.50 for "Golden chicken fried bamboo shoots", but the plate did not even see a small piece of chicken skin. The customer was very upset and walked to the manager with the dish and said, "Comrade, please borrow a magnifying glass." "What for?" The manager asked. The customer replied, "I want to look for the missing golden chicken in the bamboo forest."
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Discovering the secret
A man came to the deep-fried doughnut stand and said to the owner: "Yikes! How much oil do you need in a day to fry doughnuts!" The owner said, "There's no such thing as frying doughnuts without oil." "What a waste, what a pity." "It's a pity, but you still have to fry. How can you fry doughnuts without oil?" "My family has been selling doughnuts for several generations, and we never use oil to fry them." The master wanted to get his secret, so he invited him to dinner and entertained him. After the meal, he whispered to the master, "My family has been selling doughnuts for generations, and they are all sold by peddlers, so they don't need to be deep-fried." The host was dumbfounded.
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The Amateur
Customer: "After this TV was repaired, the screen how always shaking?" Repairman: "Then you're an amateur, that's a movie taken during an earthquake."
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Miles of Fragrance
Customer: "How! This perfume doesn't smell good at all?" Clerk: "Don't you know its name is 'Miles of Fragrance'? To be separated by 10,000 miles to be fragrant ah?"
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Smile service
A: "Why does the salesman wear a photo on his chest? photo?" B: "To carry out smile service ah!" A: "What does this have to do with wearing a photo?" B: "You do not see that photo of people are smiling!"
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Why the swollen face
A saw a vendor with a swollen face and nose, picking a stretcher quickly walked by, so he asked B is what was the matter. B said, "This is a peach seller. He had sworn to his customers that "the peaches I sell are of the most expensive variety and are all very sweet. If they are not sweet, you can throw them in my face."
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The Atheist
Customer: "Miss, you've got this on the wall. Customer: the customer is God, but your service attitude is not like this, is not the words and deeds not the same?" Waiter: "That is the manager posted, I am an atheist, do not believe in God."
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Sparse porridge
"This porridge is so thin! There's no flavor at all, and it costs 20 cents a bowl, it's so pitiful." "You do not know that things are rare is expensive, 20 cents a big bowl, but also cheap you."
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Camera actions
Son: "Dad, there is a customer who asks if the shirts we sell shrink?" Father: "Did the shirt he picked fit?" Son: "No, it's a little big." Father: "Then tell him that the shirt shrinks."
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The New Penn Hotel
"Why is this one called the New Penn Hotel? " "Because everyone who eats here is a first-timer." "Do you dare to be so sure?" "Dare, because people who have eaten here never come back!"
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Fixing a TV
In the TV repair department. "Sir, I beg your pardon, your television is too late to be repaired today." "What am I going to do tonight then?" "Give you two sleeping pills!"
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Modifications
Store owner: "This is the most popular style these days. If it doesn't suit you, feel free to modify it." Customer: "I'm sorry! Please revise the price list!"
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A little difference
There is a side store that always puts up a sign on weekends that reads: "Weekend inventory, stop business for a day." The surrounding residents are extremely dissatisfied with this. One day, the salesman put this piece of sign to the door a hang, then a few people a piece of chatting up the big day. At that moment, there was a loud knock on the door. The salesmen were furious, opened the door, to the door yelled: "Why, did not see the sign, today off!" "Closed?" The knockers were not to be outdone, "Look at the sign you put up." The salesman looked toward the sign and froze. Originally, I do not know who changed a punctuation on the sign, the bulletin became this: "Weekend inventory stop, open for the day."
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Two for the price of one
Customer: "This radio has been repaired twice. It's been repaired twice now, but it's still on the air, listen to it." Repairman: "What's wrong with this, it's both music and recitation, two birds with one stone, you'll be the soundtrack to the prose!"
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It's been identified
Customer: "How is your food spoiled?" Store owner: "How can it be? Epidemic prevention station has been identified. If you don't believe me, you can call the epidemic prevention station." Customer: "Hello, Epidemic Prevention Station? The meat at the Lilai Hotel smells, and they're still selling it." Epidemic prevention station: "We just identified yesterday, tasted in person, color, aroma, taste, probably you have a cold!
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The Meritocracy
A store recruited salesmen, the manager personally examined. Manager : "If a customer wants to buy 1 kilogram of snacks, how many grams should he be given?" Candidate: "945 grams." Manager: "Good answer, you are accepted."
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Finding a hair clipper
Customer: "I get a haircut and you charge me 5 dollars, I have almost no hair on my head ah! The charge is a lot of money." Barber: "Not much, not much, I charge you money not because of the hair cut, but because looking for hair to cut, spent a lot of my time ah!"
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Just the right amount of fire
Salesman: "Why did you move the cookware to the counter? counter?" Chef: "I think your fire is just right for stir-frying!"
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Evidence
Woman: "This shrimp, is it fresh? " Old man selling fish: "Fresh! Look, isn't it alive?" Woman: "But you're alive too!"
