In dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as long as you care about yourself, put their own home to say that the existence of the other, no care for each other, only concerned about their own immediate interests.
In short, it is not to treat each other as their own family members, then the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is not good is also the expected result.
Species of conflict is easy, want to solve is much more difficult.
Once the beam has been knotted, between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been the same fire, want to restore the beginning, it is already long stretch marks on the stomach, y planted in the hearts of two people, I'm afraid that can no longer be dissipated.
Because the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problem, and most of the family problems, in fact, it is difficult to objectively determine which party is right, which party is wrong, often is the public reasoning mother-in-law reasoning.
Standing on their own point of view, of course, do things that are favorable to them, love themselves, this point how to see will not be wrong. But you should understand that you can love yourself, but loving yourself is not a reason to be selfish.
The other side hurt you, you rightfully have the right to fight for their own deserved benefits, but when the other side did not hurt you, you should not damage each other's interests, hurt each other's feelings.
Love yourself at the same time, even if it is for the sake of the family, you should also be appropriate to take care of each other's mood.
Don't treat each other as air or imaginary enemies, with a radical and mean attitude to each other, and even more special treatment, do not have to deliberately do something unnatural to please each other, many times mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is not dead in the too distant, but rather too close, forgetting to get along with the people of the comfortable distance.
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along with each other as an ordinary family member can be, with the most common but the attitude to treat, can not be too familiar with each other, but mutual courtesy and respect can not be lost, can do "respect each other as a guest," the four words, has been regarded as a good mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship.
But there is an old saying called "people do not offend me, I do not offend", to be able to kiss like a mother and daughter without conflict is a blessing, respect for each other is luck, can get along with is certainly good, but if not, the square face also do not suggest that we go to the family for the sake of family harmony to do a person rubbed and pinched the round of the dough, when a person can be bullied by the bun.
One step back and the sea is wide open, two steps back but will fall into the sea, do not retreat again and again, lose the initiative in the family, but will let themselves into a passive situation, hurt themselves.
Passive is not a good thing, and then want to get back to the initiative can be difficult, we do not cause trouble, but also not afraid of things, and timely demonstration of their own attitudes, in order to win the other side of the respect.
The reason why I wrote this article is also because of the contribution of a reader, Ms. Wang, who has just recently been promoted to a new baby mama, which is a happy thing, but Ms. Wang has a child and her mother-in-law has a great deal of conflict. Ms. Wang is a very reasonable person, she and her mother-in-law there is a problem not only reasoning can be clear, which makes the contradiction between the two deeper and deeper, and ultimately, Ms. Wang flat ground a roar, made a husband are very surprised at the move, and ultimately to the mother-in-law "subdued".
Miss Wang is 26 years old, her parents do some export crafts business, the family is said to be quite good, Miss Wang's husband, the family is slightly worse than Miss Wang's home, home is not only in the field, but also very far away.
But Ms. Wang and her boyfriend is a campus romance, the university relationship for four years, there is a deep emotional foundation, her husband is also considered a very hard working boy, very diligent and progressive, which is Ms. Wang at the beginning of the beginning of the husband's place is very fancy.
More importantly, her husband is a very dedicated person, to Ms. Wang's heart, even if she knew that Ms. Wang's parents may not agree with the two together, or unhesitatingly love Ms. Wang, Ms. Wang still said that love past, or very touching.
"He it, is really stupid, said even if I do not marry him, it does not matter, can be with me one day is one day, after even if you can not be together, he has no regrets."
For the sake of love, Ms. Wang finally defied her family's opposition to marry far away. Mother's home in the south, in-laws in the north, the middle of the difference is nearly more than a thousand kilometers of land, the woman's hard to get married, Miss Wang have eaten, but the so-called husband's love, everything went smoothly over, everything is in the direction of good, but also at this time, Miss Wang found out that the stomach pregnant with a baby.
This thing makes the family very happy, but when Ms. Wang put forward the hope that her mother-in-law during the month to take care of her, her mother-in-law is very difficult to show the appearance of looking for a variety of reasons to excuse not willing to help.
