On the one hand, this idea is inspired by Cai Chongda's skin, on the other hand, it also comes from the emotional accumulation in recent years. I must find suitable channels to relieve these emotions. Just as I was about to write these words, God gave me an unexpected surprise. Meeting him, let me put down these heavy feelings that made me breathless. This change is so strong that I don't think I will hesitate any more.
When we first met in September, Ben introduced each other's WeChat through family or friends as usual. At the beginning, the chat content does not exceed three messages, and it is basically over. Since when do you speak slowly? It is difficult to define, but only through the information revealed in a few words can we get a glimpse of the hidden place that follows.
Slowly, the content of the chat began to leave the same "Have you eaten?" Are you busy today? "This kind of embarrassing chat, began to share each other's hobbies, and talked about the topic of home, before completely letting go of the previous boundaries and barriers.
I wonder if you will cry when you are alone? For love? For the grievances at work? Or for this helpless fate?
If tears were hurt to the depths before, this time it was a natural expression of being moved and not having to pretend to be strong and put everything down after being seen. All grievances and incomprehension have vanished in these tears, and I can also wave my hand and shake hands with the past indifferently, thus opening a new milestone in my life.
In the early morning of September 24, I just walked out of the cinema, and it was dark when I took out my mobile phone, only to remember that the automatic switch I had set before was still there. Just as the punch-in phone was ready, a phone call came in. It was a strange local telephone in Zhengzhou. There was some accident and someone called at this time.
After the connection, I heard from my voice that it was my sister-in-law: "Hui Min, where are you now?" Your brother's colleague called and said that he is in the hospital now. I'll go now. Go and have a look first. "I was a little confused when I heard the news. I quickly asked the address and general situation of the hospital and took a taxi to the hospital. Zhengzhou is still brightly lit at night, but the traffic volume is obviously reduced. About 20 minutes later, I saw the neon sign of Zhengzhou Third People's Hospital.
At the door of the emergency room, I asked the doctor on duty if he had received such an emergency. It happened that he was lying on a stretcher in the corridor. When I first met him, he was lying with his head in, and his height was 1.8 meters. One of them is very thin, much thinner than when he was at home six months ago. Only in his thirties, his hair was sparse and yellow, and he even began to lose his hair. His cheekbones are high, his eye sockets are sunken, his nose is high, and his facial features are more prominent on his meaty face. He was huddled up in pain, his right hand was dripping, and the doctor was giving him first aid. I hardly recognized him at first sight. Even if he was thin before, he was in good health, which was completely different from the people lying there.
He was obviously excited when he saw me coming and told me that he had a stomachache. I asked him briefly about his situation. He was speechless at that time, so I stopped asking, and turned to his colleagues to learn about the basic situation. The hospital is quiet at night, and there are few nurses in the emergency department. After completing the hospitalization procedure, he was directly sent to the inpatient department at the back. The doctor on duty is a man in his forties. He is a little bald and speaks slowly. He gave my brother some tests, asked about the situation, and asked the patient's family to take my brother for CT and ECG examination.
Watching the time go by, he lay in bed in pain and kept saying that he was dying. However, the management of the hospital departments here is too chaotic, and the newly arrived patients have to be pushed out for various examinations. His colleague said that he waited in the emergency department for about half an hour, waiting for his family to come. The emergency department didn't say to do the examination in advance, and he had to turn back. It pains him to see him endure pain.
Before long, eldest sister-in-law also rushed over, and the doctor called the patient's family to the duty room.
He told us about my brother's current situation and the treatment measures he needed. Patients need immediate surgery, which naturally involves the signature of family members.
I'm in no hurry to talk. I only occasionally heard my sister tell me something on the phone, but the details are not clear. Naturally, I want to hear what she has to say. She told the doctor frankly that they had divorced, which also confirmed our previous guess. The nurse asked me to sign the operation opinion, asking about our relationship and whose name to sign. She said anyone could sign it, but I could feel the hesitation in her words and signed my name decisively.
