In the middle of the night, the light in the sleeper compartment of the train is very dim, which makes Xiao Ying's mobile phone screen very bright.
Xiao Ying opened the mobile phone map, only five minutes before he opened the map for the last time. Xiao Ying didn't understand whether this excitement was urgent or anxious. Just like a novice who just took the stage, it is difficult to find out whether the palms are sweating because of excitement or nervousness.
The map shows that there are 9 stops at the destination, distributed in 3 provinces. Xiao Ying thought, if it weren't for her mother's love, she didn't know that there was a seaside city named Qingcheng on this 9.6 million square kilometers land; I won't be among the 870,000 residents of Qingcheng Mountain, running around day and night looking for a person named Shuimingzhu.
Shuizhu is her mother's lover.
Maybe, eight years ago, that woman named Ye sat on this train in late autumn and couldn't sleep at night. I wonder, eight years later, will she be like a daughter, hanging headphones, leaning against the window, listening to Fish Leong's gentle love songs, staring at the dark curtains outside the window with glassy eyes, and her heart is choppy?
Thought of here, Xiao Ying felt as if he had gone through this journey.
Mothers and daughters are sometimes like a woman's past lives and future generations.
But before my mother diagnosed lung cancer, the relationship between "former life" and "later life" was as cold as the Sino-Soviet relationship of 1969. Xiao Ying vaguely remembers that this coldness seems to have originated from a long trip of her mother several years ago. I remember, because that time, my mother came back and cut off the flowing long hair that could be used for shampoo advertising, and at the same time cut off the gentle and lovely eyes of a petty bourgeoisie woman. Earlier, my mother opened a small and exquisite clothing store, selling some bright and elegant little women's clothes. Business depends on her mood, a cup of tea, two magazines and some light music. In this case, my mother gently leaned against the sofa, her hair naturally hung down and her legs slightly tilted. However, a few unusual movements and gestures have all kinds of amorous feelings on her. Natural beauty. Mother doesn't get up when the guests come. It has a model and price tag on it. Try it if you like. Try it well and buy it. She hates being called the boss's wife. It sounds old and vulgar. She said she was a businessman, but not a businessman. My mother once sold a cheongsam with white characters on a blue background to a woman for a dollar, just because the woman had a certain artistic conception when she tried it on, which made her cry for no reason.
She was infatuated with her mother when she was a child. She used to secretly imitate her mother's way of speaking, walking and even sad. At that time, she didn't understand the word "feminine", only knew that the smell of her mother was full of exciting temptations, which made her excited.
But all this followed my mother's long hair. Mother closed the clothing store and opened a bathing place. She really looks like a "Mrs. A Qing" who goes in and out every day. My mother once wrote some poems, and the watery rhetoric exudes classical nostalgia, but it suddenly turned into an imperative tone as sharp as a kitchen knife and spatula. When talking with Xiao Ying, it often turns from sunny to cloudy after more than four sentences, and then it is rainy and cold. The house is in chaos. The original ecological family began to be confused from gender roles. Xiao Ying's father works in a government office and seldom goes home before 10. His mother once said that his white hair is from 7 pm to 1 1. Later, my mother came back late and smelled of alcohol, tobacco and perfume. Xiao Ying often heard her mother talking on the phone in the bathroom early the next morning, with a heavy nasal voice, asking her how she came back the night before and who sent her back.
When Xiao Ying was in college, he seldom contacted his family. One morning in her sophomore year, she received a phone call from her mother. That day, when the sky was high and the clouds were light, Xiao Ying and her boyfriend were lying on the grass, playing games with each other on their mobile phones. My boyfriend met him a week ago. The number is N 1, where n is neither a number nor a letter, but a rule. Xiao Ying changing boyfriends in college is like her mother running a clothing store. She plays with her emotions. When she is tired and bored, she changes, just like chewing gum. She vomited after a few bites.
