The 87-year-old woman, Wang Da-ma, has been living in a nursing home for seven years, and she says she has almost forgotten what home looks like.
One morning 7 years ago, Wang Da-ma woke up feeling a little dizzy, because she was in a hurry to go to the toilet, she did not have time to take antihypertensive drugs.
As soon as she left the house, she fell headfirst to the ground and never got up again.
The wheelchair became her companion for the rest of her life when she had a stroke.
Wang's partner died more than a decade ago, and she has four children, two sons and two daughters, the eldest son and two daughters live in the city, and she and her youngest son live in the countryside.
Although she lives with her youngest son's family in a courtyard, she usually lives alone.
Although she lives in the same house as her youngest son, she usually lives alone. She has a bad temper and can't get along with others, so her children are a bit scared of her.
After Wang's stroke, her children got together to discuss her future.
The eldest son, although younger than his two sisters, is the head of the family, and he suggested that she should live with the youngest son, and that the three of them should pay for the youngest daughter-in-law's services.
The youngest daughter-in-law heard on the spot refused:
"Mother is a kind of person, you are not unaware, I can not serve."
"His second aunt, you just take the trouble to serve our mother, we pay a little more money is also OK". The eldest daughter thought that her brother-in-law didn't want to serve her mother-in-law because of the money.
She just finished her sentence, not waiting for the youngest daughter-in-law to open her mouth, the youngest son spoke:
"Do not think that the money can be called ghosts to push the mill, you have money to take the mother to go home to serve, try to what is the taste".
Wang Da-ma's youngest son, honest people, the brain out of a little problem in the past few years, on their own mental illness, he said it is living with his mother for a long time, by the nagging of his mother and bullying forced out.
Therefore, he usually speak straight to the point, the sisters do not dare to mess with him, the eldest sister was choked by his mouth and did not dare to speak again.
The first son saw his own ideas could not be implemented, so he turned his attention to the second sister.
The second sister is a senior teacher, usually not much to say, but said the words are in the right place, she said:
"Let's not quarrel, listen to the mother's opinion, to see what she wants".
Wang Da-ma has long been anxious to speak out, listening to the second daughter so, she hastened to state:
"You do not put me this old burden, pushed to a family, I go to each of your families to take turns to live, so that they are convenient".
Since the old lady said so, the children are not good to say anything else, the sisters agreed that the old lady a month, take turns to live.
So, Wang Da-ma began her days of living in her children's home in turn.
Wang Da-ma first went to the eldest daughter's home.
The eldest daughter's children have all started their own families, and she and her husband live in a two-bedroom building.
The first daughter is a housewife, and her son-in-law is retired. Their children are very successful, and they take good care of both of them, so the two of them are quite comfortable.
The arrival of Wang Da-ma, so that their comfortable days become disturbed. The first time I saw this was when I was a kid, and it was the first time I'd ever seen a kid in the world.
The daughter's in-laws and her mother's family are from the same village, and the two in-laws have had a lot of trouble with each other because of their children's affairs.
Wang Da-ma had used a brick to smash her in-laws' heads, and when her daughter and son-in-law were in conflict, she chased her son-in-law all over the street because she was protective of her son, and then publicly slapped him with two slaps in the face.
This incident has become a joke in the street, and has also become a knot in the heart of the eldest son-in-law.
After so many years, Wang Da-ma and her daughter have forgotten everything, but the eldest son-in-law has not forgotten, he drooped, from the mother-in-law into the door has not been called.
In the evening, he also argued with his wife because of this:
Son-in-law: "How long is your mom going to live here, it will not not go away, right?"
Daughter: "have discussed, a month, a family, take turns to live, how, do not want to"?
Son-in-law: "A month is too long, your mom's temper, who can stand it"?
Daughter: "What's wrong with my mom, she doesn't need you to serve her, and she won't beat you or scold you.
Son-in-law: "Why not? You forget how she chased me all over the street in the early years, you forget, I have not forgotten".
The son-in-law rehashed old scores, the eldest daughter of a little bit of a loss, but she and her own mother, as always, is not vegetarian, she was annoyed at the back of the mouth sneer:
"Can't forget what can be done, is it possible that you can throw her out on the street"?
The couple's lips were in a war of words, and you and I quarreled.
Wang Da-ma was lying in bed with a fire in her belly, listening to her daughter and son-in-law's quarrels, and remembering the events of that year.
The eldest daughter's mother-in-law was a mean woman, not good for her daughter-in-law. Wang Da-ma was young and vigorous at that time, her eyes could not rub sand in her eyes, and she could not bear to see her daughter being aggrieved, plus she was a reasonable person, so she did not take a sensible approach in her daughter's mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship.
