First, the five stages of girls' growth
What stage is your daughter in now?
Born in the first stage, 1 to 2 years old, is it safe and loving? The core is to build a sense of security. Parents gently care, gently sing happily, talk to him to make him happy, love her, make the girl full of vitality in all aspects, and be sure that life is beautiful.
The second stage: 2 to 5 years old. The core is to explore the world. Is this world a happy and interesting place?
The third stage is 5 years old to 10 years old. The core is to communicate with people and get along well with them. She will find that sharing a little, giving a little and cooperating with others can get more fun. Know how to get along with people happily and meaningfully.
In the fourth stage, from 10 to 14, the core is to know your heart, discover your hidden self, and understand what can give you real happiness. What is the ignition point?
The fifth stage 14 years old to 18 years old, step into the adult world and learn to be responsible for yourself.
Each girl's specific time is different, but each stage should be summarized, and even make up lessons, so as to spend it smoothly. Girls grow up faster than boys.
Second, the initial stage (1-2 years old), to establish a sense of security.
Early life is the period when the brain grows fastest. Parents' love, smile, singing and all kinds of interesting and natural interactions can help the brain grow best.
(1) Establishing psychological contact with children is a tacit mutual echo. It is a psychological dialogue and a beautiful and soft duet, which can be realized by whispering, nodding and smiling, and singing softly, and can also cultivate the ability of little girls to get along with others in the future. Accurate and timely response is particularly important. It is difficult for people who are insensitive, insensitive and not calm to do it. Girls are often naturally sensitive, and interpersonal communication is a natural gift for girls, but it still needs to be cultivated and exercised. We should cultivate her harmonious communication skills from an early age, because understanding other people's feelings, mastering the rhythm of dialogue, and guiding when to listen and when to speak are all very complicated and advanced skills.
The prefrontal cortex is responsible for concentrating and controlling emotions to calm itself, and is responsible for compassion, sociality and communication skills.
(2) Peace is a gift. Calm is a skill worth cultivating. Parents should first master this skill, reduce stress as soon as possible, slow down, communicate with people around them more, live in the present and enjoy peace and happiness. Calm consists of some definite behaviors: take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, relax your muscles, feel your feet firmly rooted in the ground, and focus on the current thing smoothly and easily, not affected by panic. Calm people tend to do this automatically.
If the child's initial crying doesn't get a response, she may form learned helplessness's psychological model, causing the child to lose control and hope when encountering difficulties. Depression is a concept that is often misunderstood. Simply put, it is actually the ability of human beings to close their bodies.
(3) How to play with children?
Of course, we don't want children to remain calm all the time. They need to learn to be excited, experience various emotions, learn to be happy, and develop their physical perception and coordination ability through rich activities.
Happiness is your goal, be a happy example. Children's judgment of things comes from the information put in by their parents: if parents show anxiety, she will be upset because she is worried about you, and if you are happy, she will be happy.
It is very important to play with children. Child development experts believe that play can stimulate the full potential of our brains and release creativity that can last a lifetime. People who love to play are innovative and different, and the greatest discoveries often come from them. Playing ball often requires cooperation. Play makes people confident, relaxed and willing to try new things. Playing can relieve stress, improve people's resistance, make people energetic and healthier physically and mentally.
A second of childhood will not be wasted, because they have been studying, which is the most productive time. We are teachers.
It is found that the children with the largest vocabulary get the most listening from their parents. Instead of hearing these words repeatedly, use them and enjoy them.
Teach children how to relax and enjoy nature, tranquility and serenity.
Third, learn to explore (2-5 years old) and discover interesting worlds.
Don't restrict girls from studying math, physics and chemistry.
Children will absorb their parents' enthusiasm, parents will be excited or pretend to be excited, and children will infect you emotionally. Parents can infect their children with excitement.
For a happy child, learning and happiness are synonyms. A sense of security helps children explore and learn. The best way to give them a sense of security is to let them know that you will appear as long as you need it.
