Named the beginning of the school year, there is a fantastic teacher's teacher, classmates said: "I'm in the school, what do you have your own name, so everyone knows, OK? "
"No. 001"
"Reporting to the teacher, my last name is Jiao, my name is Coke" The teacher was a little dizzy and asked: "Who gave this to you? "
!!!? "Me ...... Dad?" Your father is doing even"
"! Open Plant*"
"! No. 002"
A girl stood up, "Reporting to the teacher, I'm Zhang, my name is Zhang Open. "
"Number 003! "
"Reporting to the teacher, I'm Kai Zhang's twin brother, I'm not Kai. ""Who is giving you what name? "
"It's my dad, he sells pliers. "The teacher hurriedly drank.
"No. 004!"
"Reporting to the teacher, my last name is District (the word is pronounced "O") I'm called District Night (oh also), this is the name my mother gave me, she said, my students just broke when a computer game. "The teacher's heart is a little sick.
"No. 005!"
"Reporting to the teacher, **mother! ""How do you curse? "
"No ah! Teacher, I'm willing to say my last name is Ganny Brew, my dad is in the process of brewing it. "The teacher took a drug.
006!"
"Teacher, my last name is Gou, and it's Gou Ignore."
"Bun your dad is an open bar?"
"Teacher, you're so smart!" The teacher had a little bit of standing still.
"007!"
"My name is Kuai (read fast, pronounce the third sound.). Called Kuai Cargo."
"Don't tell me your dad is an open warehouse."
> "Teacher, you are so old-fashioned, my dad is a pimp." Blood was already seeping from the corner of the teacher's mouth.
"008!"
"Teacher, you go!" "What? What did you say?"
"I said my name is Ni, Ni Temple. My mom is a Buddhist, I have a funny name, right? "
"Interesting, interesting. " the teacher was on the verge of tears.
"009!"
"Teacher, say next time." "Why next time, you say it now!"
"No way! Teacher, my last name is Xia, Xia Huishuo, my dad is a storyteller. "The teacher had felt dizzy.
"010!"
"Teacher, my last name is Gao, and it's Gao End."
"My name is Mai called Conscience."
"My last name is Wu. Sunny."
"My name is Mao Zedong called Mao Rong Rong."
"
"My name is Mao Zedong called Mao Rong Rong."............
Ranting up to the sky the teacher: "My God, I met a group of students what ah! "The teacher sprayed blood from the mouth and fell to the ground ghost.
College exams are oral history department professor asked three questions, the students are learning history also can not answer. Without giving him a chance, the professor finally asked him, "Who discovered the American continent?" "......" The professor yelled angrily, "Christopher Columbus" The student pulled his leg out the door and he stopped the professor was surprised, "Hey! ? , why are you going ah" "? I'm sorry you don't call the next candidate, but"
Children's jokes hungry little mouse in the mouth of the hole quickly fainted, the mouse mother said: "Mom, out of the hole of the dog over it"
Mom laughed at the mouse outside the hole and called: "! Woof woof" dog listen, pulling legs and ran
mouse in the mouse's mother proudly said: "You see, it is how important to learn a foreign language ah! "
Drinking and reading
"Look at your sad face, what do you want? ""Write an essay titled "What I did some yesterday"."" "And
Say, you did something last night?" "Drinking." "How stupid you are, I tell you, you write it down, where
there's a 'word for drink, and you turn it into 'read' won't be it" Zhang inspired the pen to fall
God: "I got up early in the morning to read a lengthy book, and I think that, after half devouring this again as well, I think I can
is not enough, then go to the store to buy one. Suppression on the way back when Lee head, swiping
his eyes, just know that he almost read is the same. Love"/>Future Grammar
<br". "In the future of the grammar class, the teacher was teaching verb tenses, and he asked Irene, "Tell me about 'love'
What is the future? "Without hesitation, Irene replied, "Marriage! "/> 500 ducks
A male teacher, while the classroom buzzed, he said in exasperation
<br: "The hair
equals the noise made by two women 10000 ducks. "One day the male teacher came to the school to his wife and female students to report
said: "Teacher, 5,000 ducks are there looking for you! "
Elimination and
A school initiated a classroom, a family discussion in which the teacher asked the students, ". What do you think is the best way for parents and to eliminate
student discord? "A student boldly stood up and said to the teacher:
"The best way is: you fill out my full five-minute record. "
"I'm the only one who didn't laugh."
EducationTeachers often tell you not to laugh in class when you see other flaws and misfortunes.
One day, little Rambu
The teacher said, "Today a child fell into a puddle campus and everyone laughed but me.
