It is true that time will witness many things, but it will also swallow many things, and love is no exception. When the vows of eternal love become life, when the surge of hormones is invisible, when the freshness gradually fades, when the light continues to ferment, a relationship seems to be about to expire.
When you first enter a relationship, you often feel very sweet and passionate, but after a while, you may find that the atmosphere between yourself and your partner has changed. For example:
In the past, you would listen to each other and respond. Now, you will find that when chatting with you, the other person is often absent-minded and seems not to be listening to you;
In the past, you found it difficult to see your partner's shortcomings or to forgive his mistakes easily. But now, you will often feel unhappy and bored because of some behaviors of your partner;
In the past, you felt that the other party often surprised you or made you feel very moved. But now, you will find him dull and boring, and sometimes even a little indifferent to you.
A large number of psychological studies show that when any external stimulus is presented repeatedly in the same way, with the same intensity and frequency, the response will begin to weaken, thus making people feel unresponsive and adapted. Psychology calls it "sensory adaptation", that is, feelings have entered a period of burnout.
As a natural negative psychology in the development of love relationship, "emotional burnout period" is a great test for both husband and wife. Specifically, it refers to the feeling of numbness, fatigue and relaxation that couples get along with each other for a certain period of time, as well as the habits of various lifestyles in love.
Some people say that expired love is like expired food, which makes you sick and harms your health. Then, if you don't want to make love feel sick, how can you successfully spend the burnout period to extend the shelf life of love?
0 1 share moderately and stay close.
During sexual intercourse, two people went through a period of passionate love, overcame the running-in period and moved towards a stable period. They eat at the same table and sleep in the same bed every day. If they want to get married, they need to live together for more than 30 thousand days, and it is only a matter of time before they feel tired and slack about love and marriage.
When a person has relationship burnout, Ta will feel that the intimacy between himself and his partner and his satisfaction with the relationship will decrease, and Ta will find that there are more and more problems in the relationship.
How does the relationship burnout in the relationship between men and women come about? Among the factors that affect interpersonal attraction, familiarity and closeness are very important, but familiarity also needs a "degree".
There is a saying in psychology: "the inverted U-shaped hypothesis". Refers to the relationship between motivation intensity and activity efficiency. If the incentive intensity is too low, the efficiency will naturally be low, but if the incentive intensity is too high, it will lead to the opposite result.
In fact, the same is true of gender communication. If you invest too little in your relationship and your relationship is too unfamiliar, the other party will think that you can't get close, but if you exert too much force in your relationship and control the other half too much, it will make the other party feel too stressed and want to escape. Maintaining moderate communication, that kind of psychological separation, is the highest point of the inverted "U" curve and the best state of feelings.
We always think that if we want to maintain a long-term intimate relationship, we should talk about everything, but in fact, a good relationship is caring and casual, accompanied by independence.
The best way to love a person is to respect each other, stay close to each other, never leave, never leave, so as to make each other comfortable.
02 continuous input, stable output
Love is a process of mutual attraction, so before two people conclude a relationship, we will try to make ourselves better, hoping to get more love from our future partners. When we enter the relationship, we think that we have firmly won each other's love, so we don't think we need to be a better person and give up self-improvement.
But whether it is love or marriage, it is a science, and we need to constantly input new knowledge in order to gain the ability to grow.
In love, we all want to see the growth of the other half, but when one side is running and the other side is still, the distance between the two people will inevitably widen. When the values of both sides are seriously wrong, your attraction will naturally begin to decline.
Only when both men and women are providing the third-party value needed by each other, and these values must be able to trigger enough emotional value, can the relationship between men and women be bound by mutual attraction, the rooted relationship will be unbreakable and the relationship will be the most stable.
A stable and long-lasting relationship must be based on two extremely real people facing each other, automatically attracting and locking each other for a long time, without any artificial binding, rather than relying on commitment and morality. Only when both men and women can continue to input new energy in their feelings and let the other side see where you can attract Ta, can the emotional value output to the other side be stable and the feelings can be kept fresh for a long time.
Therefore, in love, disappointment with the other half is not necessarily a bad thing. It is just a "threshold" to guide you into a closer and deeper relationship.
03 benign communication and conflict resolution
All fairy tales have one thing in common, that is, the hero and heroine live a happy life after falling in love. We often use this as a template for choosing a happy partner, hoping to meet the right person, treat each other like guests and be happy all our lives. However, life is not a fairy tale, and many new plots will be added, which means new conflicts will arise.
The biggest difference between feelings and fairy tales is that fairy tales directly give the ending, while the ending of love and marriage is written by ourselves. How to solve these conflicts determines what kind of outcome you will get.
The book How to Argue Correctly says:
"Live happily ever after" implies a meaning, that is, to live in an untested, brainless and unchanging way. In our opinion, the important thing is not to live a "happy life" from now on, but to live a "life with deeper and deeper feelings".
For lovers, it is an important way for lovers to get along for a long time and enhance their feelings by arguing about each other's feelings and injuries and finding unique conflict resolution strategies between lovers.
Love is an important basis for resolving contradictions, but we can't "kidnap" and try to "control" each other in the name of love, forcing each other to give up their positions and opinions to cater to themselves. Instead, we should treat each other as independent individuals, establish the consciousness of "cooperation can only win", consolidate the emotional foundation of cooperation, and learn to solve contradictions with cooperative thinking.
In the process of communication, you need to consciously use positive communication methods and avoid using negative communication methods such as complaints, accusations and passive attacks. For example, when expressing feelings, use the "I" sentence pattern more and avoid the "you" sentence pattern.
For example, when you are in a bad mood, you can say "I am very upset now" instead of "You are bothering me". The expression at the beginning of the word "I" is more likely to arouse the sympathy and recognition of the other party. The sentence pattern of "you" will become an obstacle to the love relationship, and there is almost nothing but making the other person feel accused, criticized and accused, so he will instinctively "fight back".
True romance is not how many flowers, boxes of chocolates and candlelight dinners you have, but that you can face each other's deep needs, communicate with each other for the happiness of the same person and get out of the misunderstanding of love.
Saury will die, but love won't.
There is a line in Wong Kar-wai's film "Chongqing Forest": I don't know when it started, everything has a date on it. Saury will expire, canned meat will expire, and even plastic wrap will expire. I began to wonder, in this world, what else will not expire?
After the expiration of the shelf life, the fresh taste and the joy brought by freshness will disappear, leaving an empty shell that tastes tasteless and is a pity to abandon. The secret of keeping the relationship fresh is to work hard together and spend those exhausted moments in the relationship.
In feelings, the burnout period is difficult to overcome, but it will be the "new beginning" of love after the burnout period. A love relationship that has crossed the burn-out period is like a tree. After the baptism of the storm, it will not fall down because of ordinary setbacks.
Saury will die, but love won't. I hope that after a relationship is about to expire, don't give it up easily, but try to create a vibrant and healthy relationship.