What does it cost to be a maverick? What will you get?

Disclaimer: This is probably the longest and most deleted answer I have ever written. Because this question reminds me of some things when I was a child, which have been affecting my understanding of the world now. I wish I could write it clearly, but it may be a little long. If you don't have the patience to finish reading it, you can save it and read 140 words every day. Text: I remember stealing once when I was young. This is the first "crime" in my life, and it may be the last. At that time, I still lived in the country, with my grandparents. There are several families around, and the children are several years older than me. They are all in school. Every morning, through the foggy glass window, you can see several boys and girls rushing to school. In the afternoon, they go home from school on this road. My wish at that time was to play with them, even if I sat next to them and listened to their chat, I would feel very happy. But they never took me. Not only are they older than me, but more importantly, I can't participate in their games (football, basketball, cycling, skateboarding). Then one afternoon, I was sitting in the yard as usual, and suddenly four white-faced boys came from a distance. Each of them is carrying a round black plastic bag, which looks heavy. I stopped them and asked them what they had. I didn't know until I asked this question that it was an immature watermelon they stole from another family. I asked who stole it, and one of the leading boys, Xiao Ye, whispered that it was picked in the watermelon field of Lao Wangtou. Hearing the words "Lao Wang Tou", my heart suddenly tightened. Lao Wangtou is a retired cadre. There is no one who lives around here who does not know him. He has been a leader for several years, so he usually acts like a bully. I usually hate people stealing fruits from his orchard. Once, a stray dog came out of nowhere, stripped his tomatoes and told him to catch a beating. The slender cane waved up and down, tearing the stray dog's back to pieces, and blood filled a small pit next to it along the slope. The more others persuaded him, the harder Wang Yue became, as if all his previous grievances were on a stray dog. Finally, the stray dog would rather be killed by Lao Wang's head in front of everyone. I always remember that photo clearly. Without much thought, Xiaoye asked me if there was anyone at home, and I said no one. He offered to hide in my house, and if he saw Lao Wang's head catching up, let me cover for him. Of course, don't let me do it for nothing. In return, I can share with them watermelons that are not much bigger than apples. I was very excited and a little nervous about Xiao Ye's proposal, but I finally gritted my teeth and agreed. After about five minutes, I saw Lao Wang coming angrily with a cane on his head. He stared at a pair of eyes that almost cracked his eyes and asked me if I had seen the child. Where did they go? I said I didn't see who it was, but I saw them go that way (I meant in the opposite direction). Lao Wang warned me that if I lied, he would break my leg when he came back later. I said whatever. My legs are useless anyway. Just don't hit me in the face. After Lao Wang left, Xiaoye and three other boys crept out of my house. Make sure that the other person has really gone far, and they will be relieved. Xiaoye wiped the sweat on her face and left with three boys. I asked him where he was going, and he said to go home. I said he would give me a watermelon. He smiled and said that if I could catch up with him, he would give me food. Say that finish, Xiao ye took a step with some of them, and the figure faded away. I was in a wheelchair and couldn't catch up. If you chase, the wheel will hit the steps and you will definitely roll over. But at that moment, I really wanted to chase. I want to turn over, I want to fall, I want to bleed, but I just don't want to watch them leave ... I am like a wronged child with a sour nose and tears coming out of my eyes. Through the distortion of tears, I seem to see that the steps in front of me have become a wall, which easily divides the world into two and divides us into two people from different worlds. Later, Xiaoye was beaten black and blue by his father for stealing, and the three boys were also punished to varying degrees. And I was not only severely reprimanded for lying, but also confiscated a box of alcoholic chocolates. From then on, I don't have much expectation and interest in "playing with others" I began to learn to play games by myself: assemble Lego bricks by myself; One person put together a 2000-piece puzzle; Playing bully alone-at that time, my favorite game was the legend of ninja dragon sword, because it was a single-player game. Later, my parents brought me a transformer imported from other places. I put Optimus Prime and Bumblebee by my bed before others heard about them. In the afternoon, I will drive a remote-controlled racing car in the yard for a while. In the past, I used to hold my cheeks and watch my grandfather play football in the open space; Now it's grandpa. They are holding dirty football in a circle to watch me drive a racing car. If someone wants to borrow my toy, I will answer him with a smile: no! When others are talking and laughing in a small circle, I no longer try to blend in with their conversation, but read quietly alone. By the time everyone finished speaking, I had just finished reading one of my books. As a result, unknown so often boasted: "This