""You did the right thing. " the teacher praised, "Who fell into the puddle? ""It was me. " replied Brown.
Selection Criteria
Cohen, who was studying medicine, wanted to study heart surgery and couldn't decide, so he went to ask Professor Auburn. Professor Auburn asked him, "What do you think of affluence, lad? ""Of course. Then you should study dentistry. "Why
?" Think about it, there is only one human heart and 32 teeth. "
Cowhide Character
Tom's general knowledge teacher asked, "Do you know what kind of skin you have? "Tom scratched his head and said, "I don't know
Do too. "I know," he began to say with the same table reverence, "it's used to put a packet of beef in."
Borrowing a report card
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why did you lend the report card, John" No, I didn't mean to. "Nana
Jimmy replied, "He said it turned out to be just to scare their parents. "And what happened?" The teacher asked. 'The result -'
Jimmy replied, 'John's ass is swollen.' "
1, the soldier asked the company commander: stepped on should strike the commander of the angry mine:*, can what to do trampling compensation
. > 2, long ink received your message is very heartbreaking
I think I've got with the chip hit the tofu cut off over the head pulse jumping floor
Parachute noodles hanging in the ink may have been in the
I asked you to eat to support me forget
3, if you think my heart hollowed out refreshingly, ask me to call! Talk about feelings please press 1, to work 2 reporter talk, talk about life please please press 3, I introduce objects please press 5, I eat, please, please say it, borrow money to find me hung up
4, giraffe married to monkeys, giraffe divorced a year later. I I will never be this monkey jumped up and down one day furious:! Close from who saw the climbing tree
5 pro tip, the fish said: "I always open my eyes do not want to leave your side. "The water said:" I work tirelessly all day flow around you and hold you. "The pot said:" Instant his mother, you still so much nonsense. "
6, eat, please receive text messages of elephant dung in the middle of the road row, an ant happened to pass by, it looked up at the top of the clouds, can not help but sing: ? Yes, it that Faso, this is the Tibetan Plateau
7, you are grown up, some things should let you know: this day is used to wind and rain, the land is used to plant flowers and grass long grass; I am used to prove that mankind is how great; you are used to stew vermicelli
8, next to when the queen did not bring paper, railroad, do not worry, the train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe on the river when the queen No paper, don't be in a hurry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape
! > 9, have money to buy a house but can not buy a home, marriage can be bought, but can not buy love, but you can buy a clock, buy the time, money is not everything, but the root of the pain, give me your money, let me alone to bear its pain!
10, God, too blue! Sea, salty! Life is difficult! Work, too tired! , and you, have a destiny! Thinking of you, insomnia! Seeing you, too far! Alas, what can I do? Like you want to get me to eat chopsticks, swallow a bowl!
11, give you 12 Chinese Zodiac, wish you smart mouse, strong as an ox, bold tiger, rabbit lovely confident as a dragon like a snake charm, romantic as a horse, gentle as a goat, naughty monkeys beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog, looks like a pig!
12, the chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pull gibbon, gibbon gentle and carefully cleaned after they helped their love, someone asked how they came together chimpanzee emotionally said:? Ape ape feces feces ah!
13, the lion and the bear respectively in the tree poop, a month later, the lion found his trees than the bear poop next to the tree grows thick, and then said a philosophical vicissitudes - the lion shit than endure!
14, think of a number, use it with 52.8, then multiply by 5, then subtract 3.9343 area, divide by 0.5, and finally subtract the number of times it is considered, the answer is very romantic oh!
15, you old fart put in the office, colleagues can not say you can not not say it, and then they came to see you sitting there shaking back and forth shaking hands, asked you what you are doing, you replied I tuned into vibration!
16, Dear God, please bless those who don't call me, don't send me messages, don't miss my friends! May the Lord put their cell phones fall in the toilet to the right, Amen
17, you can ruthless legend, cross lying in the theater occupies four seats, people scolded you, you do not move only buzz or two places, the security guards came and said: friends cruelty, which road to bite you said:? Upstairs aisle fall down
18, you want you want you to see, find a painter to paint you, stick you in a cup, drink all day watching you - happiness? A cup of boiling water scalded you!
19 br, respected user, this time we dedicate from your bill $ 20 to deduct the cause of Palestinian national liberation for the decision in the name of granting you all the titles of nobility in the PNA Arab world: in the Shire Pakistan!
20, it is reported that the beauty of making people confused; the beauty of poetry, in inciting men and women to derail; the beauty of women, in the stupidity of the uncomplaining, and the beauty of men, in lying to say that they are seeing ghosts in the daytime.
