Cultivate children's sound personality
Generally speaking, personality education is to cultivate children into real people, that is, to teach children to "learn to be human." 2 1 Century International Education Committee put forward that the four pillars of contemporary education are "learning to seek knowledge, learning to do things, learning to get along with others and learning to be a man".
Learning to be a man is a basic process based on the first three kinds of learning, and it is the fundamental goal of education and learning. Therefore, a main line of family education, a backbone, should also be to cultivate children into "people." "Man" here refers to an individual with good moral character, independent consciousness, good interpersonal relationship and good cooperation, and is an independent and gregarious social person. Family education is such a personality education. From the psychological structure, personality mainly includes self-awareness, ability, temperament, personality, interests, needs, attitudes, beliefs, value orientation and other factors.
It is the different combinations of personality factors and different performance levels that make everyone behave as different individuals, and each individual is distinguished from each other through this different performance. For example, in real life, we find that some people are cheerful and can actively cooperate with others, communicate happily, make continuous progress and improve themselves; Some people are withdrawn and indifferent, treat people and things negatively, and feel depressed. The former and the latter are some manifestations of sound personality and imperfect personality. So, where does a sound personality come from?
In family education, there are many factors that affect children's sound personality. This paper focuses on the influence of parents' personality characteristics, parenting style and family environment on children's personality construction.
First of all, among many factors in family education, parents' personality factor is the core strength of teaching, which has a great subtle influence on the formation of children's personality.
Because children are very imitative, their attitudes and ways of dealing with people all their lives are directly imitated from their parents. Parents' personality characteristics will also radiate to all levels of family life, endowing family life with unique colors, and then affecting the formation of children's personality. If parents are warm and frank, and do things conscientiously and practically, there will often be a harmonious family atmosphere, and children will easily form warm, honest, friendly and good at communication when they are in frequent contact with relatives and friends. If parents are narrow-minded, calculating and scheming, and their children are exposed to the family life atmosphere of greed and cheapness for a long time, it is easy to form the habit of being a petty citizen and selfish, and it is also easy to form the habit of opportunism in the future. At the same time, the educational quality of parents and the ability, knowledge and concept of educating children also directly affect the development of children.
Secondly, the family rearing pattern is another important factor that affects the construction of children's sound personality.
Family rearing pattern is the combination of parents' personality, parents' attitude towards children and educational methods. Generally speaking, family rearing patterns can be divided into authoritarian, protective, laissez-faire, democratic and mixed. Obviously, democracy is the best of all family education methods. Parents of democratic families believe that children are not only members of the family, but also members of the country and society. In the future, he will always live independently and go to society. He should teach his children the ability to take care of themselves from an early age, instead of doing everything with respect and affection. However, in the family education of the only child in China, there are still many protective parenting styles, resulting in unhealthy personality such as strong dependence, easy resistance, willfulness and loneliness.
Third, the family environment plays a key role in the construction of children's sound personality. "Home" is the cradle of children's growth, and children's life growth will always be branded with the environment. As far as the family education environment is concerned, it includes both the material environment and the spiritual environment within the family. The material environment does not refer to the luxurious decoration of the family, but a clean, orderly and healthy environment. Children should have their own world and activity time. The spiritual environment of the family has many contents, including family cultural atmosphere, value orientation, interpersonal communication, family style and family atmosphere. The spiritual environment is more important to the development of children's personality.
Good family education has a positive effect and far-reaching influence on shaping children's healthy personality. Therefore, as qualified parents, they should pay attention to their children's growth from the following aspects.
First, pay attention to children's overall health and promote the construction of children's sound personality. "Overall health" refers not only to physical and physical health, but also to mental and spiritual health, that is, personality health.
