Sent a tweet teasing a certain type of person in every circle of friends - the harmonizer.
"Please love that harmonic star in your circle of friends, years ago, they all used to be the most shy young boys and girls. For the sake of transformation, they have endured pains unimaginable to normal people. So when they are dancing to 'Dancing Girl' in the KTV, please don't laugh, please silently raise your cell phone to record this solemn moment, so that the whole world can see their bravery and strength."
The man who danced to "Dancing Lady" in a karaoke bar, the counterpart in our group, was Roan.
Everyone doesn't treat Roan like a human being because he's the human's best friend and the team mascot. You could tease him with any hyperbolic and playful term, and he didn't mind anyway. I should say, he doesn't mind now anyway. He's gone through pretty much everything that can make someone mind.
That's what we'd most like to call him going to the bureau; he's fun, he doesn't mind, he can find almost anything to laugh at about himself, and he can take almost any joke about himself. The floor never got cold with him around, and if he played superbly, we could even get high without alcohol. Except for that one time, of course, the time he got himself drunk, and the time we were scared half to death of him.
Those of us who knew Roan well were used to his juggling routine, and to be honest, we sometimes got tired of some of his go-to tricks, like that Dancing Lady song he'd danced to countless times. But there were new friends at the station, and one of them, who had long heard of Luo An, coaxed him to dance to "Dancing Lady" again.
Roan didn't say no, he never did.
He took off his shoes and socks, stumbled into the open space in front of the TV, stood still, turned around, and slowly raised his arms above his head, palms facing outward in a classic Jolin Tsai pose, as if announcing to the crowd that he was the center of the stage at this moment.
The room was like an explosion, everyone shouted as if in rebellion, and a few waiters outside the door tiptoed and stuck their heads to the glass window, curious about what was going on inside.
Roan, after all, had seen the world, and he didn't show the slightest hint of nervousness. It's no wonder, he's danced this Dancing Lady countless times, he's familiar with it, and I can guarantee that even with his eyes closed, he'll be able to present this dance perfectly. With a smile on his face, Roan danced to the beat to his heart's content to the sound of the music and to the sound of our laughter. That is, until the friend who started it accidentally hit mute because he was laughing so hard.
As soon as the music stopped, the room was suddenly silent, as if a homeroom teacher had come in, except for a single dice that had been swept to the floor and continued to bounce around without a second glance. Then a scene we didn't expect happened. Luo An, who had just been spinning and jumping, froze in place for a few seconds, and then suddenly, with a thud, sat on his butt on the floor and began to tremble as if he were having an epileptic fit, making exaggerated gagging noises as he did so.
This was the first time that Luo An had ever been in an epileptic fit, but he was still in a state of shock. He trembled and huffed for almost half a minute before we realized that he wasn't being funny.
Roan hadn't slowed down when we rushed over to pick him up and carry him to the couch. He clutched my other friend and I's hands in a death grip, on the verge of pinching our fingers until they were dislocated. We had never seen him like this before. Roan looked at us tearfully, choked violently like a child who cries until his throat is cramped, and shouted intermittently between chokes, "I'm so tired, brother, I'm so tired."
///
Roan grew up overly shy and was bullied into adulthood as a result. When he recounts his unpleasant past, we often wonder about the veracity of the stories because of his giddy attitude. For example, we refused to believe that the jerks in his junior high school class dragged him to the bathroom, put a coil of twine around his neck, and made him kneel on the floor and pretend to be a dog.
He said, "You won't believe it because you haven't experienced it."
We had another reason for not believing him. That is that when asked why he was always bullied and why it was always him, his answer was always, "I don't know." "There has to be a reason, right?" We said. Roan finally stops playing the fool and reveals a look that he has never had before, one that is so serious it's scary.
He said, "There's no reason for a lot of things, don't you know?"
Roan had never been in love so far, and he had given himself a title: the Jedi Jerk God. According to him, there was only one person who had made him feel like he was in love so far, and that person had changed his life.