21, care about you, I only care about I care about whether I care about you care about, I care about you, care about you I care about I care about you like I care about you care about about, samples of the child, look at you dizzy!
22 br, ever heard of it? 500 times in a previous life to look back before a life rubbing shoulders, just like you and my close friends, the last life did not seem to ignite his mother back!
23, there are two manufacturing counterfeit carelessly created to forge $15 face value, they decided to spend to get to the remote mountainous areas, when they got $15 to buy a $ 1 sugar gourd, they cried after the farmers found them
Two 24 7, your life portraits: old to learn to take a bath - Pig Ziqing; 20 brilliant - Pig Shimao; thirty years old to find a job - Pig's Career; 40 Hire a maid - Pig gets a maid; 50 years old learned to play basketball - Pig throws!
25, a three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said: "I love you", the little girl said: "You can be in charge of my future," the little boy said: "Of course we can, we are not one or two years old anymore!"
26, just talking to friends, it involves you, you know? I argued them and almost beat them because some of them said that your monkeys, apes and some of them said it was your favorite and it was too much! Didn't see your pig!
27One day I said to you that you are a pig and you said, I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally one day you couldn't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!
28, the three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace peace, war, war discovery discovery, link to these three English words read aloud three times, you will unravel a major historical mystery. (I farted)...
29
People fall in love,
not special;
The cow eats grass, isn't it special;
The pig presses the cell phone,
it's special;
And presses!
What a god pig!
Wowza! It laughs!
What a cool pig!
30, there are two words have always wanted to say to you, today finally raised the courage: the first sentence, I love you, I love you; the second sentence, do not put the first serious
31, psychological test:
feel that his IQ is quite high press
feel that it is quite humorous to press
feel quite attractive press
feel that he is still very handsome, but he has a good sense of humor. >Think he still looks handsome press down
Test result:
Very shameless
32, I see in the vicissitudes of life in your forehead see, in your eyes I see confidence in your forehead I see the years, I have seen in your lips and teeth leeks, go brush your teeth!
33, shit, bamboo cooler Cong, Bu Xi, Shang Gentian, Huang Saek, monster war, rush pig's nest plutonium shad cave above you know a few words, is not to find yourself in addition to the shit what, is not it?
34, two oxen grazing. One of them says, "With the recent mad cow disease epidemic, we're not going to get infected, are we?" The other says, "No, we're kangaroos." Crazy!
35, I've been an unknown jungle warrior until the most mysterious legend I ever encountered one day, you actually called your name, and since then, I've also had tinnitus in the name of the arena: the pig stenosis know!
36, marriage: poor and ugly 1 m 49 home
in the rural primary education occupies a broken house 3 thin field an acre
no pot cold stove hot wife,
seasonal medicine came today's news widely girlfriend
Revolutionary road, willing to join hands or not?
37, doctor: "How come I can not find my pen, I want to give you a prescription." Whispered a reminder to the patient, "Doctor, don't you tickle it on my bed?"
38, I want to warm you in the sunshine to decorate your starlight, intoxicated by you with food to meet the wine your beauty, with fireworks to splendor you, drown you happy, but I do not do God has been a long time, you can only use text messages to wish: happy day!
39, if all the pigs in the world? (Play a song) Answer: At least you
40,
Qing Qianlong years sitting in the church,
Beiyang Army carried a gun,
Wuchang city scrambled to barren,BR /> Northern Expeditionary War helped,
Nanchang around the harm,
Long March scaled the wall,
And the war behind enemy lines to steal a sheep,
Who can be better than me?
41,
Warlords weigh the king,
In the roasting Pingjin Battle Room,
Crossing the Yangtze River to drink soup,
Yalu River to feed the wolves,
> Shelling the Kinmen to rub the rifles,
Self-defense to scold the mother,
Reform and opening up to sweep the yellow,
Who else is crazier than me?
42, a student, "Where did you take my shirt?" Roommate who "sent to the laundry room", "My God, history class I remember in"
43 of the whole point, a neurological bed singing, singing, singing, turned over and continued to sing, the doctor asked him: you sing just sing, turn over why? Neurologist said: fool, A side B side singing, of course, all over the place!
44,
NHZ! HS OM
Know that you can not guess,
don't get it,
You take a closer look ah!
Can't see it?
Pinyin you know?
You must have a limit silly right?
The phone is upside down!
45 br, his father: "! Why are you so stupid, do you know what a real right piggy piggy cough" Son:. "know that it is a son of a pig"
46, girl: I always thought I was just right with your character a child. Lover: yes, we two are really destiny. Girl: When I was a child I loved to lie. Lover: ...
