An editor/love letter
"My ex-husband is really a miracle. He hasn't visited his daughter for nearly two years. "
Liu Mintao, who divorced in middle age, said that her ex-husband was great when evaluating her husband. After that, she was always emotional, and when she recalled the painful seven-year marriage, she could not help but burst into tears.
20 13, Liu Mintao starred in the TV series "Stick to Marriage".
The background of this film and television drama focuses on the current society with high divorce rate. The marriage of keeping the jade is in jeopardy. Communication and understanding, tolerance and forgiveness between people are what everyone needs to practice constantly in every marriage.
Wang Guiying, played by Liu Mintao, has gradually become a tea plantation owner and a woman of the new era from a housewife who has experienced marital betrayal, huge debts, her mother-in-law being hospitalized, her son running away from home, gossip and other hardships.
At the time of filming Keeping Married, Liu Mintao was also ending his seven-year marriage.
Life is like a play. Liu Mintao's real life is a copy of Wang Guiying.
In the summer of 20 13, Liu Mintao took care of her daughter and fell asleep, then returned to an empty room, lying on a double bed and staring at the square ceiling. I can't help thinking that I haven't seen her husband for a long time
The essence of marriage is to make two lonely people snuggle up to each other for warmth, but they feel so lonely and lonely, which makes Liu Mintao wonder whether this marriage is still meaningful and whether their sacrifice is really worth it.
When a person begins to doubt whether a thing is worth it, in fact, deep down, he already feels that it is not worth it.
I just don't want to deny the past and I don't want to give up the present.
But it's not worth it How can a widowed marriage be worth Liu Mintao giving up everything?
Before getting married, Liu Mintao lived a proud and comfortable life.
At the beginning, he was admitted to the Central Academy of Drama with the first place in professional courses, and became the pride of other people's children and parents.
After graduating from college, she starred in several TV series, such as Ghost Love, Flying Like a Dream and Fu Gui. Everyone praised her acting skills and thought that she had a bright future.
It's just that Liu Mintao just likes acting instead of loving it, but she has to say that she is very talented and hardworking.
But no one expected that she would choose to retire and get married in the golden age of actress's career development.
That year, Liu Mintao was 30 years old. It is said that he met a rich man named Changle through a friend's introduction and chose to get married. After marriage, he chose to give up his present job and become a full-time wife.
Many people don't understand, give up their bright future and choose to be full-time wives.
However, as long as we know the growth track of Liu Mintao, we may understand why she did it.
Liu Mintao has been a faultless child since he was a child. She listens to her parents and studies hard. When her classmates put star stickers on the pencil box, what she thought was how to finish today's homework.
Even when deciding the future life arrangement, Liu Mintao chose to listen to his parents.
Her parents felt that the girl was under too much pressure to enter the university, and suggested that she should be a kindergarten teacher. Liu Mintao listened to the suggestion and went to the kindergarten teacher class of Yantai local middle school.
If it weren't for the year of college entrance examination, menstruation suggested that she try to enter the Central Academy of Drama, and Liu Mintao might have missed the performance.
From obedient Liu Mintao to 30 years old, everyone thinks it's time for her to get married, and so do her parents, society and times.
So much so that she followed the "fashion trend".
As for giving up acting, first of all, Liu Mintao didn't fall in love with the job as an actress at that time. Secondly, she was inextricably linked with Liu Mintao's mother.
Liu Mintao's parents have always had a good relationship, which is a traditional family get-along model.
Mother has always been a very dedicated role, taking care of all aspects of his father's life so that he can work with peace of mind.
Therefore, Liu Mintao also thinks that marriage should be like this, and the status of women in marriage should be like this.
Only at this time did Liu Mintao realize that not everyone can find a complementary partner. She is not a mother, and her husband is not a good man like dad. The road to marriage cannot be repeated.
Perhaps this is the reason why Liu Mintao feels lonely rather than happy in her marriage.
After marriage, Liu Mintao didn't think so deeply. The authorities are confused, and the bystanders are clear. Liu Mintao of the Bureau struggled for seven years in this "widowed" marriage.
