The most classic funny joke?

A. Seven men's lies: 1 I don't have a girlfriend, 2 I love you, 3 I just come to my house to chat, 4 I just want to have a look at your coat, 5 I just put it outside, 6 you won't be pregnant, and 7 I am pregnant for the first time. B. Seven lies of women: 1 I miss you, 2 I am not convenient these days, 3. C. The leader spoke at the family planning publicity conference: Children are flowers of the motherland and growing saplings, but you have been living beyond your life. What will happen in the future? One person in the audience replied: greening the motherland D. Someone in the office cursed: Secretary, count as a request! Director just came in: I'm asking. What are you? This person is witty: we are close to you. E. The wife is pregnant. Ask her if her husband is a boy or a girl. The husband reluctantly put down the mop: "The girl is good, and it's no trouble to be a girl;" Being a girlfriend can be unreasonable; Being a wife may be tricky, but being a woman is great! F. as the saying goes: women chase men, interlayer yarn. Men chase women across the mountain. Therefore, I want to change the idiom dictionary to: the man proposes and the woman succeeds. G. The law stipulates that men can only get married at the age of 23, but they can be soldiers at the age of 18. This illustrates three problems: first, it is easier to kill than to be a husband; Second, it is more difficult to live than to fight; Third, women are more difficult to deal with than enemies. H. Beauty is lovely, with a beautiful face, slim figure, coquetry first, fickle personality, terrible temper, terrible anger, and violence is common, which is fatal to provoke her! First, a website posted a notice of purchase. The full text is as follows: I urgently need a house, and I hope that the use area will be spacious, so that my wife will not always want to go back to her family after living in it; But not so big that my mother-in-law has the idea of living with us. J. the happiest thing: sleep until you wake up naturally, and count the money until your hand cramps. The saddest thing: sleep until your hand cramps, and count the money until you wake up naturally. K. say that you are kind and changeable; Say you are virtuous, and nothing will happen at home; Say you are temperamental, childish and neurotic; Say you are the same, alas, you are old. M. the era of exaggeration: a building with about three floors is called a building; An empty place with a big ass is called a square; Palm-sized turf is called lawn; A place where a tree is called a garden; A pool of flowers is called a garden ... L. The best in the world: the most beautiful song: Viagra; Sweetest milk: mistress; The most mysterious person: lover; Best seller: Female Secretary; The most expensive room: breasts; The most common relationship: male-female relationship; The last chain I want to break: extramarital affairs. The white snake deliberately cheated on an umbrella when it rained, pretending to be crazy and selling stupidly to send Brother Liang to molest her at the 18th National Congress, the seven fairies blocked the way, and the cowherd took the Weaver Girl's clothes while she was taking a bath ... These stories tell us that at the beginning of great love, there must be hooligans first ~ In a forum, someone posted a post asking: Is there any good way to pursue MM like the bank counter? If you save money without taking your passbook, she will stop you ... Bank sister: Hey ... your passbook! ! ! The landlord smiled back: it's your passbook 1, a Japanese theme song for rest, Geji, Geji, Geji, Auntie washed spittoon. . . . . 2. There is a saying: "Drums and gongs". My dad has been listening to "big ass, cock up". He still wants to know, why are you sticking your ass up? 3. The first time I heard Zhao Yonghua's The Most Romantic Thing, the sentence "The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you" I heard: "The most romantic thing I can think of is to sell computers with you!" At that time, I thought Zhongguancun was advertising. 4. Cheng Lin's The Journey to the West, "The geese listen to my song, and the river kisses my face", was heard as "The uncle listens to my song, and the teenager kisses my face". I thought to myself, what kind of woman is this! 5. The theme song "Make me sad or drunk ..." always sounds like "Make me sad or drunk ..." in Richie Jen's version of "The Condor Heroes". Hey, why do you always have a problem with the leading actor! ! ! 