Wang Yu is now a psychological counselor, specializing in counseling and treatment of depression, anxiety, phobia, etc.
No one can imagine that he, who is now a therapist, once fell into depression and was unable to extricate himself. How did he complete the transformation from patient to therapist? What about people who are deeply depressed? To save your own life? Let's listen to his story, maybe it can bring us more spiritual strength.
It is really difficult for people who have never experienced depression to feel the despair and helplessness. Many people think that the onset of depression is caused by specific stimulating events. In fact, it is caused by unresolved conflicts that accumulate in the heart over time. When they try to resolve conflicts and get rid of depression, they find that all efforts are in vain. The black hole of depression is so hard to fill.
Wang Yu began to feel depressed in his second year of junior high school. The reason is that his parents divorced that year, and he lived with his mother from then on. In his self-report, he called his father the "same enemy" of him and his mother. It can be seen that the divorce of his parents was only the trigger for his depression, and the long-term family disharmony was the reason for his early cognitive decline. The key to problems and inner conflicts.
Maybe he also realized that depression had an earlier source, so he analyzed his past self. In fact, his personality is torn. He has a strong self and a weak self.
He was very cowardly at school and always worried about being bullied, but he was also very strong in front of his neighbors. He was a contradictory person. Sometimes he doesn't want to go to school. In order to escape reality, he always fantasizes about how powerful he is, and brings himself some comfort through this spiritual victory method. But in real life, he still has low self-esteem.
His past performance was pretty good, and he also won some attention and confidence through his performance and popularity. But this year, he collapsed. His self-confidence in the past was earned through achievements and was inherently unstable. He could no longer find happiness and became more closed-minded and inferior. He began to have trouble concentrating, didn't want to make friends, was no longer interested in anything, was depressed all the time, and began to fear going to school. He felt that he would never find his original self again.
In addition to the psychological sadness, he also experienced some physical symptoms, such as the muscles in his shoulders that were always inexplicably tight and unable to relax.
It is human nature to avoid pain. In order to escape these torments and pains, Wang Yu became a troubled teenager and was addicted to games all day long. His purpose at the time was to escape reality, stay away from pain, and gain inner peace. But as everyone knows, what he did made him farther and farther away from everything in reality. He felt like an empty shell, with no direction and no future. This made him want to stay away from reality, and he became farther and farther away from his past self. , he no longer recognizes himself.
In addition to the suffering Wang Yu himself endured, his family also suffered. His teachers and mother were disappointed in him, and he had to pretend to be relaxed in response to them.
He also tried to ask for help, but everyone told him: Don’t think too much, just study hard.
Depressed people always imagine that they will be different in a new environment and that everything can be done all over again, but when reality is really touched, they rush to escape from the scene. Therefore, it turns out that fantasies and expectations are useless. Only by investing yourself in life can you know what you are like.
When Wang Yu was in high school, most of the people in his class were from rural areas, but he was from the city, so at the beginning, this gave him a sense of superiority, but after a few God, this sense of superiority is gone.
With the passage of time, Wang Yu should have become more and more familiar with his classmates, and his interpersonal relationships would get better and better. However, because of depression, Wang Yu became afraid. When you are not familiar with someone, your shortcomings of being unsociable will not be exposed, but once you are familiar with someone, they will be exposed. This is like some patients with depression who always change jobs in a hurry and want to escape after working in the same place for less than three months. These feelings are similar. They only feel safe in a strange environment. In an environment like high school, Wang Yu was afraid that he would be seen through by others, so he forced himself to make some friends, but not out of initiative, but out of fear.
In such a state, Wang Yu became increasingly unable to concentrate on studying. He developed a strong sense of alienation from reality, so he became more inferior, autistic, and avoidant.
The feeling of inferiority caused him to extremely suppress himself, and suppressing himself caused him to avoid interpersonal relationships even more. There was a big problem with his mentality, but the strategy he adopted was to escape again and again, and he became a frequent visitor to Internet cafes. He thought that escaping reality would solve the problem, but little did he know that the problem would only become more serious.