Simple environment is the best environment. Lots of toys often make children play less because there are too many choices. Don't buy him too many toys, simplify his toy space, and it will be more interesting to play. After each play, put things away, put them in order, and let my daughter help clean them up. Clean toys regularly every year.
Girls don't need those delicate and fragile clothes. They need to have enough old and strong clothes so that they can play without restraint.
Nature is most important. Go to parks, villages and beaches more, let him feel the rough texture of nature and experience a broad vision. Eyes need to look far and absorb natural light, and their eyesight will develop better.
3~4-year-old girls, the brain needs to play, need freedom, need to be free, no pressure. She needs her own time and space, talking to herself and daydreaming lazily, so that her imagination can be fully developed. Learning too much will hurt her intelligence.
Let your daughter learn Lego like a boy and benefit from it.
Setbacks and hardships in life can make people strong, but there is another better and safer way to cultivate strong people, that is, to help them learn to deal with increasingly difficult things in a friendly way, to ask their children to learn to help others, to take responsibility in family life, and to teach them to learn to cooperate.
Teach children how to express themselves politely and clearly, and teach them to wait and listen patiently. Know the needs of yourself and others.
Teach her to do the right thing. The purpose of establishing rules and principles is not to make children unhappy, but when you are not with him one day, or you have left him forever, he still has a fulcrum in his heart, which can make him strong. Discipline teaches people how to make correct judgments under pressure, express their opinions clearly, and teach you how to have your own principles and how to be strong. This is a very important gift that every young person needs.
Four, get along with people (5~ 10 years old)
For girl friends, it is simply their oxygen, and friends will give them companionship, comfort and fun. This stage is from relying on parents to relying on friends. At the age of four or five, school girls can play their favorite imaginary games together-fantasy and pretend games. Friendship will develop in depth around the age of 10, because friends are part of the long process of getting rid of our dependence on our parents. As adults, we didn't become completely independent, but began to rely on more people.
When friendship goes wrong, parents don't need to get involved unless the children have tried their best to leave.
For girls, the development of friendship is that they begin to share secrets.
How to be a good friend of others? Seven core skills: enjoy each other's company, learn to take turns and share, have empathy, control aggression, apologize when making mistakes or hurting friends' feelings, be able to detect emotions, and know when to trust or distrust others.
Girls need friends of different ages. Young female friends can understand each other. Female friends like grandma can provide protection, comfort and dependence. Male friends release anxiety. Opportunities to develop these relationships may come from your neighbors, neighborhoods, towns, social and entertainment circles.
Feeling or emotion is a compass to get along with people. There are four main emotions related to social interaction: fear, sadness, anger and joy. Emotion can be a very powerful guidance system, just like GPS, through which you can understand and help your children.
Fear-intuition that needs to be listened to carefully. It can often remind people to avoid danger.
Anger is part of our protection mechanism. The quickest and best way to fight anger-speak out your anger and say loudly and clearly: I am unhappy and I don't like it.
Sadness is quieter and more directed at inner feelings. Anger is about external events, while sadness is about internal changes. What we need most when we are sad is to be understood.
Joy is an emotion that needs to be cultivated and praised. Teach children to laugh, teach children to dance, teach children to be free and crazy, and cultivate her ability to be happy. Inner happiness is the source of happiness.
Healthy connection. Studies have found that boys without safe connections will avoid or distrust their mothers, which is a simple form of self-protection. Girls, on the other hand, will be closer to their mothers and try to comfort them when their mothers show depression and sort out anger. This has a very serious consequence: children who are fully loved will be attracted by peaceful, warm and understanding friends and partners; Girls who are not completely loved prefer to be with people who are anxious or depressed, because these people will inadvertently remind them of their mothers.
If your daughter often plays the role of peacemaker, you should teach her to express her anger when necessary, defend herself firmly and confidently, and don't be used by friends.
How to identify and avoid risky friends?