Xiao Ying's cell phone rang in the boy's hand. When the boy saw it, it was a man named "Night Seven". When Xiao Ying answered the phone, the boy had a rich imagination-this number must be a man. Since ancient times, too many men have been named "seven", and Liu Qi, Ruan ... "seven" has almost become the loudest suffix for domineering men.
Xiao Ying answered the phone briefly and deeply, and hung up after saying "Yes" twice. The boy asked Xiao Ying who was the "seventh night"? Xiao Ying didn't answer. She doesn't want to say that Night Seven is her mother's Late Autumn in Leaves. A long time ago, Xiao Ying dialed her wrong number and didn't correct it at that time. She didn't think it was necessary.
Xiao Ying's spaced out grabbed his clothes and went to the dormitory. The boy followed him and asked who "Night Seven" was. Xiao Ying suddenly turned and shouted, "It's none of your business! Are you bored? "
Xiao Ying is tired, tired, which means the game is over.
Turning around, Xiao Ying burst into tears.
Because of that phone call.
On the phone, her mother named "Night Seven" asked her, "The doctor said I still have a month. Will you come back this holiday? "
two
Ye late autumn, sixth floor, 14 ward.
From the elevator to the ward, in the corridor of more than ten meters, Xiao Ying seems to be climbing a mountain, and every step is like lifting a thousand kilograms of lead. The strong smell of disinfectant and deeper and darker light convinced Xiao Ying that death was somewhere, with a malicious smile on his face.
Six months ago, my mother suddenly went numb. She went to Baidu to check, and Baidu said it was a cervical vertebra problem. That morning, the sun was crisp and thin, and she planned to go to the hospital to see the cervical vertebra. She chose a beautiful trench coat and went out. When she left, she looked in the mirror and sprinkled a few drops of Lancome perfume she just bought. No, this bottle of perfume has never been touched twice. First, she went to the city hospital, which said she had a tumor in her brain. She rushed to the provincial hospital in a cold sweat. The provincial hospital found out that it was lung cancer and said that brain tumor was the result of the spread of cancer cells. Then she went to Shanghai and Beijing. ......
When she was pulled back, she was as thin as a bone, with only a month or two left.
In the past six months, my mother has been avoiding Xiao Ying. Occasionally, on the phone, my mother's words are as concise as possible. She is afraid that Xiao Ying will recognize her lisp, but this brevity is considered as the performance of Xiao Ying's indifference.
There are two female patients in room 14. Xiao Ying looked through the window at the one near the door, but she didn't like it and went straight to the one inside. At first glance, it didn't look like it. I turned around and took another look at it, and then I cried with a "wow", shaking all over, like I was sad and scared.
Mother is pale and her cheeks are sunken. Beside the pillow, there is a long linen wig. The wig is pressed on the palm-sized mirror. The mirror has cracked several holes, and there is an ebony comb beside it that has accompanied her for more than ten years.
Mom's wig should not be shown to people. When Xiao Ying came, she heard from her uncle that her mother didn't tell any friends about her hospital, and her mobile phone was only turned on when she was using it.
There is no doubt that this wig is a key to memory. Xiao Ying can imagine her mother crying in front of the mirror and then throwing it away. For a woman who loves beauty very much, the past is no less lethal than cancer cells. The latter withers the body, while the former withers the mind.
When late autumn leaves woke up, their eyes were red, and late autumn leaves stretched out their hands like dead branches. Xiao Ying answered passively. In front of Xiao Ying, she is no longer the little girl who secretly holds a bra, lipstick and eyebrow pencil in front of the mirror. Now she is slim, with big earrings hanging on her ears and fashionable eye shadow, which looks like a disaster. Ye accidentally touched two scars on her wrist, like cigarette burns. Ye Qiuqiu sighed weakly, and two lines of tears rolled down her cloudy eyes.
"Ying, mom is sorry for you."
The tense of mother's sentence is very vague. This "sorry" seems to come from the past and the future, which makes Xiao Ying feel unprecedented fear and loneliness.