In 198 1, the World Health Organization defines health as: "Health refers to being able to engage in daily activities with energy and agility, without feeling overtired, and being optimistic, energetic and easy to bear pressure." Nowadays, many children's unhealthy problems are caused by unhealthy lifestyles and inappropriate parenting styles. For example, parents' excessive expectations bring too much hopelessness, parents' excessive protection brings too much incompetence, parents' excessive doting brings too much ruthlessness, parents' excessive interference brings too much helplessness, and parents' excessive accusations bring too much helplessness. It is precisely because there are so many excesses that children have too many obstacles. Especially in recent years, with the accelerated pace of life and the intensification of social competition, psychological problems among teenagers have spread and increased. The media has repeatedly reported a series of events that should not happen because of the weak psychological endurance of primary and secondary school students, which has sounded the alarm for us. As parents, we must pay enough attention to this and help our children maintain their mental health. In addition to the psychological barrier caused by the lag of ideas, another killer of children's mental health is unhealthy lifestyle. In family education, parents should pay special attention to cultivating children's good and stable mood and optimistic and cheerful personality, persist in exercising, strengthen their physique, improve their quality of life, change bad behavior habits, and develop good study and life habits.
Second, pay attention to cultivating children into honest and useful people. Noble morality is the foundation of being a man, and honesty is the foundation of morality.
To "learn to be a man", we must first learn to be an upright person. Tao Xingzhi said that "teaching thousands of people to seek truth and learning thousands of things to be a man" means learning to be a man. In ancient times, before we talked about "ruling the country with the family", we must first cultivate ourselves, that is, cultivate ourselves first and learn to be a man first. Before "Xiu De", we should first be sincere and sincere.
It means that the inner morality should be consistent with the outer behavior. Generally speaking, "honesty" means not lying, seeking truth from facts, and taking telling the truth, not hiding from others, not hiding from yourself and not distorting the facts as unshakable principles.
"Keeping promise" means being responsible for your own words and deeds, stressing credibility in doing things and keeping promises to others. This is a psychological quality related to honesty. It should be said that it is the simplest, most basic and most difficult to do this. Without this, it is difficult to establish other morals.
Some parents use the method of "filial son under the stick" to manage their children, thinking that the stricter the discipline, the better the control. This attitude and behavior greatly affected their integrity and honesty. In fact, children's dishonesty often begins with imitating adults' greed for small profits, counterfeiting and hypocrisy. Because children have little life experience, they are vague about some moral concepts. Parents should be good at grasping the educational opportunity of their children's first bad behavior, and let them correct their mistakes through targeted storytelling and persuasion education. Therefore, if adults are dishonest, they will teach their children to be dishonest; The rudeness and corporal punishment of adults will force children to be dishonest; Adults with material stimulation will induce children to pursue material enjoyment; The dishonesty of adults will cultivate the dishonesty of children. On the contrary, parents are upright in everything, and children learn to be upright; Parents are educated in democracy, tolerance and reason, and children dare to be frank; Parents distinguish right from wrong, and with correct guidance, children can easily develop trustworthy qualities.
Third, pay attention to influencing children with a good image.
Chen Heqin, a famous educator in China, said: "Family education is first and foremost the self-education of parents." Parents' own personality cultivation will exert a subtle influence on their children. Children learn from adults mainly through imitation. Children's imitation of adults is not limited to behavior, but also includes thinking mode, emotional orientation, customs and habits, personal personality and so on. As long as the parent-child relationship is established, the personality of parents has a decisive influence on children.
Parents' moral integrity and efforts can set a good example for children and stimulate their self-motivation and sense of accomplishment. And this kind of influence is lifelong, which is unmatched by any other educational force. Therefore, parents should constantly improve themselves and let their children set an example. Parents should also learn to respect their children and establish a good, harmonious, equal, mutual respect and two-way communication relationship and environment with them.
