Farewell My Concubine
Time: One night at the end of the Chu-Han War
Location: Gaixia
Characters: Xiang Yu, Yu Ji, Xiang Zhuang, Peachyao, and the secretary of the army
Curtain Opening. Within the simple barracks, Yu Ji and her maid, Tao Yao, are sticking wildflowers and withered grasses inside a bottle on the table in the center of the backstage.
Taoyao: Madam, would you like to see this?
Yu Ji: It's okay.
(Voice-over sounds start.) Xiang Yu: "Xiang Zhuang, pass on my order, set up camp here today, and when tomorrow comes, then follow me to kill into the Han camp and take the scoundrel Liu Bang straight!" (Xiang Yu said as he went up)
Yu Ji and Tao Yao (looking at each other, joyfully): Your majesty is back.
Yu Ji (greets him):
Yao Yao (salutes):
(Tao Yao quietly retreats after saluting.)
Xiang Yu (nodding): hmm. (Seeing the flowers) Oh? It is rare that you still have this leisure.
Yu Ji: In the middle of nowhere, there are only these wild flowers and withered grasses, it is also a stolen moment of pleasure, I just hope that you, my lord, will be happy.
Xiang Yu: Alas. How can I be happy. I think I Xiang Yu, force can pull mountains and lift tripods, martial arts unrivaled. Rise in the chaos, three years and the might of the vassals, eight years and the clan to destroy the tyrannical Qin, divided the world, the government by me, the number for the king. Such a great cause, in recent history, who can have? Seeing that the empire will be accomplished, but I hate that Liu Bang scoundrel, with the villain's way, stealing my kingdom, destroying my career! (Hatefully) Liu Bang, I Xiang Yu and you are sworn to be enemies! Tomorrow I will take your head!
Yu Ji: Your Majesty, now we are low on troops and food, and we are outnumbered and outmatched in tomorrow's battle. Why don't you cross the Wu River to the east, revitalize your army, and create another kingdom?
XIANG YU: Revitalize and re-create the kingdom? (shaking his head). When I think of the year, I Xiang Yu waved his division to the west, break the cauldron, iron and steel, all the way to the song, would like to accomplish great things to return home, and now the defeat of the river and mountain, the heroes of the poor, how can I face the father and mother of the east of the Yangtze River?
Yu Ji: Chu land is my hometown ah, the king ......
(Yu Ji words are not finished, the four suddenly spread Chu song).
Xiang Yu (stunned): Listen, Yu Ji, (alarmed) what is this sound?
Yuji (shocked): This is the folk song of Chu!
Xiang Yu (shocked): Ah, could it be that all of Chu has been taken by the Han army? Why are there so many people in Chu as well?
Yu Ji (forced herself to calm down and comforted): My lord, that Liu Bang is treacherous, maybe this is his trick again.
I Xiang Zhuang (pressing his sword, hurriedly coming up): Your Majesty! The four sides have been surrounded by Han troops. They are singing the Chu song, the generals have awakened and the army is in turmoil!
XIANG YU: Liu Bang, the old thief! The truth or not, the treacherous plan or not, you are disturbing my army's center of gravity! You're messing with my troops! You are so cruel! Stop it! Xiang Zhuang, pass on my order! Anyone who takes advantage of this will be beheaded!
(Xiangzhuang leaves with the order)
Xiang Yu: Yu Ji, Jiangdong is no longer an option! （Xiang Yu: Jiangdong is no longer an option! (Long sigh) I think my life's work will be destroyed at Gaixia today (angrily and hatefully)! Tomorrow, I will kill the Han camp, and fight with the old thief Liu Bang to the death!
Yu Ji: Your Majesty! Think long and hard!
Xiang Yu: It's already happened, how can we discuss it in the long run? Just, tomorrow I go, you ......
Yu Ji: Your Majesty do not have to take me into account.
