With the potholes of the track, the undulating breath accompanied by a violent heartbeat. Pedestrians who brushed past with joyful numbness on their faces. Their laughter was left to the stifling odor of the night. The playground was no longer the barren, empty place it had been during the day. The pedestrians whispered and laughed and livened up the silent air of the playground.
After lap after lap, her stiff body warmed up a little, she closed her eyes and felt the heat wave from her body, and pondered the inexplicable question in her heart, if she kept running with her eyes closed, would she continue along the shape of a circle? The sound of running pulled her back from her strange world of imagination. In the distance came the energetic humming of the members of the nunchaku club, and with the nunchaku dancing rapidly in their hands, with the sound of the wind, each movement was like a single note of a musical score, drilling into her ears without fail. She thought darkly that there might be a heavy rain tomorrow. The sound could come through so clearly. And she ran with a gust of wind through the night, into the unknown.
The playground at night, as only a dim light was on. The place where the light can not catch, pitch black. More and more lined with lamps like a lighthouse full of thick sea fog with the light of hope. Where the light is brightly illuminated, few people are there. Just in the dark, three or two couples, girlfriends gathered. Just like in the daytime, a bright day comes to the playground, and when you look around, it's empty. Silence in tears, and she, sitting in a sunny place basking in the sun. Watching the students hurrying by, knowing she was them, like a cold-eyed person who refused to stand as an equal in the midst of the hurrying army of students. She stopped and sat down just to pass the time. And as soon as the night wore on. The scenery around her became more and more blurred until she was left with the blackness in front of her eyes. The students came alive with the intensity of the night. Far away before walking to the playground, can hear the laughter coming from the playground. The silence of the daytime emptiness, every place is filled with laughter.
I don't know how long I ran, the girl could feel water running down her cheeks. It was itchy and tingly, as if there were little ants crawling naughtily. She wiped and wiped with her hands, gasping for breath. But the steps beneath her feet were harder. The familiar scenery around her turned twisted, and at times people brushed past Tang Ru like the wind. Soon her even pace caught up. However, Tang Ru laughed in the bottom of her heart as those who had passed by were already panting from exhaustion, and turned around to see Tang Ru catching up, watching the girl pass by with bated breath. This made her jump a little in her heart. Several laps down, there were already many people who had initially run a few laps and walked, and in the end, even the shadows of those who had walked could not be seen, but the number of people in the stands increased quite a bit. Tang Ru was immersed in the joy of the heat that running brought to her entire body, running frantically lap after lap. Her steps also grew larger and larger without her realizing it. And she felt that running did not use up the strength in the body, but rather to obtain a constant flow of power, continue to run.
In front of her eyes, a white figure suddenly appeared, and another youth who followed him. Tang Ru remembered, is that the two suddenly ran out of a gust of wind, and tired into a puddle of mud by her little proud of a stranger. Those two people listened to the girl's gradually approaching footsteps, flew up and ran like the wind again. Just now the wretched look was nowhere to be seen. Tang Ru lowly laughed in her heart. Wait a moment will meet again. Sure enough, but this time Tang Ru did not see the helplessness of the eyes looking at her, but saw the white boy with a cigarette in his hand, smiling down at her as the smoke rose. Weird. She thought, leaving them behind.
The playground lights went out the moment Tang Ru ran past the two men. She heard the sound of the lights going off, but the sound only echoed in her fantasy, not in reality.
"The lights have gone out, should I run?" she asked herself in her mind. She asked herself mentally, "Better stop." The steps taken by her feet did not show the slightest sign of stopping, and with the posture of a runner she continued to run through the black night, running into the darkness that carried a mystery in front of her. Finally, after running to the bleachers where the bags were stored, the girl slowed her pace and walked. In the time it took for the lights to go out, the playground, which had been lively and noisy just moments before, turned dead silent. The students walked out in a silent line as if they were following some mysterious religious code. Tang Ru watched the silent flow of people move about, pulling out a cigarette from the depths of his backpack and lighting it. Taking a deep drag of the prominent smoke, with a sigh of relief, she looked up at the moon in the sky. She felt there should be a song to accompany this moment. So, holding a cigarette, enduring the choking smoke, find out the cell phone.