The person's name is Tan Man, his senior sister, is a female minister of the school arts department in his university days. When Luo An auditioned for the school's Arts and Culture Department, he almost didn't get selected because of his shyness, and it was Tan Man who fended off the opposition for him. Tan Man told Luo An that she admired him and the unbreakable innocence in his eyes.
Speaking of this, we laughed at him again for making it up; we've never seen innocence in Roan. Luo An this decathlon juggling master, the most skillful ability is to tell yellow jokes, a number of times so that the girls present at the hearing of the face of the blush chased after him to beat him, the harder the hand the more happy he is. Once, a girl also do not know whether the hand is too hard or heart too weak, after listening to Luo An's yellow jokes actually gave him a slap, "snap" sound to all the people were stunned, even the girl herself feel embarrassed, stayed there at a loss for words. Luo An came back to his senses, covered his face and knelt at her feet shouting, "Thank you for your grace, Your Highness, Your Highness, a thousand years old, a thousand years old, a thousand years old."
///
In the days of the Literature and Arts Department, Tan Man took good care of Luo An, taught him a lot of things, and his character was much more cheerful than before (Luo An's original words were, "slowly opened my heart," and as he said it, he clasped his hands in front of his chest and made a gesture similar to a blossom). Roan liked Tamman, also because Tamman was the first to take him as a friend. He had never felt valued in anyone but her.
Tanman would tell him anything that upset her, whether it was the teacher of her major class who was so difficult that she couldn't find the answer even in a low-cut dress, or the bitch in the Arts Department who dared to compete with her for the vice-presidency. Luo An said that very few people told him what was on their mind, and Tan Man was the first. As a result, Luo An experienced all of Tan Man's relationships during his college years as his male best friend.
When Tanman broke up with her sixth boyfriend, Luo An was a junior in college and Tanman was two months short of graduating. During that time, she often approached Luo An alone to go to karaoke. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers," he said. Tan Man will sing this song will cry, cry still want to sing, sing still want to cry, especially sing to "I let go, I give up the seat, fake free, who understand how much I do not give up" this, the shoulders will be trembling non-stop, sobbing in the stereo a hundred times, always sung the next line is not finished "too much love, so I, no The next line, "Too much love, so I didn't cry, didn't say", was never finished. Tanman always cried, "It's too hard not to cry."
Roan had cried more times than Tanman in private. He thought at the time that he would do anything to cheer her up. If she wanted to put a coil of twine around his neck to watch him act like a dog, he would crawl all over the floor for her. Roan laughed bitterly, "I have experience anyway."
///
Roan danced to Jolin Tsai's 'Dancing Lady', which is when he learned it.
Tanman had a strange laugh and laughed maniacally at the sight of Jolin Tsai lifting her leg. In order to make her happy soon, Luo An made up his mind to learn from Jolin. He was still considered an introverted boy, in order not to let other people see, he only dared to pick a place where no one to practice, every day to practice dozens of times, like a want to usurp the power of the square dance mother, every day to study how to do the movement, how to perfect debut, a hit.
On one occasion, Luo An just finished showering in the public **** bathroom, found no one else in the bathroom, then suddenly on a whim, naked spinning and jumping up. Just halfway through the jump, a boy from another class came in and scared Luo An so much that his legs went limp and he fell to the ground. He didn't know what he was thinking at the time, but he acted like a maidservant, and obediently gave the boy a big salute, begging him not to tell anyone. Who knew that when he lifted his head to look, the boy had run away with the face basin, probably even more frightened than he was.
A month before Tanman's graduation, Luo An's "Dancing Lady" was finally practiced. He approached Tanman for a karaoke session and deliberately slipped "Dancing Lady" in before "What I Miss". He said it was the first time in his life that he felt proud. Tamman shed more tears watching him dance to 'Dancing Lady' than she ever did singing 'What I Miss' before, but it was from laughter.