XIANG YU: Yu Ji, your life with me over the north and south, the battlefield, eat all the human suffering. I wanted to wait for me to be the emperor of the world, let you enjoy all the glory and wealth, but now ......
Yu Ji: king, death and life is like returning home, wealth is more floating cloud. If I can stay by your side at this moment, I am satisfied.
Xiang Yu: Good, good, good! Zhui is my good horse, Yu Ji is my confidant. Come on, bring me some wine! Yu Ji, drink with me tonight!
Yu Ji: Your Majesty ......
(Tao Yao brings the wine up. Pouring wine for the two of them, down. Subsequently Yu Ji pours wine.)
Xiang Yu (raised his cup, got up and looked at the sky): A cup for my uncle Xiang Liang. The hegemony of Western Chu died in my hands. I am sorry. (Spilling wine on the ground. Yu Ji also spilled wine on the ground and poured more wine.) The second cup of wine is for my second father, Fan Zeng. Father, Xiang Yu didn't listen to your advice at the beginning, which led to today's disaster. I hope your spirit will help me to kill the old thief Liu Bang tomorrow. (Spilling wine on the ground.) The third cup, I want to sacrifice my 8,000 sons and daughters of Jiangdong. It's because of me that you have become the ghosts of today's injustice! (Yu Ji spills wine on the ground with him.)
Xiang Yu: Heaven! You loved the scoundrel Liu Bang wrongly! The heavens are unjust! My heart is not willing! (Drinks all in one go, then one sentence at a time. (Chanting generously and sadly) The force is strong, the time is unfavorable, and the piebald will not pass away. Zhui does not pass away, but what can be done about it, and what can be done about it.
Yu Ji (great sorrow, tears): Your Majesty!
Xiangzhuang (above): Your Majesty, everyone has calmed down.
XIANG YU: Xiang Zhuang, my good brother, you have come just in time! Come on, write down this song with me. Pass it on to future generations to know that I, Xiang Yu, am a man of the heavens and the earth, and that I am trapped under Gaixia today, which is the death of heaven, not a crime of war! Tao Yao, play the music! Xiang Zhuang, Yu Ji, dance with me with your swords drawn!
(The crowd plays music, dances with swords, and writes)
(Xiang Yu drinks and sings, tears in his eyes)
XIANG YU: (After the song, he looks up to the sky and wails, as if laughing or crying), the heavens are not fair! The sky is killing me!
Yu Ji (raised his sword): Your Majesty, BMW will help you kill the enemy, Yu Ji is just a drag. I, go! (Cut her own throat and fell to the ground)
The crowd (alarmed): Madam!
(Tao Yao holds Yu Ji)
Item Yu: (cup falls and shatters) Yu Ji! My Yu Ji! (Running to catch Yu Ji)
Yu Ji: Your Majesty, Yu Ji was born for you in the past, and I am dying for you today! (died)
(Xiang Yu cried out in pain): Yu Ji!
(The crowd cried out, and Tao Yao cried out): Madam!
(Lights dimmed, lights focused on Xiang Yu)
Xiang Yu (drawing his sword, furious): Xiang Zhuang, pass on my order! Get on your horse at once! Follow me to the south to kill the Han camp!
(Drums start)
The curtain falls. End
Funny textbook play "The Crow and the Fox"
Characters: Crow A, Crow B (replaced by A and B in the text), Fox.
NARRATOR: This is a true story that takes place during a time when the price of pork has skyrocketed, and in a very poor forest, Ms. Crow receives two pounds of pork in the mail from a good Samaritan ~~~~~
(Stage lights splash on, and A and B crouch and stare at the pork in surprise)
A and B: Wow! Pork (shouts)
B: I'd be satisfied if I could taste a piece, even a small piece. (Swallowing his saliva)
A: (hastily holding the meat in his arms) No, you do not see written on it, "Ms. Wang Xiao Crow to collect", this is my, no one can think of it.