Modern parents' behavior towards their children is nothing more than "love" and "control". In infancy, parents should love their children unconditionally and wholeheartedly, from physical contact to meticulous care in physical and psychological aspects. At this time, "management" should try to adapt to the child's state, rather than conform to the parents' meaning; In early childhood, children gradually form a sense of self. At this time, parents and children must establish a real interpersonal relationship, regard the child as an "independent subject" and make every effort to make the child gradually become an "independent subject";
The love and care of parents in childhood must also be conducive to the independence of children. The core of love is care and respect. The purpose of "caring" is to emphasize the inspiration of children's autonomy and consciousness. By puberty, the child's personality has basically taken shape. At this time, the relationship between parents and children should be equal friends with profound friendship. Children learn to respect their parents and others from respect, and learn to think independently and live independently from the guidance of their parents. Therefore, the example behavior and bad behavior of parents will have a great influence on children. What we advocate is that parents should strengthen personality remolding for the healthy growth of their children, set an example in all aspects, match words with deeds, and set an example for their children in personality education. Contemporary educators generally believe that without healthy personality, there will be no outstanding talents.
Childhood is the initial period of personality formation, and every brand given to children by family, society and groups will play an important role in determining the personality of adults. Personality cultivation in early childhood can be carried out from the following aspects:
1, parents should first respect the personality of young children.
Parents should get along with their children on an equal footing, use more "consultation" instead of "command", encourage more and blame less, avoid criticizing or even scolding their children in public, adhere to positive education, and cultivate their children's self-esteem, self-love, self-reliance and self-improvement from an early age.
2. Cultivate children's sense of responsibility and enterprising spirit.
Parents should consciously let their children do what they can and let them develop the habit of doing things seriously. When children encounter difficulties, they should actively give guidance, improve their ability to overcome difficulties, and enhance their awareness of going forward.
3. Strengthen children's public moral awareness.
Parents should educate their children not to climb flowers and trees in public places, not to scribble and not to spit everywhere; Respect the elderly and strictly observe discipline. Timely correct children's behaviors that violate public morality, and let children gradually realize that good social behavior is the external performance of noble personality.
4. Encourage children to actively interact with others.
Parents should encourage their children to actively participate in various collective activities in kindergartens or schools, let them get along well with their neighbors' children, and let them learn to treat their peers sincerely, fairly, modestly and generously, care for others, respect their rights and interests and forgive their mistakes.
5. Mom and Dad should always talk to their children.
Make children gradually learn to treat themselves correctly, understand each other and understand things reasonably; Cultivate children's psychological quality of not being proud of their achievements, not feeling inferior when they have shortcomings, and not flinching when they have difficulties.
6. Mom and Dad should live in harmony and influence their children's personality formation with their own good image.
If mom and dad study hard at ordinary times, it is easy for children to form a diligent and upward character; If children grow up in a family full of foul language, it is difficult for them to grow up without hurting others.
7. Parents should create opportunities for their children to see the world through the wind and rain.
Don't pamper children, take care of them in every way. In order to benefit children's future survival and development, we should consciously strengthen the exercise of children from all aspects to enhance their independent living ability and adaptability to difficult environments. For example, let children take part in physical exercise and send them to relatives in rural areas for a period of time.
To sum up, all aspects of the family are very important to the healthy growth of children and the edification of personality.
How to Cultivate Children's Sound Personality
1. Cultivate children's humor and optimism.
Whether studying or living, a child's energy is limited, and there are too many things to concentrate on.
However, some children are always "narrow-minded" and "not strong and optimistic enough". When they encounter troubles in their study and life, they are prone to anxiety and anxiety. The emotions of "anxiety" and "anxiety" will consume a lot of energy of children and make them unwilling to do business.
For example, if a child doesn't do well in the math test, his father can pull him over and say with a smile, "Son, your math level is a little inherited from your father and me!" " I also got 25 points in the exam that year, and was dragged to the playground by the math teacher to squat on the ground to correct the wrong questions, haha! However, your father and I still have some backbone. I'm catching up slowly. Let me tell you what I do ... "
2. Let children learn to be grateful and learn to be tolerant.
A child who doesn't know how to be grateful will never grow up, because he has no sense of responsibility and responsibility in his heart and lacks the inner lasting motivation to do things.