The single song loop was set and the music of "Radio Love Song" started. She with the music of the tune of light and, from time to time to pass the hand of the cigarette, the pain at the throat to wake up someone look. She shook her head, trying to erase the memory, but instead it became clearer and clearer. Perhaps an encounter in my life came from this cigarette in my hand, she thought. Flicking off the butt, she sat in silence and looked at the brilliant lights made up of the dormitory building's lamps.
The night breeze was beginning to cool. She got up and hugged herself out of the playground. She felt someone shouting behind her and didn't turn around because she wasn't sure. Soon the sound became clearer. It was the sound of two people running up to her.
"Hey, hey, hey 。。。。 Wait, don't go!!!"
She continued to walk forward, refusing to stop. The voice approached even more urgently.
"Hey. Don't go," said the voice. Two familiar figures blocked her path, it was the white shirt and his companion.
"Hey," said the white shirt "lend me a light." He scratched his head "Hey, I just dropped it while running."
Without a word, she reached into her backpack and searched for a while, handing over the lighter. Without looking back, she walked away.
"Hey. Hey," the white shirt ran closer again
"See you can run. How much did you run tonight?"
She looked down "I don't count, half an hour." Stepping around the white shirt, she continued on. The pace under her feet quickened so much that she wanted to be able to fly back to her dorm room. She was kind of looking forward to it, not understanding why she was yet so eager to leave as soon as possible.
Behind her came a shout from the white shirt "Are you still coming tomorrow?"
"Uh-huh." The girl quickly turned around and answered, running out of the playground.
The Breeze Drunken Night(2)
At nine o'clock, the girl reappeared in the playground, which was filled with yellow lights. Last night's experience had given her a small sense of anticipation. The girl walked along the path she had taken yesterday, storing the books in her hands with the backpack on her body. After putting it away, she adjusted her breathing. Stepped onto the crushed lime track and ran with full concentration. Brushing past a strange boy in a white shirt. Her heart beat faster involuntarily. The playground was a very different place tonight than it had been last night. It was still bustling with people, but there were more unfamiliar faces. There were fewer people who had been seen yesterday.
One lap down, her back was already soaked. Clothes clinging, her face also hot up. But today the girl didn't run with big strides like yesterday, not caring about her surroundings. Burying her head in her own world, enjoying the short break that running brought her and the time to think independently about the world she was in. Weekdays were spent traveling to and from the library, the cafeteria, the dormitory, and the classroom. All of these venues compressed the fullness of time and pressed her to think. It was as if there was a thread manipulating to do these things, day after day after day. Lately, she'd gotten even busier. Working a part-time job, it was nights. It required guarding the duty room all night, even though a man would have been better suited for the job. But, to her, this job represented all the financial resources for the semester. She has to have it and she has to take it, she has no choice.
It was also the added job that she didn't want to be overwhelmed by needing a time of independence to truly be herself. She fell in love with running. In running is not a sport, every time she found the meaning of life in it. With reluctance, she struggled to create the world she wanted with her own strength, but unfortunately, things didn't work out the way she had envisioned in her mind, but rather, she sacrificed herself in an extremely tragic way. At night, tossing and turning, she was like a man who repeatedly wept secretly over the fact that he was so proud of what he had done, contributing all his precious youthful time, only to reap the fruits of failure. Wet the corner of the quilt.
Her memory with the rhythm of the footsteps, the orderly unfolding, even to the point of moving, the footsteps also aggravated. The white boy who could not be found did not appear. Inside she had always thought that love was going to favor her and give her a beautiful answer. Unfortunately, this time again, the dream is shattered.
Accelerated footsteps, running like a gust of wind, when brushing past the body of whispering companionable people. In her heart, she hoped that she could become one of the three or two companions, and had to say that she couldn't finish complaining to her companion. Instead of being left to her own devices at the moment, she was alone with her running partner.
