at the second stop, a little beauty came up, followed by a man. It seems that they don't know each other. I haven't spoken for several times. The little beauty should be around 1.62, and I am 1.8, which is basically one head taller than her. The kind of packaged soybean milk that little beauty is holding. He was standing in front of me. Because it was so crowded, Xiaomei stood in the middle and couldn't catch the handrail at all. Maybe she was afraid that the soybean milk would spill. She held the paper cup filled with soybean milk high above her shoulders and took a sip from time to time. I didn't eat breakfast in the morning, and I was really hungry when I smelled soybean milk. She took a sip, and then the whole country took a break. The straw is just not far from my mouth, about 3CM at most.
after a while, I couldn't help it. I opened my mouth and took a sip. It was very light, and the little beauty didn't notice it. Then she took it and took a sip. Then she raised her shoulder and I took another sip. In this way, after a while, soybean milk should be gone, but I don't know. She said to herself, "What a world! Soymilk sellers lie. They pack so little, and they will soon finish it in a few strokes." I almost laughed at that time. When she lifted the paper cup to her shoulder again, I smoked it step by step. As a result, because there was not much inside, I made a "grunting" sound when I smoked it. The little beauty turned around fiercely, and I was petrified at that time. I was holding her straw in my mouth. Where was the stiffness? It was embarrassing at that time. MB, the idea of jumping off the car is all there. The little beauty said, "What are you doing? Is it delicious? Do you want me to buy you another drink? It doesn't look like a poor man to see you dressed so handsome. " Me: "..."
I'm still scared when I think about it. At the next stop, the little beauty got off the bus, and several people around me were watching me all the time. I said to myself, "It's my girlfriend, joking with me." I just finished speaking. The man who got on the bus with the little beauty spoke: "What are you talking about, brother? I let you drink soy milk, and you want it, too." Is it my girlfriend? " Me: "Ah, then why don't you get off?" The brother said, "She has arrived, but I haven't. I still have several stops to go. Aren't you a little shameless? I drank all the soy milk. There are so many people, so I won't say anything. You want my girlfriend, too. Is it mine? " I said in a low voice, "it's yours, it's yours, I don't want it." 。”
I just arrived at the station, so I jumped down. . . I'm sweating all over.
I'm too flustered.
it's so tangled.
I'm so upset.
2. Once I suddenly thought of going swimming, I bought a pair of cheap swimming trunks in the supermarket, because there was no other color, only red. As a result, I didn't expect the swimming trunks to fade. When I was soaking in the pool, a wisp of red came out from my lower body and rippled in the water ... An uncle swam past me, looked at the red "blood" under me, and then at my bare upper body. For an instant, his expression was very contradictory ...
3. I heard from a friend that a boy with a low EQ finally met him in college.
once a girl was ill, the boy accompanied her to the infirmary for a drip.
ten minutes passed, and twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened.
The boy thought about breaking the silence and asked, "Is it cold?"
"cold"
"cold, can I cover you?"
The girl blushed and whispered "Yes"
Then the boy got up. . . . . . . . . . Cover the drip bottle with your hand.
4. When I was a child, I used to bully my sister because of how old I was. One night, my father came to cover us with a quilt and suddenly found my three-year-old sister sitting straight in the dark looking at me sleeping!
why don't you go to bed? Dad asked.
Sister quickly said, Shh! Keep your voice down, and hit her when she's asleep!
5.
This man is hard of hearing as soon as he gets old. I remember when I was a child at my grandmother's house, my grandfather was going fishing one morning, and just after he left home, he met the old man next door. The old man said to my grandfather, "Go fishing!" My grandfather said, "No! I'm going fishing. " Then the old man said, "Oh, I thought you were going fishing?" I'm petrified ...
6.
I didn't pay attention to washing the bowl, and I dropped it on the floor, but it's okay, except for a corner on the side, which became a small gap.
then continue to wash the dishes. My right hand didn't pay attention, and I crossed the gap ... I broke it and thought,
Is it really that fast? I can break my hand. Then I tried it with my left hand, and it broke
. I thought, It's really fast. If this bowl is used for eating, it will be miserable soon. Then nc, I tried it with my mouth ... and my lips were broken ...
7.
A couple on the bus, the woman was touched by a pervert, and her boyfriend was expressionless. After arriving at the station, her boyfriend pulled the pervert out of the car, skillfully beat him up and took his girlfriend away. A website voted to analyze the reasons. 75% of people voted "This kid is waiting for his skills to cool down ..."
8.