Seven years later, Liu Mintao became pregnant and gave birth to a daughter. Liu Mintao, who is studying in pre-school education school, takes good care of her daughter and handles everything in this family well.
From taking care of the sick old people and children at home to her daughter's homework, Liu Mintao is hands-on and impeccable.
My husband is also very motivated, very hard, and his career is getting better and better, but he often works and travels outside and is very busy.
Obviously, this seems to be the mode for parents to get along at first, but it is not as happy and satisfied as parents seem, which makes Liu Mintao feel bored gradually.
The feelings with her husband can be said to be strange, there is no emotional communication, and there is no spiritual communication.
At first, Liu Mintao also reflected on whether he had done something wrong, but after a long time, Liu Mintao also understood that this marriage may have been wrong from the source.
Just considering her daughter, Liu Mintao still wants to stick to it.
In this marriage, everything made Liu Mintao feel stiff and uncomfortable, except her daughter, and every moment with her made her feel happy and warm.
Maybe Liu Mintao had a better time for her daughter's bullet, but looking at the square ceiling, Liu Mintao only felt that this family and marriage were like a cage, which imprisoned her dream and her soul.
In this unfortunate situation, there is nothing to insist on.
It's time to make a change and get out of life.
In the summer of 20 13, Liu Mintao was 37 years old, but he ushered in a middle-aged rebellious period and a rebirth.
After the divorce, she began to raise her daughter alone.
Regarding the divorce, although Liu Mintao made up his mind at that time, the follow-up problems after the divorce also made Liu Mintao somewhat confused.
First of all, my daughter Liu Mintao feels very guilty. Because of her own reasons, her daughter needs to live in an environment without a father.
While feeling guilty, Liu Mintao is also worried that such a living environment will have a bad influence on her daughter's growth.
So Liu Mintao didn't know how to explain to her daughter for a long time, but the children might know something from other people's conversations. Every Saturday, they would ask their father why he hadn't come to see them.
During the divorce, the court ordered her ex-husband to visit her daughter every Saturday.
In fact, Liu Mintao doesn't mind this matter. She never thought of carrying on the grudges of her previous life to the next generation, and she never thought that her ex-husband was a "wonderful flower".
I haven't seen my daughter for more than two years. After the divorce, I didn't even want my daughter. The child expected disappointment, and she gradually stopped asking questions.
Fortunately, although she was not accompanied by her father, Liu Mintao and her grandparents gave her a lot of love.
So when Liu Mintao and her daughter formally divorced, her daughter expressed her understanding of Liu Mintao's practice. Now, with everyone's concern, she has grown up very well.
Besides her daughter, Liu Mintao is worried about her parents. Liu Mintao's parents are very traditional and proud people. Liu Mintao is afraid that they will be pointed at because of themselves, and that they will blame themselves.
But Liu Mintao, as a mother, doesn't understand her parents' hearts. Parents, nothing matters, the happiness of children is the most important.
When Liu Mintao told her parents, they were very sad about their daughter's experience and supported Liu Mintao to end this unhappy marriage.
Even worried that Liu Mintao would be too sad because of the breakdown of his marriage, he dared not talk to Liu Mintao about it for a long time.
After getting the understanding of parents and daughters, Liu Mintao has a new understanding of life and the future.
She doesn't want to be a vague housewife, she wants to be herself and be an ambiguous Liu Mintao.
After the divorce, Liu Mintao returned to the entertainment circle to shoot movies. At this time, she was 37 years old and had already missed the golden period of actress development defined by the entertainment circle.
But as long as it is gold, it can shine at any time.
Liu Mintao's initial stage is really difficult. She often needs to take her daughter to live with the crew and take care of her daughter while filming.
Plus, at that time, the entertainment circle was very exclusive to older actresses. At that time, Liu Mintao's situation can be described as struggle.
But since this road is her own choice, no matter how difficult and dark it is, she will go on kneeling.
Fortunately, Liu Mintao's persistence paid off. 20 15, Liu Mintao plays the female No.1 Ming's elder sister, Spiegel, in The Pretender. Her concern for the country's righteousness and the domineering attitude of Sanming brothers made the audience call acting directly.
Some people even say that Liu Mintao's textbook-like acting makes the role of Spigel really have a soul.