So, how can we cultivate children's gratitude? The best way is to let your children experience your hard work-doing housework.
The research of educational institutions shows that children who often do housework as children generally have much higher grades after entering school and wages after work than children who don't do housework!
Therefore, if you give the mop to your child, he will know that mopping the floor will cause backache, so he won't think that you will hinder him from playing games in the future; Teach a child dirty socks, and he will know that his socks stink and will not be thrown on the ground in the future; Leave the schoolbag to the child to clean up by himself, so that he won't always be sloppy and disorganized.
3. Cultivate a correct view of money
Some people say that "the sooner children know and learn to use money, the more they can earn money when they grow up", which is not unreasonable.
Supermarket is a good place for children to practice understanding and using money correctly.
Before going shopping in the supermarket, make a list with your children, and then go shopping in the supermarket according to the list, which will not only save time, but also reduce the unreasonable demands of your children. After all, you can confidently tell your child, "Did we make the list together?" We didn't plan to buy this toy at first, and we didn't bring enough money, did we? You really want it, we can put it on the list next time we shop, but we really can't this time ... "
4. Speak well and cultivate good communication habits.
A child's first impression may be his appearance and clothes, but what really impresses and interests him is his manners.
If a child can actively and skillfully use polite expressions and show enthusiasm when facing new partners and classmates, he can gain the trust of the other party well and form a good popularity.
If children respect others when interacting with others, they can also win the respect and help of others, and both study and life will be relatively smooth. You should know that teamwork is always much better than going it alone.
5. Let children learn the necessary self-protection and cherish life.
Nothing is more important than children's health and life safety. Any safety accident or violent incident may break up a family full of expectations.
Especially today when children's aggressive behavior and school violence are very serious, it is particularly important to give children some tips to protect themselves and deal with emergencies.
For example, don't let anyone touch your private parts when you leave home. If it really happens, be sure to tell mom when you get home. If a classmate you don't know calls you outside the school gate, you must not listen to them and tell the teachers and parents in time; When crossing the street, the green light is not on. Even if everyone walks, you can't follow the crowd.
Development: Family Education and the Cultivation of Children's Sound Personality
Children are the hope of parents and the future of the motherland, and children hold up the sun of tomorrow.
With the continuous advancement of modernization, family education has attracted more and more attention from all walks of life. How to train children to become useful talents to society has become a hot and difficult issue. Some parents rack their brains and try their best to get what they want, and some even backfire.
As the saying goes, at the age of three, you look small, and at the age of seven, you look old. Explain how important early childhood education is to the shaping of children's lifelong personality. Since the child was born and came into this world, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was my parents, who were the shadow of the child. Confucius said: "At the beginning of life, human nature is good." . The newly arrived children are qualitatively different, and what they see in their clear eyes is only a pure and innocent world. With the growing up day by day, influenced by parents' subtle influence, family education has become more and more obvious to children's individual differences, and parents' words and deeds directly affect children.
Children are the pride of parents. Which parent doesn't love their children? What parents don't expect their children to succeed? However, due to the different educational methods adopted, the results are quite different. Some parents spoil their children too much, holding them in their hands is afraid of flying, and holding them in their mouths is afraid of making some mistakes and mistakes. Some parents live with their children's grandparents, and the older generation always stops adults from disciplining their children by saying "Leave their grandparents every other generation". In order to save trouble and avoid angering grandparents, they let their children be free and managed by others, and do whatever they want. Children who grow up in such an environment either can't stand a little wind and waves in the greenhouse, or form a bad habit of being self-righteous, not listening to opposition and being conceited and bossy.
Gorky, a great Russian writer, once said, "It's about having children or even hens." . This shows the importance of family education. As a family, children are individuals, but relative to a cell of society, they all belong to a group. The responsibility of parents is not only to grow sturdily, but also to fulfill their obligation to raise them. What's more important is to train them to become talents, and finally stand the wind and waves in the rolling social torrent and become the mainstay.