In fact, at this time, Wang Yu had no idea that he was suffering from depression.
One day in high school, the school suddenly issued a mental health education manual. Wang Yu read the above about the symptoms of depression: a sense of hopelessness, a lack of interest in anything, physical tension, etc. Only then did he realize that he was suffering from depression.
If it weren’t for this chance, he would never know what happened to him. Seeing this pamphlet, he knew that he could become sunny and cheerful again, and he ignited fervent hope in his heart.
But what followed was frustration. In a small northeastern city in the late 1990s, there were no psychological counseling institutions at all, which suddenly shattered all hopes.
Wang Yu began to have serious doubts about life. He wanted to know why he had suffered from this damn depression. He began to constantly struggle and think back on the past. What kind of experience made him so weak and weak now? He has low self-esteem.
Once, in his sleep, he vaguely saw his mother combing her hair in front of the mirror, her face pale. She had just fought with his father. At this time, Wang Yu only felt his My mother was like a ghost: a tortured shell with no hope for life.
Although this is a small dream, it hints at Wang Yu's childhood tone and life background. He also imagined that when he grew up, he would disfigure his father and avenge his mother. It can be seen that the unbearable, chaotic, and contradictory family relationships had a great impact on Wang Yu. He once wrote: Lying, spying, fighting, and divorce were the main themes of his childhood life.
Wang Yu spent the first month of his second year in high school in Internet cafes and video parlors. He ran back and forth between the city and the county. One day when he was about to run out of money, he watched Looking at the people passing by on the street, I asked myself: What am I doing?
At this moment, when he felt the smoke, he was willing to press the pause button and think about his life. He has been thinking about what his values ??of escaping everything for many years have brought to him, escaping from low self-esteem and social interaction. In the end, the problem is still not solved. He still has no hope as before, still cannot make friends normally, and his depression is still there. Control him.
Therefore, he didn’t want to continue to be confused. He felt that he was spending his family’s money in school and he didn’t want to study. He was living a meaningless life, so he wanted to drop out of school and make some money on his own. More importantly, he felt that at work, he could start a new life.
He made the decision to drop out of school after struggling for a long time, because he had to face his mother's disappointment, but he felt that the road to school was deadlocked, so he made up his mind to enter society.
At this time, Wang Yu felt extremely painful.
“Breaking through, shining, dim, and desperate, I am bound, tortured, and torn apart by this reincarnation... Where is my future? Where is my hope? Who is it? Can you tell me? What I got from shouting out countless times was deathly silence, no feedback, no hope."
After dropping out of school, he didn't know what to do. At that time, there was a flood in the countryside. His aunt's rice field was washed away, so he took the initiative to help and worked for two months. During these two months, he woke up early and stayed late every day, so he no longer struggled with his emotions. He thought everything could start again. Unexpectedly, once back in the city, everything would come back again.
Facts have proven that forcing yourself to be too busy to have time to think will only achieve short-term results. If the core of pain is not resolved, despair will come sooner or later, and this method cannot truly calm your heart. of.
After returning to the city, Wang Yu began to look for a job, but he did not have the academic qualifications and skills to even go for an interview. One day, he finally plucked up the courage to go to a bar for an interview, but he was rejected by two bars in succession.
But he did not give up. He kept looking for a job, and finally found a job as a waiter in a hot pot restaurant.
The job is from 9 am to 9 pm. When there are no customers in the morning, he is responsible for selecting dishes and preparing tableware. After finishing the work, he has to stand in the lobby to greet the guests and say "welcome". These words make Wang Yu very embarrassed. . When he was working, he had to deliver dishes to the guests' tables, but he always nervously delivered them to the wrong place and was scolded by the foreman. As a result, he couldn't relax all day long, and he couldn't relax even when no one was around after lunch. He was always worried about his work in the evening.