There is a steamed bun shop near the subway station, and the business is very good. Next to the queue every day is a train ticket sales agency.
Today, I was waiting in line to buy steamed buns there. When I was about to arrive, I heard two men behind me say, Oh, this is a steamed bun shop, and the train ticket sellers are there ... Ah, over there!
9.
Once I went to the underground city to brush a picture with the warriors ... Half an hour later, a message suddenly came out on the loudspeaker, which almost thundered me to death. "The students from the middle school affiliated to Zhejiang XX Mine came and ran ...
1.
When I bought gloves, the boss asked for 35, but I said I would take 3. The boss insisted on 35, and told me a few things. . . .
11.
In senior high school, our toilet has a door with a spring, which can return to its original position, but it can only be opened inward, not outward.
Many people have a habit of opening the toilet door with their feet.
Most people just kick about knee height. I have a classmate who has practiced martial arts, probably to show off, or to keep his flexibility, he always lifts his feet high and kicks them about chest height.
One evening, this man went to WC, walked to the door, and without thinking, lifted his foot and kicked it
Our dean just finished the convenience, opened the door and walked out
So our dean was kicked back to the toilet by my classmate. . .
12.
Take my wife to have a prenatal checkup in the morning. After blood drawing:
Nurse: You can come and get the checklist on the 32nd.
wife: January 32 or February 32.
I (weakly): February 1st.
Nurse (Khan): Yes ~ Yes ~ Yes ~
13.
A few days ago, when I got on the plane, I found a beautiful woman sitting next to me. According to the principle of chatting up, I blurted out, where did you get off?
14.
The cat pounced on someone, a new girlfriend, and wanted to visit his girlfriend's house. The girlfriend knew that her mouth was swearing frequently, so she repeatedly warned me not to talk nonsense, and someone readily agreed. After the meeting, someone responded freely without revealing anything, and his girlfriend's parents were very satisfied. After dinner, in the cold winter, my girlfriend's parents insisted on seeing each other off to the side of the road. Someone was very moved, and his mind was hot. He blurted out, "Uncle, don't send me off, go back quickly, and look at that forced sample!"
15.
Today, my boss asked me to delete all the CS in the Internet cafe. I was busy all night. Why do you want to delete CS? Actually, the cause is this. Today, I got wind of the temporary inspection by the Public Security Bureau. For several days in a row, I became a street sweeper and drove all creatures under the age of 18 out of the Internet cafe. So when the police uncles came from a distance, my boss and I were not nervous. However, it is a pity. When the police uncles just set foot in the door of the Internet cafe, a group of people playing CS in the Internet cafe just shouted excitedly: "The police are coming! The police are coming! The police are in the dog hole! Brothers, go! Kill them! " All right. I admit, at that moment, not only the faces of the police uncles were green, but also the faces of the boss and me were horribly green.
16.
There is an elder sister who has done something very funny.
She has a mobile phone and a PHS. One day, she changed a new mobile phone card. A colleague asked her what the new number was. She said that she forgot it, so she dialed her PHS with the changed mobile phone.
I continued chatting with my colleagues while dialing. After the PHS rang, she picked it up and asked, "Hello? ..... Hello? ..... You talk, don't talk I hang up! "
all the colleagues present were petrified.
Then she pressed the hang-up button and said, "You're crazy, but you can't talk when you call.".
17. My wife went away on business and didn't come back for several days.
In the afternoon, when she was in a meeting, she secretly sent me a text message. The leader next to me slept like a dead pig, which was so funny ~
As a result, the telecom problem was sent to my mobile phone in the middle of the night.
I almost didn't jump from the upstairs at that time
18. I remember studying at night in high school, and a buddy slept in the last row. I woke up suddenly, then turned off the light and went to sleep. At that time, the whole class looked silly.
19. Worried about the names of children in the future, the first generation. Uncle's cousin's name is Chen Guandong, and Erbo's is Chen Guannan. Yesterday, my mother said that a cousin of Sanbo's family had a baby named Chen Guanbei. Shit, the family is sinister! Third brother, this is hurting me. However, I have just read "The Prosperous Age", and after admiring it, I have secretly planned to be crowned champion. You can't tell my little cousin that.
2. When I was a junior, I had lunch with bf in the school cafeteria at noon. There were so many people that I managed to get a face-to-face seat. The couple sitting behind me were also face to face. The boy and I were back to back. Suddenly, the couple quarreled at the beginning. It seemed that the boy's rice was not delicious, and I didn't care. I continued to eat happily ~ I heard a bang when I was eating, and suddenly I felt that my back was very hot from my hair. By feeling, a pot of spicy rice noodles covered my head, and I was stoned for a minute ~ it was numb. At this moment, a male voice whispered in my ear: I'm sorry, she was going to hit me!