"I have cerebral vascular sclerosis, lumbar disc herniation, I can't help you, besides, I have to go to the morning exercise in the morning, and late to queue up to buy eggs, and at night I have to dance, I serve you is to sacrifice my own life, I'm old, can't you let me feel at ease to enjoy my own life in old age?"
If her mother's family was not so far away, once her mother-in-law rejected her, Ms. Wang would not have been so dead set on begging her mother-in-law to help her out several times, twice and thrice, but in the end, her mother-in-law insisted that she refused to help Ms. Wang with her menstrual cycle, and she even asked Ms. Wang to bring her mother from thousands of miles away to help out.
Miss Wang is not thinking about their own mother, but her mother especially dizzy transportation, can not go out, and dare not fly alone, but the parents are ultimately sympathetic to their own children, when Miss Wang's parents know Miss Wang's current stage of the difficulties, directly hit the 30,000 yuan over, let Miss Wang immediately asked the sister-in-law, a little more expensive, it does not matter, as long as you can take care of the right on the line.
By the time Ms. Wang and her husband had gone to look for a good sister-in-law and were ready to pay the deposit, her mother-in-law suddenly changed her mind and said she was willing to take care of Ms. Wang.
The old lady was shocked to hear that her sister-in-law had to pay nearly 10,000 yuan for a month's stay. Originally, the old lady thought that it was the price of hiring a nanny, and seeing that Ms. Wang's mother's family was so willing to spend money on her daughter, she immediately decided to take over the job on the condition that she had the same treatment as her sister-in-law.
Miss Wang and her husband discussed, instead of giving money to others, it is better to fertilize the water, to the mother-in-law, they agreed to the mother-in-law's request, and then Miss Wang not only gave 10,000 sister-in-law fee, in addition, because her mother-in-law has always been frugal, Miss Wang in addition to the 10,000 yuan of money, specifically to buy groceries, as nutritional costs.
The mother-in-law accepted the money, smiling, full of promise, but until Miss Wang gave birth to a baby, really began to sit down when, sit down the process is not as Miss Wang expected so smooth.
The mother-in-law's sister-in-law as a really unprofessional, other problems and not to mention, just the problem of eating, so that Ms. Wang said on the gas.
"If I remember correctly I gave my mother-in-law 20,000 yuan, of which 10,000 is to buy food money, but I ate the whole month only three chicken, two pork belly, a three yellow chicken, is not a pure chicken or chicken, a chicken is less than one hundred and ten dollars, a pork belly of a thirty-forty, and the rest of the time to eat a little crucian carp or something, in the morning I eat milk! I eat milk in the morning, bread in the evening, and leftovers from lunch.
We will take the highest price estimate, these things is a thousand dollars, I sit in the month, she does not care about the child, is to do a meal, you know the sister-in-law but everything is in charge of, maternal and child are in charge of, she did not listen to anyway, think I do a meal is very good.
I was really angry at that time, my husband is busy all day outside the career, now he is very hard to promote the stage, the family thing, I basically do not want to bother him, and did not talk to him.
And then there is that I did not think of my mother-in-law in a bad way, I thought, today there is no tomorrow there is it, I am always making excuses for my mother-in-law, all the time I am almost out of the month, I finally can not suppress the fire."
Miss Wang made a point of taking advantage of her mother-in-law's good mood one day to ask about the money for the food, and she answered dryly.
"Take the money I did not give you long ago to spend out of it, you still ask me for what ah? You eat those things are good things, carp are pure wild, vegetables are for you to pick the most expensive kind of buy, chicken are more than three years of free-range mountain chicken, otherwise you can milk so good during the month?"
Miss Wang listened to her mother-in-law's words, the heart is angry almost to explode, she is very clear that her mother-in-law said are some lies, her mother-in-law has always been to buy food at home across the street from a local mini-mart to buy, she ate during pregnancy fruits are often in the bag to see not completely deducted from the supermarket bar code logo, how the small supermarkets of the goods from the mouth of her mother-in-law over, all become high-grade goods?
