People who are used to self-doubt often have a lot of inner drama. When they encounter failure, on the one hand, they especially like to immerse themselves in such negative emotions and atmosphere; On the other hand, this failed memory is often called and recalled. Every time I think about it, it will strengthen their "sense of incompetence" towards themselves.
Therefore, the first thing to do is to turn this tendency of self-immersion into self-withdrawal.
What do you mean? Self-immersion refers to immersing yourself in situations or memories from the perspective of the first person, and letting yourself experience these negative feelings over and over again; Self-withdrawal refers to "jumping out" in the third person, looking at these scenes from a higher angle and pulling yourself out.
You can refer to these practices for details.
When you encounter difficulties and problems, don't be immersed in the state of "I really screwed up again", but consider it from another angle:
What is the problem I am facing? Where are these problems?
What is the result of my worry? How likely is it to happen? In this process, don't fall into the trap of infinitely amplifying difficulties and threats, but force yourself to consider:
What are the causes of these problems? What are the deep and direct reasons?
What are the causes of my improper behavior? What are the things that I can't control and decide?
If it were someone else, he would have the same problem as me. Did he do better than me?
Don't fall into the trap of "disastrous imagination" when you think about the result of worrying. To be clear:
What is the possible outcome of this problem? According to the information I know, how likely are they to happen?
How do I get this information? Can I make this estimate as realistic as possible by consulting relevant information and people?
What can I do to avoid these bad results as much as possible?
Similarly, when you resume and reflect, you should also pay attention to raising your perspective, temporarily put aside your psychological feelings and emotional experiences and let yourself think:
What kind of result did this matter eventually lead to? What action produced this result?
In other words, pay attention to objective things such as "what did I do" and "what caused it", rather than "what should I have done", which is of no help to reality and problems.
In short: whenever you can't help but imagine and substitute yourself into a certain picture or scene, whenever you are afraid and worried about potential threats, resolutely let yourself out of this state, imagine yourself as a third-party person, talk to your heart and help yourself understand the situation. This can be very effective to help you avoid falling into negative emotions.
2. Change the relationship with "past me" and "future me"
People who are prone to self-doubt have a very common problem:
I always set the weight of "past me" very high, but I like to set the weight of "future me" very low.
What do you mean? These people always think: I used to be, I am now; What standards and expectations I should follow in the past, I will follow now.
Therefore, this unrealistic standard and the corresponding self-awareness have been accompanied from childhood to the present. Even if they have made some achievements now and changed their environment many times, it is difficult to get out of this bondage.
On the other hand, their cognition of "future me" is static and fixed. They will think that I am not good enough now, so I will probably not be good enough in the future. What I want to do is not change it, but cover it up and hide it.
So, what kind of trap is such a person easy to fall into? Fixed mentality.
That is, I think, "I am like this now and I will always be like this." Therefore, it is easy to regard all kinds of difficulties and challenges you encounter as threats and as doubts and challenges to your own existence value. Therefore, I don't want to face any difficulties, and what I can escape will always escape.
How to change this state? What you have to do is to disconnect from the "past me" and change your understanding of the "future me".
On the one hand, you should be clear: under what conditions will all the denials, demands and punishments you have received in the past continue to take effect? They are only effective if you still take them seriously and can't get rid of them.
In other words, you are not who you used to be, and you don't have to follow the same high standards and expectations. What you have to do is to control your direction and set a goal for your future.
No one can be responsible for you and no one should be responsible for you. Only you can take this responsibility.
On the other hand, you should understand that the future is in your own hands. When you think of the "future you" as a better self than you are now, you will have the motivation and enthusiasm to really become better.
3. Strengthen your implicit self
If your implicit self is full of failure and frustration, then when you face new and similar scenes, they will arouse your unpleasant memories, thus mobilizing your emotional response and making you subconsciously choose to refuse, escape and fear.
Therefore, a good way is to constantly enrich, enrich and strengthen the implicit self in daily life and make it full of more "positive information".