Once the music was over, Roan sat down next to Tanman, panting along with her. Instead of thanking him, Tamman wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder for a long time. She deleted the next song, "What I Miss. She said, "No more, too happy to ever sing that one again."
///
A month later, Tamman invited Roan to the Chambers for their class graduation bureau. "I was the only one in our literature department that Tanman invited." Roan said, still looking smug. He saw almost everyone who treated him special as his master, like a stray dog that had been picked up and brought home, taking any small warmth as a great gift, and any genuine giving as a deserved reward.
Roan, who is not a drinker, was able to hold back at least half of Tanman's drink that night, and sat on the sidelines, admiring Tanman, who was singing and laughing with a microphone in his hand. That night, Tanman really didn't order "What I Miss" or cry over her ex-boyfriend. And Luo An used a face of redness, in exchange for a kiss from Tan Man, which he did not dare to hope for. Though the kiss was light, falling gently on his cheek like a little girl kissing a teddy bear next to her bed before she went to sleep, he still felt that kiss was one of the heaviest gifts he had ever received in his life.
Roan held Tamman's shoulders as if he had known her all his life and as if he was meeting her for the first time. Tan Man did not say a word, her lips were slightly open, her eyes were bright, as if she was waiting for him to say something. Luo An felt for the first time that the girl in front of him, who had held his hand for three years on campus, was not his schoolmate, not his bosom friend, not his master, but a girl who was just one word away from a hug.
Tanman, I like you.
Roan revisited the sentence that he had practiced a thousand times in his mind, but before he could say it, a boy pushed open the door to the booth and interrupted him. A delightful squeal escaped Tamman's lips and she greeted him. Roan's hand naturally slipped from her shoulder.
The couch was soft, but Roan felt a little pain in his hand.
Tanman took the boy's hand and interrupted the person who was singing with the microphone, saying to the crowd, "This is Wang Lei, the senior of our Academy and Research Institute." Before the words were finished, the crowd couldn't wait to coax, "Kiss, kiss." Luo An also followed suit, but although he used all his strength, he could only lip-sync the word "kiss", and his voice could not make any sound.
Tan Man pulled Wang Lei to sit in front of the jukebox across the street, and the snowy light of the screen couldn't reflect the two men's scarlet faces in any way. Luo An looked at them, a voice in his head parroted and repeated, "That's right, that's right." Just thinking, Luo An's cell phone rang, is Tan Man sent a text message: help you order a "Dancing Lady", a moment do not give me shame ah. Luo An looked up at Tan Man, she was pursing her lips and smiling at him.
Roan said, he is so shy, how willing to dance in front of people other than Tanman. But he gritted his teeth and deleted the words "It's too late, I have to go now" that he had typed on his cell phone, one word at a time.
At the end of the song, Tamman dragged Roan to the front of the stage and said to the crowd, "Let's have our talented and talented Roan give you a dance to 'Dancing Lady'!" Who knew that everyone was drunk and chatting, and no one chimed in. A nameless fire rose up in Luo An's chest, grabbed the microphone and yelled, "Cheer-o!"
The crowd came to their senses, and then thunderous applause and screams rang through the room. Roan said that moment was memorable because it was the beginning of his road to harmonicas. He turned on his tiptoes, raised his arms, and said dashingly to Wang Lei in front of the jukebox, "Music (music)."
Dance, Roan thought, this may be his last chance to amuse Tanman.
The sound of violins came out of the stereo, as did Jolin Tsai's voice. It was the Dancing Lady for which Roan received the most applause. That song, "Dancing Lady," was the high point of the night, comparable to the ugly boys and girls in the class coming together for a kiss because they were about to part.
Roan said Tanman was not sitting with Wang Lei, who was sitting at one end of the couch, and she was sitting at the other end, following his steps with her eyes, clapping her hands to the rhythm, laughing and shrinking into a ball, and pointing her finger at Roan and shouting something to Wang Lei on the opposite side of the couch. Although Luo An couldn't hear what she was shouting, he knew that Tan Man was very happy at this moment, and Tan Man was very happy not because of others, but because of him, Luo An.
