After three years of love, my friend broke up. I don't think about tea and rice. I stayed in Lacrimosa all day. When I sleep at night, my pillow gets wet as soon as I turn over. The whole person looks listless and has lost a circle. Maybe someone will say, "Didn't you just lose a love?"
Maybe some people will be lovelorn within a week or months, while others may take years or even longer. Don't be surprised if you ask them why they can't leave. Their answer is the same: "Because it is uncomfortable, it is too painful."
1. Why is lovelorn painful from a physiological point of view:
When a person encounters a major emotional shock, the sympathetic nerve secretes a lot of catecholamine, myocardial adrenaline and so on. Stimulated by excessive secretion of these hormones, ventricular contraction is weak, and apical spherical changes occur. At this time, the beating ability of the heart suddenly weakens, causing symptoms similar to a heart attack: severe chest pain or difficulty breathing, and people will feel pain.
From a psychological point of view:
The state after lovelorn seems to be hollowed out, anxious and depressed. Psychologically, this is called the lack of "interactive memory".
Wei Gena, a famous British psychologist, once did an experiment to demonstrate "interactive memory". Wegener called 59 couples to test their memory. They dated for at least three months, and half of them were able to continue dating. The other half were separated and paired with a new partner they didn't know. Wei Gena asked the participants to read 64 sentences, each with an underlined word, such as "Midori is Japanese melon wine". After reading, write down what you remember.
Obviously, those familiar couples remember more than those unfamiliar couples. Wei Gena proved that people who are familiar with each other will invisibly produce a joint memory system or transactive memory system, which is based on the understanding of who is more suitable for what.
Interactive memory is a part of intimate relationship. I could have achieved * * * knowledge through communication, and I could rely on each other's memory storage, but now everything is gone. It is this lack of interactive memory that causes lovelorn people to become very painful.
2. How can we get out of the pain of lovelorn and allow ourselves to cry bitterly?
If it's hard, cry. Find a place where no one is around and cry loudly. Depressed emotions will affect your mood and make you unable to let go for a long time. Many people, after being lovelorn, will get drunk, thinking that this can alleviate the pain and forget the past, but it is not. It's even more worrying to drown your sorrows in wine. Getting drunk is just a way to paralyze yourself. It can't solve the root cause problem, but it will only get you deeper.
Disconnect, don't contact
No matter how painful you are, no matter how sad you are, please force yourself not to contact. He doesn't love you anymore You cry every day, make peace, call him and send him WeChat, which will only make him feel bored, without any pity and comfort, and will only make people look down on him. So what you need to do is to hold back, silently make yourself better and better, and let him know that you can live well without him. We are not just trying to prove to him on the way to getting better, but to gain a shining self and live for ourselves.
Enrich yourself.
After being lovelorn, you may fall into confusion, have no goal and don't know what to do. At this time, the best way is to find something for yourself to do, get life on track and enrich time. People's energy is limited. Once they are busy, they won't be free and have no mind to think about lovelorn things.
You can read more books every day to improve your spiritual cultivation and temperament. You can exercise and run, enjoy the pleasure of sweating and emptying your body, listen to music and relax your mood. You can take a long vacation to your mood, travel, see the great rivers and mountains of the motherland, experience the beautiful customs and find an unknown yourself.
My friend chose fitness. She told me that she would run as soon as she got to the restaurant where she had dinner. Every time I think of him, I do pull-ups. I tried hairstyles that I didn't dare to try before, participated in activities that I always wanted to go, and learned baking that I always wanted to learn.
Conclusion: It is a very painful process for people who have really loved each other to go from intimacy to separation. In feelings, we all go through some hardships more or less. However, some people can come out of nirvana and be reborn, while others can't let go and are unhappy all day. In the face of lovelorn love, only when you come out can you embrace a better life. When you come out, you won't miss the right person and usher in a new relationship.