Last Saturday was April Fool's Day. On that day, that night, that night, it seemed that the whole world was missing "brother". The song "Wantless Sleep" ends the long night, "I miss you", I can't help but "embrace each other affectionately", and this, "I just blame you for being too beautiful".
But this is not my April Fool's Day. I fell in love with someone on this day last year, and now, I desperately want to forget him.
When feelings come, they are like a surging river. I can’t guard against them, and I don’t want to guard against them.
I met him in a milk tea shop that was not special. That day, people from my department and I gathered around to play "Werewolf". There were often more than ten of us crowded into a small table, including men and women, and we would always make loud noises that were inappropriate for girls when we were having fun.
Then he appeared.
He is 1.84 meters tall, with a fleshy face and short hair. His first impression is that he is a very secure and comfortable boy.
His "Werewolf" game is very sneaky. No matter what cards he holds, he always seems to win in the end.
We would always get together to play cards by chance, and slowly, he would teach me how to play. He taught very carefully and attentively. This is not what a grown man should show at all.
I started to pay a little attention to him.
Then, we were together.
During that time, I felt very happy and happy.
His tenderness was like watering flowers in the desert, which caught me off guard. I'm not an easily impressed person, but I have to admit, I was impressed by him.
Those few days every month are always the most uncomfortable days for girls.
That night, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t straighten my waist. I was rolling around on the bed in pain, and I didn’t even have the strength to speak. He silently boiled water for me to wash my feet. He secretly bought brown sugar and red dates and cooked brown sugar water for me to drink. Then, he quietly watched me fall asleep. He didn't fall asleep until dawn.
And, more than once.
I will never forget the look in his eyes at that time, affectionate and worried. He made me believe that the pain in my body really hurt in his heart.
His gentleness has taken root in my heart and I can't stop it.
I began to find that I loved him more and more. For him, I have changed a lot, abandoned a lot, and let go of a lot. Someone once said that the most beautiful thing in love is that you love someone and are willing to change for him, and he is the same.
However, in the end we separated.
This may seem surprising.
He is very kind, gentle, considerate, attentive, and loves me. I love him too.
But he doesn’t understand me.
I like singing and I like playing the ukulele. After I went to college, I became withdrawn. I began to dislike talking to strangers, and gradually stopped taking the initiative to make new friends. Sometimes I want to do something quietly alone, but I always fall asleep inexplicably some nights, and then I just lie in bed quietly waiting for dawn without doing anything.
He doesn’t understand any of this, or even understand it. He moved me, but it was difficult for him to get closer to my heart.
Maybe he will be a good husband in the future, but now, he cannot be a good boyfriend. At least, that's the case for me.
Therefore, the separation at this time seems so natural.
In the classroom after class that day, I held back tears and couldn't look directly at him. His eyes were as gentle and charming as ever. He looked straight at me and said in a not loud voice, "No matter what decision you make in the end, I respect you."
Tears could no longer be controlled from falling.
"Let's break up." After saying that, I turned around and left. The classroom was not big, but he was the only one left at the moment. It seemed empty, as if he was a little hurt, a little lonely, and a little lonely.
I couldn’t see his expression after I left, whether he was sad or relieved, whether he had finally lost a burden, or whether he had lost a place in his heart.
I only know that I am very sad, very sad, very sad...
Every month from now on, there will no longer be such a person, silently Boiling water to wash my feet, he would not secretly buy brown sugar and red dates to make brown sugar water for me, nor would he feel for my pain and quietly watch me fall asleep every night.
I feel like something is suddenly missing inside me. I can’t tell or explain it, but it really happened.
During that time, I was like a wounded fish. I didn’t want or dare to let others see my wounds. I swam desperately into the depths of the sea every day, swimming as hard as I could. Swim hard. Until one day, I forgot the taste of sunshine.
Perhaps everyone’s youth has to be gained and lost several times before we can know how to love him in a suitable way when we meet the person who is truly suitable for us. Then, grow old together.
I am not a child who likes to feel sad, so in the end I swam out of the water and faced the sun. The sunshine that day was very warm, the sky that day was clean and bright, and the people that day were very cute.
I once desperately wanted to forget you, but now and in the future, I will never. Your tenderness will always exist in my heart, forever.
But, I want to start a new life.
Thank you for helping me learn to love myself better, and at the same time, love others better.