01
What is the secret of a happy marriage? This question, I think a thousand people, can have a thousand different answers, so it has a reference answer, there is no standard answer.
But the state in which happiness presents itself must be the same. A person who is happy in marriage, standing in front of you, you can surely see that out of the corner of your eye is a warmth that can not be hidden.
And this kind of state that has been continued, finally can change a person's state of mind, and even the looks.
So, other people said he was happily married. It's something that can't be faulted; he doesn't have to say anything when he's with his own wife for outsiders to see it.
Some people asked him what was the secret of a happy marriage.
His answer was that between husband and wife, don't care so much, and naturally the family will be happy. It doesn't sound difficult, but it's not easy to do.
But if you don't believe me, look at the couples around you and see how many of them are able to do these three words.
Because even if two people together, as a person's habitual thinking, the first thing that comes to mind is their own interests, so counting pay, counting return, counting money, counting to get and so on.
Any kind of counting, if allowed to develop, and finally can be from small to large, leading to the end of the divorce.
Obviously, he was not a calculating person. For most of his marriage, he was the one who gave more to outsiders, and it looked like everything in the house was held together by him.
His wife hadn't worked since she married him and held the financial reins of the family. Every month he gave his wife a fixed amount of money for living expenses after he gave her his income.
He said he was happy to do this because he was not a money manager and not a financial person, and he was relieved to hand it over to his wife.
In the beginning, he was asked if he had any complaints after supporting his wife all her life. He didn't say yes or no, he just smiled and then asked rhetorically, "Why should I think about that?"
Yeah, that's actually a pointless question.
02
Between husband and wife, we have to understand one thing: when coming into marriage, the two people are one, there is no saying which side has a win or lose situation, there is only a *** win or *** lose situation.
I have seen a couple, after marriage life or AA, after a long time, originally had a trace of love was also for their own interests to maximize the selfishness of the take away.
All that's left in life is calculation, because there's always the fear that you're losing out.
This model of marriage, naturally, does not go far, so two years later they divorced, and the divorce did not do a good job, in order to fight for some things almost become enemies, each other say the words of old death.
Lovely people become enemies, either because they love too much, or because they don't love too much.
And he never thought that he should have complained about this problem, but the marriage falls on all the details of life, the details are good, everything is also logical.
He will care about his wife in the morning when there is no breakfast, will go out to play mahjong when his wife reminded her of the sun outside, bring an umbrella, will buy her a gift on the anniversary of the wedding, leading her to go out for a walk in the morning to exercise, but also be willing to accompany her to go to the square dance ......
There are too many Details, they were married at the age of 25, to now 54 years old, has been almost 30 years of wind and rain, the feelings are surprisingly more and more sincere up.
Some people try their best to stay happy but it turns out to be a bubble, some people just keep it plain but they don't realize it for the rest of their lives.
Other people say he is a good husband, but he smiled, said his temper is not very good, there are times when angry and unreasonable, that is, she is not and their own just.
So, marital happiness, in fact, is a complementary thing, is the two people's mutual accommodation.
When he was more than 54 years old, then someone asked him, raised his wife for life, have complaints? That's when he replied, "Actually, it was she who raised me all my life, too."
03
Later I understood that what he said about raising, and what others said about raising, were not the same concept.
Because he went on to explain, "Without her, could money help me cook? Could do my laundry? Can light a lamp for me when I come home late? Could it bear my children and bring them up?"
On the surface, he said, it looks like he's the one earning the money and supporting his wife.
But in reality, without him, if it weren't for the family, his wife would be able to earn money on her own, but if he didn't have his wife, yet he wouldn't be where he is now.
He said that his wife brings him a temperature that belongs to life, which is incomparable to anything else.
When his wife was away, for example, one winter, his wife went back to her mother's home because her mother was sick, and took care of it for more than half a month, and when he came back he was much thinner, and didn't have the heart to cook.
It was then that he realized that if the house was not cleaned up for a week, it could be dusty. Unlike when his wife was there, everything was clean and tidy.
When his wife came back, she went to the kitchen to cook for him, and he listened to the sound of pots and pans crashing over there, and there was an aroma coming from there, and everything was very familiar, and it touched him.
In that moment, he said he thought he would have to be nicer to his wife in the future. Because he could not control his temper from time to time, sometimes he would yell at her twice, but his wife did not even bother with him.
Think so many years, also know his character.
The wife's assessment of him is that he is a family man and sincere, but he can't change his temper.
But at least the two of them character is kind of complementary, although the wife really angry, will also quarrel with him, a hair out of control, the wife will go back to her mother's home, but but a week back, sometimes he went to pick up, sometimes their own back.
So many years, even if the quarrels and quarrels, but also still not leave the whole life.
So, he said, "Who am I to complain?"
04
To add even more conviction, he even gave an example.
He said that a relative of his family could earn 3,000 to 4,000 dollars a month just by cooking for other people, and that there was also an old countryman who brought up children for other people and earned more than 8,000 dollars a month.
I understand what he means, he is saying that this money his wife saved for him, in fact, his wife is also making money, but not like him, the money earned is directly visible sex.
A middle-aged man who can have such objective and realistic ideas feels that life is indeed rare.
So not everyone has such a wonderful marriage as they do.
He still insists on his own view that between husband and wife, don't care so much, don't care too much about gains and losses, and be able to tolerate each other, and everything will become simpler.
But someone has to take the first step.
Because he sees his wife and himself as a whole from beginning to end, and gives everything to his wife, his wife can also feel this sincerity, so it is the same for him.
Remembering that I have a friend, she and her boyfriend together, in fact, a lot of worry in the heart, because his family is not good, and he can be said to be poor when he was with him.
Until the two have been in a relationship for four years, ready to get married and buy a house, the friend also contributed some money, she originally said that the house is written in the name of two people, but her boyfriend ended up writing only her name, and the mortgage is to be paid by him.
Her boyfriend told her it was as much security as he could think of to give her, and the friend joked, "And you're worried I won't be with you?" Because they hadn't gotten a marriage license when her name was written.
Without even thinking about it, he said, "I don't think two people should care so much when they're together and we're getting ready to get married." It was this statement that touched my friend, that he did not care and was willing to pay with all his heart, then he should treat him so as well.
But in life, because of this kind of thing in the end to make trouble to break up also abound.
There are also some people who have made a mistake.
So it is also necessary for everyone to polish their eyes, looking for that really suitable belong to their own other half, you can walk through the storm together, but also side by side to see the rainbow after the rain of romance.
The most important thing is that you pay each other, tolerance and understanding, there will be no complaints. Because this is originally the true meaning of marriage.