According to scholars, "perfectionism" is also the crux of many mental health problems, including eating disorders, marital problems, anxiety, insomnia, obsessive-compulsive disorder and suicide.
There seems to be too much talk about the topic of "perfectionism". To this end, I interviewed the psychologist Zi Fei.
Brief introduction of Qian Fei: Qian Fei graduated from torrance Creative and Genius Research Center, Department of Psychology, College of Education, University of Georgia, USA, with a doctorate. After that, he worked as a postdoctoral fellow in the psychology department of Peking University. At present, he is the head of the Department of Psychology, School of Humanities, Beijing Forestry University, a tutor for master students, a registered psychologist of the Chinese Psychological Association, and a director of the Beijing Social Psychology Association. His main research fields are aesthetic psychology and expressive art therapy. Long-term commitment to psychological counseling and treatment of perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, exploring the sensory analysis and counseling model for perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive personality.
He has published Research on Perfectionism (20 10), Analysis of Feeling: Psychological Counseling and Treatment of Perfectionism and Obsessive Personality (20 12), translated Psychological Courage (2009) and The Cure of Psychoanalysis (201kl).
Q: I remember that in a research introduction about perfectionism, your definition of perfectionism is: in cognition, perfection and imperfection are the main basis of value judgment, and in motivation, it is overwhelmingly driven by the impulse to pursue perfection and avoid imperfection at the expense of work efficiency and subjective well-being. It is also explained that "perfectionism" here refers to "negative perfectionism". What makes people curious is why the word "negative perfectionism" is not used accurately in the book, but the word "perfectionism" is widely used.
A: "Positive perfectionism" is a new situation found in perfectionism research: there are people who pursue "perfection" overwhelmingly and avoid "imperfection", and they occasionally describe themselves as "perfectionism". But such people are rare. Therefore, in academic works, perfectionism generally refers to negative perfectionism unless otherwise specified.
"Positive perfectionism" (if you are interested in this concept, please refer to the book "Emotional Analysis") should be called "pursuing Excellence" or "pursuing perfection" in essence. Perfectionism is not an appropriate word for people who pursue perfection, because once a psychological phenomenon is called "ism", it is an extreme practice that is divorced from reality (this is the same as "dogmatism" and "formalism", so people who pay attention to principles and abide by norms should not be called dogmatism or formalism).
In so many years of research, I tend to use "pursuing Excellence" instead of "positive perfectionism". Unless I specifically point out, all "perfectionism" means "negative perfectionism".
Q: "Perfectionism can be a state shown in certain fields and specific situations, or it can be a personality characteristic summarized in all aspects of work and life. In your opinion, "when perfectionism becomes an individual's basic personality trait, this person can be called a perfectionist." "What I want to ask is, what is the specific meaning of' becoming an individual's basic personality traits' and what are its manifestations?
A: The so-called "basic personality traits" are the kind of personality traits that will be displayed in most life and work situations. If a person's basic personality trait is the pursuit of perfection, then this person is not only pursuing perfection when he is under pressure or coping with major life events, but also pursuing perfection when he is facing ordinary life.
For example, he can't sleep at night unless his room is spotless, even if it is midnight; Attend the meeting and be present on time, not one minute earlier or one minute later; There should be no conflict between colleagues or between parents and children, thinking that conflict will destroy harmonious interpersonal relationships; You can't have typos in your own article. ...
When perfectionism is a basic personality trait, perfection and imperfection are the basic values of this person, and the efficiency and effect of doing things will become secondary.
Q: If there is such a person, he regards perfection and imperfection as the main basis of value judgment in cognition and is overwhelmingly driven by the impulse to pursue perfection and avoid imperfection in motivation, but he does so in order to improve the efficiency of doing things, because he thinks that if he does not do it perfectly this time, he will have to rework and revise it, which will seriously reduce efficiency. In addition, when you do this, you can fully experience happiness subjectively and even feel a little self-realization. I wonder if such a person is a perfectionist, and what kind of perfectionist does he belong to?