When she looked at her mother-in-law, she saw that there was nothing she could do about it, and for the first time, she had the urge to dislike her mother-in-law. However, Ms. Wang is a very reasonable person, in the face of her mother-in-law's rightfully open-eyed blindness, she had a bellyful of words to say, but surprisingly, she could not make sense of the thoughts of the moment, speech blocked, and finally can only be very stifled first left.
The night Ms. Wang tossed and turned and could not sleep, the heart is very angry, she finally decided to burst the mother-in-law's lies, the money rightfully back, she shook her husband awake to say their own views, her husband returned to Ms. Wang in a daze, "nothing, we are not bad that money, you can bear not to be hurt and my mother because of this small amount of money, and more than bad ah.
But the fact is that the government is not going to be able to do that.
But Ms. Wang did not think so: "I gave your mother 10,000 yuan to buy food, she froze only spent a thousand, to her back money how?
And you've got one thing wrong, it's not that I'm going to antagonize my mother-in-law, it's that she's going to hurt me for this small amount of money! I'll take this money!"
The next day, when her mother-in-law was watching TV in the living room, Ms. Wang directly spread her hand: "Granny, you give me back the remaining money for the dishes, your sister-in-law's fee is quite easy to earn, ah, every day to do a meal on the TV to go out to play, never help with the children, I am a person who is tired of work and eat are supermarkets discounted specials, I went to ask you, you! Na, that discount you hoard which, every now and then to eat the three chickens, but also from the vendors will not order the hen.
Monthly sister-in-law fee I will not want, after all, you pay the labor, no matter how much, I thank you for my hard work, but the dish money balance how you should give me is not it? You fine I'm not stupid ah granny, people na, or don't be so fine, let a person's heart cold, you're not afraid that I will do the same to you in the future?"
This paragraph, Miss Wang conceived a night, memorized for a long time, the mother-in-law listened to the face of a burst of green and red, at first pretended not to hear, but when Miss Wang went back to her room a while and then came out to see, the mother-in-law is gone, the living room coffee table left more than eight thousand yuan in cash.
The evening dinner, the family ate a lot of embarrassment, but after dinner, Ms. Wang thought about the money to her husband, to be transferred back to her mother-in-law.
"Mom, this is Xiaomei gave you, she said you are not easy, let you take to buy some good clothes and supplements, not enough, despite to our mouth, the family talk about money is not embarrassing, catty, each other counting is embarrassing."
"Hey!"
After the mother-in-law slowly began to change, become less selfish, occasionally she can also give Ms. Wang with a child to take a hand, although the change is very small, but Ms. Wang obviously feel that her mother-in-law is now very important to their own, but also very much care about her opinions and views, no longer treat her as an outsider to look at.
In fact, after listening to Ms. Wang's story, the square face is still very admirable, if you carefully analyze, Ms. Wang but with a very clever strategy.
When her feelings and interests were violated by her mother-in-law's egotism, she was first polite, and then she was treated with courtesy, with the attitude of repaying grudges with kindness, and finally won her mother-in-law's respect, courageous and resourceful, and strong action, which is not an unusual woman can do out of the thing, and it is also very worthy of everyone's learning.
While many people scoff at the idea of "repaying kindness with kindness," she's not kind to me, so why shouldn't I be kind to her? The reason is that this is the reason, and it is also very angry, but after the anger? Don't you want to live together? We'll be enemies for the rest of our lives, and we'll never see each other again?
The other side has done something to hurt you, you must be held accountable, but it is not necessary to die to the end, leaving no room for maneuver.
Many women obviously still need the help of their mothers-in-law, mothers-in-law, in their later years, also need the daughter-in-law's hand, so ah, know how to see the good to leave a way back to themselves, is not a good thing.
In fact, the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very simple, is not to treat each other as a family, so will be the first to think of the reality of the problem, such as helping her what I can get, I can have what kind of profit from it?
But if you think of it as a family, it's a different story. A family doesn't talk about benefits, it only talks about affection, so the relationship will be tight and produce a bond that can't be broken.
Don't easily plant the seeds of conflict, don't take the other side of the special view, she is just an ordinary family member of yours, don't be afraid to encounter problems, but remember, it's always a family, stay three thin face, and only good to see in the future.