Why do married people in the workplace choose hidden marriage? People with strong interpersonal skills are also very popular in the workplace. You must learn to understand the hints in the workplace, and you can make progress only if you are informal. Let me show you why married people in the workplace choose hidden marriage.
Why do married people in the workplace quietly choose hidden marriage 1, and there is a "hidden marriage family" around them! Although they received the Red Notebook, they concealed their marital status and lived a happy life under the banner of "single aristocrat". I have fulfilled the legal procedures for marriage, but I still claim to be single. Marriage is a happy event, so why hide it and keep it secret? Recently, we made a questionnaire survey in a city, and the topic was "Are you an invisible marriage and family?" . The content of the survey involves Shenzhen people's attitudes and views on hidden marriage families and the reasons for hidden marriage in hidden marriage families.
During the three-day investigation, * * * sent out 85 questionnaires, mainly white-collar workers. The survey results show that some people choose "hidden marriage" because they think that marriage is purely a personal matter and there is no need to disclose whether they are married or not. Most people's "hidden marriage" is due to workplace reasons, such as worrying that marriage will bring inconvenience to their work and affect their future at work, thus denying that they are married.
"Hidden Marriage" mentality 1: For the convenience of work and entertainment.
Nowadays, there are potential competition rules in the workplace. Once people are labeled as marriage, their competitiveness is often greatly reduced, so some married people choose "hidden marriage".
Xiao Xie, who works in a communication company, lost to an unmarried woman at the same starting line. Once I went to see a client with an unmarried female colleague in the same department, and they actually fought secretly. Xiao Xie thinks he has rich work experience and more advantages. When they met, customers praised them as young and beautiful. They must be fresh graduates. Before Xiao Xie could speak, his colleagues immediately said that he had just graduated from college, but Xiao Xie's children were going to school soon.
Since then, the customer only contacted the young female colleague for business matters, but Ms. Xie's working ability was doubted by her boss, and she finally decided to leave her job.
In the new company, Ms. Xie started to be an "invisible marriage and family". She never talks about her private life with her colleagues, does not wear a wedding ring at work, and always deliberately hangs out with unmarried girls at work. When dealing with clients, I no longer have to worry about being exposed as "married" and affecting my work. With rich experience and clever mind, Xiao Xie's work performance is outstanding, and he has been recognized and promoted by his boss.
"hidden marriage" mentality 2: fear of being "left out" by colleagues
In the eyes of colleagues, married people are always tied to a lot of housework and responsibilities, so going out to play, shopping and outing will naturally exclude these married people.
Miss Li, 25, was left out by her colleagues after marriage. She works as a customer service in an advertising company, and most of her colleagues are single. Before marriage, she often made an appointment with her friends without scruple and didn't come home until late at night. But after marriage, every time she had fun with her colleagues, her husband would call to persuade her to drink less or urge her to go home early. Her colleagues occasionally feel particularly disappointed.
Over time, many social parties or company parties exclude Miss Li. This not only alienated Miss Li from her colleagues and clients, but also directly affected her work. After changing to a new company, Miss Li and her husband joined the "hidden marriage family" of "true queen and fake princess" after "three chapters of the law".
"hidden marriage" mentality 3: fear of leading "discrimination"
The boss will worry about a married childless or newly married female employee, because a series of problems such as her pregnancy, giving birth and taking care of children will affect her work. In addition, some bosses think that married people tend to refuse to pursue progress and are no longer active in their work. Therefore, enterprises often assign jobs that require enthusiasm and vitality to single employees with relatively light burdens.
Out of concern for these problems, Feng Li chose Hidden Marriage. She works as a secretary in a foreign company. At the age of 26, she has been married for two years, but the young couple are separated. Company leaders have always believed that unmarried women are less bound and have a stronger desire to work than married women. Therefore, Feng Li never refused the invitation of colleagues, and never refused to go clubbing, karaoke and outdoor sports together. Whenever someone asks about marriage, she always answers vaguely, "What, I don't look like a single aristocrat?" Gradually, everyone thought she was unmarried and men sent flowers frequently. She said: "In order not to be discriminated against at work, I would rather choose' hidden marriage'."