From the moment she entered the playground, her steps were not fast. The eyes have been searching, the heart has been wandering in the memory. A few laps down, the surroundings were not as lively as they had been at first, although the playground lights had not yet gone out, glowing with a dim light that shone on everyone's face, reflecting their smiles and sorrows. She raised her head toward the sky, looking for the moon. It wasn't a full moon tonight. The curved half-moon, like a grinning old man, turned its gaze toward her as well. Smiling at her. As if to tell her something, but said nothing.
The center of the playground, the nunchaku club men and women are not a lot, less than four or five people. The nunchucks in their hands played the same pattern as last night, but by no means the same as last night's dance of the wind. So much so that the girl had just looked up from her thoughts to realize it. The sound did not take away the memory of the interruption. Everything was natural. Tonight, the girl was extraordinarily curious, had the society been stood up like herself. There is no agreement to wait, expecting the story of Prince Charming and Princess to happen to himself.
Perhaps the white shirt boy yesterday was just asking out of courtesy, bringing her unlimited reverie and expectation. Today is falling through. A beautiful girl with something handed to the nunchaku club a boy. A small sourness came over her heart. Her eyes gazed and refused to move away. The pace of the feet gradually accelerated.
It was already burning in her throat. She wanted to finish quickly. The call of needing a cigarette called for a bigger step. The sweat of her running fell on her feet. You couldn't stop until the lights went out. It wasn't a hard and fast rule, but she wanted to make a pact with this to not make any excuses to shrug it off and avoid responsibility. A pothole ahead of her, her weight was unsteady and she nearly twisted her foot. She steadied herself and wiped her sweaty face off with sweaty hands. Gazing ahead, the steps continued to make her body float down the long runway.
The light of the moon does not guide her through the darkness of the night to the unknown path ahead. She smiled and the moon was smiling with its arched brow look. Just the company of this moment is enough. In the night without people, only the moon watched her silently without prejudice, accompanying her with the midnight wind. Also in the playground dispersed after the bustle, chose to stay, continue to watch her athletic figure dancing in the dark night.
The lights went out.
Receiving the signal, she slowed down. Walking up and towards the bleachers where her bag and books were stored, she rummaged through her bag for her cigarettes, lit them, and exhaled smoke at the moon. She didn't rush back to her dorm room and rolled over and jumped onto the bleachers. Sitting on the concrete, which was still warm from the sun. It was as warm as a hot bed in a Heilongjiang farmhouse in winter. Smoke rose and covered the moon looking at her face, outlining many past events that could not be put down. Although, in the prime of life, the surface of the vitality, everything is just beginning to look like. But who really told her, too much experience will turn people into vicissitudes, time is also a knife. The tool knife in the hands of the sculptor, constantly modified and constantly polished. The roughest of the original, the ones she wanted to keep the most had been disposed of. Regret is nothing more than excess footage that must be modified and discarded for the perfection of the work.
A cigarette had burned out. She needs a hole where she can put all her words. Unfortunately, no words are better than a million words, except for the company of the quiet moon.
The cigarette butt fell to the ground, she silently took out one and then lit it. Ten thousand apologies, she gently handed the words to the bright moon. "Can you help me convey to my lover in Nanjing, I really miss her. Unfortunately, I'm not a good girl and went against what I promised him. Know what? The one who loves you is willing to endure punishment with you for the sake of keeping you away from evil things. To caution and warn you against it. The punishment is severe. There was that one time when I wouldn't lie to him and tell him the truth, not realizing that the punishment was really coming. Carved into my bones. So much so that today, at this moment, I dare not speak to him about it again and endure it all by myself. Not to say, will not break any agreement is not it?
To others never mentioned, and can not say. Love has what? I have never been able to recognize. But always know one thing, I am in love with him, and only. From the moment I met him, it was not a choice to pass the time of loneliness. It was no longer a choice to amuse myself. You can tell me why not be able to stay together with him well, but across the miles and miles of distance miss each other and do not trust each other?
The boy and girl long-distance love is still not allowed by the family, and their own? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. There is no sensational love, simple together. The world of two people is so calm and attached. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
I miss him. Who would know that the person I miss tugs at all my nerves just to put together a picture of life with him?" She bowed her head. Holding her cold winded body looking at the moon expecting it to give an answer.