Mother motioned Xiao Ying to take out an album from the hole in the desk. Just behind the photo of Xiao Ying 10, there is a shiny bank card.
"The password is your birthday, don't tell your father."
Xiao Ying didn't know what her mother meant.
Mother told her that she was not dead, and many young women had been flying around Xiao Ying's father. Cancer makes her slurred speech and blurred vision, but it makes her sense of smell more sensitive. Several times, she sniffed out Xiao Ying's dad's overnight perfume in the ward, which was enchanting and unrestrained, like fresh and warm female hormone breath, full of provocation.
"Those women, you can't beat them. Ironically, I worked so hard and earned it all by filling the house. "
Then, the mother gave the funeral to Xiao Ying one by one-the piano was given to the community, the clothes in the closet were taken down for her, and some flowers and plants should be planted on the cemetery, even if it was only a few trees. A bottle of Lancome perfume newly opened at home will be sprinkled on her after her death. When a woman dies, she should look like a woman. ......
Mother said matter-of-factly, Xiao Ying remembered matter-of-factly, and her mother's expression was surprisingly calm, as if she was not explaining the funeral, but going away.
Finally, my mother took out a photo from the album. In the photo, my mother stood in front of the stone gate at the mouth of Lushan Mountain. There are a sea of people in the photo, and my mother's posture seems to be smiling back.
"Give this photo to someone for me, and he will tell you the story in the photo."
......
Two hours later, Xiao Ying returned home worried. Xiao Ying was very careful when he opened the door. She is afraid of hitting something, but she hopes to hit something.
Nobody at home, clean and tidy. Xiao Ying walked around the house as if he had walked into a stranger's house. Xiao Ying then concluded that this was by no means her father's cleaning job. First, her father has never been used to cleaning the house. Second, even if a man cleans the house, he is simply clean and pursues simplicity and order. He would never arrange flowers on the coffee table, put the fruit in the fruit bowl into an isosceles triangle, turn the washed shirt upside down to dry and fold it into a beautiful geometric shape. ......
Every detail of painstaking management tells Xiao Ying that there are often "kind-hearted" women here.
Besides, my mother said that the bottle of Lancome perfume that I just opened is only half full now. Xiao Ying stared at the disappearing scales for a moment, and then his eyes blurred. This family has fallen.
Xiao Ying sat at home for a while, sofa, bedside, study and bathroom ... Xiao Ying felt uncomfortable sitting anywhere.
Xiao Ying will live with her cousin. But just after going out, she turned back. She dug out two crystal photo frames in the bookcase and wiped them, one in the living room and the other at her father's bedside.
They are all photos of my mother. At that time, she still had long hair and was charming.
three
"Shuizhu, I am Ye Late Autumn, and I am in Qingcheng." When the train arrived at the station, Xiao Ying sent a message edited long ago in her mother's voice.
While waiting, Xiao Ying's heart beat in his throat.
Xiao Ying thought that the other party would struggle for a while and didn't want to send a text message immediately: "Where are you in Qingcheng?"
Xiao Ying smiled and didn't answer immediately. She feels that the initiative is in her hands now.
"Don't worry, let him worry first." Xiao Ying thinks.
According to the information given by her mother, Xiao Ying found the school where Shuizhu works. Shuizhu's school has a quiet lotus pond with lotus leaves and lotus flowers.
"I am by the lotus pond." Xiao Ying sent a second message.
"I'll be right there."
After three or five minutes, Xiao Ying saw several people on the road. The first one is potbellied and wears black-rimmed glasses. The second one is five big and three thick, bald and looks like a butcher. Just as Xiao Ying was disappointed to think that Shuizhu might be one of them, these people walked past her and never looked back.
Xiao Ying was relieved. Just then, she saw a gentle man with short hair, gold-rimmed mirror and a white sportswear under the willow tree on the other side, about 30 years old. Men usually rest on wooden benches under willows, sometimes looking around and sometimes watching mobile phones.
