Tearful help, met such a beast husband, I do!

1, the last five of us went to ride the roller coaster, the other four people are afraid to sit, in order not to waste, labor sat five times! Five times! If it is not carried on the ambulance I tm can sit all day.　　2, a sister pain aunt, her mom cooked brown sugar water to drink. Drink or pain, crawling on the bed all kinds of twisting. Finished her mom said, give you to drink is sugar water and not staghorn water, you still want to show prototype how? Pro mother ah ...... 3, I did not love to eat when I was a child, resulting in my short now; now I love to eat, resulting in my fat and short.　　4, "and like the girl chat more than ten minutes can not find the topic, had to look deep into the eyes, what to do".　　God replied: "Women are and you look deep love, you TM still looking for topics, really worse than animals ah you" 5, do not expect to lose weight, the eight ring went a hundred thousand eight hundred thousand miles, have not lost weight, but he is still eating vegetarian.　　6, the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting beside her: you do not know I am pregnant? Only to see the man was very nervous and said: "The child is not mine!!!"　　7, Tanabata is approaching, the husband affectionately asked his wife, baby, Valentine's Day, I send you what good?　　Wife shyly said: you send what I like.　　Husband affectionately said: honey, then I send you back to your mother's home! In a few days I will pick you back.　　8, my wife and I argued, arguing to the intensity of the time, I was thinking a big man why and women in general? Not to mention his own wife. At that time I apologized to my daughter-in-law, my daughter-in-law is quite happy, after apologizing, her brother also put down the knife, her brother's spade also put down, her sister tugged at my hair hand also loosened her hand rolling pin also threw the ground, the old man also threw the brick.　　9, the boy rode a high horse to the edge of the cliff, turned back to the beloved girl and said: "I'll ask you one last time, you in the end can not marry me, if you do not marry me, I live there is no point, I will jump from this cliff!" The girl was touched and shouted at the boy, "Marry!" The horse jumped off the cliff! The boy died at the age of 20.　　10, husband and wife home at night, the roadside suddenly jumped out of the three knife-wielding masked men: "! You two can go one, go home and wait for news." Hubby pushed his wife away: "Wife quickly go!" When his wife went away, three masked men took off their masks: "Nima now looking for you to play mahjong so difficult?" Five minutes after the husband called his wife: "to the card to play five thousand dollars, do not, they said that I was locked up overnight tomorrow morning release." Ten minutes later, the husband took five thousand dollars from the card to fight until dawn. The next day the husband went home, the wife jumped up and said with tears: "the key time to see my husband's good for me, husband, after I listen to what you ..."　　11, from the passenger station out, on the road an old woman hurriedly followed up, quietly said to me: handsome, to rest? I froze: no need. The mom still does not give up: to play, inside the little sister is very beautiful. I was instantly annoyed by her fire, an idea said: know who I am? The mom was shocked: who ah? I was righteously: I am the old woman heard not afraid to rejoice: ah ah mom ah, why did not you say earlier, the Secretary introduced to the ah, to give you 20% off! I was instantly.　　12, one day, the food court more than a beggar, some people give him some money, but most people still did not give, he gave him money to the people's address are written down, the results after a few hours, a Bentley parked in front of him, he got into the car door to door to return the money, and is ten times more, to give him a piece of him still ten, to give him five he still fifty, the field of the people are shocked, the next day, he came again, the field full of people are given! His money is almost all a hundred, the back of the money are written address, less than an hour, the beggar can get seven or eight thousand, then the beggar himself, did not give anyone money.　　13, a female friend and a male gay share rent sub. One night she was very frustrated, the gay is very considerate to give her a bowl of noodles. She suddenly felt very cozy, said: "or we just make do over forget it." I did not expect gay face changed: "You do not have a man to, I can have!"　　14, Reporter: Auntie, your legs and feet flexible, so vigorous spirit, to maintain the secret of youth is what? Auntie: wind, sun, up early, greed, three meals a day irregularly, every day of the year to ensure that every day in the field close to nature. Reporter: Ah? What kind of work do you do, ma'am? Auntie: Sheep herding in Inner Mongolia. Reporter: That you this year's high life expectancy? Damsel: 26 ...... 15, looking back on these years, tasted the social pain and hardship, from the beginning of nothing to 300,000, from 300,000 to ten thousand, from ten thousand to more than ten thousand, not to show off, I just want to through my own experience to tell my friends: the higher the pixel, the clearer the picture!　　16, TV, affectionate public welfare will always be parents to prepare a table of dishes, children suddenly hit said not to come back to eat, so parents can only look at a table of dishes sigh. In reality, I told my parents not to come back to eat, the result is that they can be happy, change clothes and jump out, a playing cards and a square dance...　　