The best exercise before the age of 5 is simply playing. Exercise should be wary of coaches who are prone to anxiety, pay too much attention to sports performance, and pass this pressure on to children. Stress can easily hurt people. Choose a gentle exercise and a gentle coach. They should only regard sports as a part of their children's lives, not all of them.
Help your daughter find one or two sports that she really likes, and let her remove all kinds of obstacles in sports. If she just doesn't like sports, she can go dancing, kayaking, skateboarding fishing and so on. This kind of sport is not competitive, it can be played alone, and it can also make people enjoy the fun brought by physical activities.
Understand the changes in adolescence and help her prepare in advance (about 8 years old).
5. Find yourself and take root in your heart (10~ 14 years old).
Adolescence, observe yourself.
Parents should seize every opportunity to listen to him or her and understand her views on their own life and the world around them. At the same time, share some of her own life, girlhood experiences, beliefs and ideas with her. Starting from sincerity, father and daughter should care more, accompany more, teach more, explain more and ask more questions, so that she can participate in more beneficial activities while becoming an excellent woman.
Light a spark. Dr. Peter Benson put forward the spark theory-everyone has the potential to be excited by sparks. As the philosopher Plutarch said, "Young people are not waiting for an empty bottle to be filled, but for a flame to be lit." What does she really like to do? Peter Benson believes that "sparks" can usually be divided into three categories: one is skills or talents, such as painting, writing, sports, dancing and music. The second is to undertake a certain task, such as protecting nature and working hard for social justice. The third is a personality trait, such as empathy, courage and integrity. Therefore, someone must support her, understand her and encourage her.
However, not all sparks have a chance to burn. It is found that only 1/4 young people have been fully developed, know their own direction and goals, and can live happily.
As parents of teenagers, it is most important to find their sparks. When parents communicate with teachers, they should always discuss their children's sparks. Schools should understand children's sparks and help you find ways to encourage them to develop their own cremation.
Your soul is all you have. With a soul, you can persevere and stay strong inside forever. To find the soul is to know yourself. The soul is the true self. The soul has great creativity, which will guide you to express yourself in unique ways, activities and ways.
Looking for an example, inspired by Yang li Ping, my heart is calm and warm, different, not boring. Avoid putting too much emphasis on competition or performing activities. Only by wasting enough time, in loneliness and tranquility, in pain and in a long journey, can we find our true and different self.
Return to nature. Gentle and capable. Calm and happy. Nature can give people peace and tranquility.
Aunties: Those who see their daughters grow up understand and support her.
At the age of thirteen or fourteen, the prefrontal cortex of the brain will reorganize rapidly. Girls will become naive, confused, irritable and helpless. She needs someone to argue with her, argue with her, cheat with her, and reason with her. This person is either you, a policeman or a teacher.
Studies have found that the problem of insufficient sleep among teenagers is widespread. They owe a lot of money for sleep. Schools should carry out sleep education. The family should manage sleep. Sleep is as important as eating.
In the early adolescence, avoid the influence of environment and chemicals to lead to precocity. Don't drink bottled drinks and canned food.
We should resist the world-it will sell bras to 6-year-old girls, even shape them, let them make up and take part in beauty contests.
Sixth, prepare for adulthood, from 14 to 18.
A teenage girl is building a control center in her prefrontal cortex, just like an unfinished command headquarters. It can be controlled, but not for a long time. Life in adulthood is full of hardships. Therefore, your daughter should learn to be self-reliant, sober and emotional, be able to handle the relationship with others and be responsible for her own life.
What does adulthood mean? A real adult should have her own goals and life goals, and need to understand what is really important to her. Being an adult means going out, getting rid of self-obsession, and learning to take care of the wider world and wider life, not ourselves. Only in this way can we get the highest level of happiness. There is a place where our deepest needs-what we really like to do-meet the needs of the world we live in.
