This passage is undoubtedly powerful for those who like to emphasize "seeing things from the perspective of others" to enhance interpersonal relationships.
Emerson's words can also be understood as follows: "Try to look at things from the perspective of others-but don't lose your own point of view." If maturity can bring you any benefits, it is that no matter what factors you encounter, you can find your own beliefs and enhance your courage to realize them.
Young people who are not deeply involved in the world are often afraid of being different ... no matter what they wear, behave, talk or think, they try to identify with their own circles. Parents with teenagers at home are most afraid to hear such words:
"Sally's mother asked her to wear lipstick."
"Other girls my age have dated boys."
"God, do you want me to be an old monster? No one will get home before 1 1. "
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Children generally like to do the same things as their peers, and they are very concerned about what their friends or playmates think of them. They need to be accepted by their peers-this is the most important evidence of his existence. If the standards of peers conflict with those of parents, it will also do great harm to them. For parents, this is also the most embarrassing thing for them.
When we come to a strange place and have no previous experience to refer to, the best way is to meet the standards of ordinary people-until our own experience and confidence are enough to give us strength, then we can act according to our own beliefs and standards. If you rush to reform without knowing the object or reason you are opposed to, then failure is bound to wait for you.
With the growth of knowledge, time will allow us to sum up a set of our own value system. For example, we will find that honesty is the best strategy. This is not only because many people have taught us this, but also because of our own observation, experience and thinking. The price of crime is not worth it. Fortunately, for the whole society, most people agree with some important basic principles in life, otherwise, the world will be different.
Of course, popular norms are sometimes tested and challenged by some people who don't go with the flow at any time-this is the driving force of civilization and progress. For example, people have been afraid to express their opposition to slavery for many years, until a small number of avant-garde people rose up and shouted loudly, and finally gradually got a response. There are also torture, exploitation of child labor, inhuman punishment, misinformation of products and so on. These unreasonable phenomena were once accepted and acknowledged by most people, and then gradually abolished by the authorities until a few people rose up against them and persisted in the end.
It is not easy, or at least unpleasant, to dare to be unconventional and put forward your own opinions. Sometimes, it is even dangerous. Therefore, most people prefer to conform to the environment, hide in the crowd and receive protection, and have no doubts or objections to the leadership of various rulers-we dare not make any difference. We didn't realize that this sense of security was actually hypocritical. Popular psychology goes with the flow, and only those unreasonable things will be touched when they fall on their heads.
Just like the pursuit of security, people adapt to the environment and often eventually become slaves to the environment. The real freedom of human beings is to accept all kinds of challenges in life, constantly struggle and experience all kinds of disputes. Aitega Moeller, a famous war correspondent, once said: "Generally speaking, men and women do not pursue negative virtues, such as adapting to the environment, security or general happiness, to achieve the integrity of their personality, but to achieve Excellence (which is also the greatest happiness) by bearing heavy burdens. Healthy people never avoid difficulties. Because our ancestors understood this, human beings have developed today. "
The necessity of accepting responsibility has been discussed before, and it is considered as the first step towards maturity. From this perspective, growth should be interpreted as: under the protection of parents, gradually moving towards a broad world of self-development.
Mature people should not shrink back and hide in the refuge of cowards, but should adapt to the environment; There is no need to hide your sharpness and blindly follow other people's ideas, but to have your own views on everything.
There is a person with a strong personality, so you don't need to give them a long talk about the value of human nature. Such people are usually driven by a passionate sense of mission, so they become firm-this strong sense of mission enables them to face all kinds of difficulties regardless.
But most people-like you and me, or next-door neighbors-often swing between the pressures of various groups. Because we feel that if so many people object, it must be our fault. Our beliefs are often overwhelmed by absolute majorities. When most people are against us, our faith will be shaken.
Some people have the idea that those who don't go with the flow are usually eccentric, like grandstanding or like to advertise "different". We don't think a person with a beard, or a barefoot person in the street, or a person who wears a T-shirt to a formal banquet, or a lady who smokes cigars in the theater is a person who likes freedom and independence. But that they are uncivilized people who have not evolved like monkeys in zoos.
Mature personality can strengthen our beliefs and drive us to follow them. Everyone has a responsibility to himself, to all mankind and to God-that is, to make good use of all his abilities to enhance the happiness of all mankind.
In this respect, Emerson's firm position of not going with the flow is admirable. When he was alive, many people engaged in anti-slavery or other various reform movements wanted his support, but they were all rejected by him. Emerson certainly sympathizes with these movements and hopes that they can do well. But he doesn't think he should put his spirit and ability into these sports, because that's not his specialty. He insisted on this principle very much, and although he was misunderstood, he did not change.
Sticking to a principle that is not supported by others, or not accommodating a principle that is generally supported, requires a tough character. It really takes a lot of courage to be a person who doesn't go with the flow and is willing to stick to his beliefs when attacked.
Such a thing happened at an annual business meeting. At that time, the topic was turning to a recent topic. Everyone present agrees with a certain point of view, except one person who disagrees. At first, he politely refused to express his opinion. Later, because someone asked him directly, he smiled and said, "I had hoped you wouldn't ask me, because I have a different view from you, and this is a pleasant social gathering." But since you asked me, I have to express my opinion. " Then, he briefly expounded his views and was immediately besieged by everyone. He sticks to his position firmly and never gives in. As a result, although he didn't convince others to agree with him, he won everyone's respect. Because he sticks to his beliefs and has his own unique opinions.