17. Yesterday, when I went home, I met a girl. Face to face with me over. Looked at a glance, wow ... ... so beautiful. Then a little lost in thought, the girl hit me. I said beautiful, have a boyfriend ah. The girl is also quite shy, back to me. I'm not going to be able to get a lot more than that. ..... I was angry, went up and kicked. You don't have a boyfriend, you dare to hit me.　　18, will soon be able to use the iPhone 4s daughter-in-law said to 6S so that her 6 will give her brother, her brother's 5S will definitely give mother-in-law, mother-in-law's 5 will be to the old man in hand. My father-in-law's 4S will soon be given to me. So excited. How about Apple for the first time. Need to pay attention to what. Online urgent wait 19, yesterday there is a good gay friend called me, listen to the voice is probably drunk. He actually let me 8:00 p.m. with him naked chat.! I really did not expect him to be this kind of person, and nasty and disgusting! This kind of dead pervert I will never be friends with him again, because I waited until 1:00 in the morning he was not online.　　20, one night, the fourth grade daughter was doing arithmetic homework. She asked me: divided by 3 is how much? I answered for her.　　She then asked: divided by 4 is how much? I answered again.　　When she asked me a third question, I said, "Why do you always ask me instead of you figuring it out yourself?"　　"Oh," she said, "the book says it can be done either way."　　Q: Late at night, if an evil man puts a knife to your neck and says, "I'll give you one minute to call anyone except your parents and ask him to come and get you, no unnecessary words, if he agrees to come, I'll let you go, if he doesn't want to come, I'll kill you." Who would you call?　　Netizen God replied: "Hello, I want 1 Big Mac, 1 McNuggets, 1 package of potatoes, 1 cup of Coke" 22, afternoon out shopping, suddenly a strange man on the shoulder, the tone of a very cordial ask this and that, so angry that I shook him off: "Who are you? Have a problem right?" The man looked at me for a moment in surprise, and suddenly slapped his head: "Right, sorry ...... I forgot that it is now the year ...... We are not yet lovers ...... I'm sorry, please forget about it." Said turned away.　　23, his girlfriend just came back from a business trip, asked me: "Where is the dog?" Suddenly want to tease her a bit on the said: "Gave away."　　See her fast anxious crying expression, I laughed, picked up the pot on the stove and said: "Haha! I lied to you! In the pot it!"　　24, I want a car, now working steadily, in order to improve the quality of life for a second-hand car, require good condition, speed must be fast, practice into the hands of the new, so the requirements are not high, the quality should be over, not bad money, only four requirements are as follows . . 1 footpegs must be good 2 chain box do not TM clatter clatter old sound! 3. brakes must be powerful, do not always let me take the foot bald ground, 4. car seat must be complete, can not scrape the crotch!　　25, many years later, she attended her crush for many years his wedding banquet, he became graceful, eloquent, sitting next to him is a beautiful and moving bride, although it is not a taste to look at, but also have to go to congratulate him on something: "Years of not seeing you become talkative it, before you and like to talk to people, the tongue is always playing a fork in the road, and now you can get such a beautiful bride to marry back, great! " He listened to the blush up: "really, really, really?"　　26, once a girl asked me: "Are you handsome?" I was ashamed to say: "I'm not." The girl snapped and gave me two slaps, then turned and ran away, leaving a sentence: "You lie!" Since then I know a moral, be honest.　　27, a monk asked me: a date tree and 1 thousand kilograms of dates? You choose which" I said: "I want a thousand pounds of dates." The monk shook his head and laughed: "The almsman is shallow, granting people with dates, not as good as granting people with date palms, do you understand this reasoning? Jujubes are gone when you're done with them, but date palms can last a lifetime!" I said: "I want a thousand pounds after it, can be a lot of date seedlings." High monk: "Amitabha Buddha ...... poor monk do not want to talk to you! Money no! Can die!"　　28, the second year students just came into contact with the physics class, all feel that physics is difficult to learn.　　Physics teacher is teaching physics in the classroom, suddenly a student let out a loud fart.　　The teacher heard, frowned and said: "students, physics is certainly difficult to learn, but still can learn well, do not be discouraged ah!"　　29, roommate looked out the window of the dormitory, asked me so cold days and wind and rain, so painful ah, we still go to class?　　I said: the wind and rain This little pain is nothing, dry your tears, do not be afraid, at least we have a dream.　　Roommate was touched: Yes, we still have a dream, so, head down and sleep and dream.　　30, last night and his girlfriend lying in bed ready to sleep, she suddenly shot me awake and said: &uot; I feel someone at the door, you have to get up to see. &uot; I was shocked, with the cold went to the door nothing, then told her: &uot; no one, go to sleep. &uot; girlfriend lying in bed faintly said: &uot; Oh, then you by the way to help me pour a cup of water. &uot;