At 2 o'clock in the morning, watching him being pushed into the operating room, the rest was a long waiting time.
The corridor is brightly lit and there are two rows of chairs for family members to rest. The third hospital is adjacent to the railway station and Erqi Square. Sitting in the corridor of the hospital, you can hear the bell of the Erqi Tower. I don't know if there are any temples nearby, but I can always hear the faint Sanskrit coming from the window. It seems a bit out of place in this brightly lit downtown.
Sit against the wall for a while when you are not sleepy, and my friend who came with me will lie on the bench over there. Sister-in-law sat in the chair diagonally opposite me, and no one spoke. Time passed in the silence of three people, and the door of the operating room was not opened until nearly 7 o'clock in the morning.
The doctor showed us a removed appendix, which explained the situation in the operating room. The operation was performed under laparoscopy, and the injury was relatively small. After two examinations, no perforation was found, but the pus in the stomach was cleaned up. Considering the risk of operation, appendectomy was done by the way. That is to say, the root of the problem has not been found. But this is what we can do now.
Just when we left the duty room and didn't go to the ward, the nurse called us over and said that we had to pay the hospitalization fee first, otherwise we couldn't get the medicine. The operation probably cost more than 10 thousand. I heard my sister-in-law calling my dad, but she told me directly that my brother was in hospital. The doctor said that he needed 20,000 yuan, and told him to bring it quickly.
I really regret why I didn't call my dad first, at least let him have an acceptance process, and why I think it is more appropriate for her to say this. Go downstairs directly and pay the medical bill first, so as not to delay the next treatment.
After that, he stayed in the hospital for ten days, where his father has been taking care of him. I can only catch the subway to the hospital after work every day. At first, I was there for a vigil. When I get better, I'll still be back at my place before 9: 30. The weather in Zhengzhou this autumn is very strange. It rains every day. It takes 40 minutes to get to the hospital by subway from my place of work, and about 15 minutes by mobike. The road in the city center was built early, and the road was narrow and bumpy. Turn left and right in the alley. Even if you can't get in by taxi, the traffic is really inconvenient.
Sometimes it rains heavily, so you have to ride a bike if you can't get a taxi, and you can't use an umbrella. I had to get caught in the rain. I went to the hospital several times, and my shoes were all wet, and my hair was wet and stuck to my face. I was a mess. Three days after operation, he always had abdominal distension, and the doctor asked him to buy some mirabilite hot compress to help relieve it.
Dad is really old. This bustling city does not belong to his world. Not to mention the complicated procedures and various names in the hospital, he sometimes gets anxious after listening for a while. He can't use a smart phone or read a map. I always feel uncomfortable going out. I rode around the drugstores on Shangcheng Road and Renmin Road, and finally found it. This medicine is not expensive, but it seems that few people use it and there is not much stock. I bought more than a kilo pieced together and finally solved the problem.
After moving at the end of July, the new residential area has a good environment and lives by the river, but the traffic is inconvenient. In the middle of nowhere, it is more troublesome to go back at night. After taking the subway to Nongye South Road, you can only go back by bike. I don't know if the road at night is deliberately against people. The road by the river was disturbed by the flow of the river. This road doesn't extend in all directions like downtown. There are always a few times when I accidentally turn the wrong intersection and come home in the middle of the night.
At this time, I feel that it is really inconvenient to have no car.
During my stay in the hospital, I will talk to my eldest brother more. Because of the age difference, and he usually goes to his parents when he is at home, he may not be at home, so it is really rare to whisper. My eldest brother has always impressed me as a child who hasn't grown up. Although he is ten years older than me, most of the time he thinks I am more like the older one.
Things at home are unclear and life is a mess. Looking back on his life for more than 30 years, it always seems to be associated with all kinds of unreliable absurd events, so that at this time, no one can visit except the closest relatives. He doesn't have any savings either. Last time he called me, it seemed that he borrowed money from me. My parents have helped with the children since they were young. Now he just dropped out of school in the second day of junior high school, and finally there is no way to send him to the martial arts school for exercise for a while. Even my father paid for the children's schooling first.