B: But we are friends, can't we taste a piece?
A: I said no, I have a lot of relatives, I do not have enough to eat it. I'll go home by myself, I don't need you to send me ~~~~
B: You're really selfish, humph~~~ (off the stage)
A: These friends, they think of you when there's meat, and I'm not that stupid~~~Hahaha, you don't have to worry about the Spring Festival, the meat in the pot, the shredded meat with fish, the braised pork ribs~~~Hahaha ~~~~
Background narration: The conversation of the crow lady was heard by the fox, which hid behind the tree. Fox heard it, and the cunning fox wanted to eat the meat so much that he thought of a trick ~~~~
Fox: oh,my dear ~~~ how can this be possible, no~~~ this is never possible! Impossible! (muttering to himself)
A: Huh, isn't this the cunning and sinister fox?
Fox: Not bad, exactly~~~ Wrong, I'm the fox, the messenger of wisdom and courage!
A: (to the audience) I've heard that this fox is a trickster, and this time it's going to be my pork, so I'll have to be careful~~~
Fox: (looking at A carefully) How can this be possible
A: What's wrong with me?
Fox: do you have a twin sister?
A: No, I don't.
Fox: that's really weird.
A: What's wrong with me, tell me~~~
Fox: You and Mona Lisa were hatched from the same egg, exactly the same!
A: Really? Not right~~~Mr. Fox, you are rushing to me these two pounds of meat~~~hehehe~~~I'm not going to fall for your trick! You slowly blow it, I go back to eat meat ~~~ (turned to go)
Fox: Hey! Really too much like, maybe Da Vinci also do not know this world has a second Mona Lisa it! Guys look at this walking posture, standard international modeling steps, professional ah ~ ~ ~ ~ and then look
This messy and black hair, inserted in the head of this lovely crow, ow ~ ~ ~ ~ this watery little eyes, as well as all over the nose around the freckles, everywhere, every smile with the Mona Lisa
exactly the same ah. This is amazing, this is not the world's valuable heritage, to go around the world, that is not a star
A: (smiling and asked) Oh ~ ~ ~ ~ Mr. Fox, I really and that called the Mona Lisa looks a little bit like
Fox: more than resemblance, you are the Mona Lisa ~ ~ ~ ~
A: you see me have a chance to get ahead, become a star?
Fox: You have the conditions to become a star sooner or later,
A: (eager) just what?
Fox: This midway need to be packaged to have a star temperament!
A: Can I dress up in this outfit?
Fox: It's not bad, black top, black pants, wow~~~and black socks, -
A: But we crows are all black, not the same?
Fox: how can this be the same, you look all black, they are basically gray, you black shiny, black special, know Da Vinci painted the 〈Mona Lisa〉 when why not paint the whole body?
A: Why?
Fox: just because she was half a body a little all black modeling, with you now exactly the same ah! What are you holding in your arms
A: Pork!
Fox: oh! dear ~~~ you think Andy Lau will hold a piece of pork to the fans to sing when he opens the concert? Tacky! When you become a star, money is nothing. There is money, holding a pig in the supermarket,
Night you can sleep in the pigsty holding a pig,~~~~
A: Yes, what is meat, hahaha ~~~~ this pork is for you, when I developed later, will never forget you this enlightenment teacher!
Fox: (snickering) By the way, do you know Mona Lisa has a specialty? You learn it then you are 90% successful.
A: What specialty? Singing? I have a great voice. Sing "Mona Lisa, who is she ~~~~~~~"
Fox: Wait~~~You do have a beautiful voice. But the Mona Lisa will not sing, she can only dance "hula"
A: hula
Fox: you slowly practice, one day you will succeed, I have to go first! Go for it! Go for it!
A: Go for it! Slowly walk ah, thank you ah ~~~ wait a minute!
(Fox startled)
A: This pork you take, have a good year ah! Bye!
Fox: The fruits of this labor almost forgot. Go for it!!!