"hidden marriage" mentality 4: marriage is personal privacy
If we say that many independent, independent and self-reliant white-collar workers are forced to appear as "single". Then, there is a "hidden marriage" mentality that has nothing to do with the workplace, that is, marriage is a personal privacy and there is no need to make it public. "I have never denied the fact that I am married, but I will not deliberately mention it." This is the sentence that the author heard the most in the investigation.
Xiao Mei got married two years ago. Because of her work, she never gives a banquet. Except for very close friends, people who have business contacts or casual acquaintances don't understand marriage. She doesn't think it's necessary to publicize her marriage, which is a personal privacy.
Experts remind that "hidden marriage" is to better protect yourself.
"Hidden marriage" has become a lifestyle and survival strategy of white-collar workers. Concealing married status is in exchange for free space, fair opportunity, superior favor and more professional development. In the eyes of sociologists, this statement is also the social reason why some people in the workplace have no choice but to hide their marriage.
Experts believe: "In the social environment, there is still a kind of married discrimination in the workplace, especially the gender bias against female employees. In the small environment of the enterprise, it is stipulated that employees of the company cannot fall in love. Married employees are often alienated by other single colleagues and are squeezed out of the social circle of the office over time. These hidden rules in today's workplace may induce some people to choose hidden marriage. "
Whether they are afraid that employers will discriminate against married people, so that they will not be developed and reused, or they are afraid that they will leave the company's social circle because of marriage, these two reasons are for different purposes, but they are all self-protective behaviors shown by the hidden marriage because they feel the pressure from the company and colleagues. The psychology professor explained the psychology of some hidden marriages.
"Hidden marriage is only a psychological tendency of urbanites, and it is not necessarily related to their panic about marriage." A psychologist said so, but she was also worried. The soaring divorce rate and the fragile and unstable marriage relationship have increased people's uncertainty about their marriage life, which is bound to have a certain negative impact. Therefore, experts remind that when working women choose "hidden marriage" because of work needs, they must clearly inform their husbands and coordinate with each other without affecting family harmony. However, because "hidden marriage" is not a normal state after all, women must grasp the discretion when dealing with it, otherwise it will have a negative impact on people and themselves.
Why do married people in the workplace choose hidden marriage? 2 is it more convenient for people who are "hidden married" in the workplace to go to work?
Is it more convenient for "hidden marriage" people in the workplace to go to work?
There are many happy events in the entertainment circle. A series of "hidden marriage" artists were kicked out and secretly married, which led to gossip about other artists ... Of course, the entertainment circle is a special workplace, where "hidden marriage" was taken away by male artists. In fact, in our public workplace, "dark marriage" is often dominated by women.
An online "hidden marriage survey" shows that nearly 37% people are willing to do "hidden marriage" because they are worried that open marriage will make them lose the trust of their bosses or customers. Most of them are between the ages of 25 and 35, especially women. In the legal sense, "hidden marriage" is not illegal. How much convenience can it actually bring to women? Under the interview, the reporter found that the most effective way of "hidden marriage" is to apply for a job and spend the embarrassing age in the workplace. More and more people realize that "hidden marriage" is not a long-term solution, and sometimes it will "hide" many mistakes and make colleagues and bosses distrust themselves.
Experts have analyzed that people who are "hidden married" are actually not confident enough.
Why are there "hidden marriages" in the workplace? Wu Fan, a career consultant recruited by Zhilian, analyzed that this was caused by both objective and subjective reasons.
The objective reason is that many business owners or managers have some deviations in the concept of employing people, which over-magnifies the influence of married people's family burden on their work, but fails to see the beneficial side of being married, such as the improvement of sense of responsibility and loyalty. In addition, many enterprises in rapid development are difficult to meet the needs of married people in terms of workload, welfare, treatment and humanized management. In order to ensure the stability of the team in the short term, they are more inclined to recruit and promote unmarried people. The vast majority of women have hidden marriages, of course, because a few employers still have gender discrimination in the process of recruitment and layoffs-many business owners or managers are influenced by the traditional concept of "men are the outside, women are the inside" and think that married women will be more influenced by family affairs than men.
However, people who are "hidden married" have their own problems. First, I am not confident in my own strength, fearing that once I am labeled as a marriage, my "seat" will be unstable; Second, career-oriented professionals choose work and career more when weighing work and family.