I don't know what triggered him that day and told me the truth for the first time. It seems that I didn't take care of it properly. I can't remember the content clearly, but that day I was lying alone in the adjacent empty bed, crying secretly. I thought I was strong enough, but I couldn't control myself when I met emotional things.
I'm glad that after such a long time, he finally made me feel the moment consistent with his age. It seems that at this time, he began to think about his life and began to have some ideas of his own. Although I didn't agree with his statement in my heart, I didn't refute it. If this experience can inspire him and make him start thinking about his life, I will admit that I have been wronged.
In this family, the only thing I can't let go of is my parents, but I can't change the fact that the fate of my parents and my two brothers is tied together. Old people care about their children, especially those who are least worried and most concerned. No matter how hard I try, I will always find a fact. If my two brothers don't change, I will almost never be able to make my parents feel at ease and live a little easier and happier.
This is an infinite loop. I've been trying to supplement my family and make my parents feel better, but they always care about their children, and finally they have to go back to my two brothers.
Last year, I went to Beijing to study and received a phone call from my sister, saying that my father's physical examination report came out some time ago and the result was very bad. Check that the liver and gallbladder are strong. Since the trauma, my father's health is getting worse every day. At that time, I didn't have the heart to study, even at the most critical moment in the last stage. My determination to go home has never been so firm. Even if I work in vain for half a year, I still want to go back.
I took him to visit all the hospitals in Dengfeng Zhengzhou, and no surgery was arranged in the end. On the one hand, the hospital requires patients' families to be present, and I, a girl, have no right to speak. On the other hand, my father is old and the risk of surgery is relatively high. But in dealing with this matter, the way my two brothers do things is still chilling.
Like this thing. I called my second brother and asked him to come back 1 1 month 1 day. He said he couldn't come back after working overtime. Ask him when he can come back. I'm not sure. I knew then that there was no need to expect anything.
I took five days off and stayed in the hospital for four days. On the fourth day after discharge, my big cousin drove us back. I waited for an hour and a half in the town health center. I had a talk with my cousin. He said to me, "when you meet the right person, you should also consider starting a family." You come back now, and you don't even have a place to live. "
Suddenly I feel like crying.
Because of the concern and understanding in my cousin's words.
My own brother has never turned a blind eye.
In the first year of junior high school, eldest brother got married. The next year, I had a sister-in-law and a little nephew. At that time, I was a little girl who knew nothing. I went to school happily and looked after my little nephew at home.
Another year passed, my sister got married, and I was in grade three. Still longing for my high school life.
Then, people in the village began to go out to the town to find a way out. Mom and dad followed. Since then, my purpose of going home has become my parents', my hometown brother's and my sister's. At that time, I was a freshman and began to yearn for going out and thinking about my own university.
It was also at that time that my parents started to do business. Go home every winter vacation and help sell things in tents on the roadside. It was not until 5 pm on New Year's Eve that the tent was dismantled and the family returned to their hometown. This is nearly 12 years. I changed from the first high school student to a college student and a teacher, and started a white-collar life in an office building. It's just that no matter where you are or what you do, it never stops. I will try to go home during the Chinese New Year.
Some jobs leave early, while others leave late. I have to ask for leave. So I seldom ask for leave, even if I am sick, I take some medicine. I don't want to use the right to ask for leave easily, because I know I have to ask for leave at a certain time and I have to appear at those times. Just as my parents are getting worse every day, I am always ready to go to the hospital to take care of my family.
But my brothers don't think so. My second brother almost always goes home in the last few days of the Spring Festival. I don't know what he is busy with, and I don't know if he knows what his parents are doing and what's behind them.
I understand very well that no matter how many times I say it, the reason why they insist on doing it is because my second brother is not married. They don't want to miss any chance to make money, and they can't let go of their children. Although they are old enough to be independent.