47, a drunkard accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, a police officer came over: what happened drunk:? I do not know, I also just arrived 48, a man jumped, his wife shouted: honey do not be impulsive, we have a long way to go! The man listened and flipped and jumped. The police said: you really shouldn't have threatened him!
49, the prisoner was executed by firing squad, due to the poor quality of bullets, the first shot did not ring, followed by a second shot. . . The third shot. . . Then the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, Brother you pinched me! His mother is too scary .....
Colleagues to the field on business, local colleagues hospitality, that night will be at the dinner reception hotel package function. After men and women, a dozen people seated stopped to chat, only one person in the ordering of food. Good point, we all seek advice: "dish is good, nothing to add?"
In this case, we usually let the lady in Beijing over the a la carte style child to report again. Therefore, a buddy in Beijing, said. "Miss, report"
The lady looked at him and did not move.
"Miss, report!" Dude got a little anxious.
The lady's face turned red and she still didn't move.
"What's the matter? Make a report you haven't heard of?" Dude got really anxious.
A female colleague rushed to round up: "Miss, you hurry to report one by one ah
Miss asked in a low voice: "That, that ...... Just hug the woman, not the man, okay? "
"Pfft! "A female colleague's edge just drank tea, a drink of people who spray one. A dozen or so people before laughing at doing Miss is unbearable.
Service, first of all in the mixed elevator children. Served with a large rapscallion, followed by the composition of the children's tablets, the sauce children Miss service, do not look at what, sprinkled with soy sauce buddies children's pants that buddies are also into the decline of the boredom, pretend to miss the grim face and asked: "How do you want to do this? "
Miss calmly said:" how to do anything. "
"How do you say? "
"How to do it, what do you want to do? "
"That's usually how you do it here? "
"How about I do it for you? "
"Okay. "
I saw the old lady numb a few plates of ingredients, sauce a brain poured in the elevator child, one hand with chopsticks, one hand with a
spoon, brushed a few marinade, and then to this buddy, said: : "Sir, mix it well, you can eat. "
The buddy stared at the eyes this effort to lift the child with the board did not speak for a long time, using another colleague said to his wife, "on
main course thank you. " - Roasted leg of lamb lamb, meat and bones, salt and pepper children's dishes of a large plate, a Beijing gentlemen love this mouth,
unceremoniously grabbed a leg of lamb, click one of the quacking jacks of the meal together with the lady saw it and said:
"Sir, this to be dipped in the food. "
Miss Buddy will believe it, and colleagues in the local local colleagues, said: "Some delicious dip. "
People then stand up with their children leg of lamb, click and a bite
Miss hurry over and ask: ". Sir, what do you need done? "
"Huh? No ah. "
"Then please sit down and eat. "
Buddy muttered and sat down, looked at everyone, carefully drifted to get the leg of the lamb lip, carefully bit
Miss said, "Mr. President, this needs to be dipped. "
Buddy Teng stood up, waving the lamb angrily shouted leg:" to stand and eat, and also sit and eat, how in the end to eat! ? "
Snacks full of seats, the leader hobbled.
Full seat rose to welcome, chatting Miss next feast is very beautiful, brand new experience is not rich, very nervous
The crowd seated, someone greeted: "Miss, tea! "
Busy lady close to point with a finger: "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,**** seven! "
Everyone is supposed to smile, and the leader adds, "Tea! "
Busy and Miss "Pour Check" again: "7,6,5,4,3,2,1, or seven. "
Someone asked, "What do you count? "
The lady hesitated and replied in a whisper, "I'm a dog. "
The anger of the crowd, the pain: "Tell your manager to come! "At the manager, dropping his hands in a sardonic smile, asked, "Gentlemen, pass me what? "
The leader, said: "Do not ask any questions, look up the age of the lady's phases. "
Manager wondered, according to the command line, spinning to reply: "18 years old, the dog! "
The person in charge laughed, everyone laughed. Leaders do not engage in massive crowds elegantly inconvenient impact.
Miss, the manager fell like five miles of clouds.