Roan sighed and then told us, "It's just a pity that Wang Lei, the one with the back of his ears, I died that night at his hands. You say you can't hear what Tanman shouted, you run over to sit in front of her to listen to ah, or you send a text message to ask ah, you don't hand bitch to mute the music ah, don't know someone is dancing it? Tanman is also, the music stopped the brain also followed the stop it, age is not big mouth how can not pocket it?"
The cheers of that night were loud and clear, plus the music was turned up to the maximum, Wang Lei really could not hear what Tanman was shouting, drunk Tanman and a hard to shout at him, Wang Lei simply turned his head back and pressed the mute button on the jukebox. This press, the noisy room suddenly quieted down, the pair of ugly men and women who were kissing have stopped to organize their clothes, leaving only the sound of Tan Man's drunken voice echoed in the air.
Tanman laughed maniacally, pointing at Luo An and yelling at Wang Lei, "Do you think he's cheap?"
///
Loan said he had only experienced cold, heartbreaking silence twice in his life. Once was in a cave in the Stone Forest in Yunnan. The cave was called the Orchid Valley, and because of the terrain it was surprisingly quiet, so quiet that even his bones felt pain. The other time was in that private room, only that time it wasn't his bones that hurt, it was his heart.
Loan closed his eyes in the deathly silence. He had practiced this song "Dancing Lady" countless times, and he didn't need to look at a screen anymore, he didn't need to look at anything at this moment. Roan just spun and jumped around the stage with his eyes closed, without the music to accompany him, like a silly x, but also like a real dancer, minding his own business. --even if the audience walked out, even if things were smashed, even if the music cut out, even if his favorite person asked the lover next to him, look at that guy on stage bitchy or not.
Finally, a century later, Jolin Tsai's voice came out of the stereo again.
Spinning and jumping I close my eyes
Dust and clamor can't see if you're intoxicated
Snowy summer night I don't stop
Blurring the years
......
The dancer's joys and sorrows no one can see
After he finished telling this story, Roan made another exclusively his classic grimace, but for the first time we didn't laugh. When we asked him what happened afterward, Luo An spread his hands, twisted his shoulders like he was doing a Xinjiang dance, and said, "Then I became like this." After saying that, he resumed his bitchy face.
I knew at that moment that nothing could hurt him anymore.
The harmonizers in my circle of friends are all like this without exception. How simple they are inside, how cruel the world is. Therefore, they have learned to protect themselves in a unique way: before being hurt by the world, they simply do it first, either by cursing themselves or by beating themselves up, and it is equally important to hurt, rather than letting themselves do it.
Later I asked Luo An, asked him and Tanman still have no contact. He said there is ah, Tanman texted with him after apologized several times, he actually does not matter, what she said on what to believe. But he refused to see Tanman again, refused to participate in any drinking game with Tanman in. He was afraid to dance to "Dancing Lady" in front of her, even though it was becoming more and more natural for him to do it in front of other people. I asked him again what he would do if he accidentally ran into Tamman. Roan said he would pretend to be a gay man and seduce Tamman's boyfriend. He then laughed and said that he didn't hate Tammy, but was grateful to her because he was at least much more cheerful now, and had many friends, and had become Jolin Tsai's "knight in shining armor" by mistake.
Loan said his favorite song of Jolin's is "The Dancing Lady", and he likes the line "I can't see the dust and clamor, are you intoxicated" in "The Dancing Lady". He felt that this line was like talking about him, he was like the dust floating in the air, the dust settles, that is, like a dead silence, might as well raise, no matter how many people he choked. At least behind the dust, perhaps there is someone he likes, willing to stay in him a brief afterglow.
Roan finished and laughed, said he was talking nonsense.
......