(A danced the hula)
A: I almost missed this chance to become famous, luckily Mr. Fox reminded me, or else my beautiful face would have been wasted~~~
(B came on the stage)
B: Huh! Xiaoya, what are you doing? Losing weight?
A: Don't bother me, I'm practicing hula!
B: Hula?
A: Don't you think I look like a person?
B: You, like your parents~~~
A: Take a closer look, don't my eyes, hair~~~ look like the Mona Lisa painted by Beethoven?
B: (can't help but laugh) Mona Lisa? Haha~~~You look like the Mona Lisa hahaha~~~Who said that? ~~
A: Mr. Fox, he said I can be a star after practicing this hula!
B: Haha~~~Xiaoya ah, you were deceived by that cunning fox, yesterday he also said that the black bear next door aunt is like Maggie Cheung, and deceived the aunt a chicken leg.
A: (dazed) suffered, my two pounds of pork ah, stinking fox, return my pork. I take what New Year's ah ~~~~~ (crying)
B: Xiaoya, we are friends a, you to my home for New Year's ~ ~ ~ ~
A: my good friend, at first I also ~ ~ ~ ~ all my fault, we New Year's Eve to eat what
B: boiled potatoes!
A: (crying) my back to the meat, fish and meat, braised pork ribs ah! ~~~~
(Down)
Characters: The Emperor's New Clothes
The Emperor
Left Guard. Right Guard
Cheater A. B Liar
Loyal Ministers
Eight Guards
Roadrunner A . B. C. D
Prologue
[Curtain Up: Lights dimmed, A. Liar B comes on]
Liar A: I heard that the Emperor here spends all his money on new clothes to look good.
Crook B: Ah! Indeed, he cares neither for his army, nor for going to the theater, nor for riding in a carriage to the park, unless, of course, it is to show off his new clothes. He changed his set of clothes every day and every hour of the day, and he lived almost all the year round in a dressing-room.
Crook A: (slyly) Looks like we're in luck, old boy!
Crook B: (joyfully) Haha! Good idea! Good idea! What a great idea!
Crook A and B: We'll do what we say we're going to do, and we'll do it without delay, so let's see what happens!
Scene 1
Narrator: His Majesty has arrived!
[Symphonic music began, eight guards from the upright horse pose cool, with the start of the music, the emperor walked modeling steps into the scene, while walking while showing beautiful clothes, finally, the end of the music, the emperor sat back in his seat, the guards immediately changed into eight pairs of forms stand in front of the emperor]
Emperor: (with the form of singing to express the troubles in the heart) recently more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome, more troublesome. Alas! This! People with clothes and horses with saddles, I do not worry about the emperor no clothes to wear, annoyed by the age is unforgiving, so that I have a face of age spots, age spots. (while looking in the mirror while saying)
Minister: under the name of "know-it-all", specializing in the Emperor to invite credit, now what brand of wind, who's hairstyle is the most windy, nothing to look for my "know-it-all", the recent Emperor's heart is heavy, to offer a wonderful idea good to invite credit, good to invite credit! Take the credit! I'd like to thank you for your help, and I'd like to thank you for your help!
The emperor: my most loyal minister, I let you do things you have done how?
Minister: Your Majesty, everything is done, they claim to be able to weave the most beautiful clothes in the world, and they have studied in France. England . Germany is the best at image design!
Emperor: Wow! Quickly! Bring them up here!
Minister: Yes, Your Majesty!
[Eight guards shouted "pass" in unison, then changed from a figure of eight to a figure of one and stood behind the Emperor, the two crooks came on]
Crooks A and B: See you, Your Majesty!
Emperor: you are the two very famous image designers?
Crook A: Yes! Your Majesty! Please see this is our business card!
Emperor: Wow! Huiyuan Kidney Treasure Responsibility Limited Corporation
Crook B: Your Majesty, you've got it backwards!