A: Some jobs are really like this: if you don't do it perfectly once, you need to do it again later, which seriously reduces efficiency. An editor proofreads manuscripts, or an engineer makes circuit boards for precision instruments. This kind of work needs high precision, and the person who does it must be very careful and serious. This state of pursuing perfection can be called the pursuit of perfection under special conditions, which is not the same as what we usually call "perfectionism". Just as we operate the coffee machine according to the instructions, it can't be called dogmatism. But if a person not only pursues perfection under this necessary situation, but also persists in doing it under unnecessary circumstances, and still does it under the circumstances that hinder his life happiness and work efficiency, this is perfectionism.
For example, the editor mentioned above can't help looking up typos when reading leisure magazines, so that the content of the article can't stand it; For example, engineers make their homes look like Shenzhou VI, and each cup must have a position accurate to centimeters ... they will bring great trouble to themselves or people around them.
Of course, I have been engaged in certain occupations for a long time, such as accounting, teachers, engineers and so on. It may theoretically make people generalize the mentality of pursuing perfection to all aspects of life. However, as far as my experience in psychological counseling and therapy is concerned, not all these professionals are perfectionists (I'm afraid some of them were perfectionists before engaging in these professions). We can also observe that many accountants, teachers and engineers have not developed perfectionism even after years of practice. There are more perfectionists among accountants, teachers and engineers, which may be mainly because their pursuit of perfection makes them more willing to choose, or more likely to be chosen by others to do such a career.
Q: I find that some people around me think perfectionism is a trait to be proud of, which makes them successful and pay attention to details. But some psychologists say that those successful perfectionists succeed not because they are perfectionists, but because they overcome their own shortcomings. I wonder if you agree with this statement?
A: It is these people who believe that perfectionism has led to their success, and their perfectionism will always be maintained. They think that their success is related to perfectionism, which is not always unreasonable. But here is the same as above, first of all, we must distinguish between the pursuit of perfection and perfectionism. The pursuit of perfection will indeed make some people succeed, and perfectionism is often not worth the loss because of the crazy pursuit of perfection.
Another point is that for some professions, even if they reach the level of negative perfectionism, they can still succeed. For example, accountants, nurses, quality inspectors, and some professions that need to pay special attention to details, perfectionists may do better than others in applying perfectionism to these jobs. However, if they put this attitude into life, it will bring pain to the people around them.
Perfectionists are called perfectionists because they can't pursue perfection on some occasions and give up on others.
Q: Some people say that the extreme fear of failure makes perfectionists afraid to try new challenges and new adventures, so they will not try something, but will choose to put things on hold first and let themselves be lazy and procrastinate on this ground. What I want to ask here is, is there a significant relationship between perfectionism and procrastination in your research?
A: Yes, perfectionists procrastinate more. In fact, you have explained part of the internal relationship between perfectionism and procrastination: "The extreme fear of failure makes perfectionists afraid to try new challenges and new adventures, so they will not try anything, but will choose to put things on hold first and let themselves procrastinate on this ground. 」
In fact, perfectionists are not only afraid of failure, but also of imperfection. Even if things are done, they are not perfect enough and will disappoint perfectionists. It is precisely because of this possibility of disappointment that some perfectionists can be stopped.
Q: What do you think of the relationship between perfectionism and mental health problems?
A: It is totally untenable to say that perfectionism is related to many mental health problems. A large number of studies at home and abroad have confirmed the relationship between perfectionism and mental illness, especially the anxiety, compulsion, eating disorder and marriage problems you mentioned. However, the influence of perfectionism on mental illness is still related to the degree of pursuing perfection. Some people just pursue perfection for some things and can give up when they have to. For example, a writer is very attentive to his own works, but it is not because of this mentality that writing is blocked. On the contrary, this characteristic of him may make him write excellent works.
Therefore, when we say "perfectionism", we still mean pursuing perfection with heavy degree, wide scope and improper application. Pursuing perfection and perfectionism are not the same thing. Some people hate to regard perfectionism as a negative thing, because many people think that as long as they pursue perfection, it is perfectionism (after all, this word is used casually among the people).
