One day, Secretary of the Army Stanton came to Lincoln and told him angrily that a major general accused him of favoring some people with insulting language. Lincoln suggested Stanton write a sharp reply to this guy.
"You can give him a good scolding." Lincoln said.
Stanton immediately wrote a strongly worded letter and showed it to the abstract.
"Yes, yes." Lincoln shouted, "This is what you want! Teach him a lesson. This is a masterpiece, Stanton. "
But when Stanton folded the letter and put it in the envelope, Lincoln stopped him and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Send it." Stanton is a little confused.
"Don't be ridiculous." Lincoln said loudly, "This letter can't be sent. Throw it in the stove quickly. That's how I handle my letters when I'm angry. This letter is well written. You can rest assured when you write it. Now you feel much better. Please burn it and write a second letter. "
In July, before the death of Emperor Xianfeng, Su Shun and other eight people were appointed as ministers to assist the Emperor Tongzhi. Although there are eight people, the actual power is in Su Shun's hands.
One day, Zeng Guofan, who actively suppressed the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom, got a secret letter from Hu Linyi to Su Shun in the army and learned that the shrewd life minister recommended himself as the governor of Liangjiang in front of Cixi.
Zeng Guofan, who has not been very proud in officialdom, urgently needs the etiquette of the DPRK to speak for himself in order to eliminate the doubts of the Qing court about himself. He enjoyed the cool under the tree and climbed the big tree in Su Shun. It is best to let him speak for himself in North Korea, so he intends to write a letter to Su Shun to express his thanks.
But after writing a few words, he stopped to think calmly: Su Shun is willful and arrogant. In today's words, he is both talented and tempered; Empress Dowager Cixi, although this woman is not moving now, she is by no means an ordinary person. According to her years of reading experience, Empress Dowager Cixi was ambitious, powerful and scheming. How long can Su Can Shun's authoritarianism last? Will the Western Empress Dowager get along with Su Shun?
After careful consideration, Zeng Guofan did not write this letter. Later, Su Shun was questioned by the property of the Western Empress Dowager. None of the letters written by many officials to please Su Shun came from Zeng Guofan. As a result, Zeng Guofan won the trust of Empress Dowager Cixi and kept his own mg.
Many times, don't be hot-headed, think calmly and treat it carefully, so as not to get burned.
Celebrity Story of Controlling Emotion 3 Wang Shi, the boss of Vanke Real Estate Development Company, one of the most famous real estate companies in China, has been driving an Audi until now. Is it because their company can't afford a more expensive car? No, he is considering that he often has to meet customers, and many customers drive cars that are not particularly high-end. If they feel uncomfortable when they see their high-end cars, it will definitely have a bad impact on their business.
Similarly, restaurant owners who can do business will not let waiters wear too good clothes. Even in star-rated hotels, we will find that although the waiters' clothes are neat and generous, they are not particularly high-grade materials. Why? Just to make the guests who come here for dinner feel comfortable. Most guests will not be happy if they find that the material of their clothes is not as good as that of hotel waiters.
From the measures taken by these business masters, business people can get the following enlightenment:
Don't wear very advanced clothes for business activities. Keep the grade of clothes and materials at the same level-slightly lower than your customers.
Don't use fashionable stationery and communication tools. That will make your client feel that you have made too much profit from him. It also makes people who chase fashion feel backward and makes customers who don't chase fashion feel uncomfortable. Li Ka-shing's wallet has been with him for 25 years. On the one hand, Li Ka-shing saves money; On the other hand, it also showed him a sincere and reliable image. Of course, if it is a product produced by our company, it is another matter.
There is such a young man who has a bad temper and can't control his emotions. His old father let his son lose control of his emotions in the future, so he nailed a nail on the wall of the back yard and waited until his emotions were stable before pulling it out. Therefore, the young man followed his father's instructions. At first, he even ordered 30 nails a day, but every time he pulled out nails, he deeply felt that the process of pulling out nails took several times more effort than the action of ordering nails. So, the young man slowly began to reduce the chances of ordering nails. Gradually, from 30 nails a day to 15 nails, he didn't go to the backyard to order nails until several days later. Later, the old father took the young man to the backyard and pointed to the desolate wallboard, saying that what he said out of control was like nailing a nail in people's hearts. Even if the nail is pulled out, there are still too many scars to heal.