Emperor: Oh! Multinational limited liability image design head office, general manager . Deputy general manager! I heard that you can weave the world's most beautiful do not come?
A Liar: Yes Your Majesty! This kind of cloth is not only beautiful, beautiful, but also only like you so noble. Only a generous person is worthy of wearing clothes woven from this cloth.
Crook B: And this cloth also has a strange function.
Emperor: Oh! What strange function?
Liar B: Anyone who is incompetent or hopelessly stupid can't see the clothes woven from this cloth!
Emperor: (steps aside! (Muttering to himself) This is exactly the kind of clothes I need, and when I wear such clothes, I will be able to see who is competent and who is incompetent, who is smart and who is stupid in my kingdom, which will provide a solid foundation for me to carry out the layoff policy of "streamlining and simplifying the military". Good! I order you two to weave this kind of cloth at once, and to weave it in the best way!
Liars A and B: Yes, Your Majesty! But Your Majesty has no best, only better!
Crook A: But Your Majesty, in order to weave you glorious fabric!
Crook B: To clothe Your Majesty in rare and precious clothes!
Crook A and B: We also need some of the finest raw silk and the purest gold!
Emperor: yes, in a moment I will ask my most faithful minister to send them to you. My most faithful minister.
Minister: Yes, Your Majesty!
Emperor: I'll leave this matter to you! Don't let me down!
Minister: Yes Your Majesty! Your Majesty! The time has come for you to change your clothes!
Emperor: Good! Return to the palace!
[Eight guards walk from inside to outside in a parallel zigzag pattern, ending with the Emperor to the right]
Scene 2
NARRATOR: The Emperor was curious to know how well the clothes had been woven. So he sent a faithful minister to check!
[Faithful minister on stage]
Minister: you see your majesty is happy and cheerful, but what a pitiful fate for me, that I was actually sent as a spy in order to supervise the two of them!
[The two crooks were eating and drinking, when they suddenly heard footsteps outside and immediately pretended to be weaving]
I said how are you two doing! Don't try to be lazy!
Crook A: Mr. Minister, we are working overtime, I think it won't be long before this beautiful cloth is ready!
Minister: Wow! Can I see it first?
Crook B: Of course! Mr. Minister, this way, this way, this way. Mr. Minister, please see this is the most beautiful cloth!
Minister: This. This. This. I look up . Look down. Look left. Color blind? My God! May God have mercy on me! Am I stupid? I have never doubted myself. Am I incompetent? No, I must not let it be known that I cannot see this fabric!
Liar A: Mr. Minister, can't you see the beautiful fabric?
Minister: I am the smartest minister in the palace, how can I not see it!
Cheaters A and B: Mr. Minister, don't you have any opinion at all?
Minister: Beautiful! Wonderful! It is wonderful! I'm going to put on my eyes and admire it carefully. Oh! What a beautiful pattern! What beautiful colors! I shall return the favor, Your Majesty! I'm very pleased with the fabric! Very pleased! Your Majesty!
Liar A: Clever!
Crook B: Clever!
Crook A and Crook B: (in unison) Clever!
Scene 3
Narrator: After a few days, the emperor felt uneasy and decided to go and see for himself, so he brought a few of his attendants and the faithful minister to the place where the two crooks were weaving clothes!
Narrator: His Majesty has arrived!
Minister: Your Majesty, this is the most beautiful cloth!
Emperor: Minister! Tell me! Is this cloth beautiful?
Minister: Your Majesty! Honestly! This cloth is beautiful!
Emperor: My most loyal minister! Is this cloth really beautiful?
Minister: Yes, Your Majesty! This cloth is simply beautiful!
Emperor: (muttering to himself) Strange, I can't see anything, am I a stupid man? This is really one of the most absurd things I have never seen, I can't tell anyone that I can't see this dress! (Suddenly speaking aloud) Eh! Yes, yes, yes! Oops! Oops! It's beautiful!
