When you don't understand others, when you are troubled by society, trying to think from the right standpoint may achieve unexpected results. People who know empathy are broad-minded, smart and wise. Teachers who know how to empathize will be better than others in handling many things.
Babies always cry in crowded places, and many people don't know why. In fact, you squat down and see the world from the baby's position. You will find that babies can't see other people's faces and everyone's legs.
Why is there a generation gap between parents and children, communication difficulties between teachers and students, problems between husband and wife, and people can't really talk? It is precisely because the world is adult, rational, calm, logical and self-centered. If you don't meet such standards, you will be left out, hit and stopped.
Let's look at a middle school student's protest against his parents:
(1) Don't always occupy the stereo and play songs that can't keep up with the times over and over again. Don't always say that we are "rabbits", because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.
(2) Don't always tell us "Keep in touch with good students ..." Please don't judge us with that damn score.
(3) Don't think it is "puppy love" when you see us with the opposite sex, and don't bring the gossip of you adults into our world.
(4) Don't always "package" us according to your own ideas. Times have changed, and our clothes have their own style. Don't force us to wear that ugly red sweater.
(5) Don't always say to me, "Do your own thing." So, why do I buy cigarettes every time? I don't smoke.
(6) Don't always say that eating sugar is bad for your teeth. Isn't smoking harmful to your health? But every time I kindly remind you, you say impatiently, "Leave the children alone!" " "That I eat sugar, can I tell you adults leave it alone?
How do you feel after reading this letter? Do you really think we should consider the problem from the perspective of children?
Empathy is very important in interpersonal communication, because we can't think and respond correctly without knowing each other's position, feelings and thoughts. Empathy is actually to "understand" other people's thoughts and feelings and look at the problem from the other side's standpoint. It needs a little curiosity, but unfortunately many people's empathy lacks this element. Do they guess others' thoughts and feelings from their own standpoint, or do they think about what others "should" think and feel from a general standpoint?
Many times, we will think of others, but others don't like what you do for them. When the consequences of things are not what we imagined or expected, most of us will feel wronged, "good intentions are not rewarded." So, do people really not understand us? Or something else? After careful analysis, we will find that this kind of empathy is actually based on selfish departmentalism to understand other people's thoughts and feelings, and it is not really considerate of others, because it ignores the real thoughts and feelings of the "other party". This practice lacks respect, responsibility, ability and autonomy of others.
Empathy is not difficult. The hard part is that you won't let go of your subjective judgment. Only by truly understanding each other's psychology can we truly "empathize" and do the right thing in the right way.
Empathy, we should learn to communicate, learn to tolerate, learn to cooperate and learn to think.
Whether in life or at work, people often hold their own opinions on some contradictions, argue endlessly, and finally break up in discord, which not only hurts harmony, but also does not help. The reason is that neither side of the contradiction has the consciousness of empathy and does not consider the problem from the other side's point of view.
In order to create a harmonious working atmosphere and social environment, we must learn to put ourselves in others' shoes.
If there is a problem or contradiction, two or more parties should communicate first. We should listen attentively to each other with a peaceful mind and an equal position, understand the problem as accurately as possible, and be targeted.
Empathy is a psychological experience process between people. Empathy is an indispensable psychological mechanism for understanding. Connect your inner world, such as emotional experience and way of thinking, with each other, and experience and think from each other's standpoint, so as to communicate with each other emotionally and lay the foundation for enhancing understanding.
The essence of empathy is to pay close attention to the object of communication and go deep into each other's inner world. It is both an understanding and a concern.
Although each of us has different personalities, experiences, ideas, hobbies and knowledge. Personal needs will inevitably show great differences, but everyone's needs have their own characteristics. We can put ourselves in our own shoes and infer other people's thoughts. It is an entrance for us to understand and gain insight into the psychology of others.
It doesn't matter what a person says. Each of us is very concerned about our value in others' hearts. We sincerely expect to be valued, recognized, respected and appreciated by others. When this psychological need is met, we will feel good, happy and confident; If this need is always ignored, denied or even deliberately deprived by others, we will not only be depressed and unhappy, but sometimes we will have aggressive words and deeds because of lack of reason. Therefore, Carnegie said, "The deepest need of human nature is to long for others' appreciation." James also said: "The most urgent need in human nature is the desire to be affirmed."
Carnegie wrote a world-famous book, The Weakness of Human Nature. After extensive and in-depth interviews and investigations, he found that the weakness of human nature lies in that everyone wants and likes others to affirm, encourage and praise themselves, but they are afraid of criticizing, reprimanding and refuting others to pick their own faults and throw cold water on themselves. Carnegie said: "Criticism and blame are like pigeons. They will come back after you let them go. If tomorrow between you and me, there will be an antipathy that lasts for decades until death. Just spit out a vicious comment. "
So, before you speak, ask yourself: I made a mistake, do you want others to criticize me? No, I want to be forgiven. Do I want others to laugh at me if I don't do well? No, I want to be encouraged. When I am frustrated, do I want others to gloat? No, I need help. When I am depressed, do I want others to be cold to me? No, I want comfort. When I always don't understand, do I want others to think I'm bored? No, I want patience. Then, when people are in similar situations, do what they want you to do.
Sometimes what you think is right may not be the case in others' eyes. When considering a problem, sometimes you have to take off your own point of view and think from another angle, and you will understand that you are not the only way to see things.
A little boy went to the food store to buy ice cream. He sat at the table and asked the salesman, "How much is an ice cream cone?" The salesman replied, "75 cents." The boy began to count the coins in his hand, and then asked how much the small bowl of ice cream was. The salesman replied impatiently, "65 cents." The boy bought a small bowl of ice cream, ate it and left. When the salesman came to collect the empty plate, he found that there was a tip of 10 cents in the plate.
Think about it. What is the salesman thinking at the moment? How does this affect her future contacts? It is petty to treat others the way others treat you; Treat others as you want them to treat you, that is, treat others with care; It is considerate to treat others in the way others expect; Considering each other, this is the simplest and highest skill.
The result of empathy is a win-win situation. The profound truth is often simple; The simple truth is not simple if it is really done. If we can always think from other people's point of view and understand other people's emotional world, we can get along with others in harmony and friendship.