child really loves reading." In fact, I know that I am not a person who loves reading, but I just lack a reason not to read. Sometimes I wonder if I am "maverick" in my eyes. Maybe not a maverick, but at least a "unique" person. My body, my toys and my habits are very different from them. But is this what I want? Absolutely not! I once fell into a confused and helpless spiritual swamp, and it got deeper and deeper. I get up very depressed every morning, and even a heavy rain will make me full of sadness. A question that makes me feel so tormented is: If study, career, love, marriage, family, children and health are the most important indicators to evaluate a person at different stages and different periods, then is there any value for people who have lost all these? If it is still valuable, what scale should be used to measure its value? Looking at yourself from the commanding heights of time, I find that sometimes people will feel confused, painful and helpless, largely because they can't find a suitable ruler to measure their own value. We are not sure whether what we do is meaningful or not. Not knowing what we should do, we all question the value of our existence. After all, in front of the evaluation system of the whole society, we are too insignificant, too insignificant That's why we always envy those maverick people. Because they don't need to struggle in the social evaluation system, and they don't need to measure themselves by the value scale of ordinary people. They have their own evaluation system and a yardstick to measure their own value. They live freely in their own world. Others can envy, but they will never learn. The only thing worth thinking about is how do those "maverick" people become "maverick"? Do those "maverick" people have sex with each other? And how do those who yearn for "maverick" go to vulgarity and exaggeration? I believe that the truly maverick people in the world will not take "maverick" as their original intention. Those who deliberately pursue "maverick" will inevitably become grandstanding mediocrity in the end. Just because "maverick" is not an act, a temperament, a pursuit, or a choice that can make people think about the past and the future. It is a kind of resistance, and it is a kind of resistance consciousness produced in the deep heart after being strongly oppressed. This oppression usually comes from two aspects-environment and spirit. The former is Rainbow wavelet, and the latter is like Ka Kui Wong. When Wang Xiaobo was growing up, "Lao She jumped into Taiping Lake, Hu Feng went to jail and Wang Shiwei was shot". In an absurd era, the emotional expression of normal people is almost suffocating. As Wang Xiaobo himself said, "I always feel that writing novels is dangerous." It is the extremely depressed growth environment that can create Wang Xiaobo's later literary torrent. As a maverick, Ka Kui Wong is different from Wang Xiaobo. When Alan Tam and Leslie Cheung's "soft love songs" filled the Hong Kong music scene, and men and women in the streets were singing little love and "abandoning ideals", Ka Kui did not flatter this era with cheap and sad love songs like ordinary musicians. He went to Japan with talent and dreams. Finally, in the way of life, it conveys a musical belief of erin brockovich. Just like the song in "Broad Sky": "Anyone can abandon his ideal, and he is not afraid that one day it will be just you and me." For Ka Kui Wong, music is not only a medal of life, but also a shackle of the soul. One of them is oppressed by the external environment and the other by the internal spirit. Two different kinds of oppression make them become the same kind of people-a person who stands out, a maverick, a person who dares to challenge taboos, and a person who dares to be an enemy of the world. They turn a blind eye to other people's eyes, turn a deaf ear to secular evaluation, disdain flashy names, and calmly fight back against shameless framing. They are not full of hatred for the world. On the contrary, they love the world so much that they want the world to be as sincere and kind as themselves. The more hostile he is to the world, the more eager he is to be recognized by the world. As an ordinary person, instead of thinking about whether to be independent, it is better to think about whether you have been oppressed in any way. Without oppression, there is no resistance, and without resistance, there is no way to "be immune." And once you are lucky or unlucky to become a "maverick", it will not be worth the loss. If you want to live an ordinary life, you will encounter ordinary setbacks. If you want to live the best life, you will encounter the strongest harm. The world is fair. If you want the best, it will definitely give you the greatest pain. If you want to experience the chic of "maverick", you must first lose ordinary and simple happiness. "maverick" is like a bridge on the road. People walking on the bridge have long been cornered by fate. If possible, I hope there is no such thing as "maverick" in this world. We don't have to listen to other people's advice and grandstanding anymore. Everyone can express their preferences at will and pursue their dreams without scruple. Everyone can be respected as an independent individual, there is no need to be unconventional in order to win a position, and there is no need to fight for a decent life. More importantly, I will not watch others leave because of a "step" that I can't step on. I hope everyone is unique because of ordinary, not because of uniqueness.