The daughter and the mother-in-law a contradiction, she will protect the calf, on the basis of a village close to the often hit the daughter's mother-in-law's door, time, not only did not help her daughter to resolve the conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also make the contradiction deeper and deeper.
The son-in-law is a small-minded people love face, so they will hate on her.
Later, the daughter's family moved to the city, away from her mother-in-law, and the two families settled down.
Thinking about the past, Wang felt very chagrined, and even some regret: if he could be more sensible, some convergence, not to get to this point.
The son-in-law's face, although she did not put on the heart, but look at the end is not a taste.
The good thing is that her daughter's character is so hard that she can hold her husband down, and her son-in-law is so dissatisfied that he doesn't dare to over-expression, but he just puts on a bad face, or else she doesn't know where to put her old face.
Wang Da-ma in the eldest daughter's home is not salty live, the heart is very embarrassed and suffocated, but it is not good to say.
So, she spends her time like a year, and her heart has been calculating what to do next.
It was not easy to get through a month, and it was time to go to the second daughter's house.
Wang's second daughter is a senior teacher, the teaching level in the circle famous, the second son-in-law is a cadre, people are cautious and meticulous.
The second son-in-law's rigid behavior, Wang Auntie quite a few words, she was not optimistic about her daughter's marriage.
At that time, her second son-in-law was only a clerk in the organization, and her daughter was a famous talent in the area, she felt that her daughter should be matched with a better husband.
So, she looked down on his son-in-law, and the relationship between her mother-in-law and her son-in-law never developed.
After the daughter's marriage, because of her intervention, there was an unpleasant episode, almost let the son-in-law left a disability.
On her arrival, the second son-in-law neither warmly welcomed nor expressed opposition. He is a cadre in size, cultivation is still there, even if the heart has a problem, it will not be like the eldest son-in-law hang on the face.
Every morning and evening, the second son-in-law will mechanically greet Wang Da-ma, excessively formal and polite, so that she feels very embarrassed, and even all over the body.
Wang Da-ma knows that the second son-in-law's respect is because of the wound left before.
The second daughter's family lived in the house, is the son-in-law unit divided, the daughter gave birth to a child, the mother-in-law here to help them with the child.
Once, Wang Da-ma came to the city to visit the doctor, stayed in the second daughter's house, the night in-laws mother and two live in a room.
"One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers", at that time, Wang Da-ma and the in-laws mother are more than 50 years old, it is able to fight and bite, life's most swarthy age.
The two men were lying in bed, each boasting about their own children, and talking, the words were tinged with gunpowder. One emphasizes that the house is divided by his son, and the other emphasizes that his daughter is talented.
Wang Da-ma is a woman who wants the upper hand in everything, and can't bear to see her in-laws oppressing her head, and her in-laws take the house, which makes her very angry:
"What's the big deal about splitting a set of houses, and it's not like you didn't spend a penny on them. These money does not have my daughter's share? Besides, with my daughter's talent, if she did not marry your deadbeat son, now maybe early into the director or governor's wife.
As soon as she heard Wang Da-ma say that her son is a rigid person, she immediately flipped out, and the two people quarreled, and the more they quarreled, the louder the voice became.
Living here, are a body of people, daughter and son-in-law afraid of letting colleagues hear jokes, rushed over to persuade.
The reasoning is not forgiving of people Wang Da-ma where to listen to the persuasion, she ignored their own still sick, regardless of the son-in-law scolded a bloody head.
The good face of the second son-in-law, in the Wang Da-ma's scolding, in a fit of anger from the balcony jumped down, but fortunately the daughter's home is the second floor, downstairs is a lawn, son-in-law is only injured in the waist, the other parts of the body is not a major problem.
From then on, the second son-in-law has learned the temper of his mother-in-law, he has since been far away, rarely contact with her.
Wang Da-ma in the second daughter's home, although not suffocating, but also not very smooth, always feel lumpy, all day long, do not talk much, for fear of giving the son-in-law to add blockage.
When she went to her eldest son's house, she lost weight.
The eldest son came to pick up Wang Da-ma, see her a lot of thin, almost in tears, in front of his sister and brother-in-law face is not good to say anything.
On the way to his son's house, Wang said to his son:
"My son, why don't you send me to a nursing home, I'm afraid I'm not welcome there".
The eldest son sighed, he knew that his mother must have been unpopular in his sister's house, otherwise she would not have said such a thing.