6. Make a weight-loss advertisement on TV, put your hand on your waist, come out and shake it and say, "If you want to lose weight, why not use Sofitel?" Hear "if you want to lose weight, why don't you support it with your hands?" I thought, how can I lose weight just by holding it in my hand? 7. When Donald was a child, "Ah-oh, the performance began" and what he heard was: "Ah-oh, wild boar shit! 8. After listening to Jeff Chang Shin-Che Xinche's Love Like a Tide, my colleague asked me doubtfully: "Why did he sing' Promise me you won't queue up in the middle of the night' (wandering)? 9. The first time I listened to Tong Ange's Girl in Jelja, I was taken aback and heard: "Wild donkey, mysterious wild donkey ~ ~ ~ ~” 10/0," Listening to my mother's story about the past ":we sat next to a pile of tall grain ~ ~ and heard this: we sat next to a pile of tall bones ~ ~ in our minds. 1 1. Listen to "Unforgettable Tonight": Goodbye, goodbye, see you in the morgue 12. I have listened to Elva Hsiao's "Love's Title Song" for a long time. "I feel everything when I sing, so you are my title song." At that time, I always mistook this "opening song" for "Brother Zhu" or "Brother Pig". I wonder what this lyric means. 13, Eason Chan >; One sentence goes like this: "There are thousands of doors, and one person must go first." Every time I hear it, I say, "Walk from the street to the door, and go alone first.". 14, there is a phrase "It rained all night" in Jay Chou's "Li Qixiang". I have been listening to it as "You are blind". 15, Stephanie's "Magic" song has a sentence "We are both wearing cloth gauze ..." How I listen to it is "We are both wearing underpants ..."16, Jiang Meiqi has a song "It's not easy to laugh", and suddenly it becomes "It's not easy to pee". I wonder what happened to this MM? 17, Jay Chou's Love Before BC and Staring at My Picture, I always listen: You are my bowl of noodles! 18, Sammi Kao's Waiting for a Thousand Years, Water of West Lake, My Tears were listened to as Water of Daughter-in-law, My Tears, and Water of Washing Clothes, My Tears, alas! 19, Tao Jingying's "Sister Stand Up" and "Then Wait for Fall" is really easy to hear as "Then Wait for J》~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Sweating to death! ! 20. The first sentence of Song of Macao, which was popular when Macao returned to China, said, "You know Macao is not my real surname." I always thought it was: "It's good not to eat me!" 2 1. I recently listened to "Sweet and Sour is Me" by Baby Zhang, a super girl, and heard that "... it's really me, and my desire is fresh every day" ... I was shocked. What a bold little girl consciousness! ! ! After listening to it several times, it turned out to be "every day is new to me" 22. Listen to a sentence in Fish Leong: "I fell asleep when I knew it, and I slept very quietly", and I heard that it was "I fell asleep after eating". At that time, I also exclaimed: How can there be such vivid lyrics! 23. I wonder what happened to Sun Nan's "Be there or be square" during that time. Every time I hear "Oh, be there or be square" in the climax of the video store, I always think it is-"Oh, Cambodia" ... 24. There is also a fiery song that is played outside the university dormitory every day: "Big red sail, facing the wind". 25. Listen to Zhang Mingmin's Country Road: Walking on a country road, the old cow who came back at dusk is my companion. I once thought: Walking on a country road, the tortoise and the old cow were my companions. 26. Mai's "Come to Taipei to Watch the Rain in Winter" always says: "Everyone is crowded in Taipei to see you", so I wonder, is it so good? Does everyone have to squeeze in to see you? 27. Adu: I should be under the car, not in the car; I should be in the car, not in the car. ~ ~ What's going on? 28. There is a sentence in A Du's "He must love you very much", "I want to give you a surprise with champagne in my hand". I can hear it as "I have an eraser in my hand". I can't figure out what the rubber has to do with breaking up. 29. My colleague Kang Jie has a standard Shaanxi accent. Every time she goes to the love song classroom, she likes to sing "Heart Rain" by Mao Ning and Yang Yuying. Every time, she sings the lyrics "My thoughts are no longer the sea that burst its banks" as "My thoughts are no longer the sweat on my feet", which makes me want to vomit every time. In the 1930s and 1980s, the advertisement of the domestic Yanwu brand tape recorder (Yancheng Drop) read: "Yanwu, Yanwu, a song brings a feeling", and what I heard was "dislike, dislike, let's get together and kiss".