Wine over thirty years, a dish: "stewed wangba! "
Everyone is happy, and then forgotten rules, someone with chopsticks to dial the head of the eight king said: "Leaders move, leaders move! "
Leaders are looking at the turtle head that was dialed chaotic trembling, the tail of the speech of the heart is not happy, unwilling to harmonize and unwilling to go against the goodwill of the crowd, and thus keep discretionary spoons, said: "Well, good! Please feel free to give everyone. "
Some people flattered by saying: "Yes - the bastard deserves soup! "The leader was almost as hilarious
Soon angry that the soup would run out, there was something round the float and asked: "Miss, what is this? "
Busy lady replied: "It's the son of a bitch. "Once again the surprise: "The leader of the meal, the leader of the meal! "
The leader did not hear this "unlucky" words, very happy, told the lady: "for everyone to share! "
For a long time, the lady did not move, the leader angrily asked: "How, this is not clear? "
Sorry Miss said: "seven people, six bastards, you asked me how to share ah? "
Everyone was listening, all elongated neck eyes, full of food, hard to swallow. `
If you laugh, help top it. Allow others to be laughing
1 doing dilation, I had the x-ray machine just a colleague, the doctor summoned a few other doctors yelling, "Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. "
All the doctors: "It's really hey"
Then, from the X-ray machine my colleague puts you weakly asked: "Can't it, no one told me, you guys ne? "
"Shit, let you come back to my side who is it, turn around for me! ! "Fainted 1
2, hearing test, with headphones that emit a sound volume of different frequencies and test whether you can hear, I can not hear how colleagues doctors (note: young female doctors) kept amplifying the volume so that the women can still hear the doctor asked: "Guns you have played? "Romantic House Silence ...... I suddenly got angry coworker hold whispered, "Played, but what's the matter? ""Oh, I said are you a veteran. "And fainted
3, annual inspection has a driver's license test, some nurses in uniform came to check once the military guards touched my stomach - ! Liver foot for three minutes, I was scared face white, fatty liver can do is to laugh lightly, the woman took off the mask heaps of joy, watery big eyes looked at me - I was young when it turned out to be in a lot of MM a reckoning to go out to dinner, she got married, I was drunk ......
4, elementary school physical examination, another class of students came to check lung capacity so that the doctor wiped his mouth with an alcohol pad, referring to the mouth of the machine, the results of which students wiped their mouths with a bang, another one, a short student was as late as the last stop, the first few are large students, when the chest X-ray, the doctor mechanically work, come one, one pull the light, read, pull the light to change to the next one ...... Waiting for his turn did not change the height of the machine, the doctor thought it was a tall, turn off the light to see a large head of a skeleton results! She a scared big jump!
5, primary once the penicillin dizzy shot, on the street, and has been in a trance after being sent to the emergency room, and then that female doctor pinched my ears with her fingers, it is. I had thought it was a way to save a similar class of pinching pain, they silently suffer the doctor's results, saying. "This child is not going to make it, there is no reflection of this crunch ......" Scared my mother sat on the floor and cried!
6, from the high school graduation exams before the teacher noticed each student matchbox before going to the hospital with their sides installed the next day, there is a male student due to the teacher's notice when he was not there, the next day to go to the hospital empty-handed to the intestinal department, the doctor gave the student a swab to go to the toilet ...... After ten minutes who will not come out of the toilet students, the doctor went to the door of the toilet and asked. "you good can not ah" only to hear who use the inside of a very painful voice to answer the boys: "can not pull" at this time, only to see the female doctor who rolled his eyes a little shouted: "who let you really pull ah, just poke with a cotton swab into the family The man suddenly exclaimed: "I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it! to see how people have boobs like two wires inside something - "even Halo almost smiled to see that everyone should know what are the two "wires" - and then a MM from the X-ray room of the MEP, however, the man is still unrelenting - approached to greet: "We all see your chest two lines are inside, OK" after MM 3 seconds to react, throwing his hand is in a slap!
8, when there is a junior high school exam is to check the color blindness, take a book, each page is some small pieces of different colors spelled patterns, I do not know if we are the same. Lots of numbers, some simple drawings
. Let's take a look one by one, it is reported that he saw something, usually nothing big, after all, from the beginning of the elementary school exams when what results in a kind of super student usually study hard, pick up her glasses the book said something doctor, and then let's all belong to the
"a pile of broken glass."
9, we had a high school test urine, made a plastic cup for everyone, called went a little out to go to the bathroom, we all went gangbusters, had a urine brother over, walked away, halfway through, cursed. "Grass, forgot to pick up"
10 junior high school also listen to the guy in our class when to go
The female doctor said, measurements wait I said you hear the repetition in what, give him (when with hearing) two earplugs
measurements and then told the guy to stand to a few meters away, where the doctor said: "...... To take the earplugs"
The guy did not have the words to say "take the earplugs"
> emergency call to the doctor. "I said, bring you earplugs listen to me"
guy continued to roar: "I said bring earplugs you listen to me"
everyone in line everyone laughed for minutes
11, high school test of the body, heard
Doctor said, "Soviet Union"
The boy replied, "First love"
References: my answer