21. I have a friend. He said that his college classmate once went to the university cafeteria to eat. At that time, he was holding a lunch box and hesitated about what to eat. He murmured: whether to eat chicken or fish. The canteen aunt urged him to choose quickly. As soon as he patted his head, he shouted, Let's eat chicken! The canteen aunt froze for three seconds and gave him a sausage. . .
22. The big cat at home gave birth to six kittens, which are very cute. Because they were just born, they haven't opened their eyes yet. For some reason, one kitten can't find a guy to eat with, or the competition is too great to grab it. One day, the big cat went out for dinner. I went to see it and found that the kitten was sucking and sucking with the tail of another kitten.
23.
My classmates told her stories in middle school. In class, a boy fell asleep at his desk and was found by the teacher. The teacher was very calm: the deskmate cares about it.
。 . .
this is really a washing tool. . . The deskmate took off his coat and put it on the sleeping boy. . .
24. My computer password is: FUCK YOU, and then yesterday my boss wanted to use my computer, and then asked me to send the password to his mobile phone ...
25. One day, a group of young people from unknown sources came to have a private room for their birthday. They are all well-dressed, thinking that another black sheep from Gao Qian is coming to have fun. After asking, don't miss, don't serve, so I sent a platter and ignored it.
JC comrades came to check after midnight. But I didn't think these guys were taking drugs. JC looked at a bunch of young people and asked me that we didn't know each other. If you don't say anything, you'll catch it. So, comedy happened.
A man with glasses is lying on the wall with his limbs swimming. The expression is very obscene. JC, go up and drag it down. Glasses man: awesome, I've become a gecko, and you can still recognize me.
26. It turned out that when I was at school, my deskmate was very busy.
Once he was sleeping in class, the teacher found him and said xxx stood up.
I woke him up and said that the teacher told you to stand up, but he just wouldn't stand up.
The teacher was anxious. xxx, stand up! He still doesn't get up and roll his eyes at the teacher.
The teacher has lost his temper. xxx, a student like you, I can't manage to continue the class.
I whispered at the bottom that xxx is really nb against the teacher.
xxx said that I actually want to stand up.
But ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ My legs are asleep. . .
27. At the New Year's dinner, there are some tables with name tags, and everyone else can sit casually. Then I heard a woman say, "Go and sit in the front, where there is your memorial tablet." I suddenly collapsed ...
28. During the second half-term exam, one of our classmates was arrested by Duan Chang for texting in the toilet, but he refused to give up his comrades anyway. Duan Chang calmly sent a text message with his mobile phone-"Come to the men's room on the second floor to get the answer"
Then ... The comrades came from all directions to ........... and were wiped out ... < p
"I have lacked maternal love since I was a child, and my parents are always away."
"What should I do if you lack paternal love?"
This person said "I have you" with lifelong regret.
Since then, this person has been greatly cared for in our dormitory.
21 joke collection
1. Chatting with her boyfriend, when it comes to rising, saliva splashed on his face. Then he instinctively wiped it off with his hand. I was a little embarrassed, but deliberately shifted the focus and pretended to be angry: "What? Dislike me, "he said with a gentleman's smile." No, wipe it evenly! "
2. In the past, the school said that it was necessary to have a physical examination and stool for laboratory tests, and then everyone took a little bit ~ and then, an alumnus ~ packed it in Chow Tai Fook's bag and box, and then he was taken away by someone driving a motorcycle halfway. . . . . .
3. A girl friend has very small breasts. We bury her every day. One day, she finally couldn't bear it, so she shouted at us, "How about my small breasts? I'll follow my dad!"
4. Today, I took my family to swim on the beach of Jinshan City, mainly to accompany my children to play with sand. In the process of piling sand, the lifeguard (commander) on the high platform in the distance shouted with a loudspeaker: Parents with children should pay attention, please take care of their children, especially those with their own children and other people's wives, please don't leave their children aside, I can see that!
5. In other words, I have a female colleague named Li Rui, and a male colleague named Li Ruisheng ...
(Reader's supplement: It is also said that there is a national policy in China called "family planning", and Li Ruisheng gave birth to one, and then the director of the family planning office went out. . . Then, there was a national leader named "* * *"! )
6. Have hot pot with my classmates in winter. After eating, I will come out first and wait for the gang behind me.