Xiao Ying thought, he should be water bamboo, or he must be water bamboo.
Xiao Ying was about to take his foot out, but he took it back. Xiao Ying took off her hair ring, put her hair in the shape of her mother, took out her mother's perfume from her bag, sprayed it a few times, and then walked past with her eyebrows down. ......
four
Eight years ago, on this bench where Shuizhu sat, Ye Qiuqiu carved a line with a key: "Dear, I have been here."
One day in June that year, Shuizhu was preparing lessons in the office. Suddenly, a figure passed by the window.
At first, Shuizhu didn't pay attention.
But after a few seconds, Shuizhu's nose suddenly became sensitive.
In the air, there is that special fragrance that makes Shuizhu feel familiar! Shuizhu couldn't help coming out, and there was no one over the corridor.
Just as Shuizhu was about to turn around, he saw a woman downstairs, wearing a sun hat and big-brimmed sunglasses, walking outside. Shuizhu felt that the back of late autumn was very similar to the leaves, so he went downstairs again. But when I got downstairs, I couldn't see the figure. Shuizhu smiled and shook his head. You don't say! How did Ye Qiuqiu come here? I must be fascinated by late autumn, so that I have hallucinations.
But when Shuizhu returned to the office, a short message came from his mobile phone. Shuizhu opened it and immediately changed his face!
The text message reads: "Dear, that drop of Guanyin on your desk looks good!" "
Shuizhu called Ye while going downstairs, but the other end just didn't answer. Anxious Shuizhu couldn't wait to find a big speaker to shout her name.
Ye late autumn must have come to his school all the way!
Running and running, Shuizhu suddenly stopped. He smiled and said to himself, "What a late autumn! You almost lied to me again!"
Earlier, Shuizhu sent Ye Qiuqiu many photos about his school, one of which was the dripping Guanyin on his desk. So Shuizhu jokingly answered her, "You've come a long way, aren't you coming in?"
"No, I'm going to look around the lotus pond in your school."
Although, Shuizhu once took many photos of the lotus pond in late autumn for Ye. There are small lotus tips, withered lotus spots, clear lotus after rain and charming lotus in midsummer. But Shuizhu was still a little uneasy when he saw this news, so he went to the lotus pond to have a look. But when he got there, he didn't find Ye Qiuqiu at all.
Shuizhu was convinced that Ye must be teasing him. He texted and said, "Are you kidding? If you are at the edge of the lotus pond, I will jump into the lotus pond immediately to be a flower god. "
At this moment, Ye finally called. Before Shuizhu could speak, Ye Qiuqiu said, "There are three benches next to the lotus pond, right?"
Water bamboo "well".
"My flower god, you should swim to the second bench." Say that finish, late autumn leaves hang up.
Shuizhu paused, and his heart jumped immediately.
He went to the bench, looked at it and almost fainted!
On the bench, there are six words beautifully carved-
Honey, I've been here.
Shuizhu eagerly dialed Ye's cell phone, but she just didn't answer it.
Shuizhu sent a short message instead, asking where late autumn was, and his fingers didn't listen to his brain, so he was so excited that he either pressed the wrong key or pressed more.
No matter how many phone calls Shuizhu makes and how many text messages she sends, the mobile phone seems to be dead, and there is no movement.
Shuizhu was as anxious as Kuafu and had to drink water from the lotus pond.
After a long time, Ye finally sent a short message.
"I drove back, dear, goodbye."
Shuizhu looked at it and almost cried.
In just over half an hour, Shuizhu seemed to fly from the ground to the sky, and then fell from the sky to the ground.
He couldn't stand the flirting in late autumn and almost boiled his heart dry. Shuizhu understood why Cupid shot through his heart to show his love. That fat man wants to tell you that the essence of love is a kind of angina pectoris.
Shuizhu didn't reply to text messages, as if she had overdrawn all her strength, and collapsed on the bench, leaving only 143 kg of body.
After a long time, Ye called, and Shuizhu answered slowly, with a weak voice.