I vaguely remember the story described like this. Fortunately, the young man has such a wise old father who can let his son feel the true meaning in such a vivid way. Fortunately, I once again saw such a story, which can make me feel the same way with the guy in the story and realize the importance of emotional management. If you are angry for one minute, you will lose 60 seconds of happy life; What you say and do when you lose your mind will immediately make you regret it; A high degree of education is a threshold for you to enter the workplace, but high emotional intelligence can help you navigate in the workplace. Words like this tell us that emotional management is very important.
Your emotional management ability is actually the quotient of your emotional management, commonly known as emotional intelligence. Experts point out that the difference between EQ and IQ is that a large part of IQ comes from heredity and is unlikely to change the day after tomorrow. However, EQ can be improved under the guidance of others through their own efforts, so there are so many management experts to study emotional management, and so many people who expect the success of emotional management will spare no expense to participate in related courses.
Therefore, based on the improvement of emotional management ability, I have consulted quite a few books, and now I share my gains with you.
Input the word "emotion" into Baidu, and there is such an explanation that "it is a response to the environment". Facing the same environment, such as rainy days, different people will have different emotional experiences: people who go out to play together will feel disappointed, and farmers who are worried that drought will affect their harvest will feel lucky. The key to different reactions is that people are different, so emotions are actually a subjective response to the internal and external environment. Many times, the uncomfortable physiological reaction caused by emotions and the bad consequences after the behavior will make us feel that some emotions are bad. In fact, there is no difference between good and bad emotions, but a subjective reaction.
By analogy, from the definition of emotional management "You manage your own response to the environment", it is not difficult to see that the key of emotional management lies in yourself, because it is the management of your own response, so you have 65,438+000% control over emotional management, which depends on yourself, not others. Many times, we often hear someone complain after losing control of their emotions, "If it weren't for his attitude, I wouldn't have made such an impulsive move." In fact, this sentence is just looking for reasons for our loss of control. The remote control of our emotional management has always been in our hands. Once you have a request for the other person's response, you will unconditionally give your emotional remote control to the other person, so it is inevitable to get out of control.
Colorful colors come from red, green and blue. Although there are hundreds of ways to express emotions, they can be summarized into four basic emotions: anger, sadness and fear.
Happiness and sadness are a pair of opposing emotions. When people achieve the expected goal, thus alleviating the tension and anxiety, that kind of comfort is a happy emotional experience. Mourning is an emotional experience after the expected goal is defeated. Anger and fear are two opposing emotions; Usually, when people encounter an unpleasant thing, our autonomic nerves will react to flight or war. When the other person we meet is stronger than us, we will experience the emotion of running away, that is, fear; And when the other side is weaker than us, we will have a war, which is the emotional experience of anger. Take cats and mice for example. An adult cat has 500 experiences in catching mice, and a weak mouse has 50 experiences in beating cats. Then such a cat will immediately take an offensive stance. If another cat's experience value is 100 and the mouse's experience value is 150, then the cat may choose to avoid; There is also a cat with an experience value of 300 and a mouse with an experience value of 250. Then, we will see the cat beating the mouse with its paws until the mouse can escape without breathing, and then it will attack and take it down. In our opinion, the third cat is playing with a mouse. If the third cat is sedated, the cat with 300 experience will immediately attack the mouse with 250 experience, because the cat will fight like this because it is afraid. This can also understand why drivers are prone to lose their temper and can swear and make insulting gestures in the car when the traffic is not smooth. In fact, this is because people will feel safe in the car and their fears will be eliminated. No matter what the situation is, at least I have a car to protect me and I won't face the crisis directly.
For the management of these four basic emotions, many books have mentioned that we should observe emotions, express them appropriately and relieve them in an appropriate way. In fact, a lot of truth can be said, but it is extremely difficult to really do it. In our life, we often hear people say, "I have been forbearing, forbearing, and finally broke out when I couldn't bear it." I believe that the result after the outbreak is not optimistic, and people don't want to bear it. As Bi Shumin said, "China knew in ancient times that water control could not be blocked, but only diverted. The same is true of emotions. Simple shielding can only make emotions spread silently in the dark like the ashes of wildfire, and suddenly burst into a fierce flame in an unexpected place. " Such lethality is also obvious. Burning anger is a thousand times stronger than fermenting the haze in your heart into evil energy. So observe your emotions.