The Breeze Drunken Night (III)
Not every day is a repetition of the previous day; it is a machine, devoid of life. Accidents bring surprises. There was no yesterday's nine o'clock sharp, the sky was cloudy and the rain pattered down, not stopping from morning to night. Her mood was also driven by the drizzling rain and gloomy sky, and even her running, which she had been doing for the past two months, had become uninteresting. Walking to the playground she thought of crossing back to the dormitory, giving up on tonight's nine o'clock. But when she thought of Nanjing, the side of Lin Feng's face emerged. With light hitting her heart, the thought of giving up was dispelled. Being able to stay by Lin Feng's side, running side by side with him in the playground, lap after lap, until an hour had passed. She remembered leaving a message every time Lin Feng was going for a run.
Tang Tang, I'm going for a run, see you later. Lin Feng would send a text message an hour later telling her that the run was over. And with so little time left for them, both of them would cherish the little time left. As soon as she thought back to this time, the corners of her mouth turned up and she smiled at the wet playground alone. Lin Feng, his name echoed in her heart.
The clothes on her body were already soaked. Standing dumbly in the center of the playground looking. The only thing the backpack on her body told her to perceive was that there were cigarettes in the bag, lying quietly waiting to share her sadness at the moment. It was too humid. It would have gotten wet from the rain if she had lit it. She thought to herself, and felt a twinge of liar's guilt. Lin Feng had once said that he would ignore her if she let him know that she was smoking. Choosing Lin Feng or choosing a cigarette in her hand that she could rely on. The best way for her to keep both was to lie. As long as the lie was not uncovered, she would always be able to keep the life she wanted. However, Lin Feng will still unconsciously blame himself for hiding his smoking. Isn't the relationship supposed to be about honesty and understanding between two people? The question was born in her heart, and the desire to gain pure emotional understanding drove her to reveal all of her bad feelings to Lin Feng.
In Nanjing.
She followed Lin Feng, hurriedly glancing at the buildings flashing by. Sighing at the prosperity of Nanjing at night, before she had time to think of words suitable for depicting Nanjing, Lin Feng's voice came through her ears. His voice is very calm and steady with the gentleness of the south. It was very comfortable to listen to. She did not answer but turned her head toward Lin Feng, looking into Lin Feng's eyes under the bright lights. Waiting for him to say the next sentence, expecting to hear the voice ring out again, but Lin Feng looked at her with a smile and didn't say anything further. Her eyes were like the ripples of a lake under the light, swirling in a circle of water waves. It was very moving. She looked, lowered her hair and ate with a smile, her face has obviously felt the hot temperature. There is a mirror would be good to see if you are blushing. The weather in Nanjing in March was cool and pleasant, and the night breeze blew her hair, and Lin Feng came close to her and organized it for her when she was still standing dumbfounded. Whispered. Let's go. She nodded, her hand held by Lin Feng through the bustling crowd.
In her immersion in the river of memories, the distance of thousands of miles away drew the feelings between her and Lin Feng closer. She could smell the faint sandalwood fragrance unique to Lin Feng's clothes. The breeze from that night dazzled her heart, and her heartbeat still sped up when she thought of Lin Feng. The blood in her entire body also accelerated. Her face swooned with a red color. It is a pity that these Lin Feng can not see, otherwise, will again laugh at her nymphomania.
But all this has become distant. Lin Feng and she proposed to break up. She still remembers the events of that night sudden breakup, like a pair of pliers clamped on her heart, raw pain, raw pain, not yet to fall down. Lin Feng was leaving her, breaking free of the thread that held her, the thread of affection. Like a rabbit, she stood at the mouth of the cave looking around helplessly, hoping that the danger had passed, that none of this was real. Inwardly, she anxiously cried out no no no. She entered Lin Feng's cell phone number, dialed one after another, no one answered not in someone willing to stay with her until late at night, for a message to look forward to. Arguing right or wrong for a good night. Tears were welling up and almost stayed. Lin Feng and her in the end what is the relationship, but lovers, is in the network to recognize the acquaintance of virtual lovers. The two finally met in Nanjing, saw each other's appearance, into their own lives. More precisely, she chose to walk into Lin Feng's life. See the scenery of Nanjing.