Ye Qiuqiu laughed at the other end of the phone: "What's the matter, are you angry?"
Shuizhu didn't answer the phone. He really can't tell whether he is angry or not. Anger is still an emotion. Shuizhu's heart seems to be hollowed out at this time. It's hard to say what makes him uncomfortable.
Ye Qiuqiu said, "Would you feel better if I told you I wouldn't leave now?"
Shuizhu's eyes are like the Olympic torch lit in an instant. He quickly asked, "Where are you?" When you say, "Where are you?" Shuizhu couldn't help running out.
Ye said, "I'm in a hotel called Dream. Will you come? "
Shuizhu replied categorically and hung up the phone. He has no time to say another word.
Along the way, Shuizhu almost twitched with excitement, as if everything around him was instantly covered with a layer of warm cream-
The sky is cloudy and beautiful.
Beautiful flowers.
The horn of the car sounds good.
Even car exhaust smells so good. ......
Since he and Ye Shenqiu fell in love at first sight at the Lushan Poetry Meeting half a year ago, they have been sending love by email. At that time, Shuizhu was not married and kissed several times, but they didn't feel anything. He never imagined that he would fall in love with a woman seven years older than him, and he was so determined and it was his first love.
When they met, it was like a fire, kissing and undressing madly, for themselves and for each other. Late autumn bamboo wrapped around Ye's fingers and kissed her inch by inch along her forehead. Cheeks, lips, chin, neck ... Shuizhu's fiery lips strode forward. I didn't want to kiss Ye Qiu's petite breasts, and Shuizhu suddenly "stopped".
In late autumn, Ye clearly felt the body of Bambusa bambusa instantly relaxed and cool.
Shuizhu slowly turned down from Ye Late Autumn, sideways, staring straight at the ceiling, panting.
At this point, Shuizhu is utterly confused. He saw a dark red hickey on Ye's chest in late autumn. Shuizhu thinks this hickey should be left by her husband. That hickey was too glaring, which made Shuizhu's eyes ache, his body cold and his heart sour.
Shuizhu doesn't know. On the first night of late autumn, her husband didn't know what to do. He swept away the glorious image in the usual meeting and scratched and bit her when he caught her.
In late autumn, there was a sadness in her heart. She didn't know that the hickey was at work. She thought Shuizhu didn't like her petite breasts and her girlish body. In a short time, Shuizhu turned up again, and kissed from the forehead according to the routine just now, with stiff movements and cold lips. Shuizhu kissed his neck and stopped going down.
Ye gently pushed Shuizhu away in late autumn and said, "I'm a little tired and don't want to do it."
Later, she wrapped herself in a quilt with her back to the bamboo.
For a long time, Shuizhu heard the sound of leaves crying in late autumn, just like the rain hitting banana on a quiet night. Shuizhu is very upset. Usually, at many dead-of-night moments, he convinces himself repeatedly: "If you fall in love with a married woman, you have to accept all of her and accept the legal possession of her by other men." Ye Qiuqiu once asked him, "Do you lose money if you love me?" At that time, Shuizhu also vowed to tell her: "No loss, happiness." However, when he saw the full hickey on Ye in late autumn, like a solemn seal and equally contemptuous eyes, jealousy, inferiority, cowardice, fear and anger flooded into his mind, leaving his brain blank and his body shrinking. I don't know whether the soul betrayed the body or the body betrayed the soul.
Shuizhu's cell phone rang. It's the school. He was asked to attend the meeting. Shuizhu "well" and hung up the phone.
Ye Qiuqiu turned his back on him and said, "Go, don't delay the business."
Ye's words made Shuizhu even more sad. The water master got dressed and went to Ye. He was about to speak when Ye covered his face with a quilt and said nothing.
From the hotel to the school, 1200m, Shuizhu seems to have experienced a winter.
After the meeting, Shuizhu returned to the hotel. Ye has gone. Call her cell phone. It's turned off.
