1. The other person is your special person, the one you care about more:
When someone asks you to help with something, such as borrowing money, and this person is either your boyfriend Friends, or your good friends, but in fact you are not willing to lend this money, but you can't refuse:
First, the special relationship between you, you are afraid that if you refuse, you will hurt each other. The relationship between you;
The second is that you are afraid that the other person will be weak, remember that your rejection will still affect the relationship between you;
The third is when you want to refuse, You will clearly know that there is a high possibility of not repaying the money, because if you lend it out, you will be embarrassed to ask them for money;
The fourth is that you are embarrassed to refuse because of your face. ;
So at this time, most people think that the easiest way is to lie. For example, you say how much money you just lent to someone yesterday, or how much money you just sent to your parents, etc. . At this time, the cost of lying is actually much less than the cost of directly rejecting them and affecting the relationship between you, so you will choose to lie.
So in this case, in fact, first of all, you have actually weighed the cost between lying and speaking out. You choose to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and choose not to face it directly, so you use the words of lying. way to alleviate this embarrassing and entangled situation.
2. The other person is not someone you care about, and you don’t care:
In fact, in this situation, you don’t even bother to lie, because your direct rejection did not cause you to be unable to accept it. In other words, if you don't care about this person, even if you reject him directly and he breaks up with you, it will just be the loss of an unimportant person to you, so it doesn't matter.
At this time, you will feel that lying and then trying to cover up the lie is actually a very troublesome thing, so there is no need to lie.
And if you still lie at this time, then to a large extent you are out of love and face. After all, the Chinese people are hopeless about saving face. Everything you try to do, all the lies you tell, and all the bragging you do, are actually all for the sake of face, to maintain your own face, whether it is in front of strangers or in front of familiar people.
3. Your personality, timidity, cowardice, glassy heart, etc. may affect your frequency of lying, or you may be arrogant, arrogant, and like to brag, etc.
The first situation is that you are timid, or maybe too kind, etc. Because timid people dare not refuse anyone or anything. They are afraid that others will be unhappy if they reject them. In fact, to put it bluntly, they care too much about other people's feelings. The same is true for overly kind people. They care about others' disappointment after being rejected. So I feel wronged to myself, and sometimes I choose to lie to gain advantages and avoid disadvantages.
Because they feel that if they lie, they will put the other person on a lower level than themselves, and they will not hurt the other person. But what they don't understand at this time is that there is no airtight wall in the world.
The second situation is that you are arrogant and like to brag, but in fact you just love to save face. Because when others ask you to do something, you actually don't have the ability to complete it, or you don't have the conditions to complete it, but you lie and say that certain other factors interfere with it, or you tell individual lies. In fact, you just want to give yourself a step down, but at the same time, you don't make yourself look too ugly.
4. Finally, what I want to say is that many people who are willing to lie are actually people who don’t have the courage to face the reality. They dare not face it directly, so they would rather choose lies with higher risks to make others happy. This matter has been temporarily "relieved", but the actual situation is not the same. The reaction and development of things after lying are not necessarily better than before the lie.
For example, my boyfriend often tells little lies, but in fact I already know the truth of the matter. He thinks I don’t know, so he lies, but I don’t expose it because I I thought it would hurt his face and make him feel uncomfortable, so I chose to pretend to be confused.
But what are the consequences? Later, I gradually began to distrust him because I couldn't tell which thing he said was true and which was false.
So you see, in fact, his purpose in lying was to make me feel more comfortable and to let himself go down some steps, but the consequences were actually very bad, far less effective than if he told the truth.
Because for me, if you tell the truth, I will try my best to understand you and sympathize with you, but every time I find out that it is a lie, I feel very uncomfortable, because everyone No one wants to feel like they have been cheated, no matter what the purpose is.
So, in fact, lying does not necessarily bring about the good effects they say. Of course, there are white lies, such as when you tell your mom and dad that you still have money or are living a good life. The good thing is to keep them from worrying and so on.
However, this situation is rare and very challenging, because people who lie are actually psychologically uncomfortable. To ensure that they are not exposed by the other party, they have to make themselves psychologically okay.