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Belongs to Meat
"8 kinds of foodstuffs price hike, how I go to the the shower went up in price too?" "You belong to meat."
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Freshest
Eater: "Why is this bowl of food full of mud ?" Waiter: "It's the freshest dish, just pulled out of the mud." ------------------ YOUTH Organize
1:Zhang Sanfeng taking medicine
Mr. Zhang Sanfeng suffered from a bad cold the day before yesterday, and after seeing the doctor, the doctor handed him a prescription for a good medicine:
"Please keep this prescription. Take it once every morning for three days."
Mr. Zhang Sanfeng returned home and carefully cut the prescription into three.
Every morning he took one on time.
It was said that he felt much better today, only his stomach was a little upset.
2:Zhang Sanfeng chat room picking up MM clip
Zhang Sanfeng: MM, you're as pretty as a flower.
MM: Thank you.
Zhang Sanfeng: MM, you are as gentle as the moon.
MM: Thank you.
Zhang Sanfeng: MM, you are as pure as holy water.
MM: Thank you.
Zhang Sanfeng: MM, can you marry me?
MM: You are as nagging as my husband!
Zhang Sanfeng: #$^$%&%^*^&(&*)*(_#%%^^
3:The reason why Sanfeng was late
Sanfeng was late for work one day, and when the manager asked him why he was late, he said, "This morning when I was brushing my teeth, I got in a hurry and
squeezed out more than 40 meters of toothpaste. toothpaste out in a section more than 40 centimeters long, and when I slowly retracted it again, it took more than an hour!"
4:Sanfeng live
Mr. Sanfeng has long wanted to taste the taste of living in a big hotel, he saved up enough money, into the hotel to do the formalities, according to the waiter pointed out the route to the
Intervigoratedly to go.
But after a while, he turned around and got angry: "I don't want to stay, what kind of house is that? I'm not paying good money for a room with a big cupboard and a folding chair!"
The attendant smiled and said, "You're mistaken, sir. That's the elevator."
5:Sanfeng's First Internet Access
Mr. Sanfeng bought a computer, carried it home, set it up one by one according to the instructions for accessing the Internet, and then excitedly moused over to the Internet!
The password is wrong! The computer is not a good choice for the future, but it is a good choice for the future. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said.
The service lady asks, "Did you put a P before you entered your username?"
Mr. Sanfeng then realized that there is such a rule,
When you want to surf the Internet, you have to fart before your name.
6:Mr. Zhang Sanfeng buys shoes
Mr. Zhang Sanfeng bought a new pair of shoes but didn't wear them. A week later I asked him, "Why don't you
wear those shoes yet?" "I can wear them tomorrow. The salesman told me when I bought the shoes that for the first
week the shoes would pinch a little."
Mr. Zhang Sanfeng plans to wear his new shoes into the chat room tomorrow to pick up MMs, hoping his shoes will fit.
7:Sanfeng Dating Encounter
Over the weekend Mr. Sanfeng asked MM out to dinner...
Mr. San Feng:What do you want to eat...
MM: Whatever...
San Feng: Then go eat steak...
MM:Not good... It's too fishy to eat that...
San Feng:Then go eat vegetarian food...
MM:No good... Eating that is too monotonous...
San Feng:Then eat meat dry rice good...
MM:Not good... Eating that is too unemotional...
San Feng: then go eat Japanese food...
MM:Not good... It's too expensive to eat that...
San Feng:Then go eat McDonald's good...
MM:No... It's too nutritious to eat that...
Later... San Feng could not stand it anymore... He asked loudly:
Otherwise, what do you want to eat?
Only to see MM a little embarrassed...
And a bit shyly said: "Whatever!!!!"
8:Sanfeng cut the hard disk
Day 1:
Sanfeng: Dance MM ah! My computer just Format well, help me with it!
Dance MM: You have a lot of space on your hard disk, well ...... it would be better to split it into two or three pieces, do you have any tools?
Sanfeng: Of Course I do!
Dance MM: I'm not available now, you do it yourself
The next day:
Sanfeng's computer desk is full of kitchen knives, fruit knives, watermelon knives ......
The hard disk is in shreds, the poor Sanfeng do it himself
9: Zhang Sanfeng borrowed a donkey
Sanfeng's relatives in the countryside
This is the first time that he has done this, and he's not going to be able to do it. p>Sanfeng's relatives in the countryside wanted to borrow a donkey from Sanfeng to pull a mill, so they asked someone to send Sanfeng a letter to borrow a donkey. Mr. Sanfeng was accompanying the guest and, fearing that the guest would know that he was illiterate, pretended to read the letter. As he read it, he nodded his head uncontrollably, and then looked up and said to the visitor, "I see, I'll just go myself in a little while."
10:Zhang Sanfeng Teaches His Son
Zhang Sanfeng had just come home from a bus ride with his little five-year-old son... "Mom" said his son to his mom, "When I was on the bus just now, my dad told me to get up and give my seat to a very beautiful aunt. Mom said, "Dad was right, it teaches you manners. Men should give up their seats for women." The son said, "But I'm sitting on Daddy's lap!"