After that, Shuizhu wrote a poem for Ye Late Autumn on the Internet. After a lot of flowers and the moon, she changed her hazy style and said she loved her directly. Ye Qiuqiu didn't reply a word, wrote it again, but still didn't reply. Shuizhu opened Ye's blog again and found Ye updated a sentence on it-
"From today on, cut off your long hair and stop opposing the years."
Since then, Shuizhu can only watch the leaf ball quietly from his blog. Whenever he sees Ye Qiuqiu writing in his diary about how he got drunk the first night, how he got lost, how he was robbed of his wallet ... Shuizhu's heart ached. He also thought about going to Ye Late Autumn City to find Ye Late Autumn. Even once, he got on a long-distance bus, and as soon as the bus started, he ran down panting.
"Go ahead, don't delay business." No, this is the last thing Ye said to him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't even look at her one last time." Shuizhu got up and walked to the edge of the lotus pond, took off her glasses, put her arms around her shoulders and trembled slightly.
"What can I do? All for the living. " Xiao Ying said simply. She glanced at Shuizhu and suddenly felt that Shuizhu had seen this figure before.
Later, Xiao Ying took out his mother's photo and handed it to Shuizhu.
"Let me bring you her photo."
Shuizhu rubbed it and said sadly, "This is our photo."
Xiao Ying doesn't understand. Shuizhu pointed to a figure behind Ye Late Autumn and said, "In the crowd, the person with his back to the camera is me."
"At the end of the poetry meeting, we were both very sad. She said to me, "Let's take a picture together, so that I can take it out every time I miss you. "I'm worried about what others will see when I go back. Later, she came up with a way to turn my back on the camera. She turned around in the crowd and smiled back at me. "
Inadvertently, Shuizhu saw a line of shallow fine print on the back of the photo, and the handwriting was a little skewed. This should be written by Ye Qiuqiu lying in a hospital bed. Before that, Xiao Ying didn't find it.
"Thank you for all the opportunities in life."
Shuizhu pondered several times and finally burst into tears.
five
Before he left, Shuizhu sent Xiao Ying to the gate of the station. Before checking in, Shuizhu asked Xiao Ying, "Where is she buried? I want to see it. "
Xiao Ying said, "I'll tell you in a few days."
After check-in, Xiao Ying took a few steps forward and was pushed into the stream of people by the people behind him.
Shuizhu stared at the surging crowd with a lonely face. For a long time, the crowd suddenly opened a crack, and Xiao Ying came out again.
"What's the matter?" Shuizhu asked.
Xiao Ying smiled and said, "Can you give me a hug? Think of me as my mother. "
Shuizhu one leng, a little embarrassed.
"Forget it." Xiao Ying turned to go.
"Wait." Shuizhu pulled Xiao Ying, and when Xiao Ying came back, his chin was tightly attached to Shuizhu's shoulder.
Zizania latifolia exudes a faint healthy fragrance of lavender laundry detergent, which is continuous, bright or dark, like birds chirping and whispering in the wind. Shuizhu stroked Xiao Ying's long hair with one hand and put the other hand on Xiao Ying's waist. Xiao Ying quietly fell into his arms, and the surrounding sounds receded like waves. Xiao Ying suddenly felt that the so-called world, for women, is sometimes a practical hug and a real heartbeat. ......
Xiao Ying hopes that Shuizhu is not holding her, but her mother. In fact, Ye Qiuqiu did not die. At this time, Ye Qiuqiu thought he was still in college. Xiao Ying cheated Shuizhu, because he wanted Shuizhu to remember the most beautiful appearance of women forever.
Otherwise, when Ye died, she really died.
Trains in the daytime are always more energetic than at night, and the wheels rub against the tracks, showing anxious to return's eagerness. Xiao Ying wants to take Shuizhu back and give it back to her mother. Accompanied by smell and temperature.
Of course, this hug also includes hers. It is the daughter's care for her mother and the blessing of women's descendants to their previous lives.