In fact, quite a few parents attach great importance to the cultivation and education of their children. They want to fully mobilize every cell in their children's brains and cultivate them into geniuses from an early age: when they are two or three years old, they will be asked to learn Tang poetry, practice English, learn painting and practice dancing ... "This has also become their capital to show off their children's qualifications in front of others. They teach children to be obedient, sensible, polite, self-effacing, kind to others, study hard, and … in short, the requirements are very reasonable! On the one hand, they are strict with their children, on the other hand, they also make similar mistakes: they ask their children to obey but never listen to their own hearts; Asking children to understand that they are "unreasonable and not negotiable"; I ask my children to be humble and kind, but I swear for a little thing. I ask my children to study hard, but I have no interest in learning, I am indifferent to the questions raised by my children, I have no patience to explain and ask, I don't even know how to pretend to understand Tang Sai, or I make my children talkative and angry. I once saw a ridiculous scene: a parent took her children to a friend's house for a birthday. She was picky about her children for fear that they would suffer. I can see that the child is very overbearing. He has to do everything, or he will be adamant. My friend's child is a little older than hers, so my friend always says, "Forget it, you are my brother, take care of my brother ..." Later, the child went too far, and the parents sighed helplessly and said, "I really don't know who this child is having sex with. I often teach him not to be selfish, but he just doesn't listen ... "She didn't think that the child's eyes are the most advanced camera, and her appearance will be reflected in the reflection in that camera.
All this not only makes us ask: how to educate children is the best way? Maybe there are no rules to follow. There is no best in this world, only better. Everything is always exploring. I think the most important thing is to understand your children. Only by loving, understanding and respecting children can we understand children. From babbling to growing up, parents should carefully decipher the information and needs conveyed by their children's every movement, every look and every expression, which requires us as parents to show great love, make correct judgments and convey the information of truth, goodness and beauty to their young hearts. In the eyes of children, good and bad are very easy to distinguish, and true and false are not clear. There is always a clear stream flowing in children's pupils, which requires parents to improve their own quality, establish a good image in their children's minds and guide their children to grow up healthily. Always remember the old adage "Take the lead", and always remember that your unintentional words and deeds may be copied by children. On certain occasions, children will post the original text on their life picture books. Proverbs such as "roots are right and seedlings are red" and "I am a hero, I sell onions and garlic" are used to illustrate that the exemplary role played by parents should be far greater than his genetic factors! Because parents are always the children's first teachers. The daughter-in-law who washes her mother-in-law's feet every night in CCTV 8 program not only warms the old man's heart with her silent actions, but also easily ignites the children's love. This public service advertisement shows that the inspiration of parents' role models to children is intangible and deeply touches the hearts of every parent.
Of course, this is not everything, it just shows the influence of parents' behavior on their children. It may be useful for smart children, but for those children who don't pay attention to playing with skin, they need further inspiration and guidance from adults. As for how to do it, you really need to think it over before you do it. The point is to be persuasive and not to be solved by simple and rude questions. I summed up some self-conscious and beneficial methods from my own personal experience and offered them here for discussion and improvement:
First of all, when parents treat their children's reasonable demands, they should do what they say, win their children's trust, and cultivate their good character of honesty and trustworthiness from an early age. If parents put off tomorrow today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, or drag their children with lies, they will lose their trust over time, making them perfunctory, careless and lose their self-confidence by giving up halfway.
Then, pay attention to every growth process of children. In early childhood, the brain develops rapidly, the thinking is active, the curiosity about things is heavy, and the self-control ability is poor, so don't be too harsh on children, consider their psychological endurance as much as possible, and don't scold, yell and punch their children at will. First, we must find out the reasons and reasons for children to do so, and patiently give them gentle and considerate guidance and guidance. Only in this environment can children develop physically and mentally.
