One
In 2011, I graduated with my doctorate and worked at the same time as my wife at a university in a second-tier city. The basic living conditions of both families belonged to affluent families in a small third-tier city.
In October 2011, my father-in-law called my wife, first with pleasantries, saying he missed us. Wife felt something was wrong, and when pressed, father-in-law said he had been diagnosed, he was liver cancer plus gallbladder cancer plus pancreatic cancer. Cancer cells were found in several key organs. We used to think that cancer was so far away from us, but we never thought that someone close to us would have cancer. My wife and I talked about doing our best to support him financially.
At the time, my salary was about 80,000 yuan a year. When I had the opportunity, I went to give lectures to self-study students and adult students, and at 60 yuan per lesson, I could earn an additional 20,000 yuan per year. Desperately looking for friends, brothers, and mentors to do projects, I was able to make another $50,000 per year. My wife and I, in 2011, made about $200,000 a year.
How did the 200,000 yuan work out? Father-in-law surgery, we immediately put out 50,000 yuan; subsequent follow-up treatment, at least 10,000 yuan per month; living expenses and nutritional costs of 5,000 yuan per month. By the end of 2011, we spent about 80,000 yuan. The usual traveling and accommodation expenses to the hospital were not counted. My mother was very supportive and subsidized us at times.
Life suddenly became difficult. Going to a substitute institution outside a family fried noodles, I love eggs, add an egg and feel very happy. Buy pants online, 100 yuan for 3 pairs of postal service, just enough for a change of clothes in the summer. Sometimes late from class, to catch the train, too congested, directly call a motorcycle, especially cold in winter, scraping face and headache. I don't dare to get sick because it costs money. Every month, the hard work of substitute teaching money and school salary, get hand at least 10,000 yuan. All this money, do not want to spend, to prepare for the elderly to see the doctor's medical expenses. Wife has been wearing a few years ago when studying at the university bought a down jacket, a close look at the cuffs, are worn out the lining, she wore such a dress, to walk on the winter of the university lecture hall.
The money earned each month, which added up to a thick sum for two people, seemed so thin when they were sent to the hospital.
Two
November 2011, shortly after his father-in-law's surgery, his wife was pregnant, she was not young, the doctor recommended that it must be left.2011 year-end, before the winter vacation, the school sent a box of oranges to each teacher, at that time I was out of the country on a business trip, it was arranged for his wife to find my colleague to help move to the home. My wife was thin-skinned and carried the box by herself, not bothering to take a taxi to catch the bus, which resulted in a preeclampsia.The Spring Festival of 2012 was spent in the hospital by our family: my father-in-law continued his treatment in the capital hospital in his hometown, and my wife was lying in the hospital to settle her pregnancy. In the city during the Spring Festival, there were very few people, and I traveled between home and the hospital. It was cold that winter. I bought raw pork ribs for my wife, boiled them at home, and sent them to the hospital, where my wife's first words were, "How much does it cost per pound?"
When my wife was seven months pregnant, she was still lecturing. Two weeks after the baby was born, the wife went to work, and the child was not breastfed -- the school has maternity leave, which lasts a semester, but pays only 80 percent of the basic salary, which is roughly only 2,000 yuan a month.
The happiest thing about the year was that my father-in-law got to meet his granddaughter during his lifetime. Father-in-law loved our child and hugged and loved her every time we met.
Three
On the second day of the Chinese New Year in 2013, we went to my father-in-law's house to pay a New Year's visit, he took out his wine and wanted to drink with me, which was stopped by my mother-in-law, and then he snatched it away, saying, "How many times can I still drink with my child?" The Spring Festival with a sick person at home is a bleak time of life.
In fact, on the night of New Year's Eve, my wife proposed to go to my father-in-law's house. At that time, I said to go together, my wife refused, saying, "You'll just stay home with mom and dad and bring up the kids." A long time later, my wife told me that on the night of New Year's Eve that year, my father-in-law started to have a fever again, and he was beating the pendulum, and my mother-in-law couldn't hold it down all by herself.
