Zhang Haidi sat in front of the window, looking at the yard in front of the little girl dancing figure, and then look at sitting in a wheelchair can not move their own, the brain can not control the thought: if she fell from here, it is the end of everything.
Even as an adult, she couldn't come to terms with her incompleteness, and no matter how long it took, the despair was still fresh.
She was suspended in the darkness alone, her feet can not touch the ground of the powerlessness of her extreme panic, there were people who adored her, pity her, but the line of sight touched the wheelchair behind her and can no longer stand upright legs, without exception, one by one turned away.
Only one person ignored all of her, really love her as a person, just purely because of love, so the good and bad, he accepted, and willingly.
In 1955, Zhang Haidi was born in Wendeng, Shandong Province, the new life of the family was exceptionally happy, and everyone wished that she could be healthy and grow up without disease.
Zhang Haidi, like most little girls, loved beautiful clothes, loved to dance, and watched the birds fly across the sky, wondering if she could fly like them.
But all the good in her five-year-old year came to an abrupt end, that year Zhang Haidi unfortunately suffered from hemangioma, because of the backwardness of the medical conditions, Zhang Haidi did not get timely treatment, the whole body paraplegic, no longer able to walk upright, and from then on, her whole life only have to be with the wheelchair companion.
In the decades that followed, even though she was used to sitting in a wheelchair, every time she remembered the blow brought by her physical defects at the age of five, as well as her confusion, she was plunged into a deep panic and powerlessness, and that was a trauma that could not be healed no matter how long it took to get there.
Because of paraplegia, Zhang Haidi is completely unconscious from the chest down, only the still flexible hands and running brain to let her feel that she is still a living person,
In addition to the discomfort, more so that Zhang Haidi can not stand is the torment on the soul.
At that time, Zhang Haidi was lying in bed all day and night, and she was completely isolated from the outside world,
The companionship of her parents and not to give up is an important support for Zhang Haidi to pull through.
She didn't know how to control and relieve her emotions, and she didn't understand why she was the only one who was so unlucky to get sick and sit in a wheelchair, while other kids were bouncing around, healthy and intact.
She was extremely sensitive, had low self-esteem, needed help with everything, felt she had to rely on others to survive, and was even more devastated that she could not continue with her schooling.
Because of her disability, she can no longer wear dancing shoes to dance on the floor, because of her disability, she can no longer use her feet to measure the world she loves, but also because of her disability, even the school closed its doors to her.
Zhang Haidi has also thought, she is such a person living and what is the meaning of it? The dream of dancing and trekking has now become a luxury, and all that she has insisted on and pursued has suddenly lost its meaning.
Sitting upstairs and looking down, she is not afraid of heights, nor is she afraid of death. If she really fell from here, she would not be really relieved, and all the pain she suffered disappeared, and in her next life, she would have a healthy and intact body.
Haidi's disappointment, loneliness, and helplessness made her more mature than children of her age, and allowed her to start exploring the meaning of life earlier.
In order to change her disillusioned state of life, Zhang Haidi began to study primary and junior high school at home, trying to keep up with her peers' learning progress, and when she got better, at the age of fifteen, Zhang Haidi followed her parents to the countryside.
Because of the backwardness of educational facilities, Zhang Haidi began to work as a music teacher, and guided the study of small children in rural areas. At that time, she already had a "as long as I live, I have to serve the people," a high sense of responsibility, Even if the world kisses me with pain, and I still want to return the song.
This is the first time I've ever seen a person who has been in a position to do that.
In the rural areas, the infrastructures are not perfect, and the medical conditions are even more backward. In the rural areas, Zhang Haidi saw many villagers suffering from illnesses due to the lack of medicines, and she began to learn the art of medicine herself.
Zhang Haidi has finished reading medical books on acupuncture and anatomy, and also bought a thermometer, stethoscope and other basic medical equipment.
Because she did not learn professional techniques, Zhang Haidi took herself as an experiment, looking for acupuncture points in their own bodies, the use of small animals to learn anatomy, until after the skillful techniques, she began to provide unpaid medical services for the villagers.
In just a few years, Zhang Haidi for the masses of unpaid treatment reached more than 10,000, and she was also affectionately known as the villagers "famous doctor".
Unable to travel thousands of miles, Zhang Haidi began to read thousands of books, through the books to understand the world she had never set foot in, to enrich her by the disease of the barren soul.