When friends around us are sad and angry, what kind of comfort will we give? "Don't be too sad" and "Forget it" actually, the purpose of these words is "Don't be sad" and "Don't be angry" which means not accepting the feelings of friends. Emotions such as sadness and anger are like icebergs floating on the sea. The part exposed to the sea surface is the symptom, and the part hidden under the sea surface is the cause. Once the symptoms are eliminated, the part under the sea surface will still surface and continue to torment our fragile hearts. In the face of lovelorn love, it was suggested that "the best way to end a relationship is to start a new one". Therefore, according to the iceberg theory, if we don't reflect and grow on the previous relationship, we will fall into a vicious circle. In this way, the fundamental way is to accept our emotions, express them appropriately, and investigate the causes of the emotions.
Let's compare it with a kitten. People shock kittens' feet. After several times, put a plastic hedgehog in the cage where the kitten stayed. How will the kitten react? It will attack plastic hedgehogs. Actually, we are the same. When an unpleasant thing happens to us, we feel as if we have been electrocuted. We will transfer our emotions to other people or things. The other person who is transferred by our emotions is undoubtedly innocent. They may transfer their emotions to us again, which may soon spread to the whole office and even our factory. Even the families of our manufacturers will be affected by such emotions. This is also a vicious butterfly effect. So it is also very important to choose the right way to relieve our emotions.
Finally, share a short story. Two people, Party A and Party B, were shopping when they came to their boss, who didn't seem to see them walk by directly. At this time, Party A thought, "The boss certainly didn't see us. Even if he did, it's normal not to say hello." B is thinking, "it's over. The boss must have hated me for taking time off last time. Now he deliberately doesn't say hello, and maybe he will give me a hard time in the future." Later, A felt that it didn't matter and went to work in a normal mood, while B was always worried, unwilling to work and even made mistakes at work. From such a thing, we can sort out a conclusion that the boss walked past without saying hello, which resulted in two different viewpoints of Party A and Party B and two different emotional experiences under such two different viewpoints. In short: the situation is uncontrollable, but the viewpoint can be changed; Emotion changes with the change of viewpoint. The above is also the ABC theory of emotional management in psychology. I sincerely hope that this article can encourage colleagues who have been striving for self-growth.
O Henry, a famous writer, and a friend went to the supermarket to buy cookies. O 'Henry said politely to the clerk, thank you. But the clerk always cares nothing and says nothing.
"This guy is rude and has a bad attitude." As they walked on, the friend said.
"He does this every afternoon." O' Henry said.
"Then why are you so polite to him?" A friend asked him.
O' Henry replied, "Why should I let him control my emotions?"
Our behavior and mood are often influenced by others. When we allow others to be the masters of our emotions, we feel that we are victims and have no choice but to be wronged and angry. A mature person should have a good grasp of his behavior and emotions. He doesn't expect others to make him happy, but he can bring others smiles and happiness. His mood is stable, everything is under his control, and being with him is like a spring breeze, not a pressure.
What is the key to your behavior and emotions? Is it in someone else's hands? If someone else has it, it's better to get it back and unlock your physical and mental health.
In the seventh episode of A Dream of Red Mansions, when Zhou Rui's family sent palace flowers to Lin Daiyu, she just took a look and asked, "Is it for only one person or all the other girls?" Zhou Rui's wife said, "You all have them. These two branches are girls'. " Lin Daiyu "sneered" at that time: "I knew that others would not give me the rest if they didn't pick it." We know from reading that Zhou Rui's house is located from near to far, and no one is allowed to pick it. How can it be "others pick the rest"? Daiyu's attack was sensitive.
Daiyu's sensitivity and paranoia make her extremely picky and nervous, and her mood fluctuates greatly, making her angry easily. She was naturally weaker in poor health and eventually died young.
On the contrary, Junichi Watanabe thinks that what life needs most is a sense of dullness. In his book "Insensibility", he recorded such a story: during his time as a plastic surgeon, he grew up in the severe reprimand of his predecessors in the hospital. He absolutely obeyed the surgeon and endured all kinds of reprimands. However, Mr. S, Mr. Watanabe's brother, treated the professor's "complaints" with "passive Nuo Nuo" and "forgot all the unhappiness at an alarming speed", and eventually became a generation of famous doctors. If you are too sensitive, you may not be able to accept so many mental blows and it is difficult to become a talent.
People who are sensitive, suspicious, like to play with their temper and have a small temper often make a lot of guesses because of someone else's unintentional words. Such people can't be popular in life. It is not difficult to understand why those careless and neurotic people are usually very popular and have many friends.