He said to Wang Da-ma:
"Mother, what happened in the past is in the past, don't take it to heart, just pay attention to it in the future".
Although the son's words are comforting to Wang Da-ma, she still has concerns in her heart, she and her eldest daughter-in-law had a problem in the beginning, and her eldest daughter-in-law should also be put in the heart.
When I was at my eldest son's house, I had a problem with my daughter-in-law's mother's family.
Wang Da-ma knew that she was really wrong, and blamed herself for being so narrow-minded that she could not tolerate outsiders in her eyes.
At that time, the eldest son's family plus she lived in a one-bedroom house, she watched the children during the day, and slept in the living room at night.
The eldest daughter-in-law's sister came to the city to study, to live in her sister's house for a while, the son and daughter-in-law were very happy, the son in the balcony for her to place a wire bed.
Wang Da-ma how to see how to feel inconvenient, she could not help but say to her daughter-in-law:
"Your sister to live here, I will not be here for you to look after the children, this is inconvenient, you find another person."
The mother-in-law said such words, it is clear that she wants to kick out her sister, the eldest daughter-in-law was annoyed, she launched a tantrum at her husband:
"Your mother this is the words of a human being"?
Wang Da-ma's son heard his wife say something disrespectful to his mother, threw his hand and slapped her, and the elder daughter-in-law's sister, once she saw the scene, was so scared that she left with her luggage.
The next day, when Wang Da-ma was secretly happy for squeezing out her daughter-in-law's sister, her mother-in-law's mother came.
She knocked on her daughter's door early in the morning.
The door was opened by Wang Da-ma, she took a look at her in-laws' mother standing in the doorway with a puff of anger, and knew that things were not good, so she greeted her with a smile:
"Came so early ah in-laws, it's early in the morning, you're quite good, right?"
"Good what good, not good, you yourself good on the line." In-laws mother peeled her to one side, a butt sitting on the sofa, loudly greeted the son-in-law who has not yet got up:
"Hurry up to get up to prepare a place for me, I want to live here, from today onwards, I live down not to go away".
Wang Da-ma's son knows that his mother-in-law is not good, this is to avenge his daughter, he is afraid that things have become very big, so he respectfully said to his mother-in-law good words:
"Good, good, I'll let my mom go back, you live here".
People are afraid of soft, Wang Da-ma know the eldest daughter-in-law's mother mother is not to be messed with, so obediently packed up their own things back to the countryside, until the eldest son changed the new house also never came again.
Living in the eldest son's home, the eldest daughter-in-law on the surface of the light did not show anything, but the eldest son is not at home, her face pulled a long time, take care of Wang Da-ma, wrestling a face of impatience.
"The tiger is old and does not bite", looking at the eldest daughter-in-law to take care of their own, the heart is not willing to a face of dislike, Wang Da-ma broken teeth to the stomach to swallow, can only silently endure.
Finally, one day, she could not bear it, crying to his eldest son said:
"son ah, send me to the nursing home, even to a condition of almost, I do not go from house to house to live in the round, the world of things have a cause and effect, your mother I self-inflicted, do not involve you, and do not blame you".
Wang Da-ma's eldest son, looking at his mother's sadness, but also in tears, his mother did before the muddle, although it is for their own children, but the human heart is vindictive, he has no power more than the ability to persuade his brother-in-law, and can not sway his wife.
So, he had to respect his mother's decision to discuss the two sisters and brothers-in-law, sisters together to pay for the old lady into the nursing home.
Wang Auntie this into the nursing home on the seven years, seven years although the children will occasionally visit her, but she is completely isolated from the outside world, the countryside neighbors and old sisters have become the past and memory.
Those days of quarreling with her in-laws and son-in-law and daughter-in-law have become her most vivid memories, and she often told her daughter and son who came to see her that if she could live again, she would not have done those foolish things in the first place.
Those things seemed to win, but won the face to win the heart, and finally lost the heart, lost the affection.
Gorky said: "Love of children is something that hens will do", and we all love our children.
But this love, to be built on the basis of respect for others, do not hurt others, those for the children, and loved ones to fight and kill, do not take into account the situation and the proportion of the practice, and ultimately may also hurt themselves.
Because no one can really do not count on forgiveness of others, and no one is obliged to pay for your mistakes, even their own loved ones, but also because of your repeated mistakes and resentment.
If Wang could have understood these truths earlier, she might not have spent her old age in a nursing home, and the happiness of having children and grandchildren around her knees would have accompanied her from time to time.
Cause and effect are not false: how you treat the world, how the world treats you; if you are kind, the world will be kind to you, if you are generous, the world will be generous to you.