In addition, some people are disgusted with the statement that the relationship between perfectionism and mental illness has deeper psychological reasons. I met a case where perfectionism actually brought them a lot of trouble, but they still denied the harm of perfectionism. For example, a man will be furious at the slightest mistake made by his wife and children, and he will be particularly disgusted when he tells others that he is a "perfectionist". Because how could he think he was wrong? How can your character be flawed? There is actually a personality problem behind this perfectionist, that is, a narcissistic personality problem.
Perfectionism is usually a characteristic of obsessive-compulsive personality. Although this kind of personality has certain defects, it belongs to a relatively mature personality. However, perfectionists with narcissistic personality defects are more immature than compulsive personality, and perfectionists in general can also reflect on the troubles brought by perfectionism to themselves and others, while perfectionists with narcissistic personality defects strongly deny that they have any shortcomings (in fact, their denial is not limited to the feature of "perfectionism").
Q: I once saw a joke on the Internet: "If a perfectionist annoys you, you don't have to pay attention to him at all, or even consider revenge. He'll kill himself. Any suggestions for this perfectionist who forces himself to compete with himself?
A: This question is a bit abstract. I guess what you describe means that perfectionists are also very hard on themselves, can't tolerate their mistakes and failures, and put a lot of pressure on themselves. I did observe many such examples.
Perfectionism is a personality characteristic, which can not be changed by a hint. If I meet a perfectionist in psychological counseling and therapy, I need long-term counseling and interaction to help. Perfectionists find it hard to believe that they can achieve the same or even greater achievements and more happiness without compulsorily competing with themselves, because they often have not dealt with life and other challenges in other ways since childhood.
If I make a suggestion here, what I want to say is: read the wisdom in the Tao Te Ching and the Bible, and maybe they will understand that everything in the world is dialectical and not as simple and straightforward as they think.
Q: I remember someone asked a friend with obsessive-compulsive disorder about his reward for obsessive-compulsive behavior (did you get the desired result? ), he will often say "this is the only way I know to relieve anxiety". From a psychologist's point of view, perfectionists pursue perfection. Apart from the superficial benefits such as "good grades in school", "special appreciation by the boss" and "praise by others", are there any deeper rewards?
A: Good grades and appreciation and praise from others can be classified as "success" and "reward". In fact, perfectionists are more strongly driven by "fear of failure" and "fear of punishment". Moreover, the motivation for success often evolves into fear of failure. It's like a high jumper, driven by a strong motivation for success, setting his height far beyond his actual ability, which leads to a strong expectation of failure. Fear of failure because of the pursuit of success, and pursuit of perfection in order to avoid failure, this is the internal power chain of perfectionists. In this case, what kind of return can perfectionism get? This can be seen from two situations:
In the first case, it reached the high standard set by perfectionists. When reaching a high standard, perfectionists will feel that they have avoided a major failure and will psychologically experience the feeling of "surviving"-this feeling is similar to watching a horror movie. When the protagonist escaped from danger through various difficulties, the tension in the audience suddenly eased and they got pleasure.
In the second case, the high standards set by perfectionists have not been reached. Perfectionists will continue to set high standards for themselves if they fail to meet the set high standards. Perfectionists don't want to lower their standards to an appropriate level, because when they have high standards, they will feel different from ordinary people and superior. So even if they encounter setbacks, they still insist on perfectionism. On the surface, they suffer greatly, but on the subconscious level, they have a lasting reward: a feeling of psychological superiority over others.
As a person who is often described by people around him as a perfectionist and thinks he is an idealist, he pays special attention to the difference between "perfectionist" and "idealist" in the interview. Teacher Qian Fei explained that we say that a person is a perfectionist, which shows that this person pursues perfection and is afraid of shortcomings; To say that a person is idealistic means that his goals may be unrealistic and difficult to achieve under the current conditions.
Teacher Qian Fei also specifically mentioned that "perfectionist idealists" also exist-some people pursue perfect dreams, such as becoming a perfect person. At this point, I can't help sitting in the right position. However, I prefer to put it another way-"idealistic perfectionist", because I think a life that cannot realize the ideal of life is unbearable.