Liar B: Your Majesty! Do you really have no opinion at all?
Emperor: I am very satisfied, this fabric is really beautiful. The beauty is unrivaled in the world!
Crook A: Your Majesty, please look! This is the top, here you see, a white cloud floating, fish swim with!
Emperor: Oh! Oh! Oh!
B Liar: Your Majesty, look, this is the pants, look at the pattern on the pants! Here budding, beautiful flowers, there flowers in full bloom, fighting for the face!
Emperor: Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. It's wonderful! I declare that tomorrow I will hold a parade wearing clothes woven from this cloth.
Minister: Your Majesty, it will be a sensation in the city and famous abroad.
Emperor: My most loyal minister.
Minister: In!
Emperor: Please reward them with the best gold as a reward!
Minister: Yes Your Majesty, bring them here! (Two guards dragged up two heavy bags of gold with great effort)
Emperor: That's enough! Return to the palace!
Crook A: Yikes! I've never seen so much money!
Crook B: Yeah! Yes!
Crook A: Hurry! Quickly! Let's run!
Scene 4
NARRATOR: The next day, the emperor was busy changing into his new clothes in the dressing room, where the parade was about to begin!
NARRATOR: The Parade Ceremony begins!
[The wedding march begins to play, eight guards walk from the back field to the front field and stand in a figure eight, then the Emperor, accompanied by his ministers, slowly walks up to the stage, then the Emperor shows off his new clothes as he walks! When the music finally stopped, the guards began to talk]
Four guards on the left: Your Majesty, you are really handsome today!
Four guards on the right: No, your majesty, you're really cool today!
Four guards on the left: very handsome!
Four guards on the right: cool!
Four guards on the left: cool!
Four guards on the right: cool!
Emperor: Stop. Stop. Stop! (in a long tone) Your Majesty, I am handsome plus cool today!
[A cool breeze blows by]
Emperor: Tee!
Eight guards: (in unison) Your Majesty! How can you catch a cold at this critical moment?
[Passerby. B. C. D start talking]
A: Wow! Look at that! His Majesty's dress today is really beautiful! How to see how the front looks like Chow Yun-Fat, the back looks like Andy Lau, the left looks like Huang Hong, and the right looks like Guo Da!
B: What ah! So will not aesthetic ah!
B: What ah! His Majesty's dress today is comparable to Li Ka-shing's uncle. Beyond the beautiful thighs of Grandpa Beckham. Defy Uncle Bill Gates' big sexy mouth!
C: I can't take it anymore! Your Majesty! You are too manly! I want to marry you!
D: Ooooh! Have some balls!
Child: But he's not wearing any clothes!
(There was a moment of silence.)
Father: My God! You see what this ignorant child has said?
Child: But he really isn't wearing any clothes!
Father: God! Please forgive this ignorant child!
Emperor: (shouting in surprise) My most faithful minister!
Minister: I am here! Your Majesty!
Emperor: my most faithful minister! Why do I hear my subjects talking about my lack of clothes?
Minister: No . No. No. No way! Your Majesty! You have heard wrong! You must have misheard me! You must have heard wrong! Your subjects are complimenting you on how your waist is like a teapot!
Emperor: My most loyal minister! I feel a little cold!
Minister: Your Majesty! It's just a matter of time! Have you ever heard of such a saying?
Emperor: (Curious) What is it?
Minister: It's beautiful! Your Majesty! If you want to be beautiful, you must "freeze" a little! All the women in the court will fall in love with your beauty! Your Majesty! Look! A middle-aged woman has fallen for your beauty!
Emperor: (Smiling bitterly) Very well! My most loyal minister! I declare! Let the Parade Grand Ceremony go on as it is!
Minister: Yes, Your Majesty! (Music plays again and the guards follow the Emperor out)
Narrator: And so it was! The Parade Ceremony goes on amidst the murmurs of the subjects . The jeers continue!