Nanjing is not the walled city of her imagination. She got off the station and looked around. The air is dense with a touch of tenderness, and people's eyes are the softness of water. Lin Feng was already standing at the exit of the station. The cell phone is still attached to the ear, the smile hanging on the face has not had time to retreat. She asked Lin Feng with her eyes. You are it. Lin Feng nodded his head, I don't know if it was the lights of the station. She felt Lin Feng's body shimmer. Lin Feng didn't run over to carry the heavy luggage in her hand for her. Instead, he turned around and walked away in a very dashing manner. She wanted to call out to Lin Feng to help her with her luggage, but she felt that it was a bit too sappy to make this kind of request the first time they met. It seemed like she was very casual, right? Besides, she hadn't established any relationship with Lin Feng, but it was Lin Feng who had said to her on the other end of the cell phone that he had been expecting to like her. In her heart, she has always hoped that Lin Feng can personally say like to recognize the relationship between them, to be able to let themselves know has been guarding this strange feelings of reason.
But Lin Feng did not say anything, just said En. Regardless of anything. In her view is very happy, eager to share with Lin Feng hoping to get together happy and surprised response. But there was never any. Lin Feng suddenly said to her that night, we are suitable to be friends. She was very sad that her feelings had come to this point, and had to break up must be so? She asked herself also asked Lin Feng, but did not really say out to question. Some questioning is useless. It is meaningless, some people leave without saying goodbye, do not need to do any explanation to force off the must leave. The only thing that you need to do is to leave. The pursuit of more also does not belong to themselves.
She did not want Lin Feng disappeared in their world, obviously but just a passer-by, but very determined to catch a glimpse of Lin Feng. In wrong or right. She decided not to make any more judgments.
Crouching in the corridor, the number of the cell phone was entered in over and over again. The cell phone's prompts had been a sweet girl to answer her, Sorry the number you have dialed is in the middle of a call. Don't do this to me ah, don't leave me. She buried her head y between her legs. Begging for the phone to be able to get through, to be able to hear Lin Feng's voice. She wouldn't capriciously hang up on Lin Feng again. At this moment, she especially hoped that Lin Feng could pick up the phone. Don't even say break up after we're together. Tang Tang. She wanted to hear Lin Feng calling her name. Gently with doting. Did two words have to take away the last second of doting? She shook her head, her head dizzy as if she had been hit, dizzily lifting her head to look at the empty corridor. Relying on the cold feeling behind her. Biting her lip.
She didn't want to experience abandonment again. Being emotionally abandoned and stayed. The scene when she broke up with Jane Yan was vivid in her mind. The experience of having your heart broken to the point of not being able to stand up never to be experienced again. Retained also did not do, but cried and asked Jane Yan why did not forget the feelings of the two people for many years? Jane Yan was silent and said sorry. She hugged her knees, in the first and second emotional blow, listening to the sound of their own heart broken. Is one's self a loser in the relationship. Unworthy of being loved? Why do you all want to leave me so badly?
Retention since it is not able to stay Lin Feng. She only had to compromise this result. But still did not give up her feelings for Lin Feng. Retained Lin Feng's small hobbies, usual habits. To say that is crazy, that night is really crazy in general constantly dialing the phone, sending text messages in the hope of being able to change Lin Feng's heart back. I should say that I was the most stupid, she thought. If I had not said anything or answered. Instead, she quietly left Lin Feng some time to reconsider his decision. Things are like human life in general there is no second chance. She left Lin Feng in the heart of what kind of mold, it must be the most stupid anxious woman. Men like a woman who can sympathize with their labors at the most critical time. Not with capricious more some friends confidant relationship. This is perhaps the best companion for men.
She is too childish. Need more care. Want to always be the protagonist of being favored and attention. Lin Feng's habits are not only retained by her but also personally. I hope to be able to meet one day to follow his habits to accompany him.
Will this day be too long, the playground lights dimmed on time. She stopped with a sweaty head. The moonlight was shining, the puddle was like a lake, reflecting the light of the moon. She shook off her head. Carried her bag and left.
Afterword, this novel has been revised many times before and after. Even now, there are still many contradictions and errors. Please understand.