The 2013 Dragon Boat Festival, father-in-law's spirit is very good, we went out for a walk together, chatting, and he had the pleasure of letting me find a good restaurant. The cancer cells ended up spreading very quickly, seemingly overnight, growing all over the body's organs. Father-in-law is very strong, then chemotherapy can not be done, do minimally invasive, crack the ribs, fixed point to burn the cancer cells, he gripped the surgical bed with his hands, so painful that he was about to break his teeth.
July 2013, father-in-law finished the last part of the journey of life. The father-in-law is the hospital's "anti-cancer star", but also did not beat the death. When he was dying, he was already in a coma from the pain, and the morphine injections were useless. When people are in the most pain, the central nervous system will automatically turn down the pain. I asked my doctor how much cancer hurts. The doctor thought for a while and said, "It's like a million ants eating your bones.
The day my father-in-law died, the school was not yet on vacation, and my wife and I worked overtime to finish reading the papers at hand. At nine o'clock in the evening, my wife's phone rang. Putting down the phone, my wife was silent for a while, lying in my arms, and said, "Dad is gone."
My mind presents a picture scene: mother-in-law helped father-in-law, catch the bus to the hospital; two people help each other, to the hospital dining room to eat; mother-in-law and great-uncle brother-in-law running around the hospital, looking for doctors, looking for medicine. Almost every time I go to the hospital, my father-in-law sits on the bed, holding the previous day's hospitalization list, wearing presbyopic glasses, quietly looking at, softly sighing, slightly guilty look at me, greetings. Every time I left the hospital, I told myself, hold on, hold on again ......
Four
After my father-in-law's death, I began to reflect on my life. I thought it was necessary for me to start doing something of my own wholeheartedly - I wanted to go to the bigger world. My family agreed, and after this life-and-death disaster, it struck everyone that our well-off family was so fragile.
In March 2014, I officially resigned from my college to take a job as executive general manager of a company with a guaranteed salary of 300,000 yuan a year. The day after I reported to my new company, my mom told me that my dad had been suffering from a low-grade fever almost every afternoon for two months since the end of 2013. After what happened to my father-in-law, I was calm and sure it was cancer or some other serious illness.
At the hospital, no cancer was found and everyone was relieved. Bone marrow aspiration was done twice and finally it was found to be blood cancer. The daily treatment cost, on average, 10,000 yuan.
In fact, the life of suffering is very close to us.
The hospitalization fee was enough on that day. My dad's 3 brothers total *** have 10 children, 5 in the eldest uncle's family, 3 in the second uncle's family, and two in our family - I have a real sister. Dad's hospitalization was so urgent with money that even if he sold his house, it would take time. Mom called my cousins, and each of them called 20,000 yuan directly. I have a hairdresser, an executive in a foreign company, who grew up eating Dad's cooking at my house, and he called directly over 100,000 yuan, saying, "This money, it's for Dad's medical treatment, you don't have to pay it back." Dad's several good friends, also with me to ask for the card number, said: "This is for my big brother to see the money, children you do not have to care."
All of us were so "busy" at the time, my sister gave birth on the day my dad was hospitalized, and when I called my sister, she cried. I said, "If Dad makes it through this, we both need to be ready to be bone marrow donors." My sister said, "Donate mine!" My brother-in-law was very filial and went to the hospital when he could. The day Dad died, Sister had just gotten out of her month.
Five
My dad's treatment was very short, only 35 days. My mom stayed with him all the time. The doctor ordered him to eat high-protein food, so she went to the market every day to buy a fish and made it herself. Two days before his death, Dad was like a normal person, only slightly weaker, and when I talked to him, I couldn't see any sickness at all. I asked him, "Does it hurt?" He said, "Just hard."
On the day of his death, I said to him, "Dad, I have to go back to the company to see, just to the new unit, worried that people have opinions ah." Dad said: "You go, all right, this side of the crowd." Walking to the high speed train station, I called my fourth cousin. The moment the phone was connected, I couldn't help crying loudly and said, "Brother, I can't hold on any longer!" Fourth cousin said, "Don't worry, your sister-in-law and I will always be there."
