The scariest thing about getting old is that you have to try desperately to act decent.
01
In Beijing's Calamus River Park, there's a blind date corner.
Hundreds of old people come over every week to meet each other, not to find a home for their children, but to find a companion for themselves.
The 75-year-old Mr. Liu is one of them, and he is not a lowly man in terms of his requirements for a partner.
In the past two years, moncler outlet online, he has encountered a lot of blind dates, without exception, the money as the primary criterion, "Ninety percent of the people here are looking for wallets."
The first thing that came out of his mouth was, "How many houses do you have? How much money do you have in savings? "
Louis vuitton handbags," he said. "I'm not sure if you're looking for a good deal," he said, "but I'm not sure if you're looking for a good deal.
Previously, moncler outlet store Liu had a girlfriend from Henan province, and after the two of them had been together for a few years, the other asked for 500,000 yuan.
Liu did not agree, the girlfriend abandoned her and found another new object to go to the northeast.
News Source | The Surge
At 75 years old, he has not given up his desire for love, which is a quite emotional thing.
Unexpectedly, moncler jackets sale Liu was subjected to a lot of netizens group ridicule:
Some people say, 70 years old and still want to find love, figure your age or not bathing ah, sweep a floor are struggling.
There are also people who say, half of the earth, find a nanny more good, is not able to spare the nanny fee?
In short, in the view of many young people, the old are old, are buried in the neck of the people, honestly finished their old age, but also blindly there what ah, completely an old hooligan.
Seeing such a point of view, really still let a person quite shocked, are the 21st century, in the treatment of the elderly problem, the young people did not progress much, or in the old point of view of binding the elderly.
02
The stumbling block to happiness in old age
/Children's firm opposition
If, only the next person feels that the old man looking for love is fooling around, it is just that, very often, even the old man's children see it that way.
In the TV series "My First Half Life", Luo Zijun's mom worked hard for most of her life and finally met her happiness in her later years.
Originally, she thought that this twilight romance could add a little color to her later life, but she didn't expect that the man's son was adamantly opposed to the old man's marriage because, in his opinion, Luo Zijun's mom was with her dad just for the sake of money.
So, he didn't care what the two old men said, he just blew Luo Zijun's mom away.
In the end, he was so angry that his dad was hospitalized with a cerebral hemorrhage, and he refused to let the two old people see each other.
For the elderly, the difficult thing is not to meet love, but the child's glad consent.
This is not just a drama in a TV series, but actually a particularly common phenomenon.
On Zhihu, a netizen said that he wanted to find his mother an elderly companion because he was not with her and she lacked companionship.
Where did it occur to me that this group of relatively highly educated users on Zhihu were strongly opposed to twilight relationships.
There are those who are so angry that they are hospitalized because of their opposition to their father's love affair; there are those who are against their mother's love affair, and their relationship is completely deadlocked; and there are also those who are in a mess because of their old man's love affair, which has made their home a place where they are in a state of turmoil.
One of them, Gaozhan, replied that this is a realistic society, where a young man with no money and no house can't get a wife, let alone a useless old man.
In the eyes of the young people, love is the monopoly of the young people, and the old people who have lived most of their lives have long since lost their feelings, and their being together is nothing more than the entanglement of money and interests.
In order to prevent the old man from making a mistake, the children and grandchildren of the soft and hard to interfere in their happiness, but also the name for their good.
03
Lack of companionship
/ is the biggest terminal illness of the elderly /
But the children do not know that the lack of intimate relationship with the elderly is the biggest terminal illness.
The widowhood effect is ample evidence of this phenomenon.
The widower/widower effect means that within three years of the death of a spouse, many other people die, even on the same day or every other day, hand in hand.
Have read this medical history:
A retired 83-year-old professor, six months after his wife's death in a car accident, he was found to have lung cancer.
But the old man was not very cooperative with his treatment and was anxious to get to the other side to meet his wife.
The wife was the old man's first love, and the two fell in love, married and stayed together all their lives from college.
As a result, the wife was unfortunately killed in a car accident.