Only two or three centuries ago, Americans had to make personal decisions to survive. The pioneers who drove their wagons to the west never had a chance to ask experts to help them solve their difficulties. No matter how big the crisis is, we must rely on ourselves. When they are sick, there are no doctors, they rely on common sense or family secrets; When Indians came to attack, there were no policemen. They defeated them by their own wisdom or strength. If you want to resettle your family, there will be no construction company at that time, and you must rely entirely on your own hands; If you want food, you must farm or hunt by yourself. Every time these people encounter any problems in their lives, they should make judgments and decisions immediately. Because they have no one to rely on.
Now we live in an era full of experts. Because we are too used to relying on the authoritative opinions of these experts, we gradually lose confidence in ourselves, so that we can't give opinions or stick to our beliefs on many things. These experts took our place so easily because our minds became lazy.
Our current educational framework is designed for the established personality model, so it is difficult to train any leaders in this educational way. Because most people are followers, not leaders, we need the training of leaders, but at the same time we also need to train ordinary people how to obey leaders consciously and intelligently. In this way, we won't be slaughtered blindly like cows sent to slaughterhouses.
Edward Babi, an educator, told us that children in our country are cultivated according to the personality characteristics needed by the country, so they have developed the following characteristics-sociable, approachable and able to adjust themselves to group life at any time-and so on. Cowardice is considered to be a manifestation of not being able to adapt to the environment. Children must take part in games and take turns to be leaders. Every child must express his opinion on every topic, and he must win the recognition and happiness of others.
In order to let the future masters of these countries receive training happily under our education system, we must let these children with independent personalities have independent space. For example, children prefer reading to playing baseball; Or like music instead of playing football, we should allow them to do what they want, and should not restrict or hinder them as people who are out of tune with the group.
It is admirable that some parents dare to raise objections to their children's education in public schools. Because usually others will tell them that these educational problems are best left to qualified experts to solve. I know a young man who lives in the suburbs, so I bravely stood up and put forward my views on the educational model of children to the school. He is an independent thinker and has great confidence in his beliefs. He kept asking questions, and he fought against the secular old habits alone. A year later, many people were influenced by him and elected him as a member of the community education Committee. Now, not only his own children, but also hundreds of children benefit from his advice.
There are all kinds of teaching materials in the market now, and pediatricians tell us how to feed, raise and take care of children. Child psychologists also tell us how to educate our children; Successful business experts tell us how to close the business; Politically, we seldom vote out of personal choice, but mostly follow the opinions of certain groups; Even our private lives are often influenced by some expert opinions. These experts observe and make charts, and then sell their opinions to the public for digestion and absorption, and use them as a guide to action.
Most of us (men or women) never think that we are actually the greatest experts in the world-in their own, family or career world, they do something just because some "experts" say so, or because it is a fashion, they follow the crowd.
Edgar Moeller is happy to use the word "group condition" to warn us-he thinks this kind of thing will stifle the precious value of human individuals. "This strangulation is just like the odious Nazi regime," wrote Mueller in the Weekend Literature Review. "It inspires cruelty and autocracy in human nature, which runs counter to the ideal of American society."
"In addition to maintaining the independence of the country, the most important thing of the American spirit of founding a country is to make people respected at home. If Americans are threatened, bribed, or educated as a group without independent personality, they have the right to stand up against the government. "
Moller pointed out bitterly at the end of the article: "Although human beings can't reach the realm of angels, this is not the reason why they must become ants."
Admittedly, the most difficult commandment for us today is: "keep your true colors." In this developed society full of mass products, mass communication and assembly line education, it is difficult to know yourself, and it is even more difficult to maintain your true colors. For example, we often distinguish a person's attributes by the group or class he belongs to, such as "he is a trade unionist", "she is a married woman at work", "he is a liberal" and "he is a reactionary". Almost every one of us is labeled by others, and we label others mercilessly, which is very similar to the game of "officers and men catching robbers" played by children.
Harold Das, president of Princeton University, has made a special study on conformity or not. He delivered an impromptu speech entitled "The Importance of Being an Independent" at the graduation ceremony of students in 1955:
"No matter how much pressure you bear, you have to change yourself to adapt to the environment, but as long as you are an independent person, you will find that no matter how hard you try to surrender to the environment in a rational way, you will still lose your most precious asset-self-esteem. Want to maintain their independence, can be said to be a sacred human needs, is unwilling to condescend to the dignity of others. Going with the flow can temporarily get some emotional satisfaction, but it will also make it difficult for you to be quiet. "
President Das finally made a very profound conclusion. He pointed out: "Only when people find themselves will they understand why they came to this world, what they want to do and where they want to go in the future."
1955 in June, the Australian ambassador to the United States, Sir Percy Spander, pointed out when he was appointed honorary president of new york United University:
"The meaning of life for us is to give full play to our talents. We are responsible for the country, society and family. This is why we came to this world, and it can also make us live more useful. If we don't fulfill these obligations, there will be no order in society, and our talents and independence will not be brought into play-we have the right and should have a sacred opportunity to cultivate our uniqueness. Only in this way can we make ourselves, family, friends and even all mankind obtain eternal happiness and happiness. "