From the perspective of career development, "married" status has advantages and disadvantages, and the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. As the old saying goes: get married and start a career, get married first and then start a career. Family plays a great role in improving individual's comprehensive quality and development motivation. The ability and quality that married people need to handle housework are definitely not lower than the requirements at work, and the sense of responsibility of married people is much higher than that of unmarried people, which is actually an important part of what employees need. Moreover, if you can't hide it for a while, once it is discovered, the negative impact may have a greater impact on your career.
Marriage was originally a happy event of "being admitted to a junior college". Some women in the workplace choose "hidden marriage" because they want to get more job opportunities for themselves, whether it is for the convenience of finding a job or working.
A Jun, who worked in a trading company for five years, was laid off in the financial storm. After losing his job, he finally married his boyfriend who had been in business for eight years. However, after getting married, he encountered another bottleneck in the workplace: every interview, he would encounter such questions as "When are you going to have children?" A Jun said helplessly: "As soon as I heard this question, I knew in my heart that this application would be' yellow' again." It's been half a year since I came back from my honeymoon, and Jun's job has not been decided yet. She knew that not getting a job had nothing to do with "getting married", but she was discouraged by hitting a wall many times, so she tried to "get married in secret". As a result, as she expected, the interviewer's questions about marriage and childbirth dropped sharply. At most, I asked her if she had a boyfriend, and most of them were concerned about her ability to work. Several jobs with a monthly salary of more than 3,000 yuan have already waved to her.
Hubei native, China female, works in the company's marketing department, mainly negotiating business with local manufacturers. Theoretically, you have to rely on excellent business skills to pull business, but it is inevitable that you will play the "human card" in the sales industry and sing K with guests. She is extroverted and likes to go to bars to sing K and other nightlife. No one has ever noticed that she is another woman. Speaking of work, she reluctantly said: although she didn't mean to be ambiguous with customers, there are many new people now. In the face of the same conditions, customers are more willing to deal with young unmarried salesmen, which is called pleasing to the eye! Moreover, she has a lesson from the past: after a colleague disclosed her "married" status, the important project boss would not give it to her, nominally "because she had to take care of her family", but in fact she was afraid that she would get pregnant halfway and no one would follow up on her later work; In addition, some of her ideas are slightly backward, and people will laugh at her as a "teacher", which also makes China women unbearable.
Fans reacted very strongly to Andy Lau's "hidden marriage" incident, not opposing his marriage, but even sending blessings. The main reason for fans' dissatisfaction is: why did he hide and cheat? Speaking of hidden marriage, most of the white-collar workers interviewed showed disdain: why do you want hidden marriage? This is a sign of dishonesty.
Xiaoping, who works in a foreign trade company, got married two years ago. In order to get the opportunity to travel-she thought that only by traveling can she learn more professional knowledge, she chose "hidden marriage". The boss entrusted her with many errands. The life of "flying man" takes up at least three weeks a month, and she deliberately asks her husband to call her less. The contact was made by email or SMS, and it looked like an underground spy. This state lasted for more than a year, and finally something happened: her husband was dissatisfied with her "seeing the dragon without the tail" and suspected that she had an affair. The boss sees that she has some mysterious actions from time to time, and he is worried that she will not tell the company. Xiaoping was full of grievances: "At that time, I felt like a two-faced man. I can't tell anyone the truth. I've been doing something wrong along the way. " After careful weighing, the "hidden marriage" is really tired, and what shakes everyone's trust in her is that she finally announced her married status and slowly adjusted her work and life.
Ann, who is also a "hidden marriage", is not as lucky as Xiaoping. After her boss found out that she was married, he thought that her integrity was questionable, so he gradually let Ann fade out of post affairs and did not renew her contract when it expired. Some sociologists have said that the psychological suggestion of "not getting married" for a long time will weaken the sense of family responsibility of the parties concerned and seriously lead to a marriage crisis. When marriage is in crisis, home is no longer your "refuge", but it will still affect your work and future.
Some white-collar workers who oppose the experience of "hidden marriage" believe that since there is gender prejudice against female employees in the workplace, everyone should openly face this problem. Choosing "hidden marriage" is actually conniving at employers' prejudice and has no effect on improving women's workplace environment.