I left at 12:00 noon, and at 6:00 p.m. when I was having dinner with a friend, my wife called and said that my dad was dying, and my mom was looking for an ambulance, ready to pull him to his hometown. I didn't see my dad one last time. When I arrived at my hometown, Dad had already changed into his birthday suit and was lying there cold and quiet. Dad was just an ordinary man, not very capable, but well-liked. On that day, familiar and unfamiliar relatives and friends, all came.
Dad's last meal was with me. The day before Dad died, my wife and I stayed with him. I asked him, "Dad, what do you want to eat for lunch? We'll eat noodles, okay? The doctor told me not to eat anything too greasy!" Dad seemed a little angry and said, "Noodles don't taste good, get some meat." I then asked the nurse if I could eat meat, and the nurse thought about it and said yes, to increase protein, it's fine. I went to the restaurant and ordered a pork elbow, asked for a vegetarian dish, two rice, packed back. Our grandfather and son put an elbow, almost two pounds, all eaten. It was the last meal of Dad's hard life.
This is the most natural, but also the most painful. Everything is born in the dust and returns to the dust.
Dad left so quickly that he caught all of us off guard. Dad was my spiritual leader, the person I loved and respected the most. In the year since he died, I dream about him almost every week. Sometimes in my dreams, I just touch his head and it's cold. I have met many family members of cancer patients, and they all have a habitual action like me, which is to touch the patient's head. If the patient doesn't have a fever one day, it will be our greatest happiness. In my dream, I said to my dad, "Dad, you don't have a fever anymore, you're better!" Dad said, "Yes, I'm better!"
Six
Many of the potent and imported drugs used in the treatment of cancer are not reimbursed, many of the surgical costs are not reimbursed, and most of the medications used in chemotherapy and conditioning are not reimbursed either. Father-in-law's total **** spent about 1 million yuan on medical expenses, probably only 350,000 yuan reimbursed, the remaining 600,000 yuan, we paid more than 300,000 yuan, relatives gave about 100,000 yuan, father-in-law's own money of more than 100,000 yuan.
It's hard to beat a hero for a penny. Money can't solve all the problems, but it can bring a relative sense of security. Our generation, who grew up studying hard and working hard as adults, the driving force behind this is to get rid of the "poor", to get rid of the "poor" in all aspects, including the economy, opportunities, and the mind. The terrible thing about fate is that it always plays a joke on you when you are most pleased with yourself. When I was in college, I always liked to label the world with self-righteous labels, such as, how should a rich life be? How should society be? How others should be? Slowly honed, learned not to speak, head down, stoic life. It is also because of harboring hope for the future that they keep pursuing and progressing. Life is so short, in fact, there is nothing to complain about, hard work, fight, but also comfort. Life is really poor, life is poor short, give us too short a time, too few opportunities, too late to love, people will be old.
My father and father-in-law and I have a good relationship, and the two of them often have small gatherings. After my father-in-law's surgery in 2011, my wife and I brought him to my home for a while. Father-in-law's body is too weak, and we are too busy, every day is dad to cook for him. The two old men, neither of whom lived past 62, both worked hard all their lives and got their pensions for less than two years. My wife and I are both after 80, in the parents can enjoy the joy of heaven, the pain of losing a loved one, this pain, is the feeling of the heart piece by piece cut up. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, one of us will suddenly get up, sitting on the edge of the bed, silently crying. My wife and I made one thing clear, that if we both became terminally ill in the future, there would be no more treatment.
Have more children if you can, people can guarantee that they will be able to work when they are young, but no one can guarantee that they will not get sick when they are old. Being old is not a rotten tradition, it's a way of life. When my father-in-law was sick, without my great-uncle, I couldn't have made money outside in peace; when my father was sick, without my brother-in-law, a group of cousins, and a group of good friends, I couldn't have lasted.
Death is the great suffering of life and the greatest fairness in the world. Anyone is not immune to death, but death is not a negative tragedy, but presents a kind of sadness: small human beings, knowing the inevitability of the end of individual destiny, but still moths to the flame like resistance, every small cluster of embers, building the civilization of mankind today. Life and death is really bitter, but this is the norm of life, we will all be so old, die, in the dust to nourish new life. Give yourself an ideal, a hope, so that this lonely journey, seem to have light. Short life road, we are all practicing in the world.