Later, Liu Mintao starred in Nirvana in Fire. This quiet princess is thoughtful and resourceful.
Two completely different roles let the audience see the strength of Liu Mintao, who was admitted to the Central Academy of Drama with the first place in professional courses.
Recently, in the popular Lady's Rule, Liu Mintao played the clever and witty female lawyer Chen Ran.
Although the subsequent plot development is confusing, this is the first time that Liu Mintao plays the role of an elite in the workplace. She has experienced a broken marriage and a low career. I believe that Liu Mintao will have a different understanding and interpretation of women in the workplace.
With Liu Mintao playing more and more roles, she began to really love the profession of actress, and her career developed better and better. At the same time, Liu Mintao had a new understanding of marriage and affection.
"I am not the kind of person who is once bitten by a snake for ten years, but I still yearn for love, but not so much for marriage."
People's moods change rapidly. What will remain the same?
Maybe it's not love or marriage, but my knowledge and career.
Liu Mintao shared their experience of traveling to Japan with her husband during their marriage. It was raining and it was a little cold in Japan. Liu Mintao and her husband just came out of the temple and suddenly wanted to eat matcha-flavored popsicles.
She told her husband, but he refused. Liu Mintao had no choice but to wrap her coat tightly and continue to follow her back to the hotel.
Because at that time, she was a housewife, penniless, and needed to support her nose.
This is the sad part. Maybe it's just a small matter for a man, but only a woman can understand how sad Liu Mintao was at that time. Her heart was colder than rainy Japan.
Later, after the divorce, Liu Mintao bought a matcha popsicle that he dreamed of.
After realizing the freedom of matcha popsicle, Liu Mintao felt that what he longed for was not matcha popsicle, but freedom, whether it was economic freedom or soul freedom.
Once, she put family first and her husband as the center.
When accompanying her ex-husband to a hotel or a banquet, Liu Mintao would take a half step back and arrange her husband's clothes to match his own. Later, Liu Mintao just thought it was not worth it.
Liu Mintao's divorce is not so much a middle-aged rebellion as a woman imprisoned by tradition's resistance to the definition of women in the present society.
In seven years of marriage, she was like a trapped animal. After the divorce, she deeply understood a truth:
"It is better to ask for yourself than to rely on others."
At one time, she was always attached to her husband and family, and got a sense of security from them. However, women's sense of security is inevitably pinned on others.
Only by creating yourself can you control your life and enjoy yourself, and then you can go on confidently in the future.
Later, Liu Mintao worked hard to make money, took good care of her daughter and parents, and became a real woman with economic freedom and independent soul in the new era. Her sense of security came from herself.
Many people say that she realized the essence of marriage because of a popsicle, and she chose to divorce because of a popsicle.
But only she knows that the popsicle she can't get is just the last straw to crush the camel. What really made her choose to leave was the loneliness and pain she felt in the past seven years.
Liu Mintao's experience is not to deny the value of a stay-at-home wife. Of course, many full-time wives have very happy families in real life, but most full-time wives have no right to speak in the family and are not treated equally.
Liu Mintao once said:
"I used to think that he was more than me, so I kept waiting for him at home and looked up at him."
When Liu Mintao stood up again to see the world and struggled forward, she realized how naive she was.
"The smiling face on the wedding photo is not the whole of the future marriage life."
Marriage is indeed a kind of practice. Emotion and economy are the foundation of a happy marriage, but the most important thing is whether the husband and wife can treat each other in a straight line and treat each other equally.
Therefore, we can't lose ourselves in marriage like Liu Mintao, and become the accessories of marriage partners. Nor should we choose patience and compromise because of family opposition, secular views and age.
We are ourselves first, then our daughters, wives and mothers, so at any time, women should try not to give up their jobs and careers.
No matter how much salary or career, it can be the source of our confidence and security, and it can also be the capital for us to start over.
No matter what you live, there will always be people who make irresponsible remarks and express their opinions. We only came to this world once.
So eat what you want, meet the people you want, see the scenery you like and do what you like.
People should make money energetically all their lives, savor fireworks in time, watch flowers bloom and fall in front of the court, and watch the clouds roll in the sky.