This is a real incident that a woman confided in me.
This woman and her husband were married for four years, married from afar, gave birth to a son, and have been living with her in-laws since marriage. Upstairs and downstairs kind of thing, she and her husband live upstairs and her mother-in-law and the others live downstairs.
Her husband is often away from home because of his work, so many of these things are unknown.
She is not willing to bother her husband with these things, but just quietly bear everything in her heart, because she does not understand: is it because she is careful, or is it because her great aunt has indeed crossed the line?
These four years have accumulated too many things that make her unhappy.
Her great aunt, married to a very strong in-laws. The in-laws' family was very good, but they didn't care about anything, and they never helped with their granddaughter. Even at that time when her granddaughter was born, her great aunt had no money in hand for hospitalization, and her in-laws refused to take it.
In the end, the money came from her mother-in-law, naturally her great aunt's maternal family.
Her great aunt's husband, bad-tempered, is the kind of fault-finding character, more selfish, everything only cares about himself.
She said that her great aunt's daughter, since she was born to now grow up to 6 years old, all the expenses, almost all of her great aunt's own earned.
At first, her great aunt because of the home pregnancy and child birth did not work, in-laws all kinds of look down on, cynical, and then go out to do sales income is not bad, the in-laws only gave a good face. The only thing is, this kind of good face is limited to the tone of voice to be able to be polite.
This is the kind of in-laws, her sister-in-law followed the devil like, one side of the spit husband do not care, the other side of the rush to her husband's mother-in-law good.
Her great aunt's husband, their own nine to five, double weekends, married for so many years never made a meal, washed a piece of clothing, these are her great aunt's business.
Even if, her great aunt's work is much busier, she now earns more than her husband.
Her great aunt didn't dare to show her dissatisfaction in front of her in-laws, and every time she encountered something that made her sad, she had to come back to her mother's home to spit out her grievances.
Her mother-in-law once advised that it would be better to get a divorce otherwise.
When she first married, she felt sorry for her sister-in-law, but as time went on, she slowly developed a feeling that she had brought this upon herself.
Her great aunt refused to get a divorce.
Every time she goes back to her mother's house, she continues to go back to her husband's house to cook and do laundry, and sometimes she adds, "I have to ride my bike fast, or I'll be late, and he'll be mad at me if he gets hungry."
Naturally, when her great-aunt came home to complain, she couldn't help but cry poor, saying what she had spent recently and that she was strapped for cash.
Then her mother-in-law would give money, as little as a few hundred or as much as a thousand, and these were just the usual small change.
The big money that her mother-in-law spent on her great aunt was on her great aunt's daughter.
She said she later learned by chance that almost all of the money spent on milk powder and diapers for her daughter when she was a child was paid for by her mother's family.
Her great aunt got married, the in-laws out of the house, the mother's family out of the decoration and home appliances. The fact that they are not in a position to do so is a great help to them," he said.
And now, her sister-in-law's daughter is sent to her mother-in-law on weekends and summer and winter vacations. There were times when she was helping out, but she had to work during the week, so it was definitely her mother-in-law who did more of the bringing up.
Her sister-in-law's daughter spent more than 10,000 yuan on dance lessons last year, and it was her mother-in-law who took the money.
When her sister-in-law comes over, she often says, "Mom, I've got my eye on a dress that's really nice, and I don't have enough money to get me some more."
The attitude is particularly deserved.
And like a lot of the usual favors, her great aunt every time is to say, "Mom, you go when you sent together, first help me advance."
Her mother-in-law then returned: "So many years, which time is not my pad, you have returned once?"
Then her great aunt glossed over it.
She was unhappy to hear more.
Because her great aunt, who was afraid to say anything in front of her in-laws, was very bashful, pretended to be a big spender, pretended to be able to do her job, said that she had raised her daughter all by herself, and wanted her in-laws to praise her.
The result is that the more she does this, the more perfunctory her in-laws are instead.
The year before last, her great aunt bought clothes for her mother's parents, which added up to less than 500 dollars, and bought her mother-in-law alone a dress that was close to 3,000 dollars.
All this, or so her great aunt told her.
As she listened at the time, she felt that her great aunt had no brains, and was taking advantage of her mother's family without any gratitude. But in front of her mother-in-law's family, a little favor made her grateful and said she would be filial to her mother-in-law.
Her great-aunt's mother-in-law booked a restaurant for her birthday, and that was the one time her great-aunt gave her the words that her mother-in-law was very nice and that she needed to be good to her.
What she was thinking was: "Why don't you think about it, what was the attitude of the people in the past? The children are sick and hospitalized and they say it's none of their business. Why don't you say to be filial to your own mother?
Originally, she was a person who considered herself relatively generous and reasonable. Over the years of her marriage, her husband worked diligently to support the family, her mother-in-law was still good to her, and there was no conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. On the surface, she seems to have a good relationship with her great aunt as well.
It's just that this nagging feeling in her heart is getting worse and worse, especially when she sees that her great aunt is still coming back to her mother's home to ask for all kinds of money.
She used to think that the money was earned by her mother-in-law and them, and she, as a daughter-in-law, could not interfere with anything. Her husband's income covered everything for them and she herself was working.
But the theory is one thing, and the reality of these situations is another. Nominally, her mother-in-law is still rather traditional in her thinking, with the idea of relying on her son in the future - after all, they're not splitting up the family at the moment.
Of course, the main reason for not separating is that they can't afford a new house, so they live together. They haven't bought a car either, because it's unlikely they'll be able to save enough money in the short term on her and her husband's income alone, and with a child to support.
Her mother-in-law's family can't come up with the money either. Because her mother-in-law has always loved her son the most, if she could afford it, she would have bought him a car.
So, her mother-in-law's family's condition is actually not much better.
Looking at the great aunt always come back to get money like this, although her mother-in-law also said her great aunt has no brain, but the heartache of the daughter still gave.
She gradually became dissatisfied in her heart.
But she was also worried that if she said this, it would affect her future relationship with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I told her that saying it would definitely affect it, so it couldn't be up to her to say it, it had to be up to her husband. Her husband is often away from home, so he doesn't know about these things.
She said her husband is still very protective of her. Last year when we all went home together for Chinese New Year, her husband disliked her when her great aunt ordered her to do something and told his sister to go by herself.
Everyone could see her husband's defense.
Her mother-in-law sometimes jokes that her husband is married to his wife and forgets her mother. Because every time her husband calls her mother-in-law, he does not forget to tell her what dishes to buy for cooking, what she likes to eat and what she does not eat, and what her tastes are, so that her mother-in-law does not keep cooking what she likes to eat, saying that she out of town does not like to eat those.
Her mother-in-law did all the same.
She thought that all of their family still respected her, so she respected them too. It's just that her mother-in-law is kind-hearted, and that's why she lost her temper when it came to her daughter. Because she didn't ask for a dowry to get married, and the current expenses for her child, she didn't ask her mother-in-law to cover them, she could afford to go on her own income. It's just that, during the week, when she works, the child is the mother-in-law is helping to bring up, and come back at night and on weekends she brings up by herself.
Do you think she, as a daughter-in-law, is entitled to be angry?