I pretend I don't know this, but I still can't bear them to be tired. The fact is, if I don't do something whether I want it or not, my parents will be the last ones to try, because they won't give up, so I have no reason not to insist on doing it.
I have been afraid of the cold since I was a child. As soon as I saw the cold wind in winter, my hands became red, swollen and frostbitten. The days during the Chinese New Year are the most serious. Even if I take extra care of myself outside, I will still be frozen at home. In the cold wind of Leng Xue, what I want to protect is my parents' wishes. As the parties, they didn't know, and even this intention was never detected. Or indifference, even if perceived, is not taken for granted.
Big brother has been at home for five days and still has a fever. Originally, the hospital didn't find out the cause, which made me very uneasy, so I was worried. After three days of treatment in the third hospital again, we considered changing hospitals.
How many negative emotions have been aroused by such a trivial matter.
I got a call from my second brother that day, asking about my situation here and asking if I could change hospitals. In fact, eldest brother's doctor has never been diagnosed, and he is asking the hospital for the next treatment plan in time every day. I can't say clearly. His repeated questioning didn't give any reasonable suggestions at all, but made me more uneasy.
On Monday, I took a day off. Sister Jing introduced me to a doctor in the Second Affiliated Hospital of Zheng Da. Get up early in the morning and rush to the hospital to copy the case and show it to the doctor to see if there is a better treatment plan. After getting a positive answer, I went back and forth between the two hospitals to go through the discharge and hospitalization procedures. It didn't come to an end until dark at 6 pm. Dad followed him back and forth between his hometown and the hospital. Not having a good cold makes him look even less energetic.
There was an argument with my second brother in the middle, which was about me and my sister. I always feel guilty about my sister. I was brought up by my sister since I was a child, and I prefer to go to her when I get home. She has two children by herself and has to work one day during the day. Brother-in-law works in other places. I will take time to see my mother at noon or at night. My father is here in Zhengzhou, and my mother is at home alone, which is inconvenient for me. It is estimated that eating is a problem. These, my two brothers have never understood. It seems that it should be.
As usual, I am busy going home at 5 pm on New Year's Eve. I haven't lived in anyone's house for a long time, and I have to clean it up from scratch. At that time, I really felt nothing but fatigue and deep cold in my bones. Cooking with a fire still makes the old man feel cold. When his mother is in good health, he must eat jiaozi on New Year's Eve and the first day. Mix the stuffing, mix the dough and boil the water. Can only come bit by bit. It's really cold at home, so it's no use making a fire. My hand hurts, and I don't want to drink cold water at all. I really want to put this behind me, but I can't. Big brother will come and help, and second brother has never been in the kitchen from beginning to end.
On New Year's Eve, I spent a year with my parents, eldest brother and second brother. Before I could clean up the kitchen, the three big men had disappeared, and only my mother was sitting by the fire in the living room.
I didn't go to the living room. I opened the door alone and walked in the dark night. I secretly shed tears. Don't want mom to see it. She is in poor health. You said I wouldn't be home in the future. How can my parents live with them?
From the first day to the fifth day, daily life is to take care of the family's three meals a day. There are not many things during the holiday. They always reverse black and white. Go out to play until midnight at night and play until noon during the day. Mom was a habit when she was young. She can't miss anything.
I have to admit that I fled back to Zhengzhou alone, and the scars left by that place almost drowned me. I can't stay any longer, I just want to find a quiet place to stay for a while. Going home for the first time after the Dragon Boat Festival. Although I feel sorry for my parents, I am really scared and don't want to go through it again.
It was not until I met him that I finally put everything down.
I said, whether it's bitter or tired, but I'm really afraid of the feeling of being cold to the bone. All the true feelings can't be answered, and everything you want to protect and cherish is vandalized or even trampled on.
He is the first person who understands my feelings.
And the first person to listen to me talk about these things.
When all this is seen and understood. I just put it down.
From now on, I can shake hands with the past. Protect the person you want to protect.
All I want is a sincere response.
Thank you for seeing all this.
Affirmed all this.