Zhang Haidi learned English, Japanese, German, and Esperanto through self-study, and took college and graduate courses, eventually earning a master's degree in philosophy from Jilin University.
In 1983, Zhang Haidi began to engage in literary creation, and when she was not feeling well, she lay in her hospital bed and read books through the reflection of mirrors.
Through this relentless pursuit of literature, she has translated hundreds of thousands of words of English novels, sixteen overseas writings, and written books such as The Pursuit of Life and Dreams from a Wheelchair, in which she pours out her pain, despair, and hope for life.
By 2002, she had even produced a 400,000-word novel, The Top.
"I am like a shooting star, I want to leave my light on the earth", even though she has never touched the land under her feet for decades, she still wants to prove that she has existed in such a gentle but powerful way.
Not only that, but Zhang Haidi, who has been in the rain, has always wanted to hold an umbrella for the poor.
She often went to orphanages, special education schools and families of the disabled to visit those widows and orphans and children with disabilities, telling them: Look, even if we have physical defects, but the sun shines on us the light will not be less, and we can shine just as brightly.
Zhang Haidi built a school in the same rural area where she had stayed, so that those poor and disabled children could go to school.
She has also been actively involved in the cause of the disabled, caring for the disabled, encouraging them to love life and hope, and calling on society to pay attention to this group and give them tolerance and understanding.
Zhang Haidi is a girl whose spiritual world is extremely rich, and it is easy for people to be attracted to her and feel good about her, but they don't live in an idealistic world, and when they touch her in a wheelchair, those "filters" naturally break down.
But there was one person who came for her unique soul.
At that time, a people's teacher, Mr. Wang Zuoliang, saw a report about Zhang Haidi on the Internet, and after learning about her, Mr. Wang Zuoliang became very interested in her and asked for her contact information through a friend, and then wrote a letter to tell Zhang Haidi about her heart.
One by one, the two people found each other more and more **** Ming, later, this emotion slowly evolved to like.
Zhang Haidi, who had experienced the disappointment of love, did not produce timidity, and bravely accepted Wang Zuoliang's feelings.
Of course, their union would be hindered by Wang Zuoliang's parents, but a sentence "Be mentally prepared, you will face a lot of difficulties" still affirmed his son's choice.
In 1982, Zhang Haidi and Wang Zuoliang got married, they did not hold a grand wedding ceremony, and did not invite guests to celebrate, they want just calm happiness, no need to witness, and no need to proclaim.
Because of their love, they thought of each other first every time. Even though her body was inconvenient, Zhang Haidi would help Wang Zuoliang do some simple chores, such as sweeping the floor and wiping the table, and Wang Zuoliang, he fully supported his wife's all, helped her send money, sent books, and dyed the frames of paintings of various colors for her.
In 1991, Zhang Haidi was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma, and she went from having no fear of death to being full of love for it, all because of the presence of the man who embraced her joys and sorrows.
Before the operation, Zhang Haidi said to Wang Zuoliang: If I can survive, it's better than that, we can still live a life together, but if I die, you should not be sad, God has already gifted us a period of time to keep each other, then, you will find a healthy, better than me to love you well.
Wang Zuoliang just silently hold her hand, the corners of the eyes of the speechless moist.
Zhang Haidi has always wanted to have a child of her own, but her physical condition does not allow it, so they adopted a puppy, named "Bench", to bring fun to life at the same time, but also put the expectations of the child on it, so that they accompany.
Early in the morning, Zhang Haidi through the window of a ray of sunshine has also fantasized, if they have a daughter, must be very beautiful, with a long braid, rushed into her arms and sweetly called her mother, if she likes to dance, that's even better.
Zhang Haidi has also worried about her own old age, no children, who will give them old age in the future? When Wang Zuoliang is too old to move, what should they two old men and women do?
Wang Zuoliang heard just put his wife's hand in his own hand, to give her enough security, calmly said: "At that time, we go to the nursing home together".
Meeting each other in this life is the happiest thing for them However, Zhang Haidi once said that if she could score the marriage, her married life is at least eighty or ninety percent, which shows that she is quite satisfied with her married life.
Although Zhang Haidi and Wang Zuoliang did not hold a wedding when they got married, but for them, their feelings have long been unnecessary to use the surface ceremony to measure, all these years along the way, accompanied by the side of the body has always been that one person, and this is the most romantic commitment they give each other.