Since then, the old man like lost soul like, every day, tea and rice, often are casually eat a little meal to muddle through.
Six months later, he coughed up blood and found lung cancer.
British social scientists surveyed 58,000 couples and found that fewer 12 died on the day they were widowed, another 40 within 10 days, and many more within six, including cancers, dirty diseases and killings.
About 40 percent of men and 26 percent of sex died within three years of the other half's death.
Although, the cause of death varied among these people, the study confirmed that their deaths were all related to the pain of widowhood.
For most people, a spouse is the most important social relationship.
Two people who have been together for most of their lives have long since become part of each other's lives, and love or no love, the loss of the other person is a huge blow.
So, for the elderly, their biggest terminal illness is not from physical disease, but life unaccompanied single.
04
The loneliness of the elderly
/It is not enough just to be accompanied by them
There is always a misunderstanding among young people that as long as they give enough companionship to the elderly, they will no longer be lonely.
That's such an old-fashioned way of thinking.
A happy old age requires more than just the company of children, but also the closeness of a significant other.
In the movie "0.5mm", there is an old man who makes a particularly deep impression.
The old man was once a university professor with a decent status and income.
But he started stealing from the kiosk, and what he stole wasn't any expensive or rare stuff, but just the pornographic magazines that middle schoolers love to read.
In the store, the professor did not dare to buy ......
In the public perception, the elderly should be no desire, if they dare to think about the crotch of that thing, will be scolded as "old man".
But any old man with a bit of cheek, where would he dare to buy and look as openly as a young man?
There are a few people like the university professor who have been kidnapped by the "elderly status".
Almost every senior citizen in the movie is repressing his or her desires, such as an old man whose greatest wish on his deathbed is to touch a woman's breast.
Pan Suiming, a domestic sexologist, said in "Leaving Historical Evidence for "Full Sex"" that 53 percent of Chinese seniors between the ages of 55 and 61 have sex once a month, and 39 percent have sex three times a month.
Freud said there is a need for sex in humans and animals, which is called "sexual instinct" in biology, and it is like the desire to forage for food when you are hungry, and this "original desire" does not decline with age.
Everyone has this "original desire", but the young people do not understand, not to the elderly to buckle "for the old," the high hat, leading to the elderly themselves is also extraordinarily entangled and contradictory.
05
When the elderly are neglected
/ also caused by AIDS /
When the emotional needs of the elderly, sexual needs are ignored, the final end may be to get AIDS.
In 2015, in Yiwu, Zhejiang province, a 91-year-old woman, Cui, was diagnosed with AIDS, due to sexual behavior.
Cui had been widowed for 20 years and lived alone in downtown Yiwu.
Because she lives alone, Cui sometimes takes in some rag-pickers and vagabonds to get rid of her loneliness and to collect "lodging fees" to subsidize her family.
Over the years, there have been two to three men in their 60s who asked to sleep with her, and Cui had a relationship with them.
And so, just like that, she contracted AIDS.
Source | Jinhua News Network, Legal Evening News
At the mention of AIDS, many people think of "sex"; and when you think of "sex", many people think that this is the patent of the young middle-aged. Not many people associate the elderly with AIDS.
But the statistics are eye-opening: in 2014, there were about 35.3 million people living with HIV worldwide, of whom nearly 4.2 million were older adults, and the main mode of transmission was sex.
The less society recognizes the sexual needs of older people, the less they are understood, and a vicious circle is created.
Elderly people are too shy to talk about sex, no one tells them about it, and the sexual risk keeps rising.
Beijing's Li, who is in his 50s, doesn't understand the dangers of AIDS and doesn't know how to protect himself against it.
He thought the only function of condoms was to prevent pregnancy.
As a result, he contracted the disease, and more than a dozen of the more than 50 women he had sex with have been found to have AIDS.
The need for intimacy in older people is not a flood, it is simply one of the most basic needs of being human.
Continuing to condemn the elderly will only result in an increase in the number of people suffering from AIDS. Instead of doing so, it is better to face up to the needs of the elderly and give them the protection and publicity they deserve.