Simple tasks are very stressful for him, he always feels that he has insufficient energy, and he cannot win the favor of others because he is always slow to react and clumsy. The society is not easy to mix at all, and Wang Yu feels like he is suffering every day.
It would be okay if it was just this kind of suffering, but here comes a new colleague who is eloquent and everyone likes him very much. Wang Yu feels even more incompetent, but at this moment he is still persisting in pain. One day, a colleague deliberately looked for trouble, and Wang Yu had a quarrel with him and almost got involved. This conflict also caused Wang Yu to lose his job.
After losing his job, Wang Yu became more doubtful about life. He felt that he could not even do the simplest tasks well and did not know how to stand in society.
After losing his job, Wang Yu has been thinking about the meaning of life, because this is already his third year of fighting depression, and he still can’t see any hope, but he still persists in pain. .
In order to get rid of depression, he first escaped from reality through Internet cafes. Now, he placed his hope on others, hoping to start a new life through falling in love. However, after a short day of falling in love, He was abandoned, which once again caused him to have strong self-denial: You are no good, you can't do anything, you are a loser and a wretch.
He hates depression extremely. He believes that depression makes him farther and farther away from a normal life. At this time, he thought of suicide. He felt that death was the only way to escape despair and helplessness.
If it was his parents' divorce, dropping out of school, and unemployment that made him suffer in pain, then being abandoned put him directly on the road to death.
He bought 200 sleeping pills, and when he got home, he prepared his last supper: two bottles of beer and some shrimp. Thinking about his depression and powerlessness, thinking about the life he had spent, and thinking about how his mother would live in the future, he swallowed the sleeping pills in one breath.
When he woke up, he was lying on the kang and was told by his mother that he had just had his stomach washed. He slept for a day and a night, but he had no memory of all this.
For the sake of his mother, he vowed not to do stupid things again, but he still couldn't get rid of the idea of ??committing suicide. He had been planning "death".
He started his journey to Dalian with 150 yuan and wanted to end his life in the sea.
After experiencing the trough of life and death, the window of Wang Yu's soul was opened for the first time. That was on the train to Dalian. He met several veterans and listened to them talk about their experiences as soldiers. He envied and admired them.
After getting off the train, he wanted to take a taxi directly to the beach to end his life, but he was attracted by the scenery on the road. He looked at it all with curiosity. If he stayed where he was, In a small city, you may never see such a city or such scenery in your whole life.
He was exploring, groping, and admiring, and suddenly saw a large billboard with the words "Heart Counseling" written on it, as well as a service phone number.
For a moment, Wang Yu felt that he was saved, and he no longer thought about going to the beach to commit suicide. He plucked up the courage to call a psychological consultation phone number and told the other end of the phone his symptoms: suicide, despair, depression, helplessness... The person on the other end of the phone said: You need to exercise more and be more harmonious. Human contact······
Although Wang Yu understood the truth, after hearing what professionals said, he felt more confident and believed that he could still be saved, so his hope was rekindled. .
So, he decided not to die and decisively used the remaining money to buy a return ticket...
The "Journey to Dalian" made Wang Yu realize , even a painful life can find the meaning of living in pain. After returning from Dalian, he never committed suicide again. Because there is still my beloved mother, and there is still love.
Living with hope mixed with despair, he finally saw the light one day. By then, he had dropped out of school for two years.
By chance, he watched an interview program "The Proud Man of Heaven, Why Suicide?" The interviewees were two Peking University students who attempted suicide due to depression. One of the students wanted to end his life in Taishan, but there was not enough money in Taishan. After buying the ticket, the staff learned the reason for her coming to Taishan and sent her back to school. After three months of treatment, the female student finally recovered and boldly went on TV to call on the whole society to pay attention to psychological problems. Pay attention to it.