At this stage, what girls need is definitely not friends, but parents. They need someone to stipulate that they are not allowed to go out at night, to drive to pick them up at an appointed time, to absolutely forbid drinking when they are minors, and to know where they are and who they are with at any time. They need such parents, who would rather not be so popular and save women's lives.
Become the enlightenment of women. The journey of growth, the road of women, the rite of passage.
Through family chores, daily life taught her to mature. Let it become the independent will of the family and even the community, and participate and help equally. Let her be in an efficient, clean and relaxed family environment.
Responsibility is the most difficult course to learn. Part of the significance of growing up is to realize that the world is cruel, and you need to be responsible for yourself and keep a high degree of sobriety and vigilance, which can ensure your own safety to a great extent.
A singer who has found her soul, missy higgins, has made contributions to others and mankind with her musical talent. The meaning of art is to raise people around you to a new height. It is precious and deserves your respect. So connect your life with the world and make yourself a part of human beings.
How to be a girl's mother
A mother is a role model for her daughter. Mothers play an irreplaceable role in raising their daughters. The child's brain is set to observe the replication mode, and mirror neurons will make the child's relatives become relatives. If your children love you, they will want to be like you. We learn how to behave by observing people around us. If there is no example, we will have no ideas and life will be very difficult. People who don't have a good example can easily get into trouble. It is easiest to learn from the person you like.
Your daughter will become you and then gradually become herself. If you can do your best in the process of being a mother, then he will have the best start and grow up with the best things you can give him.
We should be careful not to set an example of self-sacrifice for this girl.
Reflection: What did we inadvertently show our children?
Give full play to the role of example. The best way is to explain why you do this, let him get his own inner map and understand the reasons behind people's behavior. The reason for people's improper behavior is often that they don't think, and they are all emotional. People with good behavior can often sum up some thinking patterns and guiding principles of life to help them make choices.
Let go. When she was a teenager, if you want her to grow up to be herself, you should keep a certain distance from her. She needs other role models in life. At the age of 16, she may not want you to spend too much time with her. Of course, this doesn't mean that what you said doesn't count.
Home should be a quiet harbor. Learn to observe the overall atmosphere of the family and create a warm, comfortable and relaxed emotional environment for everyone in the family. Don't be too noisy, full of anxiety and depression.
The stepmother does not want to replace the biological mother, but to try her best to establish a new companionship, trust and intimacy with him.
Eight, how to be a girl's father
Sense of security and trust are the core feelings that daughters get from a good monk father. Dad should give his children the strongest sense of security and trust. To do this, you need a strong and gentle father.
If you can't get a father, dear girl won't love herself. Father-daughter relationship is an intimate and life-changing relationship. Psychologists have found that the influence of father and mother on girls is complementary. The mother reassured her daughter and the father made her confident. Mom gives her daughter a stable and solid support like a rock, and Dad takes her to new heights like a helicopter.
A father should teach his daughter to get along with men. Teach her what to expect from men.
Learn to listen, be sincere, gentle, humorous and patient. Always ask her the best and worst things and share them with her in secret.
Create a family relationship of mutual respect. Everyone should realize that no one can fail to respect others, whether parents or children, or between children. Hu Shi's mother never showed contempt and resentment towards people in her life. Rudeness can cause harm. Everyone should share the housework, and sharing is fair.
Set a gentle and firm bottom line and ask her to do her job well. Avoid princess disease: make a hullabaloo about, lose your temper, destroy everything, and always ask for it.
Always get along one-on-one, and build a really close relationship. For example, go out to eat with children on weekends, camp, cook, clean, chat and sleep alone.
Get along with your daughter's growth in harmony, affirm her beauty and wisdom in her growth in time, and don't make her feel uncomfortable. Write her a note or a letter telling her how you feel about her and how proud you are of her. Avoid conflicts with adolescent daughters.
Father should set an excellent male role model and show your best side. You should be clean and tidy, smell pleasant, dress appropriately and be polite and kind. Set a high standard for her as a man.