Furthermore, we must not ask to impose our will on children indiscriminately, but consider their needs from the perspective of children. Some parents, regardless of their children's preferences, start from their own subjective wishes and enroll their children in this training class and that training class. However, regardless of whether their children are interested or not, and regardless of their affordability, they think that as long as they are willing to spend money for their children, they are all sympathetic to the wind of carrying on the family line, but they are also sympathetic to the hearts of children all over the world! Children have a heavy psychological burden since childhood. How can they be happy?
Secondly, in the family, we should advocate the way of emotional education for children, and control children by compulsory means rather than centralized means. We should learn to communicate with children often with eyes and language that encourage appreciation, so that children are more willing to treat their parents as close friends and pour out their hearts to their parents, so that parents can keep abreast of their children's ideological trends and adapt to their every growth needs. For every small progress of children, parents should repay their children with body language such as joy or kissing. If parents can communicate their children's every subtle emotional fluctuation without taking it for granted, then a bridge will be built between children and parents, and children will certainly grow into a tolerant, generous, tolerant person who knows and cherishes happiness in such a cheerful, confident and healthy environment.
The most important point is that parents should have certain skills in the process of educating their children to grow up: 1, care about their children but don't restrain them. Grasp the wind direction in major events, encourage children to actively accept new things and develop healthily and freely in minor events, and put them in a wide world to study through thick and thin. Don't think that they are pitiful when they suffer a little, and don't think that adults bear the performance of loving children. What we adults should do is to teach our children life skills and abilities, to make them feel useful, to acquire knowledge and improve their abilities day by day, to cultivate their ability to think and solve problems independently, to cultivate their perfect ideology and sound personality, and never to impose their parents' thoughts and consciousness on them. Facts have also proved that parents only play the role of counselors and let their children learn and exercise by themselves. Such children love their parents more, because they prefer all kinds of attempts and can feel their parents' true love for them. 2. Let the children relax but don't indulge them. Nowadays, children's learning tasks are already heavy. Parents should let their children learn to relax. They can neither push their children to the teacher and ignore their studies, nor can they lock them up in the mountains of books all day and let them learn this and that. Although they have good intentions, they are afraid of getting twice the result with half the effort and have little effect. Children will gradually feel lonely and helpless because of their parents' psychological indifference to themselves, which will lead to rebellious psychology, from listlessness to boredom, truancy, and even lead to tragedies such as running away from home and suicide. Parents should take the necessary time to accompany their children for entertainment and play, adjust their mental burden, take their children to the suburbs or outdoors to absorb fresh air, give them full opportunities to accept nature and let them get close to nature. Children are more natural, aren't they? Don't let them become little old men and women in the lower grades, and cultivate their lively and lovely nature. 3. Respect but don't tolerate them. When children do something wrong, parents sometimes neglect to protect their self-esteem when criticizing education. They always ignore the criticism of their predecessors and think that it is natural and understandable to educate children. The effect of educating children in front of others will be more obvious, and children will be more likely to correct their shortcomings because of shyness, but they will unconsciously hurt their self-esteem. Everyone loves beauty, even naughty children still want to show their lovely side in front of outsiders. Therefore, our parents should learn to respect children and protect their fragile self-esteem. But this does not mean tolerance for children's bad habits. Adults should promptly guide and help children to understand their own shortcomings, so that children can realize their parents' love for them, be willing to accept their parents' criticism, and understand and correct their own shortcomings.
Say a thousand sentences and ten thousand sentences. In short, the starting point of everything is to know your children first. We train and educate children, not just to make them grow up. We must first teach them how to adapt to society; Teach them how to love themselves and others; Teach them how to face life independently. Cultivate their sense of independence; Cultivate their confidence in themselves and life; Cultivate their indomitable perseverance in the face of difficulties and setbacks; Cultivate their sense of responsibility to individuals and society, and cultivate their love and dedication; Bottom line: Cultivate their perfect personality. Only in this way can we say that we have trained him to be an adult, and the skills and abilities he has learned can be effectively and reasonably applied to society, so that he can be regarded as a truly useful talent to society.