After watching this program, Wang Yu excitedly believed that depression can be treated in Beijing. So he went to Beijing with his mother. They first went to Peking University to see if they could find these two students, but after asking around, no one knew. However, communications were not developed at that time, so this was normal. Finally, a kind-hearted classmate suggested that he go to Peking University Hospital. After informing the doctor of his intention, the doctor recommended him to Peking University Sixth Hospital for treatment of depression.
When Wang Yu went to the psychiatry department of Peking University Sixth Hospital, there were many patients, which strengthened his confidence in cure. Peking University Sixth Hospital was one of the few hospitals in Beijing that treated mental illnesses at the time, so he firmly believed that he was in the right place.
When he was undergoing treatment, he felt very excited and complicated, as if he would be reborn in the next second. He told his "story" to the doctor, and was finally told by the doctor that he suffered from mild depression. The doctor prescribed some medicine and told him that he did not need to come to Beijing specifically in the future and would go directly to the psychiatric hospital in Changchun. alright.
After traveling thousands of miles to seek medical advice, all he got was some medicine, and Wang Yu fell into despair again.
After returning to his hometown, Wang Yu spent a month to finish the medicine, but his condition did not improve at all, his mood was still low, his alienation from reality still existed, his inferiority complex and self-denial remained the same, so Wang Yu Yu completely gave up medical treatment.
He has been practicing according to the method in the book "Escape from Depression" written by a British psychologist. Wang Yu started long-distance running and insisted on running 5 kilometers every day. Although he was very tired, this tiredness was nothing compared to despair.
In addition to running, he will also play football with others. Although it is uncomfortable to stay together and he doesn't know what to say, he only knows that he will never get better if he avoids the crowd.
After persisting like this for a month, he knocked on the door of his former good friend's house. He was afraid that his friends would look down on him, so he deliberately avoided them for so many years. But when they met, his friends shouted: "Where have you gone? Why can't I find you after all these years?"
Wang Yu is breaking through himself step by step. He also told his friends about his psychological barriers. Although his friends did not particularly understand, they have been supporting and encouraging him.
From then on, Wang Yu was no longer so lonely and autistic. He learned to slowly contact people, and also learned to encourage himself from small things, and slowly accepted his own shortcomings and shortcomings. , no longer use ideal standards to criticize yourself in reality.
He also prepared a notebook to record daily mood swings, things that affected his mood, and his thoughts at the time, and then evaluate the thoughts instead of completely denying himself as before.
He also realized that the brain’s evaluation of himself only represents the brain, not himself, and he must not accept the brain’s evaluation in full.
Slowly, Wang Yu began to do things that he wanted to do but did not dare to do before. Although various irrational beliefs and self-deprecating thoughts continued to appear in the process, he learned not to do it anymore. Believe in these easily, but work hard and use facts to verify whether these thoughts are reasonable.
He also began to no longer escape from real life and no longer immersed in fantasy. After get off work, he often goes shopping and plays cards with his friends. Socializing brings him a lot of happiness and makes him feel real life.
Although real life has many ups and downs, troubles and helplessness, it is better than being immersed in your own world.
Wang Yu, who slowly walked out, began to think about his future. He felt that he could not stay in the factory and work all his life. At this time, I had been back from Beijing for a year, I had dropped out of school for three years, and I was not young anymore.
He has been thinking: Is it suitable for me to go back to high school at this age? Will he be laughed at? Can I stand up from where I failed? By the time I was admitted to college, all my classmates had graduated from college.
After some struggle, Wang Yu returned to high school. In order to completely solve his psychological problems, he majored in psychology when he was in college.
Once the seeds of hope are planted, they will set sail.
Now, more than ten years have passed since he wanted to go to college to study psychology. Wang Yu has transformed from a depression patient to a psychological counselor. After so many years, he has never given up. Live your dream and always live firmly.
Now, he has found a greater meaning of life, which is to rescue more people who were once like him, stuck in the quagmire and unable to extricate themselves.